My relationship is over...



  • Reply 21 of 40
    pfflampfflam Posts: 5,053member
    Nothing hurts more than being cheated on.... except being cheated on and then left for that person.

    sounds like she would'a left sooner or later. Her being high maintanance and from a rich family and you planning on the Marines says it all . . . .she wants a Volvo driving man, who works either in Education or with Finance and rakes it in yet stays sensative with a bootle of olive oil filled with twigs of oregano . . . not that she thinks she is better than you . . . no but realistically thinking high maintenance and the Marines do not mix . . . Though everybody knows that what you'll learn in the Marines, discipline, hard work, focus, will lead to easeir time adapting to a high level of work . . it isn't readily apparent to those who don't think that way. anyway.... I'm probably way off base but that's some of what I thought when I read your post.

    As far as dealing with it.... I know from many experiences (welll, one in particular) that th epain that follows lasts along time and if you try and deny it and be all 'manley' then you will be doing yourself a disfavor. Rather, you should use the time to reflect on subtle issues of the human experience... and read literature and engage in profound artworks: music, film, museums etc.... explore the depths baby

    [ 06-06-2002: Message edited by: pfflam ]</p>
  • Reply 22 of 40
    [quote]Originally posted by scott_h_phd:

    <strong>You all are going "Dawson's Creek" on the forum here.</strong><hr></blockquote>And there is surely nothing wrong with that.

    We are (almost) all mature people here . . .

    - T.I.
  • Reply 23 of 40
    macfenianmacfenian Posts: 276member
    Mate, basically, you should try to move on as soon as possible. Having a few one night stands may not be bad for your ego and you will once again discover the benefits of being single. That way you can relax and focus on that until you meet the next girl, and there are plenty of fish, that you connect with. Maybe that time around you´ll think of these things that have now ended this relationship and they won´t happen to you again then.

    Of course you feel crap now but try not to dwell on it too much and learn from your mistakes.

    See, the reason why breaking up scares us all so much is that we´re all affraid that this was "the one". In my opinion, there is no such a thing as "the one". It´s more like "the few". But those few are plenty to make sure that you´ll always find someone like you and that you connect with. Try not too fret, it´s not going to make you feel better and it won´t help. Show her that you´re moving on, accept her decision and if she does want you back I would advise you to at least tell her no the first time she gives it a go. If she is really eager she´ll come back to try again.

    Just don´t count on it. Accept this as being over and move to the next. It´ll boost your ego and it´ll show you that it´s all not so hopeless as it may now seem.

    I´m also repeating myself so I´ll leave you alone now to ponder over this.

    Good luck
  • Reply 24 of 40
    spaceman_spiffspaceman_spiff Posts: 1,242member
    Women! Waddya gonna do? Sounds like you need to tie one on, Jack. Uh, I was wondering - is it okay with you if I date your ex?

    Sorry if you didn't find that funny. I could try and give you advice but you'd have to be one seriously hurt puppy to be willing to take advice from someone who calls himself spaceman_spiff. Besides, when it comes to the fairer sex, I'm pretty sure I don't know anything anyway.

    For what it's worth - good luck. Boston is actually a pretty good town to be single in.

    [ 06-07-2002: Message edited by: spaceman_spiff ]</p>
  • Reply 25 of 40
    badtzbadtz Posts: 949member
    [quote]Originally posted by pfflam:

    <strong>Rather, you should use the time to reflect on subtle issues of the human experience... and read literature and engage in profound artworks: music, film, museums etc.... explore the depths baby </strong><hr></blockquote>

    ^ very great advice, imo!

    As far as my own boat [which i'm sure is FAR different from what most would do.....] :::

    I isolated myself from the person, & a lot of my friends. Spent 6 months really just randomly talking to friends, but mostly kept it to myself. Studied a lot more into music, art, etc. [independently]. Became more "broad". For me, isolation is a therapautic method for life-concerns. Maybe you should try? It's hard definitely. But it's worth a shot? a lil' dose of isolation might actually give you a better retrospect down the line........
  • Reply 26 of 40
    ghost_user_nameghost_user_name Posts: 22,667member
    For me isolation is the wrong thing to do, because I tend to get very depressed when isolated, and emotionally, I know better than to do that to myself. I always think a lot on my own. I am an artist, I do have my work to occupy me, and as soon as I get darkroom access at the Museum of Fine Arts again, I'll be happy.

    I've been drawing and writing a lot... that's usually what I do... I've had some friends come by and make sure I'm ok. I know I'll get through it. Thanks for the support, I do appreciate it...
  • Reply 27 of 40
    tigerwoods99tigerwoods99 Posts: 2,633member
    M3D- Your ish I can relate to quite a bit. Your gf sounds a lot like mine, and you like me. With Stef, she's very smart, beautiful, and very very wealthy. She could have any guy she wants in my opinion. But she chose the wrong ones a lot, I will say that. Trust me, your former girl found a good guy in you, and you have to realize she's missing out on a lot. hard for me to really give you any words of wisdom. Usually when I feel I write or say what comes to me. It's good to get it off your chest.

