[marriage] When did U know she was the "one"

Posted:
in General Discussion edited January 2014
Ok I've been dating the most awesome woman I have ever met for 3 months. Yes I know...every guy says that in the beginning but I'm 33 and I've been around the block enough to know what I like and don't like and I'm pretty honest with myself about relationships and their potential. This gal I'm seeing looks to be "her", the one you've always pined for and waited for.



To all you married guys and gals the question is this. When did you know that your mate was "The One"? I'm trying to keep a level head but the enthusiasm is hard to hide. It's as if it was possible to order up the perfect spouse through a drive through window and get her delivered as ordered. She is exactly what I've wanted and it freaks me out because rarely do people expect such good fortune. Anyone else get this doggone lucky? Let me hear your story.
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Comments

  • Reply 1 of 60
    for me it was when i realized that i could be around her 24-7 without her driving me nuts on some level or another.
  • Reply 2 of 60
    Quote:

    Originally posted by hmurchison

    Ok I've been dating the most awesome woman I have ever met for 3 months. Yes I know...every guy says that in the beginning but I'm 33 and I've been around the block enough to know what I like and don't like and I'm pretty honest with myself about relationships and their potential. This gal I'm seeing looks to be "her", the one you've always pined for and waited for.



    To all you married guys and gals the question is this. When did you know that your mate was "The One"? I'm trying to keep a level head but the enthusiasm is hard to hide. It's as if it was possible to order up the perfect spouse through a drive through window and get her delivered as ordered. She is exactly what I've wanted and it freaks me out because rarely do people expect such good fortune. Anyone else get this doggone lucky? Let me hear your story.




    well i'm not married by any means, but i dated a "great" girl for a year before I realized that she wasn't all I thought she was and that she had cheated on me a few times. but i'm over it.
  • Reply 3 of 60
    groveratgroverat Posts: 10,872member
    About 5 minutes after I first started talking to her.



    (Dating for ~6 years, getting married October 9th.)
  • Reply 4 of 60
    placeboplacebo Posts: 5,767member
    I deplore the fact that the thread title says 'she'. Are you intolerant of women and gays on this forum? (Of which I'm neither?)
  • Reply 5 of 60
    I knew right away. I married way over my head. In my book, if one has to wonder if "this is the right person", then one should not marry that person. The world is full of those who thought that "this was the right person" and even then ended up getting divorced. That is a huge sweeping generalization I just made and I apologive if it offends anyone. Just my piddly $0.02 worth anyway....
  • Reply 6 of 60
    I guess it all comes down to a gut feeling, but don't ask me to descrbe that feeling....you just feel it.

    The same can be said about getting children; "when do you know you're ready?" some people ask me.

    Being the father of 2 beautiful daughters (2 and 4), I always give them my little theory about this:

    You can never really know. Even if you think that you can make a rational decision to have kids, it's only at least 9 months later that you actualy face the result of your "rational" decision. My experience is that, in hindsight, me and my girlfriend didn't have a clue what we were getting ourselves into when we " decided" to have children, but believe me, it's been worth the "gamble"



    Anywooo, I guess that wasn't really helpful, but then again, what does 2c still buy you nowadays?
  • Reply 7 of 60
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Placebo

    I deplore the fact that the thread title says 'she'. Are you intolerant of women and gays on this forum? (Of which I'm neither?)



    I'm sorry ( well, maybe not really but whatever) but what exactly is the problem?

    I for one did not notice anything intolerant about the thread title. This whole PC thing is really getting out of hand, if you ask my male white hetero opinion.
  • Reply 8 of 60
    faust9faust9 Posts: 1,335member
    When she told me...
  • Reply 9 of 60
    placeboplacebo Posts: 5,767member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Dylsexic Manupilator

    I'm sorry ( well, maybe not really but whatever) but what exactly is the problem?

    I for one did not notice anything intolerant about the thread title. This whole PC thing is really getting out of hand, if you ask my male white hetero opinion.




    The problem is that I'm kidding.
  • Reply 10 of 60
    Ooops....



    guess my irony-meter was off-line...



    Reading back "I deplore the fact that... " , hmmm yeah that should have given it away...

  • Reply 11 of 60
    paulpaul Posts: 5,278member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Placebo

    The problem is that I'm kidding.



    oh, and you were WRONG too...



    it only is intolerant of STRAIGHT women and gay MEN...



    of which I am neither as well... heh.

  • Reply 12 of 60
    Quote:

    well i'm not married by any means, but i dated a "great" girl for a year before I realized that she wasn't all I thought she was and that she had cheated on me a few times. but i'm over it.



    Many of us have been there. You have to go through the crappy relationships sometimes so that you know what a good one is like. Think back about this girl and in hindsight you will remember the little "Red Flags" that went ignored. The older you get the better you "see" those flags(hopefully)



    Quote:

    for me it was when i realized that i could be around her 24-7 without her driving me nuts on some level or another.



    Yup..my weekends are now spent %100 with her and we amazingly have the same tastes in so many things(Music, Decor,food) but we're dissimilar enough to keep things fun.



    Quote:

    About 5 minutes after I first started talking to her.



    Congrats Groverat! How's the wedding planning coming along?



    Placebo....hehehe I knew you were kidding from the get go :P I did change the text body to be more unisex because I always like to hear from the woman's perspective as well.



    Quote:

    \tI knew right away. I married way over my head.



