If you're going to penn state, then you need help. So, depending on your age, it may not be so bad -- if you're macintosh or one of his personas and you're only in junior high, then OK.
However, especially in this place, you shouldn't have anything good to say about Gates. Don't you know Jobs is the only infallible egg-head come compu-culture statesman? Please note the greamlin in use -- around here you need to make it explicit or the acolytes might inadvertently agree with you.
I bet you wrote a good paper. Like your paper was like gone........IT WAS A REALLY GOOD PAPER So you had to um................................................ ......................do another one really quickly or something, which was like not as good. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.
<strong>This paper is for my College Preporatory History 11 class. I am a junior in HS.</strong><hr></blockquote>
If I remember correctly, all high school classes that were'nt AP, were CP. Except remedial classes of course. History 11? Are we supposed to know what that means?
- Your first paragraph is your thesis paragraph. Give a concise overview of what you're going to be talking about; one should be able to know exactly what your paper is going to be about in this first paragraph.
- Your second paragraph (and third, fourth, fifth, and sixth, depending on how long this is going to be) will serve as part of the body. This particular paragraph should begin at the dawn of Gates' life, and further paragraphs should be commensurate with each particular stage.
- End with a paragraph that sums up why this guy was important to history.
That's pretty basic stuff, right there. You also might want to use some commas, periods, and stuff. It's pretty much up to you.
<strong> a paragraph that sums up why this guy was important to history</strong><hr></blockquote>
Jon, why the past tense? You know something we don't?
MafiaMac, when you've got some more, post it up: there's not enough there yet to really get my teeth into, though I'd agree with the comments about general structure and punctuation that have been made so far.
William Henry Gates III is today recognized as a status symbol, a man who is associated with wealth and who redefined American business. As a boy Bill Gates was not called Bill, he was referred to by his friends and family as ?Trey? because of the III after his name. Contrary to popular belief Bill?s childhood was not uneventful, in-fact it was full of the very ingredients that would one day make him the wealthiest man in the world. Bill was always very competitive in everything he did. He would play tennis, swim, and play board games with his friends. He was never really big enough to play contact sports but this is not to say he was a wimp; one summer Bill and his scout troop went on a grueling hike. Bill was badly prepared for the hike with brand new shoes that had not been worn in. The shoes caused his feet to be rubbed raw and then start to bleed. Even though the pain was great Bill kept on going until he could no longer walk. This is an excellent example of his determination, which is a trait that became so valuable to him later in life.
The Gates family was a very healthy place for Bill; his parents Mary and Bill were tremendous influences on him. His father, a high-powered lawyer in the firm Shidler, McBroom, Gates & Lucas. It was Mary Gates however who supplied her son with a strong will and confrontational style. It was said that Bill Sr. was a quiet man in his law firm and he exerted control through calm talks. The fact that Bill Jr. was a gifted child was not unnoticed by his family and his teachers in grade school. He was an amazing mathematician and problem solver who had an easy grasp on what most would consider highly intellectual topics. One time Bill demonstrated his photographic memory by scanning and then reciting the Sermon on the Mount. The priest at the catholic school he attended was so amazed he took Bill and his classmates out for dinner. Bill would soon discover his first computer, when he attended Lakeside High School.
Lakeside was a prestigious prep school that many rich families in the Seattle area sent their children to. It was filled with the brightest and the best students in the whole area. Bill was immediately a stand out amongst his academic peers, considered the smartest kid in school. His eccentricity as a kid and his obnoxious behavior made him somewhat of a social outcast. His intelligence level made his being obnoxious the only way to interact with his peers. Bill was almost intimidating smart and on more than one occasion he was seen arguing with teachers vehemently. He got into long-winded debates with teachers over certain math problems that the teacher had not completed properly, he surprisingly held his own in the arguments, winning usually. He is just that smart that he can argue comfortably with accomplished adults in many fields of study, he had reason to be arrogant. Soon he would devote his amazing intelligence to the computer.
At Lakeside High School there had never been computers but in 1968 the Lakeside administration decided it was time to expose its students to computers. Becoming one of the first schools in the country to have a computer, Lakeside bought a teletype machine known as the Digital Equipment Corporation PDP-10. The school had to pay for what was known as ?computer time? used by its students. Bill engaged in what became a very expensive addiction.