    My situation is looking more and more dull, something I really didn't think I would ever see. It's hard enough that I have a long-distance relationship where I have no benefits coming my way. What I hate is the fact that Stef says we aren't as close as we once were, yet how can we be if she is never there for me? She's busy, which I can believe to a certain extent, but to the point where she doesn't have time at all for me is hard to believe. I trust her completely, but surely she can't be occupied 24/7 for school? School is out, and she is at home now. I do understand that she has stuff to do for next year.

    What really hurts is that she can't communicate that with me. It would be nice for the 2 of us to discuss her plans before she takes that step first. And this one will just put us urther away from being together. Here's what I don't get. I've offered so many times to spend every single cent of my bank account to come down there to visit her, yet she rejects me each time. Not only that, but when she gets mad at me or feeling hurt when she does it. What do you guys think? Here she is everytime with an excuse about how she's doing something at that time. Well for a fact I know she chose to do something with her friends over me. She said they planned it a long time ago, yet she NEVER informed me.

    The thing that hurts the most: I missed my senior prom because of her. She had been telling me she'd come if she had to just for that night, ane showed me dresses online and even looked in stores. Then she has the nerve to tell me she never said she was serious about it. Her excuse then became that during that time she'd be in NY but she wasn't, so I see it as being a lie.

    People tell me "go date someone that you can be with" or "go to the prom with someone else" & even she has said to find someone here because she's not good enough and isnt making me happy. She's the only thing that can make me happy. I have nothing without her. I don't want to hear how I should throw away everything just so I can have a girlfriend here with me. It's not about that. I love her to death and I'd do anything for her, and all I want is her period. It's like there is this glass wall between us you know....I'm trying to break through it to get to her. I don't know what else to say.

    [ 06-07-2002: Message edited by: TigerWoods99 ]</p>
  • Reply 28 of 40
    pfflampfflam Posts: 5,053member
    Tiger . . . obviously, what you need to do is get her to marry you all fast n-shiit, with NO prenuptial agreement, and then get a divorce and sue her for half her cash

    casue it sounds bad.... and believe me...because I know, if a log distance relationship feels like maybe it isn't working then it isn't working . . . when you eventually do get together... I give it two months at the most . . . but, if it is working it can end up in mairrage.... I know fromexperience in both cases personally.
  • Reply 29 of 40
    tigerwoods99tigerwoods99 Posts: 2,633member
    No it is working. We've been together like 2 and a half years and have known each other about twice that long. We're waaayyyy beyond in love, and last summer we wrote each other what were pretty much love letters. We both know we wanna marry each other. If I wasn't 18 I would seriously do it.I know it's meant to be nd that she's the only one for me. We've both taken a lotta sh*t for it, but it hasn't separated us. We may be hundreds of miles apart, but I know she'll always be right there inside my heart.
  • Reply 30 of 40
    tigerwoods99tigerwoods99 Posts: 2,633member
    F the money dogg. My investments will already make a killing. It's kinda like money makes money with her I guess. I say that because she's the only one who will let me believe that I can achieve what I want, and I need her by my side to do that.
  • Reply 31 of 40
    emaneman Posts: 7,204member
    Tiger, have you ever even met her in person? I'm sure you have since you guys have been together for so long, but anytime you mention her it seems like because of the distance you've never been with her in person.
  • Reply 32 of 40
    tigerwoods99tigerwoods99 Posts: 2,633member
  • Reply 33 of 40
    ghost_user_nameghost_user_name Posts: 22,667member
    heh, it's getting to be like a twilight zone episode. We sat down together today and had a long talk, and she told me she doesn't necessarily want to break up... just that she needs to move into her own place, and live in her own place for right now. She said in a couple of weeks we'll sit down and have a talk about our relationship, talk about what we've been doing wrong, and how to fix that, and give it another shot.

    She says she really wants to do that, and just to let her have a couple of weeks. Time shall tell....
  • Reply 34 of 40
    Well? My wife and I didn't have the smoothest of courtships. After getting married it wasn't all love and happiness and 24/7/52 passionate sexcapades. We are doing very well right now so sticking with it can be a good thing.
  • Reply 35 of 40
    tooltool Posts: 242member
    $2100 for a 2 bedroom apt?? :eek:

    /makes note to never move to Boston!

