Sure, it's easy to make fun of Americans. It's even easier to make fun of Canadians. I'm mean, like, what are they going to do? Keep all the Labatts beer to themselves? Stop exporting Canadian bacon?
How many University of Alberta students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Eleven, one to install the bulb, and ten to hitch the ponies to the generator.
How many University of Manitoba students does it take to change a lightbulb? There's a university in Manitoba?
How many University of Ottawa students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One - she screws everything, why not a light bulb?
How many UBC students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to hold the ladder, one to hold the lightbulb, and the third to intepret the Japanese text.
Quasimodo comes home after a hard day bell ringing in Notre Dame cathedral. He sees his wife Esmerelda stood in the lounge holding a wok so he says "Brilliant! Are we having stir fry for dinner?" "No" she replies "I'm ironing your shirt."
<strong>Quasimodo comes home after a hard day bell ringing in Notre Dame cathedral. He sees his wife Esmerelda stood in the lounge holding a wok so he says "Brilliant! Are we having stir fry for dinner?" "No" she replies "I'm ironing your shirt."</strong><hr></blockquote>
Two men go to the gates of heaven. St Peter asks the first man "How did you die?" "Well" he explains "I was walking back to my 100th floor flat when I saw a light on in my wifes bedroom so I thought she had another man in there. I went up to the 100th floor and went into our flat. I threw out everything in the lounge, the table, everything. I threw out everything in the kitchen, the fridge, the microwave, it all went out of the window. I then went into my bedroom and my wife was sat up in bed, alone, knitting so I had a heart attack and died." St Peter asks the second man how he died, "Well" he said "I was in the fridge!"
Three ministers and their wives are tragically killed in a car accident. They line up at the gates to get in. St. Peter looks at the first minister and says "I'm sorry, but you had one tragic flaw all your life -- you lusted for money. In fact, you lusted for it so much that you married a woman named Penny. She can go in, but you're going to the other place."
St. Peter looks at the second minister and says "You always lusted for food, and you cared about gluttony so much that you married a woman named Candy. She can go in, but you're out."
After seeing that, the third minister takes his wife by the hand and says "Sorry, Fanny, I guess you'll have to go on without me."
Comments
'Cos their both f*****g close to water.
What do binladen and Fred Flintstone have in common?
They both look out of their caves and see Rubble.
A piece of string walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll have a beer please".
The bartender looks up and says "..sorry, we don't serve string in here".
So the string leaves and returns the next night and asks "can I have a beer please".
The bartender again refuses to serve the string so the string goes outside and ties himself up and ruffles his hair up and returns to the bar.
"Can I have a beer please" the string asks.
The bartender looks up and says "arent you the piece of string I refused to serve just then?"
The string replies.."no, I'm a frayed knot.".
<strong>Why did the chicken cross the road?
</strong><hr></blockquote>
To prove to the armadillo and the opossum that it can be done.
barman says "Sorry, we don't serve your type in here."
These can be found <a href="http://bbcr.uwaterloo.ca/~xjqiu/jokes/bulb.html"; target="_blank">here.</a>
How many University of Alberta students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Eleven, one to install the bulb, and ten to hitch the ponies to the generator.
How many University of Manitoba students does it take to change a lightbulb? There's a university in Manitoba?
How many University of Ottawa students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One - she screws everything, why not a light bulb?
How many UBC students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three - one to hold the ladder, one to hold the lightbulb, and the third to intepret the Japanese text.
<strong>Quasimodo comes home after a hard day bell ringing in Notre Dame cathedral. He sees his wife Esmerelda stood in the lounge holding a wok so he says "Brilliant! Are we having stir fry for dinner?" "No" she replies "I'm ironing your shirt."</strong><hr></blockquote>
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
How many post modern composers does it take to change a light bulb?
5 - in the time of 17
Guy walks into a GPs surgery and says "Dr - I can't stop singing the Green Grass of Home."
Dr - "Hmmm, sounds like you have Tom Jones syndrome."
Guy - "Tom Jones syndrome - is that common?
Dr - (singing) "It's not unusual..."
Two men go to the gates of heaven. St Peter asks the first man "How did you die?" "Well" he explains "I was walking back to my 100th floor flat when I saw a light on in my wifes bedroom so I thought she had another man in there. I went up to the 100th floor and went into our flat. I threw out everything in the lounge, the table, everything. I threw out everything in the kitchen, the fridge, the microwave, it all went out of the window. I then went into my bedroom and my wife was sat up in bed, alone, knitting so I had a heart attack and died." St Peter asks the second man how he died, "Well" he said "I was in the fridge!"
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
Because it was dead.
Thank you. No, really, thank you.
St. Peter looks at the second minister and says "You always lusted for food, and you cared about gluttony so much that you married a woman named Candy. She can go in, but you're out."
After seeing that, the third minister takes his wife by the hand and says "Sorry, Fanny, I guess you'll have to go on without me."
Bah-bump-bump.
[ 07-15-2002: Message edited by: finboy ]</p>
Ask the Chicken!
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
1. But it really needs to be changed!
"oh ... the guy with the micro.. and soft.."