Those with experience in long-tern relationships may be best suited to answer this, but everyone?s ideas are welcome. Here is the question: If you are in a committed relationship, what activities or feelings involving another person put you over the line? Does there need to be physical contact for it to be cheating or does sharing feelings beyond friendship constitute cheating? Can a second close relationship without intimate contact actually be a healthy thing?
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
about a close relative of ours, the bonobo. They are a very peaceful cooperating species, that really don't fight. They are social animals, and have an abundant supply of the resources they need - to the point that there is no competition for survival.
However, they are tribal - but with one difference - upon meeting new tribes of their own kind, they do not seek to defend territory, or establish dominance over mates - their cooperation and peacefulness is secured by one thing.
Upon new contact, the females initiate sex with the new males and this is accepted as the social norm and guarantees their peaceful survival.
Okay, woman here. Which might provide more of an insight!
I generally agree with Kickaha's comment about discussing it with your partnet first and foremost. Every woman is different. I for one am not in an "open" relationship. I don't want to "swing". Etc. But there are some women out there that ARE like that. Etc.
Right now I'm with a guy, and told him if he ever cheats on me that will mean the end. I would rather him be honest with me than to hurt me, so I told him if he ever has a problem with something, or whatever, to please not KEEP it from me.
I've known guys who are "best friends" with exes-- something that will not go down in my book. I don't trust women at all. Mainly because I've been around them throughout school, and I knwo some women that think a ring on the finger is more of a challenge than one without-- and will do anything to be a homewrecker. Yes, women like that to exsist, sadly.
Personally, the woman I think a man should be closest to is his wife. I don't care wether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. If he has a close friend that is a woman, I wouldn't mind, as long as she doesn't know more than I do, get more attention from him than I do, etc. That's the rule of thumb in my book.
It makes women (or at least me) uncomfortable to know that there might be someone higher up than them. It makes me get all nervous when a guy introduces me to a friend and they say "oh? I didn't know you had a girlfriend! nice to meet you!" It gives you that awkward feeling.
But every woman is different. Some are more open to these things, some are far worse.
I could keep going on about relationships if I had the desire to, but I'll let you read this bit first :P
PS: Sorry if this post is all mix-mashed together-- I didn't get much sleep last night :O
I've known guys who are "best friends" with exes-- something that will not go down in my book. I don't trust women at all. Mainly because I've been around them throughout school, and I knwo some women that think a ring on the finger is more of a challenge than one without-- and will do anything to be a homewrecker. Yes, women like that to exsist, sadly.
I'm best friends with one of me exes and on really friendly terms with the rest of them... I look at it as a badge of honour, really.
Thanks for the input, adjective. (Blast it, now I have that Schoolhouse Rock song running through my head. "It was a hairy bear, it was a scary bear...")
I would, if I could, make a comment? When I hear someone say "It's not my partner I don't trust, it's everyone else..." it sends my alarm bells ringing. The way I see it, they either don't trust their partner, but don't want to say it, or they think their partner is so weak-willed as to be manipulable by the first set of <insert appropriate body part here> that comes along with an agenda. In either case, I have to ask... "Then why are they with them?" Just a thought.
I'm also very good friends with all but a couple of my exs... my best friend is my wife, but I do have close female friends. Sometimes they are good sounding boards for relationship issues that I'm not sure how to bring up with my wife, and they help me work them out prior to discussing them inside the relationship. I guess by that measure, they sometimes know more than my wife does about certain topics, but it all works out in the end.
Thanks for the input, adjective. (Blast it, now I have that Schoolhouse Rock song running through my head. "It was a hairy bear, it was a scary bear...")
I would, if I could, make a comment? When I hear someone say "It's not my partner I don't trust, it's everyone else..." it sends my alarm bells ringing. The way I see it, they either don't trust their partner, but don't want to say it, or they think their partner is so weak-willed as to be manipulable by the first set of <insert appropriate body part here> that comes along with an agenda. In either case, I have to ask... "Then why are they with them?" Just a thought.
I'm also very good friends with all but a couple of my exs... my best friend is my wife, but I do have close female friends. Sometimes they are good sounding boards for relationship issues that I'm not sure how to bring up with my wife, and they help me work them out prior to discussing them inside the relationship. I guess by that measure, they sometimes know more than my wife does about certain topics, but it all works out in the end.
To put in lamens terms, any guy that I think "I can't trust the women around them" usually means I won't date them. I know there are some good women out there, and it's totally dependable on circumstance. The guy in question was a total flirt, and the "best friend ex" was a total slut (didn't know a nail from a screw, and took both. If you catch my drift.) So no, I don't think I'd feel comfortable in that type of a relationship _at all_. But if I think that before anything ever happens, that's kind of a big clue to me to put a big red X over that guy :P
And to add to that, I've never felt that way about any of the guys I've dated. Because let's face it-- I'm just *that* awesome.