    Jack, are you in ROTC in college? Otherwise why wait 2 years for the Marines? And why the Marines? I'm not knocking the service, I did 3 years, but it's not exactly the highest paying job out there, especially if you are an artist. Have you looked for a job in your field? (I don't know jack about you )

    Tiger, so you are saying you have been with this chick in person? How many times? You went there or she came there? Personally long-distance relationships are really hard.

    All that you had posted sounds like she is giving you the runaround but doesn't want to be honest enough to tell you, tigerwoods. You say you are old is she?

    Move have a lot of life yet to go through all that. Find someone there.
  • Reply 36 of 40
    finboyfinboy Posts: 383member
    [quote]Originally posted by M3D Jack:


    Apparently they are. She says I should have seen it coming, but she never once expressed concern over the current state of our relationship. She spoke with my therapist today, and once they were done, he said I wasn't going to win this one.


    First, if you plan to go into the Marines, get away from the therapist. A history of psychiatric consultation can keep you out of the service.

    Second, what the f*ck is your therapist doing talking to your girlfriend about things? And why in the HELL would he get in the middle of a domestic dispute. I'd keep my eye on that guy.

    Third. As for "coming out of left field," that's pretty common, and it might mean that you need to learn some communication skills. Or it might mean that she's a passive-aggressive psycho hosebag. Or somewhere in between. Find someone who you can talk it over with, one on one, preferably someone who knows you. BUT stay AWAY FROM the psychologists/therapists out there. That's a stigma you don't need to carry with you the rest of your life.
  • Reply 37 of 40
    ghost_user_nameghost_user_name Posts: 22,667member
    Nope, I never did ROTC. I don't think art schools tend to attract a lot of future officers.

    I've always been interested in the service. I cannot fully explain it. I almost went into the Army as soon as I turned 18. After my first semester in college I was down at the recruiter's office in Salem filling out paperwork to go Reserve. Both times I got talked out of it, both times by a girl.

    I want to go Marines because I feel like I would be challenged the most. That branch of the service strikes me as the most honorable. I feel that if it's been on my mind for this long, I should probably do something about it, and it's something I have to do while I still have some youth left in me

    But I may not finish my application for OCS. I just don't know. After all this I'm not sure I want to do it anymore. I could find an excellent job in my current field that would pay a lot more. I'm probably making about three times as much currently than I would in the Marines. so it isn't about the money.

    Again, I don't even know if I want to do it anymore. I'm still a confused mess. I've been through hell this past week... first she leaves to go to a hotel, acting like we are breaking up... and that goes on until Thursday when she says she doesn't necessarily want to break up... god, and I know I love her... a lot, and that I shouldn't give up. Turth be told I was going to propose to her in about a year. Guess that plan is going to be pushed back a while...
  • Reply 38 of 40
    janejane Posts: 68member
    Well I am sorry it is over but you wanted to date someone really beautiful. You should know this about beautiful women they do not give a damn about the men they are dating because deep down they know they can replace you in an instant. How long to do you think it is going to take her before she finds a new one. You deserve better and I am sure you will a great lady if you look pass the physical side. It is obvious you are not perfect but also you are a good guy by the mere fact that you a Marine.
  • Reply 39 of 40
    tooltool Posts: 242member
    Yeah..Marines would be cool.

    If you really want to push yourself..go this route:

    Army--&gt;airborne--&gt;ranger--&gt;Special Forces--&gt;Delta--&gt;SEAL

    Course that would take several years and you would have to join the Navy to do SEAL school...but you would be thoroughly whipped into shape AND you would know how to kill a person with your bare hands :eek:
  • Reply 40 of 40
    ghost_user_nameghost_user_name Posts: 22,667member
    I was more interested in not doing the military as a career, more for just my four years, make captain, and walk away from it a better person.

    My track anyway was this...

    Marines--&gt; Force Recon --&gt; Ranger School

    Since Marines are eligible for Ranger School if your MOS qualifies you for it. I'd just get out being a Ranger Qualified Marine, I wouldn't actually join a ranger batallion.

    That was my little dream... but I would seriously questiongoing through with it if it meant losing someone I love, or if it meant sacrificing a better career. Probably the main reason I wanted to be a Marine Intel Officer was because for a lot of people, that leads to a career track in the CIA or similar intelligence agency. That stuff has always fascinated me.

    But when I have to think about it in terms of reality, and as a real career, I have to associate real life issues with it. Both the Marines and maybe a career with the CIA are great dreams... but I'd lose a lot. I'm familiar with the difficulties of having a military family, and I'd sacrifice so much of my life just being in the CIA.

    All of this has given me time to think.... *shrugs*

    I'll figure it out. My gf and I, and she says we're not broken up, we're just 'separated' currently, will talk in about a week about everything, figure out wtf is going on, and piece things back together from there. Hurry up and wait...

    I'll figure it all out. I need to get away from this damn computer...
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