You only hulucinate after 36 hours straight if your a weakass mind or your taking hulucinagins dumbass junkies I've done it lots 72 is when it's alright did I ever tell you the definition of insanity
Just had a baby a month ago, and he is colic...so, naturally, sleep doesn't happen often for ne, at least not much. The week before last, I'm not even sure how many days or hours in total I went without any sleep...since I was completely distracted, I didnt keep track...but, after some period of days, I began dozing off while sitting up for a few minutes and talking insane things during. Then I began dozing off while standing up, and talking in my sleep. Then I began falling asleep in very, very random places and not remembering how I got there...like, for example, I woke up sitting on the floor of my closet with a bunch of change (money) beside me. No clue why the money was there...how it got there...and why I was in the closet. The last day I went without sleep, all I remember is opening my eyes because my husband said my name, and instantly feeling a pain on my head. Apparently, I was asleep standing up, facing the wall, and when my husband said my name, i banged my head off the wall and then opened my eyes and didnt even know i did it. The 5 minute power naps i had during those days seemed to me to be hours long...with strange dreaming. Thinking back, that entire week is a total blur. It was insane..and i don't suggest anybody do this intentionally. Its harmful.
Hi! Just had to make a rare reappearance to congratulate the sleepless insomnia thread for wandering, disoriented, into 2014. I trust I'll be making a similar yearly post for the rest of time. I also like the fact that the thread has settled into a comfortable rhythm of being the exclusive provenance of people who are registering just to make a single, anecdotal post, complete with trolls who are registering just to give voice to their bile, once.
I realize that people are getting here via Google search, but are they not, you know, kind of taking the measure of the site, or the thread? Is there something therapeutic about telling random people on a Mac enthusiast site about one's struggles with insomnia, sans advice or acknowledgement? Is the lack of sleep clouding the judgement of the demographic?
Nothing special, yet. Stayed up for about 20 hours, slept for about 10, and now i'm looking at about another 24 hours before i can sleep again, after being up for 12 hours.... Get to go to work, then go do some light programming for a light show, then back to work, then sleep. Yay!
Longest ever was about 72 hours. Pulled an allnighter with some friends, and then ended up being too buried in school work to sleep for the two days after that. Was not fun. At all.
My first post on these forums so try not to reply with anything too crass.
As for my own experiences, last July I did an awful lot of loaded marching (Walking from place to place with an excessively large rucksack containing your home from home) and during that time I stayed up for four days. While four days without sleep is achievement enough, most of the walking was on roads and through valleys and hilly terrain, and taking into account the weight you're looking at about 600-800 calories per hour. As a fairly active 17-year old lad who's done his share of all-nighters at College, the first couple of days were fine, no real effects aside from the usual byproducts of marching, fatigue, shoulder pains, sometimes dehydration. This was in Hampshire/Wiltshire EN and the temperature and humidity were pretty high. I am hoping to join the Army later next year and the walking provided me an excellent opportunity to practise and train, and during my 'tabs' I went from city to city, climbed a fair few slopes, and checked out an abandoned Cold War bunker and the filming location of the 2002 film '28 Days Later' (Trafalgar Park, Downton).
Anyway, after the second night, it began to hit me. Nights were the worst - I suppose in effect I was testing my limits, and the small hours were absolute hell, minutes seemed to last hours and I felt very cold, colder as the time went on. I began shaking, mostly my hands, I was okay to start with but by dawn on the third day I remember trying to roll a fag and my hands kept knocking the baccy everywhere. I stopped at a village shop to buy some Marlboro Red and had a very long rambling conversation with the bemused shop owner about Marlborough being a place in England somewhere. I headed back home on the third day, tried to sleep but I can't really explain this, I couldn't, I stared at the walls and sat on my bed rocking back and forth. I watched 'Apocalypse Now' and that made me really emotional for some reason. I distinctly remember hearing all sorts of background noise, talking, scratching at the walls etc. I gave up on trying to rest and made myself some more coffee. I'd left it to brew for a while but it still felt like boiling acid drinking it. Taking a shower it was like I was being stabbed by the water and then I could hear this clicking in my head. By midnight on the fourth day, I'd tried everything to make it go away and I got the shock of my life when I closed my eyes for a moment and upon opening them was confronted with Martin Sheen as Captain Willard, who stood there with his arms crossed shaking his head sadly. I decided to go out and check out the bunker, which was 20 miles from me, and set off just before dawn. As I walked along a tree-lined road near Marchwood, a giant bugs bunny appeared leaning against a tree, easily thirty feet tall. I nodded at him understandingly, as one does, only for him to crack a wide grin and bite a chunk out of a carrot the size of a tree trunk.
