Apple's Secrets Revealed

Posted:
in Future Apple Hardware edited January 2014
Here?s the story. After visiting the Expo last night, I headed to a nearby bar. After a few drinks, I noticed a hot chick drinking alone. My eyes were drawn down to her cleavage, and there, to my surprise, was one of those Apple nametag things employees wear at the show. We started chatting and she mentioned she works on some of the promo videos and even some commercials. I said the new iMac video with the animation of it dancing was cool. She replied, ?Oh, that?s not animation?. Startled, I screamed, ?What? You mean?? She started shaking her head and saying, ?I?ve said too much.? Naturally, there was no other choice, but to liquor her up. After quite a few more drinks (she could really hold the booze), she finally opened up. I asked, ?So the iMac can really dance?? ?Hell, yeah,? she replied. ?You?ll just have to wait for iTunes 2.5 and iDance.? It was getting late, so I took her back to my hotel room and? Well, that?s not the point. Anyway, afterward she began to tell me about a commercial they have in the bag:



Fade In. A bare light bulb hangs down lighting a dirty, cramped little room with a metal office desk. There is a guy doing some accounting on a beige P.C.. He?s wearing ill-fitting clothes that look like they are left over from the 70?s. As the camera pulls in, we realize its John Travolta. He stares at the screen, sighs, and then takes a slug of cheap whiskey. About this time, we begin to notice HipHop music coming from another room. We also hear people clapping to the music and voices cheering someone on. John gets up and opens the door. The camera follows him out. We can see a crowd gathered on the dance floor. John turns to the bartender and asks, ?Who?s the new guy?? The bartender replies, ?I dunno, but its his partner you gotta see.? The camera grows closer to the crowd and then flies up and over them. There, in the center, is the iPod guy. He?s doing this wacked out dance. He pauses and looks over to his partner. The crowd shifts their glance, also. There in the spotlight is the new iMac. It begins to mimic the moves of the iPod guy. The crowd goes crazy. The words, ?The new iMac? appear on the screen followed by the tag line ?Dance Different? and the Apple logo.



After pumping her some more, I decided to try to get even more info. As sobriety set in, however, she began to shut up. About the only other info I could get was that the animatronics were not just for iTunes. Apparently Steve is having the Pixar people work on gestures that will express emotion, etc. Speech technology will also play a key roll. Imagine saying something to the iMac, but it does not recognize the phrase. It will shrug, lean toward your face and while slightly wiggling the monitor back and forth the synthesized voice of Gary Coleman says, ?What you talkin? ?bout, Willis??





[ 01-20-2002: Message edited by: murk ]</p>
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Comments

  • Reply 1 of 40
    pscatespscates Posts: 5,847member
    Go to sleep.
  • Reply 2 of 40
    logan calelogan cale Posts: 1,281member
    Haha.



    That would be a cool ad...
  • Reply 3 of 40
    Confirmed!
  • Reply 4 of 40
    Yes....
  • Reply 5 of 40
    falconfalcon Posts: 458member
    Lol that would be a cool add. Very cool. You didnt happen to get yourself drunk to? <img src="graemlins/smokin.gif" border="0" alt="[Chilling]" />
  • Reply 6 of 40
    emaneman Posts: 7,204member
    Nice
  • Reply 7 of 40
    ferroferro Posts: 453member
    I know that was intended as a joke, but...



    Did anyone else think that the iMac2/iLamp in the video was actually not a animation...???



    Its motion looked a little bit "un-virtual" to me... like there was a invisible white bar that was actually responsible for its motion...



    ... I dont know



    E PLURIBUS UNIX

    -----------------------------

  • Reply 8 of 40
    Hahaha, thats funny.

    Just try to play Aphex Twins "Yellow Calx" on that though, youd knock the chip off the board. People down stairs would think that youd bought a vibrating bed.
  • Reply 9 of 40
    That would be so awesome. Too bad I do not believe it. Neways, nice ideas.
  • Reply 10 of 40
    I love richard d James, I also Love tom jenkinson, he's an amazing bassist and techno wizard.



    that would be a pretty cool ad as well, but I think Keanu reeves would be better than john travolta "becasue keanu ALWAYS looks dumbfounded"
  • Reply 11 of 40
    mokimoki Posts: 551member
    I beleive everything except for the part about her coming back with you to your hotel room.
  • Reply 12 of 40
    [quote] Here?s the story. After visiting the Expo last night, I headed to a nearby bar. After a few drinks, I noticed a hot chick drinking alone. My eyes were drawn down to her cleavage, and there, to my surprise, was one of those Apple nametag things employees wear...



    ...Naturally, there was no other choice, but to liquor her up. After quite a few more drinks (she could really hold the booze), she finally opened up...



    ...After pumping her some more, I decided to try to get even more info <hr></blockquote>



    Dude, if you're fantasizing about getting a woman loaded so you can "pump her", not for love but for inside info on computers, well...you need to get a life, pal. Turn off the computer, step away from it, and take a walk outside. Repeat every 12 hours.
  • Reply 13 of 40
    krassykrassy Posts: 595member
    this could be a cool feature:



    the iCam on top of the iMac recognizes your eyes and the display will move to the ideas position for viewing !!!!





    just a guess
  • Reply 14 of 40
    It'd be great until it put some kids eye out.
  • Reply 15 of 40
    ...Then it would be REALLY GREAT!





    :0)
  • Reply 16 of 40
    eugeneeugene Posts: 8,254member
    That reminds me...



    A couple of the booth girls around the giant black Apple monolith were very cute indeed...



