What the 95 of Windows 95 means

Posted:
in General Discussion edited January 2014
a little late but still amusing <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />



1.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number how may times it will crash an hour.

2.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of seconds before it crashes.

3.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of floppy disks you it will ship on.

4.Â* Â* Â* Â* The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.

5.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of Megs at least needed for installation

6.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of Fast Installation Help pages in the manual

7.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of hours needed to install it

8.Â* Â* Â* Â* The percentage of existing Windows programs that won't run under Windows 95

9.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of calls to Micro$oft's support hot line, before you manage to run it

10.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of people who really buy it.

11.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of MHz, your computer at least needs to run it

12.Â* Â* Â* Â* The year, it should be released

13.Â* Â* Â* Â* The number of zeros on the end of Bill Gate's paycheck

Comments

  • Reply 1 of 9
    progmacprogmac Posts: 1,850member
    i don't really have anything to add to the list, but i just used windows 95 the other day and was amazed how underdeveloped of an OS it is. granted XP is pretty much fine, but how MS ever grabbed a stronghold with that piece of crap is beyond me. What year was OS 8 released? OS 8 and even 7 are far beyond what windows 95 was (is).
  • Reply 2 of 9
    giaguaragiaguara Posts: 2,724member
    i was to suggest the average number of blue screens in an hour
  • Reply 3 of 9
    trevormtrevorm Posts: 841member
    YEP! LATE indeed, But funny indeed.



    Yes. It truely is shit
  • Reply 4 of 9
    i dont even remember.....i got my 8.6 in 1999 and now thats old......



    I think any Mac OS is better than windows anyday
  • Reply 5 of 9
    1.Windows95 - Plug and pray...



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    2.Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS

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    3.Windows - a solitaire game that requires 16 MB and HD

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    4.Windows - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy

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    5.Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files!

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    6.If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual?

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    7."Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekcer, wurks grate"

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    8.The word "Windows" is a word out of an old dialect of the Apaches.

    It means: "White man staring through glass-screen onto an hourglass...")

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    9. Windows =Waste in DOS WorkSpace

    Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows

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    11.Alt-F4. Just do it.

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    12.Double your drive space: Delete Windows!

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    13.Microsoft is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine

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    14.Does someone know the cheats for Windows95?

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    15.This is an airconditioned room - Do not open Windows!

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    16.This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x

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    17.OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,Y]"

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    18.Favorite Windoze game: "Guess what this icon does?"

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    19.Windows95 - crash compatible on Windows 3.x

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    20.Windows NT - Nice Try

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    21.Windows - a virus with mouse support

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    22.Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done

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    23.Windows vs OS/2 = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson

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    24.The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.

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    25.Microsoft is not the answer.

    Microsoft is the question.

    "No" is the answer!

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    26.McAfee-Question: Is Windows a virus?



    No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

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    1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

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    2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

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    3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

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    4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.

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    5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2.) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.

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    28.Last words of a Windows user:

    a.Why does that work now?

    b.Where do I have to click now? - There?

    c.Message box: "Data not completely delete? Yes - No" --- User: "No - ey - Yes"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    29.Microsoft gives you Windows... OS/2 gives you the whole house

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    30.How do Microsoft employees exchange a bulb?

    Not at all... They/Bill Gates declare(s) darkness as a standard.

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    31.Some windows were made to be broken

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    32.Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C &gt;

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    33.Bugs come in through open Windows

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    35.Windows '96 will also have artificial intelligence, e.g.:

    Unable to FORMAT A: Having a go at C:

    Can't Compress Hard Drive but don't worry I'll delete all files over size 50,000 that'llgive you some space.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    36.How do you make Windows faster? --- Throw it harder!

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    Error Messages

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    37.DOS Error #01: Windows loading, come back tomorrow

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    38.DOS Error #02: Windows loaded. System in danger.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    39.DOS Error #03: Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    40.DOS Error #04: Out of disk space. Delete Windows? (Y)es (H)ell yes!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    41.Windows Error #01: No error... ...yet.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    42.Windows Error #02: Multitasking attempted. System confused.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    43.Windows Error #03: Unexplaind error.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    44.Windows Error #04: Reserved for future mistakes

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    45.Windows Error #05: Nonexisent error. This cannot really be happening.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    46.Windows Error #06: Unable to exit windows. Try the door.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    47.Windows Error #07: Door locked. Try control-alt-delete

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    48.Windows Error #08: Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    49.Windows Error #09: Mouse not found. Press mouse button to continue.