I opened up the old bunker and sat in there for a couple of hours, I don't know how long, to get out of the sun. Inside I could clearly hear the radio operators (Bunker had been inactive since 1991) reporting nuclear attacks from the Russians and I could hear air-raid sirens going. I had my last mug of coffee, of which I had drunk 47 since this began, and headed out to go home. After getting about a mile in the heat, I could now hear a faint screaming which went on and on, trees and other features warped into all sorts of animals and hallucinogenic characters, and I became incredibly angry at these two figures which kept appearing about half a mile ahead of me, I think they were doing the screaming. I lit a cigarette (Again, like the coffee I had gone insane on consumption, having smoked around 160 during the four days) And half a minute later forgot what it was there for and flicked it. It took flight, somehow gained a rocket booster and flew off over the horizon, trailing blue smoke in its wake. My hallucinations were now psychedelic. I came to a hill, and as I climbed it my backpack felt heavier and heavier, my arms began to spasm and the hallucinogenic screaming began to deafen me. My legs then gave way and I fell, I then don't remember anything until waking up 14 hours later, I then picked myself up and walked the rest of the way home. I didn't fully recover for another five weeks.
This is an essay I know, and some of it may seem a tad iffy. The whole thing was like a dream, and looking back on it, I have trouble believing half of it myself.
Let's keep this thread going. I suffered, it can suffer.
Consarn it, this thread is actually going to be applicable to me for once. I just woke up, and that’s horrible for my time zone. Work has thrown me out of sync the past few days. So to reset I’ll be staying up at least 32 hours straight, which is no big deal.
Hopefully I won’t have to drive anywhere tomorrow evening, is all.
Consarn it, this thread is actually going to be applicable to me for once. I just woke up, and that’s horrible for my time zone. Work has thrown me out of sync the past few days. So to reset I’ll be staying up at least 32 hours straight, which is no big deal.
Hopefully I won’t have to drive anywhere tomorrow evening, is all. :p
Sorry to see that. An interrupted sleep pattern is a terrible thing. It's difficult to get back to "normal".
Screw it, I don't even use Apple products, signed up for this thread.
I've been drinking energy drinks for 5 years and sleeping during day while being awake during the night for nearly one year, getting sleep though. A month ago I didn't sleep for 26 hours, today I'm staying awake until 33 hours, it's too damn hot to get any sleep anyway.
i've been up for about 75hrs straight (more than 3 days), not much has happened. & the last time i slept i only got 3hrs
Minor hallucinations, i actually just got done staring at myself in the tv thinking it was someone else. i see little things like wisp around me, and its like i see smoke in the atmosphere. But it's not smoke colored it's clear but you can see it? like water idk.
Again, not much. hah I actually felt buzzed earlier, but then my sister went into adderall psychosis which killed it. (she's alright now)
On occasion i'll mistake something for being something else. I thought my jeans were a brown dog?? A chair was some cloaked demon? A sock was a rat?? & thats just a few. Ugh the worst part of all of this is that i'm not staying up on purpose, i literally just cannot sleep.
I'm quite the insomniac but damn i've never been up for this long, and the fact that i still cant sleep both amazes and pisses me off.
i've been up for about 75hrs straight, and not much has happened. the last time i slept i only got 3hrs ugh
Minor hallucinations, i actually just got done staring at myself in the tv thinking it was someone else. i see little things like wisp around me, and its like i see smoke in the atmosphere. But it's not smoke colored it's like clear but you can see it? like water idk.