Paul Stocklin, a classmate of Bills took him to see the computer room for the first time. Under Stocklin?s supervision, Gates typed a few instructions and watched the PDP-10 type back a response. Stocklin was quoted in the book Hard Drive saying, ?We were really winging it?None of us knew anything back then. This thing wasn?t like a Macintosh.? To Bill this was better than science fiction. He was hooked.
Whenever Bill had free time it would be spent in the computer room. Getting his hands on anything he could read about computers, he read furiously. Gates not only learned how to communicate with the computer in the room, but he also met a friend. Paul Allen who was two years older than Gates and was an avid user of the PDP-10. The two of them spent a lot of time working in that room together and they were both eventually hired by a local company, C-Cubed. At C-Cubed they were assigned to try and crash the computer systems, to help find bugs in the system. Gates and Allen were essentially the worlds first computer hackers.
At this point Mary Gates saw that her son was out of control with his addiction to computers. It wasn?t effecting his grades at Lakeside but he was just running himself ragged and was all consumed by The Machine. Bill was ordered to take a break from computers and he decided it was for the best. During his break however, Paul Allen kept him up to date and informed about new things he came across in the computer room. After what seemed like an enternity of nine months Bill went back to his old ways. But soon he would go off to Harvard, majoring in pre-law.
Dude, passive voice in the FIRST SENTENCE? Even a brain-dead surfer dude like me, Keanu Reeves, knows to use the active voice. That's one tubularly bad paper.
But something always strikes me as odd when reading suggestion on how to make a paper. Like this:
[quote]
Here's a few starting points:
- Your first paragraph is your thesis paragraph. Give a concise overview of what you're going to be talking about; one should be able to know exactly what your paper is going to be about in this first paragraph.
- Your second paragraph (and third, fourth, fifth, and sixth, depending on how long this is going to be) will serve as part of the body. This particular paragraph should begin at the dawn of Gates' life, and further paragraphs should be commensurate with each particular stage.<hr></blockquote>
I have always thought reciepes like this take away the joy of reading. You may be informed but it will be another boring paper in a long line of boring papers.
Why not start with a bang. MajorMatts reciepe suggest that you start broad and then go to specific in the beginning. Why not start VERY specific instead? Like with some recent event in Gates life that you can do a quick interpretation of as being typical, untypical, show another side than the normal Gates etc. Like start with a description of the day he stepping down as CEO and devoted his life to charity? Then you can use that as an mirror of his life untill then (use the contrast of his life now compared to when he was CEO). It makes much more interesting reports.
I am writing the entire paper over. I would love to have some suggestions for a topic sentence. Does anybody know when William Penfield Jackson ruled MS was a monopoly, the date of the ruling? Please tell me some things that you would add or include in this paper. Thanks again and I will keep you updated.
Comments
That's what Sherlock 3's translation is for!
However, especially in this place, you shouldn't have anything good to say about Gates. Don't you know Jobs is the only infallible egg-head come compu-culture statesman?
[ 10-01-2002: Message edited by: Matsu ]</p>
BTW: for what level class is the paper written?
<strong>Well, is it well written or not? I am asking for honest opinions.</strong><hr></blockquote>
No, it's not.
<strong>This paper is for my College Preporatory History 11 class. I am a junior in HS.</strong><hr></blockquote>
If I remember correctly, all high school classes that were'nt AP, were CP. Except remedial classes of course. History 11? Are we supposed to know what that means?
Here's a few starting points:
- Your first paragraph is your thesis paragraph. Give a concise overview of what you're going to be talking about; one should be able to know exactly what your paper is going to be about in this first paragraph.
- Your second paragraph (and third, fourth, fifth, and sixth, depending on how long this is going to be) will serve as part of the body. This particular paragraph should begin at the dawn of Gates' life, and further paragraphs should be commensurate with each particular stage.
- End with a paragraph that sums up why this guy was important to history.
That's pretty basic stuff, right there. You also might want to use some commas, periods, and stuff. It's pretty much up to you.
<strong> a paragraph that sums up why this guy was important to history</strong><hr></blockquote>
Jon, why the past tense? You know something we don't?
MafiaMac, when you've got some more, post it up: there's not enough there yet to really get my teeth into, though I'd agree with the comments about general structure and punctuation that have been made so far.