    I recognized one from last year too...she had the same job...refilling the poster bins with fresh posters and rubber bands...I wonder what her normal job description is...



    Man, those crazed people...they were taking a dozen posters each...I took two...



    Anyway, back to the girl...oh nevermind...Some Apple employee will probably read this too...
  • Reply 17 of 40
    murkmurk Posts: 935member
    [quote]Originally posted by SpiffyGuyC:

    <strong>It'd be great until it put some kids eye out.</strong><hr></blockquote>



    Funny you should mention that. According to my girlfriend, the iMac was set to go with a removable tablet screen and stylus as recently as mid December. An unlucky hardware tester was trying out the iDance stuff when the tablet came loose. He ducked the tablet, but unfortunately did not see the stylus heading for his eye. Steve decided too much work had gone into the robotic arm to drop it, so the whole tablet thing was dropped instead.
  • Reply 18 of 40
    murkmurk Posts: 935member
    [quote]Originally posted by Junkyard Dawg:

    <strong>



    ? getting a woman loaded so you can "pump her", not for love but for inside info on computers, well...you need to get a life, pal. </strong><hr></blockquote>



    Well, J. Dawg, it really wasn?t like that. We really hit it off. I love the girl, alright? Anyway, today I walked into the Expo, right up to the Apple booth and I asked her to marry me. She said yes and the people in the booth clapped and cheered. I said ?Let?s go to Vegas right now.? She said, ?I?ve got a better idea. What would be better than getting married at Macworld? Look. you wait here. There?s a bridal shop not too far from here. I?ll be back soon.? We kissed and I offered my credit card.



    About an hour and a half later Avie escorted me to the auditorium. He motioned toward the stage. As I walked and my eyes adjusted to the light I realized that center stage was a new iMac with Steve?s head on the screen? just like on the cover of Time. Steve said, ?Hello. Sorry I couldn?t be here in person. Stand over there on that tape x.? The iMac nodded it?s monitor indicating the direction. I took my place and looked out into the audience. I could see Phil Schiller, Avie, Jon Rubinstein and a few other Apple people. There were also a few iMacs in the chairs. I think I saw Larry Ellison?s face on one of them. Rubinstein was holding something like the Danger HipTop, but cooler and with an Apple logo. I?d almost swear Woz?s friendly face was on it. Just off stage there was iMac with something on top of the monitor and the whole thing was mounted on a Segway. On the screen, if I remember his face correctly, was Bill Atkinson (of Hypercard fame). ?When did he come back to Apple?? I thought. I leaned over to Steve and said, ?Umm? Steve, uh? when will the Powermacs?? Steve snapped back, ?January 22! Your getting married here, jackass!? With this he nodded toward the back of the theater. There she stood, looking absolutely gorgeous. Steve?s face disappeared for a second and iTunes appeared and began playing the Wedding March. Bill Atkinson then began whizzing about the stage on his scooter. The thing above his monitor began to flash, and I realized he was the photographer. Steve reappeared. He had a little white thing on the front of his mock turtleneck collar. Apparently Steve is an ordained Internet minister. The monitor turned as he spoke to each of us. The ceremony was quite moving. In fact, so much so that I began to hear sobbing from the audience. I started to turn, but Steve whispered, ?Its just Woz. He always cries at weddings.? After pronouncing us man and wife, Steve leaned toward us and in a low voice said, ?Phil has the keys to the jet. He?s flying you to Hawaii. You kids can stay at my place for a week.?



    So that?s where this post finds me, somewhere over the Pacific, linked up to that great Gigawire port in the sky. Apparently, iDo is a possible future service to be offered through iTools. This is how they could pull it together so quickly. The plane ride has been kind of boring. There?s a bed here, but every time we get a little romantic, Phil opens the door to see if we need anything. I asked, ?Shouldn?t you be up front flying this thing?? He replied, ?No, the G5 can handle that.? Annie thinks he?s just being sweet. I think he?s trying to get a peek of us doing the old plug and play.



    [ 01-11-2002: Message edited by: murk ]



    [ 03-17-2002: Message edited by: murk ]</p>
  • Reply 19 of 40
    LOL, you crack me up.



    [quote] realized that center stage was a new iMac with Steve?s head on the screen? just like on the cover of Time. <hr></blockquote>



    he he, I found that cover awfully spooky. Is that the new startup screen?



    Speaking of a "mac wedding", I knew a couple in my college dorm who had a "star trek wedding" when they got married. Everyone had to wear star trek pajamas, just like at the conventions. I dunno, whatever gets one off I suppose, but that just seemed a little overboard.
  • Reply 20 of 40
    murkmurk Posts: 935member
    Its morning and she's still asleep. We had a little fight last night. She refused to say how much the wedding gown cost. Hey, I know? I?ll check my statement online? I?ll be back in a second? Oh my God! They one-clicked the whole friggin iDo ceremony to my account? even the use of the jet and the week in Hawaii. Those bastards! What a scam! Oh, God! I won?t be able to buy a G5 until about 2005 and even then it will be a used one on Ebay. A strange thought just popped in my head? What if she?s part of the scam? No, she can?t be. Or can she? I?m just getting paranoid. But then again, maybe this whole thing is just a way to get even with the AI members who are always getting Apple employees drunk. Please tell me I?m just getting paranoid. I could almost puke. OH NO! Someone is coming in the front door. It?s him again! Schiller is in the house! I better hide!



    [ 01-11-2002: Message edited by: murk ]



    [ 03-31-2002: Message edited by: murk ]</p>
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