Again, not much. I felt buzzed earlier actually, but then my sister went into adderall psychosis which killed it. (she's alright now)
On occasion I'll mistake something for being something else. I thought my jeans were a brown dog?? And a vicious one at that.
I'm not staying up on purpose, i simply just cant fall asleep. I'm an insomniac, but damn i've never been up for this long.
Decided to join so I could put in my piece. I havent slept in a while. Im not sure exactly how long its been. But its now thurs at 2:54am. The last time I slept was about a day and a half ago. I think this is the longest ive stayed up before. But ive always had trouble sleeping. Ive got school at 9am and I think I might stay home and play Destiny instead. I wont be able to function at school anyways. Im pretty sure I ha e insomnia. I used to get sleep paralysis super bad a couple years ago. I dont anymore. It was scary though. Unable to move or scream. I would usually see dark figures approaching me. I would sleep with my head under my pillow hoping to avoid seeing them. Ive only had one meal in the last day or so. Does anyone else have a problem eating when they are sleep deprived? I have a wavering feeling of starvation that comes and goes, when I try to eat, even if its food I love, it just seems unappetizing and hard to swallow. I will probably end up being up for another day or so. Im going to try to as a little experiment. But since ive been having trouble sleeping, I might not be able to sleep even if I wanted to. Im starting to feel fuzzy and have a constant yet very subtle ringing im my ears. I have a slight headache and the muscles in my toes occasionally cramp up. My back hurts and im on here just hoping to waste some time. I try smoking the gold ol' green, but cant seem to sleep with that either. It almost feels as if im very slightly buzzed. Not by much though. I will update how im doing in a day or so. Because staying up forore than a day is a completely new experience for me. Maybe im just too stressed to sleep. Im not sure. But I will keep the thread updated. This thread shall never sleep!
One time for college for a project I stayed up 48 hrs... pounding Red Bulls. At the last few hours of this experience I started hallucinating, as others have said. I started seeing flashes and wisps of light or streaks. It was night. and my heart was racing (Probably those energy drinks..). I also had a bit of shaking and felt kind of weak, like when you are sick. I was also constantly hungry. I felt really, really weird at the end of it. Yet it was kind of fun. But I could tell doing that constantly it not good for your lifespan! And yet I had to bust this skill out again in grad school a few times.. I became a machine. 24hrs of work straight? Easy, I've done this before. I definitely did not drive or do anything like that, though. I would have moments where I'd fade out, drop my pencil or something. And then snap back into it, for the long haul. Scary stuff, though, to think nurses and doctors do shifts like this and then drive. That's horrible and there is no excuse for it. It's like hazing for doctor residents, and it should stop.
It's not that big of a deal if you have been sleeping 8 or more hours the last few days. It basically drains you down to zero then you sleep a lot the next few days.
Well this is my new favourite thing on the internet.
Not sure what my record is for going without sleep, not sure I've ever really bothered to count (likely somewhere past 48 at least, I know that). For the last couple weeks I know I haven't been getting more than 4 or 5 hours a night thanks to side effects of new ADD meds, but that is so not the point. Lol.
I actually stumbled across this because I was trying to research the symptoms people might get after 3 or 4 days straight of no sleep. Gotta say this is probably the best info I could have gotten for what I need. Lots of first hand accounts. It's been a fascinating read. Somewhere about halfway through I realized that my perception of the number of hours people were stating was way skewed. The 36-50 hours seemed like a lot then I realized that no I've done that. 24 is only 1 day. Anyway. I keep side tracking (2am here my brain is past the point of filtering out the rambling and I think I only got like 4 hours sleep again last night).
Some of the stories in here took me back to my first year of university and made me realise just how bad off I really was then. I knew it was bad but I never really thought about how little I was actually sleeping until I realized that I've done 36 hours a whole lot of times without even really thinking about it. And anyway, my first year of university is this giant blur in my memory. I think that whole year and a good portion of the next one I really wasn't sleeping much at all.