    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    50.Windows Error #09: Game Over. Exiting Windows.



    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    51.Win95 Error #01: Insufficient money spent in hardware.



    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Real Error Messages (No Jokes)

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    52.Error: [Microsoft] [ODBC Microsoft Access 7.0 Driver] Error reservado (|); no hay mensaje para este error.

    It says: Reserved error (|); There is no message for this error.

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    Further ones

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    53.Windows95 is out! (PC Magazine, April 2013),hr&gt; 54.Windows95: New look, same multicrashing

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    55.Windows95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading

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    56.Windows95 - Every function is a restart function...

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    57.Windows95 does really have preemptive Multitasking:

    It can boot and crash at the same time.

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    58.Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    59.Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    60.Windows - Just another pain in the glass

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    61.Windows - Turn your Pentium into an XT...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    62.Windows - The Gates of hell

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    63.Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    64.Windows - a XT emulator for an AT

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    65.If Windows cleaned it would be good for something

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    66.DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    67.DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    68.Windows Multitasking - screwing up several things at once

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    69.Windows found - remove? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    70.Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time!

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    71.If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    72.Microsoft's marketing: "Windows is SEMI-shareware"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    73.Are you using Windows or is that just an XT?

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    74.Have you crashed your Windows today?

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    75.Relax... you are entering a windows free zone

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    77.New from McAfee: WinScan - Removes all Windows programs

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    78.New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    79.My latest screen saver: Curtains for Windows

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    80.If Windows 95 doesn't start shipping soon, it might be Curtains 95.

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    81.Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile!

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    82.I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying...

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    83.I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better

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    84.I can't wait for EDLIN to be ported for Windows

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    85.Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows...

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    86.Exhibitionists love Windows

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    87.Despite my car having windows, it still isn't mouse driven!

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    88.Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...

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    90.A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle

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    91.Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail.

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    92.Newsflash: Microsoft announces Visual Edlin for Windows

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    93.Time on your hands? Get Windows!

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    95.What's the best of Windows95? The deinstaller!

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    96.Why is the Pentium 166 so fast? - It's for booting faster, if Windows crashed again.

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    97.What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Microsoft? - One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie.

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    98.How many Windows PC owners does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Just one, as long as you explain it's Plug'n'Play...

    they get confused if it doesn't come with a driver disk...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    99.Help! There are Windows everywhere! In my car, my house

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    100.Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I!

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    101.Mouse not present - click twice to continue...

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    102.Who the heck is General Failure? And why is he reading my harddisk?

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    103.What's the difference between windows '95 and highly destructive unstoppable virus?

    About 90 Megs of hard disk space.

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    104.Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows





    106. Windows, it's not pretty, it's not ugly, but it's pretty ugly.
  • Reply 6 of 9
    My first computer ran windows 95. What a POS. I honestly wanted to send that computer back to gateway after the first month. My dad spent more time fixing that computer than anything else. 98 was a serious improvement. 2000 was the best, XP just doesn't feel as solid as 2000 did. Don't know why really. God i wish I could switch...
  • Reply 7 of 9
    stunnedstunned Posts: 1,096member
    windows 95 is aimed at targetting 95% of all computer users....



    Windows 98 is amied at targetting 98% of all computer users....



    Windows Xp is aimed at controliing all the computer users....
  • Reply 8 of 9
    get a mac....it will solve all your problems
  • Reply 9 of 9
    overhopeoverhope Posts: 1,123member
    Sadly I have to use 95 at work every day because of the dozy cheepskate motherf***ers in our IT department who can't sort out a decent licence for something which is less sh1t.



    These same dozy cheepskate motherf***ers absolutely hate it when I walk in and ask them to fix something that's gone wrong with it (most weeks) because I moved all the desktop icons to the proper place (top right) and use the Start menu like the OS 9 Apple Menu, so they can't find anything...
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