Worlds funniest joke?
Ahem...
[quote]A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: ?My friend is dead! What can I do?? The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: ?Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.? There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: ?OK, now what?" <hr></blockquote>
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
[quote]A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: ?My friend is dead! What can I do?? The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: ?Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.? There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: ?OK, now what?" <hr></blockquote>
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
Comments
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing golf. In front of them is this foursome that's playing absolutely horribly: slicing, hooking, missing the ball entirely, always in the hazards, etc. What's worse, this foursome won't let them play through! After several holes go by like this, the threesome gets the attention of a passing greenskeeper and asks him if he knows what the foursome's problem is. "Oh, that's a group of firefighters," the greenskeeper says. "A few years ago we had a horrible fire in the clubhouse and they saved it for us but lost their sight, so now we let them play for free." The priest, obviously feeling bad about this, says that he is going to take up a collection at the church to help the firefighters. The doctor says that he is going to call his friend, an optometrist who has been very successful and may be able to help them. The three men then turn to the engineer, who considers the situation for a moment and says, "Why can't they play at night?"
[ 10-03-2002: Message edited by: a10t2 ]</p>
a gangster decided he wants to beat the horse races and that hes going to cheat. so he gets a chemist, a biologist and an engineer together, and says, "you guys each have a week to come up with a way to beat the track". so after a week the chemist brings back a chemical, and says if we put this under the saddle it will cause a slight chem reaction and make the horse go faster. the biologist brings back an elixir that, if taken by the horse, will increase his speed, and after the race will turn into sugar, so not to be detected by the judges. the gangster goes, "hey these are some great ideas, but let me hear from the engineer before deciding." so the engineer says, "well, first let's assume that horses are perfect spheres moving in simple harmonic motion..."
Suddenly the peace is shattered by someone screaming "DOCTOR! I NEED A DOCTOR!"
The guy surveys the situation quickly, there is a couple ahead, the man is lying on the shoreline, his head and chest out the water. He is motionless as his wife screams for help and administers the kiss of life, pumping away on her husbands chest with all her might - trying in vain to restart his heart.
The guy's sprinting down the shoreline toward the couple, pebbles and scree flying everywhere as he runs a fast as he possible can - knowing that every second counts.
"Oh thank God!" the wife screams, "Are you a Doctor?"
"No." the guy replies, "I'm a Civil Engineer, get his arse out the water or you'll empty the lake!"
He finds an ice cream shop and thinks a big bowl of vanilla ice cream will really hit the spot since he's a penguin and its Palm Spring in the summer, after all. He sits down at the counter and starts in on his ice cream. Of course he has no hands so it is rather messy. By the time he is done he has ice cream all over his flippers and his mouth ? a total mess.
He walks back to the service station and says to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?" The mechanic replies, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No no," says the penguin. "It's just ice cream."
Dam!
<strong>Ahem...
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> </strong><hr></blockquote>
i saw this in anews report on some website. i didn't think it was funny really
[ 10-03-2002: Message edited by: burningwheel ]</p>
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Where's my tractor?
Go read the jokes that was best each country. The golf one is actually pretty good compared to the McJoke I posted first
An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."
a bartender is behind the counter, wiping down the bar as it is mid day and there aren't many customers at the moment. suddenly the bar door bursts open and 12 blond sorority girls come bouncing in yelling, "18 days, 18 days, 18 days" while high fiving each other. still chanting "18 days" over and over and with high fives all around, the 12 girls come up to the bar. then the first girl says to the bartender, "shots of tequila for all of us...we're celebrating!!" so the bartender pours the shots and the girls are still chanting "18 days" over and over as they drink a few shots each. finally the bartender leans over and asks, "i know i really shouldn't ask, but what is with the cheer of 18 days, 18 days?" The blond replies, "Well, me and my sorority sisters just finished a puzzle that said "2 to 4 years" in 18 days, 18 days!"........g
[ 10-03-2002: Message edited by: Mulattabianca ]</p>
<strong> <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> i think i stop eating right now. in hi resolution my Apple takes with 28,8K ... 1130,5 seconds to be seen <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> (3200x2000)
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> </strong><hr></blockquote>
Eh? What have the fact you are fat have to do with jokes? <img src="confused.gif" border="0">
Answer: The Fish
g
maybe that 28,8 K is enough then... <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
[ 10-03-2002: Message edited by: Mulattabianca ]</p>