I remember the frequent nightmares that were keeping me from sleeping. Waking up to feeling presences in the room. Hearing music that wasn't there. Lots of crazy stuff. And this stuff was going on for months. I kinda just lumped it all as part of the frequent nightmares but I'm realizing now it was a lot of really by sleep deprivation. I had really messed up terrible anxiety. When I did sleep I'd wake up feeling like I was being smothered (sleep paralysis thing) trying to scream but couldn't. Frightening as hell and it was a pretty common occurence.
In hindsight I probably wasn't sleeping more than short bursts most of those two years and I never really thought about how severe it was. I just pegged it on me being really emotionally a mess. It was really kinda 2ish years of this nightmarish hell of bad sleep, nightmares and frightening experiences when I did sleep, panic attacks and anxiety, a whole crazy roller coaster of emotional mess (no wonder those friendships got so messed up, I was pretty crazy paranoid socially). And I thought it was just me not being able to cope with stress but so much of that was probably actually effects of sleep deprivation.
Anyway it took about 5 years after I dropped out of university and started sleeping better for me to actually get to the point of feeling normal and like I could handle life again and I can pull an all nighter here or there now without it being followed by a few days of panic attacks and emotional breakdowns. (which again kinda shows that I probably wasn't getting much sleep when I did sleep if I was hitting that breakdown point after shorter amounts of staying awake like 24-36 hours...). But ya, 5 years of working on my own to sort out the anxiety and fall out of all that which started with a combination of a major death in my family and a really bad transition to going away to school and turned into kinda a 7 year mental health battle.
. . . So that's my contribution to this crazy but awesome thread (that made me stay up two hours longer when I was already way too tired and lacking sleep and also made me join a mac forum. wtf I've joined a mac forum??? I hate macs! lol). This has been a pretty epic find online. 13 year of shared insomniac experience. I don't know it totally fascinates me! (And I'm really sorry, I go on forever when I'm really tired and need to sleep. It's like I just can't stop typing thoughts).
But ya this is totally awesome. I want to share it with people but I feel like I really can't because it's seriously something you have to discover on your own during a bout of insomnia at some odd hour of the night too many hours into sleep deprivaiton. Otherwise it just wouldn't be as incredible. It's like this weird little refuge hidden for those wandering the internet late at night sitting in a corner of a dark room with just the glow of thier laptop and the quiet of the night envying the people asleep on the other sides of the walls around them. It's totally gotta be discovered and read in that eerie calm stillness you get at this hour when you want to be sleeping but can't. . .
And my typing is really going down hill fast here and my words are getting all bizarrely descriptive about stuff (and way to verbose) and I am totally not going to be functional enough tomorrow to handle the party for my niece. Crap.
Ok ya, that's my big long contribution to the insomnia corner of the internet.
I just realized. That's what this is! We're a freaking Insomniacs Anonymous! A secret hidden Insomniacs Anonymous in a mac forum on the internet. That's crazy but it is!
I feel like this whole thing has gotten really surreal feeling over the last hour while reading the stuff here on this crazy 13 year thread of shared experience (there's over a freaking decade of connection here. I'm responding to stuff that was written when I was still in highschool, when the internet was still this thing that only some people had. It's insane. . . . I really need to go to bed. Thinking about this is starting to weird me out and no one really wants to read a giant wall of text. (Look though I broke it up into sections). Ya this thing is so fucking crazy but also just awesome.)
Comments
I should say that it's a pity you did not see the Oscar nominations. American Hustle and Gravity may fire your nerves.
Hi! Just had to make a rare reappearance to congratulate the sleepless insomnia thread for wandering, disoriented, into 2014. I trust I'll be making a similar yearly post for the rest of time. I also like the fact that the thread has settled into a comfortable rhythm of being the exclusive provenance of people who are registering just to make a single, anecdotal post, complete with trolls who are registering just to give voice to their bile, once.
I realize that people are getting here via Google search, but are they not, you know, kind of taking the measure of the site, or the thread? Is there something therapeutic about telling random people on a Mac enthusiast site about one's struggles with insomnia, sans advice or acknowledgement? Is the lack of sleep clouding the judgement of the demographic?
