How To Be a Porn Star

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in General Discussion edited January 2014




<a href="http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/001/671hnsjc.asp"; target="_blank">How To Be a Porn Star</a>

The Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation's guide to porndom is critical information for a slumping economy.

by Matt Labash

09/18/2002 12:00:00 AM



Matt Labash, senior writer



[quote]Every five years or so, I like to clean up my office. Even by disheveled journalists' standards, it's really quite a dump. Once, when I had an OSHA inspector over for an interview, he thought I was setting him up. "You trashed it on purpose," he said, before literally declaring it a disaster area. So every quinquennial, I like to roll up the sleeves on my biohazard suit, and address the mounds of paper and half-filled cups, the oil spills, used syringes, and other detritus that accumulates from a life carelessly led.



Usually, after sifting through the rubble, I don't turn up much of great value. Sure, I'm glad I held on to the Purel hand-sanitizer given to me by Donald Trump's presidential campaign, issued on the off-chance The Donald dared shake reporters' hands. And there's my favorite piece of hate mail, from "Iron John" author Robert Bly, who wrote to complain that he'd been victimized by my "stupid slander" of his work (get in line, pal). But for the most part, the mess on my floor tends to be long-forgotten Nexis stacks, yellowed newspapers, and inky, urgent pamphlets, collected from the mentally unstable types that one often encounters as a reporter for a political magazine.



Every now and then however, the fates smile, and a pig finds a truffle. The other day, while de-contaminating my home office, I stumbled over a small cache of VHS riches. There, still wrapped in cellophane, were three videotapes I'd forgotten to watch. A year earlier, I'd dropped the ball on an assignment for another magazine. The editor had wished for me to infiltrate the Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation (AIM) in Sherman Oaks, California, a clinic for porn stars that promises "health for the sex worker in body, mind, emotion & spirit!"



Founded in 1998 by retired porner Sharon Mitchell, herself a veteran of over 2,000 movies with titles such as "Load Warriors," AIM offers a wide array of services, providing everything from condoms to HIV testing, cosmetic surgery information to psychiatric assessments. It all sounded like great fun, but my goal was to focus on porn exit-counseling, where trained clinicians assist weary porners in facing life's harsh realities, as they transition from the soul-killing vocation of rutting strangers for money, into more rewarding careers as Wendy's drive-thru attendants.



My goal went unrealized, however, when I could not gain access to therapy sessions. Porners, it seems, will show you a lot - everything, really - except for their wounded psyches. So I abandoned the project before even viewing AIM's three-video Porn 101 series - which teaches aspiring porn stars the in's and out's (so to speak) of the business. I've never had much enthusiasm for pornography. Watching people have congress is a bit like watching people eat, in that eating is both necessary and satisfying, but when watching someone else do it, you just want to tell them to chew with their mouth closed.



Still, with our country on the brink of war, and with the economy set to go straight to Hell, it seemed an ideal time to heed my father's advice about always having a trade to fall back on. I chose journalism because it afforded me a ticket to ride and a license to pry, and because I'm supremely unqualified to do anything else. But if the writing thing doesn't work out, and several discriminating readers have suggested it hasn't, I've never given much thought to how I'd support my family. That is, until last weekend, when I popped my toddler's "Shrek" tape out of the VCR, and popped in AIM's how-to-be-a-porn-star video series...<hr></blockquote>

Comments

  • Reply 1 of 5
    what's the point of this thread.
  • Reply 2 of 5
    It's an amusing piece with a bit of social commentary thrown in for good measure. What's so hard to figure out?



    [edit: spelling... ]



    [ 09-22-2002: Message edited by: spaceman_spiff ]</p>
  • Reply 3 of 5
    matsumatsu Posts: 6,558member
    Well here's the rest of it, no reason to visit a page that doesn't let you adjust the text size. If they want the hits they can fix it, otherwise FVCK 'EM. For you reading pleasure:



    The Porn 101 tapes, it should be noted, come with an "important notice": that the "material has been reviewed by independent experts who found, based on their professional experience . . . that the material does not appeal to the prurient (morbid or shameful sexual) interest of the average adult American." Moreover, no sexual acts are committed for instruction's sake. Or almost none. On one tape, veteran actress Nina Hartley, widely regarded as porn's Meryl Streep, caps off her talk on condom use by bringing out a pants-less actor, then applying one--with her mouth.



    There is, of course, lots of elbow-ribbing double entendres and explicit sex-talk--porners by nature, work blue. But there are also lots of real-world helpful hints--if your real world consists of a drafty warehouse in the San Fernando Valley where creepy cameramen film you performing unnatural acts. As Hartley and Sharon Mitchell hold forth from director's chairs under a quaint back-yard gazebo, the most important thing for aspiring porners to remember , they say, is safety first. While AIDS has largely been curtailed in current porn circles with regular HIV-testing, other sexually transmitted diseases have run rampant. "We know that hepatitis and chlamydia stick around for a while," says Mitchell, "so clean your [sex] toys thoroughly, sometimes soap and water will not do." AIM, conveniently, provides toy cleaner. But, cautions Hartley, "Do not mistake toy-cleaner for lube."



    Another safety issue, it seems, is people putting their hands in naughty places, then transferring harmful bacteria back to themselves. "Ladies," cautions Mitchell, "remember which hand is yours when you're doing girl-girl. " Porn, it turns out, is something like kindergarten. "I know it takes a little bit of practice," scolds Mitchell, "But go ahead and try to keep your hands and your toy to yourself."