The Gates family was a very healthy place for Bill; his parents Mary and Bill were tremendous influences on him. His father, a high-powered lawyer in the firm Shidler, McBroom, Gates & Lucas. It was Mary Gates however who supplied her son with a strong will and confrontational style. It was said that Bill Sr. was a quiet man in his law firm and he exerted control through calm talks. The fact that Bill Jr. was a gifted child was not unnoticed by his family and his teachers in grade school. He was an amazing mathematician and problem solver who had an easy grasp on what most would consider highly intellectual topics. One time Bill demonstrated his photographic memory by scanning and then reciting the Sermon on the Mount. The priest at the catholic school he attended was so amazed he took Bill and his classmates out for dinner. Bill would soon discover his first computer, when he attended Lakeside High School.
Lakeside was a prestigious prep school that many rich families in the Seattle area sent their children to. It was filled with the brightest and the best students in the whole area. Bill was immediately a stand out amongst his academic peers, considered the smartest kid in school. His eccentricity as a kid and his obnoxious behavior made him somewhat of a social outcast. His intelligence level made his being obnoxious the only way to interact with his peers. Bill was almost intimidating smart and on more than one occasion he was seen arguing with teachers vehemently. He got into long-winded debates with teachers over certain math problems that the teacher had not completed properly, he surprisingly held his own in the arguments, winning usually. He is just that smart that he can argue comfortably with accomplished adults in many fields of study, he had reason to be arrogant. Soon he would devote his amazing intelligence to the computer.
At Lakeside High School there had never been computers but in 1968 the Lakeside administration decided it was time to expose its students to computers. Becoming one of the first schools in the country to have a computer, Lakeside bought a teletype machine known as the Digital Equipment Corporation PDP-10. The school had to pay for what was known as ?computer time? used by its students. Bill engaged in what became a very expensive addiction.
Paul Stocklin, a classmate of Bills took him to see the computer room for the first time. Under Stocklin?s supervision, Gates typed a few instructions and watched the PDP-10 type back a response. Stocklin was quoted in the book Hard Drive saying, ?We were really winging it?None of us knew anything back then. This thing wasn?t like a Macintosh.? To Bill this was better than science fiction. He was hooked.
Whenever Bill had free time it would be spent in the computer room. Getting his hands on anything he could read about computers, he read furiously. Gates not only learned how to communicate with the computer in the room, but he also met a friend. Paul Allen who was two years older than Gates and was an avid user of the PDP-10. The two of them spent a lot of time working in that room together and they were both eventually hired by a local company, C-Cubed. At C-Cubed they were assigned to try and crash the computer systems, to help find bugs in the system. Gates and Allen were essentially the worlds first computer hackers.
At this point Mary Gates saw that her son was out of control with his addiction to computers. It wasn?t effecting his grades at Lakeside but he was just running himself ragged and was all consumed by The Machine. Bill was ordered to take a break from computers and he decided it was for the best. During his break however, Paul Allen kept him up to date and informed about new things he came across in the computer room. After what seemed like an enternity of nine months Bill went back to his old ways. But soon he would go off to Harvard, majoring in pre-law.
[ 09-29-2002: Message edited by: MafiaMac ]</p>
<strong>bla bla bla, blabla bla bla
No further comments.
But something always strikes me as odd when reading suggestion on how to make a paper. Like this:
[quote]
Here's a few starting points:
- Your first paragraph is your thesis paragraph. Give a concise overview of what you're going to be talking about; one should be able to know exactly what your paper is going to be about in this first paragraph.
- Your second paragraph (and third, fourth, fifth, and sixth, depending on how long this is going to be) will serve as part of the body. This particular paragraph should begin at the dawn of Gates' life, and further paragraphs should be commensurate with each particular stage.<hr></blockquote>
I have always thought reciepes like this take away the joy of reading. You may be informed but it will be another boring paper in a long line of boring papers.
Why not start with a bang. MajorMatts reciepe suggest that you start broad and then go to specific in the beginning. Why not start VERY specific instead? Like with some recent event in Gates life that you can do a quick interpretation of as being typical, untypical, show another side than the normal Gates etc. Like start with a description of the day he stepping down as CEO and devoted his life to charity? Then you can use that as an mirror of his life untill then (use the contrast of his life now compared to when he was CEO). It makes much more interesting reports.
Leave space between them.
Think on the poor guy that will have to read your paper.
Too long paragraph = I didn't really read it.
<img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" />
[ 10-02-2002: Message edited by: iHack ]</p>