Nothing special, yet. Stayed up for about 20 hours, slept for about 10, and now i'm looking at about another 24 hours before i can sleep again, after being up for 12 hours.... Get to go to work, then go do some light programming for a light show, then back to work, then sleep. Yay!
Longest ever was about 72 hours. Pulled an allnighter with some friends, and then ended up being too buried in school work to sleep for the two days after that. Was not fun. At all.
Greetings everyone.
My first post on these forums so try not to reply with anything too crass.
As for my own experiences, last July I did an awful lot of loaded marching (Walking from place to place with an excessively large rucksack containing your home from home) and during that time I stayed up for four days. While four days without sleep is achievement enough, most of the walking was on roads and through valleys and hilly terrain, and taking into account the weight you're looking at about 600-800 calories per hour. As a fairly active 17-year old lad who's done his share of all-nighters at College, the first couple of days were fine, no real effects aside from the usual byproducts of marching, fatigue, shoulder pains, sometimes dehydration. This was in Hampshire/Wiltshire EN and the temperature and humidity were pretty high. I am hoping to join the Army later next year and the walking provided me an excellent opportunity to practise and train, and during my 'tabs' I went from city to city, climbed a fair few slopes, and checked out an abandoned Cold War bunker and the filming location of the 2002 film '28 Days Later' (Trafalgar Park, Downton).
Anyway, after the second night, it began to hit me. Nights were the worst - I suppose in effect I was testing my limits, and the small hours were absolute hell, minutes seemed to last hours and I felt very cold, colder as the time went on. I began shaking, mostly my hands, I was okay to start with but by dawn on the third day I remember trying to roll a fag and my hands kept knocking the baccy everywhere. I stopped at a village shop to buy some Marlboro Red and had a very long rambling conversation with the bemused shop owner about Marlborough being a place in England somewhere. I headed back home on the third day, tried to sleep but I can't really explain this, I couldn't, I stared at the walls and sat on my bed rocking back and forth. I watched 'Apocalypse Now' and that made me really emotional for some reason. I distinctly remember hearing all sorts of background noise, talking, scratching at the walls etc. I gave up on trying to rest and made myself some more coffee. I'd left it to brew for a while but it still felt like boiling acid drinking it. Taking a shower it was like I was being stabbed by the water and then I could hear this clicking in my head. By midnight on the fourth day, I'd tried everything to make it go away and I got the shock of my life when I closed my eyes for a moment and upon opening them was confronted with Martin Sheen as Captain Willard, who stood there with his arms crossed shaking his head sadly. I decided to go out and check out the bunker, which was 20 miles from me, and set off just before dawn. As I walked along a tree-lined road near Marchwood, a giant bugs bunny appeared leaning against a tree, easily thirty feet tall. I nodded at him understandingly, as one does, only for him to crack a wide grin and bite a chunk out of a carrot the size of a tree trunk.
I opened up the old bunker and sat in there for a couple of hours, I don't know how long, to get out of the sun. Inside I could clearly hear the radio operators (Bunker had been inactive since 1991) reporting nuclear attacks from the Russians and I could hear air-raid sirens going. I had my last mug of coffee, of which I had drunk 47 since this began, and headed out to go home. After getting about a mile in the heat, I could now hear a faint screaming which went on and on, trees and other features warped into all sorts of animals and hallucinogenic characters, and I became incredibly angry at these two figures which kept appearing about half a mile ahead of me, I think they were doing the screaming. I lit a cigarette (Again, like the coffee I had gone insane on consumption, having smoked around 160 during the four days) And half a minute later forgot what it was there for and flicked it. It took flight, somehow gained a rocket booster and flew off over the horizon, trailing blue smoke in its wake. My hallucinations were now psychedelic. I came to a hill, and as I climbed it my backpack felt heavier and heavier, my arms began to spasm and the hallucinogenic screaming began to deafen me. My legs then gave way and I fell, I then don't remember anything until waking up 14 hours later, I then picked myself up and walked the rest of the way home. I didn't fully recover for another five weeks.