Though, I'm not friends with any of my exes-- mainly because the endings were crash and burns on the big relationships. I could go on and on in detail about those, but I won't bore you :P
My current boyfriend and I have been friends for 5 year prior to dating. So hopefully that will turn out well. :P
Comments
Those with experience in long-tern relationships may be best suited to answer this, but everyone?s ideas are welcome. Here is the question: If you are in a committed relationship, what activities or feelings involving another person put you over the line? Does there need to be physical contact for it to be cheating or does sharing feelings beyond friendship constitute cheating? Can a second close relationship without intimate contact actually be a healthy thing?
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
there was a great article recently here
http://www.newscientist.com/channel/...e-not-war.html
about a close relative of ours, the bonobo. They are a very peaceful cooperating species, that really don't fight. They are social animals, and have an abundant supply of the resources they need - to the point that there is no competition for survival.
However, they are tribal - but with one difference - upon meeting new tribes of their own kind, they do not seek to defend territory, or establish dominance over mates - their cooperation and peacefulness is secured by one thing.
Upon new contact, the females initiate sex with the new males and this is accepted as the social norm and guarantees their peaceful survival.
LOL
Wishful thinking.
I generally agree with Kickaha's comment about discussing it with your partnet first and foremost. Every woman is different. I for one am not in an "open" relationship. I don't want to "swing". Etc. But there are some women out there that ARE like that. Etc.
Right now I'm with a guy, and told him if he ever cheats on me that will mean the end. I would rather him be honest with me than to hurt me, so I told him if he ever has a problem with something, or whatever, to please not KEEP it from me.
I've known guys who are "best friends" with exes-- something that will not go down in my book. I don't trust women at all. Mainly because I've been around them throughout school, and I knwo some women that think a ring on the finger is more of a challenge than one without-- and will do anything to be a homewrecker. Yes, women like that to exsist, sadly.
Personally, the woman I think a man should be closest to is his wife. I don't care wether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. If he has a close friend that is a woman, I wouldn't mind, as long as she doesn't know more than I do, get more attention from him than I do, etc. That's the rule of thumb in my book.
It makes women (or at least me) uncomfortable to know that there might be someone higher up than them. It makes me get all nervous when a guy introduces me to a friend and they say "oh? I didn't know you had a girlfriend! nice to meet you!" It gives you that awkward feeling.
But every woman is different. Some are more open to these things, some are far worse.
I could keep going on about relationships if I had the desire to, but I'll let you read this bit first :P
PS: Sorry if this post is all mix-mashed together-- I didn't get much sleep last night :O
I've known guys who are "best friends" with exes-- something that will not go down in my book. I don't trust women at all. Mainly because I've been around them throughout school, and I knwo some women that think a ring on the finger is more of a challenge than one without-- and will do anything to be a homewrecker. Yes, women like that to exsist, sadly.
I'm best friends with one of me exes and on really friendly terms with the rest of them... I look at it as a badge of honour, really.
I would, if I could, make a comment? When I hear someone say "It's not my partner I don't trust, it's everyone else..." it sends my alarm bells ringing. The way I see it, they either don't trust their partner, but don't want to say it, or they think their partner is so weak-willed as to be manipulable by the first set of <insert appropriate body part here> that comes along with an agenda. In either case, I have to ask... "Then why are they with them?" Just a thought.
I'm also very good friends with all but a couple of my exs... my best friend is my wife, but I do have close female friends. Sometimes they are good sounding boards for relationship issues that I'm not sure how to bring up with my wife, and they help me work them out prior to discussing them inside the relationship. I guess by that measure, they sometimes know more than my wife does about certain topics, but it all works out in the end.
Thanks for the input, adjective.
I would, if I could, make a comment? When I hear someone say "It's not my partner I don't trust, it's everyone else..." it sends my alarm bells ringing. The way I see it, they either don't trust their partner, but don't want to say it, or they think their partner is so weak-willed as to be manipulable by the first set of <insert appropriate body part here> that comes along with an agenda. In either case, I have to ask... "Then why are they with them?" Just a thought.
I'm also very good friends with all but a couple of my exs... my best friend is my wife, but I do have close female friends. Sometimes they are good sounding boards for relationship issues that I'm not sure how to bring up with my wife, and they help me work them out prior to discussing them inside the relationship. I guess by that measure, they sometimes know more than my wife does about certain topics, but it all works out in the end.
To put in lamens terms, any guy that I think "I can't trust the women around them" usually means I won't date them. I know there are some good women out there, and it's totally dependable on circumstance. The guy in question was a total flirt, and the "best friend ex" was a total slut (didn't know a nail from a screw, and took both. If you catch my drift.) So no, I don't think I'd feel comfortable in that type of a relationship _at all_. But if I think that before anything ever happens, that's kind of a big clue to me to put a big red X over that guy :P
And to add to that, I've never felt that way about any of the guys I've dated. Because let's face it-- I'm just *that* awesome.
Though, I'm not friends with any of my exes-- mainly because the endings were crash and burns on the big relationships. I could go on and on in detail about those, but I won't bore you :P
My current boyfriend and I have been friends for 5 year prior to dating. So hopefully that will turn out well. :P