    For aspiring porners, good hygiene is also paramount. Back in 1978, Mitchell saw herself on screen and noticed her feet were dirty and nails were chipped. "I never got over it," she says. "Fine hygiene," implores Nina, "We like to have sex with clean people. When you come to the set, be freshly shaved, freshly bathed, freshly shampooed." But not freshly brushed. Brushing your teeth on the day of a shoot can leave bleeding gums, which can transmit HIV. Likewise, says Hartley, "Try to stay away from really sharp potato and tortilla chips."



    As an "adult entertainer," you have rights and responsibilities. Know them. Live them. Come (to the set) with a good attitude, says Nina. If you are not comfortable performing a given act at home for free, you will not be comfortable performing in front of a camera for pay. "Even if you always wanted to try certain things," says Hartley, "Do it at home with your sweetie pie first." Remember, say the ladies, that you are supposed to pleasure actors on the job, not pleasure directors to get the job. Know your worth (you should not be charging anything less than $450 for girl-girl scenes, for solo acts, nothing less than $250 a day).



    Bring your favorite prophylactics so that you're not holding up the action by requesting them on set. You'll sound like a prima donna and you don't want to get a reputation as being difficult. "Bring your own towel," says Mitchell. "Some of those towels get a little funky." And keep in mind that there's a lot of downtime between scenes. "Bring something to read or needlepoint or something," says Hartley. Likewise, bring slippers. Nothing's worse than spending a hard day astride your fellow actor, then wanting to take your heels off after the scene, but not having any slippers. "You don't want to walk around barefoot in some of these places," warns Hartley.



    As any industry insider knows, male performers have it a little more difficult. Not only do they earn less than their female counterparts, but they must also perform amazing physical feats on set, keeping themselves at a high state of alert for hours on end. A little insider's trick, however, is abstinence before the shoot. After a three-day moratorium on cleaning his own rifle, the legendary actor Richard Pacheco (who nearly became a rabbinical student before accepting his first role in "Candy Stripers") says he was ready to "have sex with a Volkswagen if I had to." And he probably has had to.



    That's what one must do in the business: expect the unexpected. "A lot of guys think it's easy," says porner Herschel Savage. "It's not. There's a lot of pressure." Besides, says Savage, sounding as though he's having a chat on "Inside the Actors Studio," with the constant influx of amateurs that the business attracts, "There's very little craft in sexual performance today."



    In addition to straight female and male porn instruction videos, AIM has also issued a gay porn 101 offering. I've never put my finger on why I can't stomach any gay porn--I suspect it has something to do with all that men-having-sex-with-each-other-on-camera business. But actors Will Clark and transsexual Geoffrey Karen Dior (star of "She-Male Shenanigans" and "Gilligan's Bi-Land") are capable guides.



    There, are, it seems, good reasons and bad reasons to do gay porn. Bad reasons include doing it solely for money or to support your drug habit. Good reasons include doing it to "meet cool people," to pay for your education, or to afford plastic surgery. "It's an investment in yourself," says Dior. Still, warns Clark, there can be repercussions. "If you're thinking, 'In five years, I may want to become president,' well then this is probably not something you should do." Likewise, agrees Dior, if you're an elementary school teacher or involved in a custody battle: doing gay porn = bad idea.



    Again, says Dior, it is important to set limits. While many of us have wanted to tell our bosses this figuratively, Dior says it's okay to tell the director, "I don't lick butt," in a more literal sense. Also important is to always remember to network on the set ("It's about making relationships," says Will), not to mix Viagra with poppers, and to enema before scenes. "If you want to be a professional, act like a professional," explains Clark.



    Porners, it turns out, are not just sexual athletes, they are role models, and should behave accordingly. "Remember that whatever you do, you're teaching others how to do it real well," says Sharon Mitchell. "So you live as the example, set your boundaries and goals high."



    "There's lots of pockets of people out there ready to prey on the weak," says Nina Hartley. "And if you're one of those weak people, they will get you. On the other hand, you have AIM now, and if you're here in this business to rise up and meet your best self, there are people here who can hold your hand all the way to who knows where."



    "Where" might be one of the scads of support groups the Porn 101 videos provide contact info for: everything from Survivors of Incest Anonymous, to Cocaine Anonymous, to Sexaholics Anonymous, to Obsessive Compulsives Anonymous (which doesn't have a toll-free number, so that obsessive-compulsive dialers could end up in Debtors Anonymous).



    Still, knowledge is power, and under AIM's tutelage, I feel sufficiently equipped to meet the economic downturn. As I snap my laptop shut after taking scrupulous notes on the Porn 101 series, I tell my wife that there could be some changes around here: I might quit my job, change my name to Rod Walloper, and become a gay porn star. "I think you could do it," she says, nonchalantly. "Or anything else you put your mind to--if you ever get a real job."



    Matt Labash is senior writer at The Weekly Standard.
  • Reply 4 of 5
    scottscott Posts: 7,431member
    I thought it was funny. I didn't know being a pron star was so hard.





  • Reply 5 of 5
    Hmmm. Never stated that to start out in Porn you have to be a "fluffer"... <img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" />



    Nina Hartley - "The Meryll Streep of Porn" <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
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