This is an essay I know, and some of it may seem a tad iffy. The whole thing was like a dream, and looking back on it, I have trouble believing half of it myself.
Let's keep this thread going. I suffered, it can suffer.
Just thought I'd give the thread a bit of a poke
Consarn it, this thread is actually going to be applicable to me for once. I just woke up, and that’s horrible for my time zone. Work has thrown me out of sync the past few days. So to reset I’ll be staying up at least 32 hours straight, which is no big deal.
Hopefully I won’t have to drive anywhere tomorrow evening, is all.
Sorry to see that. An interrupted sleep pattern is a terrible thing. It's difficult to get back to "normal".
Congratulations! Your thread is a teenager now!
Screw it, I don't even use Apple products, signed up for this thread.
I've been drinking energy drinks for 5 years and sleeping during day while being awake during the night for nearly one year, getting sleep though. A month ago I didn't sleep for 26 hours, today I'm staying awake until 33 hours, it's too damn hot to get any sleep anyway.
Nice thread is nice.
I love to sleep long hours and 34 is nothing for me but most of the time i put my XXSIM on and remain updated during my leisure or sleeping hours.
i've been up for about 75hrs straight (more than 3 days), not much has happened. & the last time i slept i only got 3hrs
Minor hallucinations, i actually just got done staring at myself in the tv thinking it was someone else. i see little things like wisp around me, and its like i see smoke in the atmosphere. But it's not smoke colored it's clear but you can see it? like water idk.
Again, not much. hah I actually felt buzzed earlier, but then my sister went into adderall psychosis which killed it. (she's alright now)
On occasion i'll mistake something for being something else. I thought my jeans were a brown dog?? A chair was some cloaked demon? A sock was a rat?? & thats just a few. Ugh the worst part of all of this is that i'm not staying up on purpose, i literally just cannot sleep.
I'm quite the insomniac but damn i've never been up for this long, and the fact that i still cant sleep both amazes and pisses me off.
i've been up for about 75hrs straight, and not much has happened. the last time i slept i only got 3hrs ugh
Minor hallucinations, i actually just got done staring at myself in the tv thinking it was someone else. i see little things like wisp around me, and its like i see smoke in the atmosphere. But it's not smoke colored it's like clear but you can see it? like water idk.
Again, not much. I felt buzzed earlier actually, but then my sister went into adderall psychosis which killed it. (she's alright now)
On occasion I'll mistake something for being something else. I thought my jeans were a brown dog?? And a vicious one at that.
I'm not staying up on purpose, i simply just cant fall asleep. I'm an insomniac, but damn i've never been up for this long.
One time for college for a project I stayed up 48 hrs... pounding Red Bulls. At the last few hours of this experience I started hallucinating, as others have said. I started seeing flashes and wisps of light or streaks. It was night. and my heart was racing (Probably those energy drinks..). I also had a bit of shaking and felt kind of weak, like when you are sick. I was also constantly hungry. I felt really, really weird at the end of it. Yet it was kind of fun. But I could tell doing that constantly it not good for your lifespan! And yet I had to bust this skill out again in grad school a few times.. I became a machine. 24hrs of work straight? Easy, I've done this before. I definitely did not drive or do anything like that, though. I would have moments where I'd fade out, drop my pencil or something. And then snap back into it, for the long haul. Scary stuff, though, to think nurses and doctors do shifts like this and then drive. That's horrible and there is no excuse for it. It's like hazing for doctor residents, and it should stop.
It's not that big of a deal if you have been sleeping 8 or more hours the last few days. It basically drains you down to zero then you sleep a lot the next few days.
Well this is my new favourite thing on the internet.
Not sure what my record is for going without sleep, not sure I've ever really bothered to count (likely somewhere past 48 at least, I know that). For the last couple weeks I know I haven't been getting more than 4 or 5 hours a night thanks to side effects of new ADD meds, but that is so not the point. Lol.