    That's the way to do it. After our first date I said to myself "she's too good for me" not from lack of confidence but merely that she's got her stuff together a bit better than I do right now but I've found her to be very modest and humble.



    Quote:

    Being the father of 2 beautiful daughters (2 and 4)



    Congrats and I concur. Nothing quite prepares you for a child. I have a 2yr old son(the time does fly) from a previous relationship but in many ways I still haven't experienced it fully since I share custody.



    Well I must say that the responses in here are comforting. I've never experienced this before(that's kind of sad) and it's nice to know that others have or are in the same boat.
  • Reply 13 of 60
    It all comes down to feelings. If you're being honest with her and with yourself (i.e., what you each see in each other is what's really there and not some artificial version of yourselves), then maybe you're perfect for each other.



    If you want to test your self-doubts, ask yourself if you'd still love her if she wasn't beautiful, or if she didn't have that great job, or cool apartment, or whatever.



    Have you met your potential in-laws? Sometimes they can give you a glimpse into your future....



    (Just celebrated 17 years of marriage -- why, yes, I did get married at age 6, thanks for asking.)
  • Reply 14 of 60
    Quote:

    If you want to test your self-doubts, ask yourself if you'd still love her if she wasn't beautiful, or if she didn't have that great job, or cool apartment, or whatever. Have you met your potential in-laws? Sometimes they can give you a glimpse into your future....



    Great point Vox. She's attractive, smart and caring to me but others may share a different perspective. I'm there for her regardless. I just met her mother this past weekend and her sister the weekend prior. Only her father and other friends remain. She's met my parents, brother and my extended family(which is a lot of people).



    However we both refuse to ever live with another romantic interest without marriage. Cheaper rent is nice but there has to be some sort of "joining" not just in matrimony but also in living quarters after the wedding to reach full impact.
  • Reply 15 of 60
    placeboplacebo Posts: 5,767member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Paul

    oh, and you were WRONG too...



    it only is intolerant of STRAIGHT women and gay MEN...



    of which I am neither as well... heh.





    You could be a gay lesbian....so it would cancel out...











    Right?
  • Reply 16 of 60
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Slackula

    I knew right away. I married way over my head. In my book, if one has to wonder if "this is the right person", then one should not marry that person. The world is full of those who thought that "this was the right person" and even then ended up getting divorced. That is a huge sweeping generalization I just made and I apologive if it offends anyone. Just my piddly $0.02 worth anyway....



    I don't think it's going to offend anyone, but I can tell you that I'm pretty sure it's not the case for everyone. There are plenty of people out there that don't really feel much love for anyone. More commonly you'll find half&half types. . . Sometimes you'll find people who are erotic, but don't recognize the other loves (agape, storge, etc), and sometimes you'll find people who are the opposite. For the under-cerebral type it's all about sex, and for the over-cerebral type, well, there's absolutely no such thing as "love at first sight."



    Having hung around with weirdos for the past four years, I've seen all types.



    Quote:

    If you want to test your self-doubts, ask yourself if you'd still love her if she wasn't beautiful, or if she didn't have that great job, or cool apartment, or whatever.



    I'd argue that an almost entirely physical relationship can give way to a solid relationship. I've seen it happen. It's not terribly common, but there are times where the physical aspect can be such a driver that the couple grows, and comes to respect each other for other reasons as well. One of my best friends has been dating this girl for three years, extremely sucessfully, despite the fact that he didn't know her name for 3 weeks into it.
  • Reply 17 of 60
    When he hit me over the head with a club and dragged me back to his cave.



    OK seriously...seriously I hate getting this personal but as far as this "one" business goes, there's IMHO a second element to it that hasn't been mentioned.



    The "one" moment for me came with the first letter (we courted by snail mail over a period of 12 months, maybe half a dozen phone calls in that time, no physical contact).



    Once we were physically together, there was about 5 years of learning (often the hard way) until the bond became unconditional. There isn't anything anymore that either of us could or would do to the other that would change things. It's been 15 years.



    The first part was exciting. The second part is sublime. I don't know if you can achieve the two things simultaneously. I do think they have to be "the one" as a precursor to achieving the deeper bond. But I think many (most?) people find "the one" but never get to the next level. I don't think we did anything special. I think we just got lucky.



    But what I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, is that if you find someone you love unconditionally or who you can learn to love unconditionally, it is a very fine thing indeed.



    Mind you, he's still a total frickin' pain in the arse a lot of the time. But he's unconditionally a pain in the arse. And that makes all the difference.
  • Reply 18 of 60
    I knew it after the first night
  • Reply 19 of 60
    giaguaragiaguara Posts: 2,724member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Powerdoc

    I knew it after the first night



    French eh?







    .. I don't know what would be my answer to this thread. Maybe when I figured simply out that I'm happier with someone .. no matter if they are hre (where ever I am) (the preferred choise) or just somewhere digitally reachable (secondary option).



    .. when you feel all the time that he is the one? What should I engrave in an iPod by the way ...
  • Reply 20 of 60
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Powerdoc

    I knew it after the first night



    Yeah well, I've got a bone to pick with you loverboy. It concerns a certain Colombian lassie. Don't give me that wide-eyed innocent look. You know what I'm talking about! I wouldn't mind if you'd gone with the French one.



    This is a crime that will be paid for. Prepare to meet your Waterloo Frenchman! En garde!



    <muttering>can't trust any of the bastards</muttering>



    Right next Hardeeharhar, Hassan. Let me at 'em........
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