I actually stumbled across this because I was trying to research the symptoms people might get after 3 or 4 days straight of no sleep. Gotta say this is probably the best info I could have gotten for what I need. Lots of first hand accounts. It's been a fascinating read. Somewhere about halfway through I realized that my perception of the number of hours people were stating was way skewed. The 36-50 hours seemed like a lot then I realized that no I've done that. 24 is only 1 day. Anyway. I keep side tracking (2am here my brain is past the point of filtering out the rambling and I think I only got like 4 hours sleep again last night).
Some of the stories in here took me back to my first year of university and made me realise just how bad off I really was then. I knew it was bad but I never really thought about how little I was actually sleeping until I realized that I've done 36 hours a whole lot of times without even really thinking about it. And anyway, my first year of university is this giant blur in my memory. I think that whole year and a good portion of the next one I really wasn't sleeping much at all.
I remember the frequent nightmares that were keeping me from sleeping. Waking up to feeling presences in the room. Hearing music that wasn't there. Lots of crazy stuff. And this stuff was going on for months. I kinda just lumped it all as part of the frequent nightmares but I'm realizing now it was a lot of really by sleep deprivation. I had really messed up terrible anxiety. When I did sleep I'd wake up feeling like I was being smothered (sleep paralysis thing) trying to scream but couldn't. Frightening as hell and it was a pretty common occurence.
In hindsight I probably wasn't sleeping more than short bursts most of those two years and I never really thought about how severe it was. I just pegged it on me being really emotionally a mess. It was really kinda 2ish years of this nightmarish hell of bad sleep, nightmares and frightening experiences when I did sleep, panic attacks and anxiety, a whole crazy roller coaster of emotional mess (no wonder those friendships got so messed up, I was pretty crazy paranoid socially). And I thought it was just me not being able to cope with stress but so much of that was probably actually effects of sleep deprivation.
Anyway it took about 5 years after I dropped out of university and started sleeping better for me to actually get to the point of feeling normal and like I could handle life again and I can pull an all nighter here or there now without it being followed by a few days of panic attacks and emotional breakdowns. (which again kinda shows that I probably wasn't getting much sleep when I did sleep if I was hitting that breakdown point after shorter amounts of staying awake like 24-36 hours...). But ya, 5 years of working on my own to sort out the anxiety and fall out of all that which started with a combination of a major death in my family and a really bad transition to going away to school and turned into kinda a 7 year mental health battle.
. . . So that's my contribution to this crazy but awesome thread (that made me stay up two hours longer when I was already way too tired and lacking sleep and also made me join a mac forum. wtf I've joined a mac forum??? I hate macs! lol). This has been a pretty epic find online. 13 year of shared insomniac experience. I don't know it totally fascinates me! (And I'm really sorry, I go on forever when I'm really tired and need to sleep. It's like I just can't stop typing thoughts).
But ya this is totally awesome. I want to share it with people but I feel like I really can't because it's seriously something you have to discover on your own during a bout of insomnia at some odd hour of the night too many hours into sleep deprivaiton. Otherwise it just wouldn't be as incredible. It's like this weird little refuge hidden for those wandering the internet late at night sitting in a corner of a dark room with just the glow of thier laptop and the quiet of the night envying the people asleep on the other sides of the walls around them. It's totally gotta be discovered and read in that eerie calm stillness you get at this hour when you want to be sleeping but can't. . .
And my typing is really going down hill fast here and my words are getting all bizarrely descriptive about stuff (and way to verbose) and I am totally not going to be functional enough tomorrow to handle the party for my niece. Crap.
Ok ya, that's my big long contribution to the insomnia corner of the internet.
I just realized. That's what this is! We're a freaking Insomniacs Anonymous! A secret hidden Insomniacs Anonymous in a mac forum on the internet. That's crazy but it is!
I feel like this whole thing has gotten really surreal feeling over the last hour while reading the stuff here on this crazy 13 year thread of shared experience (there's over a freaking decade of connection here. I'm responding to stuff that was written when I was still in highschool, when the internet was still this thing that only some people had. It's insane. . . . I really need to go to bed. Thinking about this is starting to weird me out and no one really wants to read a giant wall of text. (Look though I broke it up into sections). Ya this thing is so fucking crazy but also just awesome.)
Sometimes I really love the internet.