[marriage] When did U know she was the "one"

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Comments

  • Reply 41 of 60
    I'd wouldn't mind knowing if anyone here who's married, if they got their lady .... or man or whatever ... to sign a prenup? How else can you TRULY be sure it's true love?
  • Reply 42 of 60
    dorndorn Posts: 28member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by the cool gut

    I'd wouldn't mind knowing if anyone here who's married, if they got their lady .... or man or whatever ... to sign a prenup? How else can you TRULY be sure it's true love?



    Sorry, but prenuptual contracts are a total sham. They're a substitute for taking personal responsibility in starting a relationship with someone now admit you don't know or trust. And what the hell are you doing in a relationship with someone you dont trust? Thats not being with the "one".



    Relationships are risk at some level, devising legal documents that stand potentially in the way of a couple reducing that risk between themselves is bad. Even after finding your true love, you are taking risks, but hey thats life.



    If you have truly found the one, and i have, then you know at an atomic level that even if everything in your lives goes for the worse for whatever reason, there will always be an absence of malice. Thats how powerful it is. Its a dead certainty that can't be easily described.



    And yea, i've been married with one. Didn't care about it at the time, in fact it was stupid thing for two people who had nothing to invoke, but can see in hindsight, how the person i married viewed the relationship now. And after the marriage ended, the circumstances were never in plat to need the prenup.



    Just my 2 cents, well more like 47 farthings, Respectfully,



    Dorn
  • Reply 43 of 60
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Dorn

    Sorry, but prenuptual contracts are a total sham. They're a substitute for taking personal responsibility in starting a relationship with someone now admit you don't know or trust.



    If you have truly found the one, and i have, then you know at an atomic level that even if everything in your lives goes for the worse for whatever reason, there will always be an absence of malice.




    That's cool. I disagree that their a "sham" I would say that it's divorce which is the sham, since a judge could throw out a prenup if they wanted to. But if she's really the one, and the atomic level and everything, why couldn't she handle a prenup?
  • Reply 44 of 60
    giaguaragiaguara Posts: 2,724member
    Well why would she? Like if you just KNOW that someone is for you, and you don't need a "trial" why ..?
  • Reply 45 of 60
    dorndorn Posts: 28member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by the cool gut

    That's cool. I disagree that their a "sham" I would say that it's divorce which is the sham, since a judge could throw out a prenup if they wanted to. But if she's really the one, and the atomic level and everything, why couldn't she handle a prenup?



    So hold on a sec...



    What is the nature of a prenup? Is it like flood insurance, i.e. betting that xx will happen "eventually" and therefore wanting to cover your bases? No, because relationships with people are far more dynamic than natural disasters. You can say a flood WILL occur sometimes in xxx years and be accurate. You cannot say a relationship will fail or succeed because of x dynamic. Thats short changing the human race no?



    So in its essence, a prenup is a legal document that says "For whatever reason, i'm assuming this will fail and i want to be protected because i don't trust you to be rational about the aftermath", "because it has happened to others"



    And of course the culture many folks live in communicate that myth from dramatic celebrity breakups...



    I think thats where its heading, in that too many people assume the worst in everyone. That then translates to the other half of hte party thinking "well if they're going to assume i will behave like this, then whats the harm in doing so". Self-sustaining behavior.



    So, in terms of "the one" since thats where we're focusing on, I won't participate in that cycle of distrust. I choose to believe my own feelings and not use that kind of handicap.



    Now if you want to have one, go for it, i just choose not to. (hmm probably should have started with this)



    in any case the next time you propose to have a prenup with someone, please post here their response and whether or not that caused any discussion. I'm curious.
  • Reply 46 of 60
    tekmatetekmate Posts: 134member
    The Italians call it the thunderbolt when you meet her you'll know. I met my wife felt the thunderbolt and we have been together 8 years now
  • Reply 47 of 60
    mimacmimac Posts: 872member
    The one?



    Find someone who is just as fucked up as you and settle down...simple
  • Reply 48 of 60
    giaguaragiaguara Posts: 2,724member
    meh ... that as well. with the jolt, mimac.



    where would you go to look for these as fscked-up lusers as you then ...?
  • Reply 49 of 60
    Quote:

    Originally posted by hmurchison

    Ok I've been dating the most awesome woman I have ever met for 3 months. Yes I know...every guy says that in the beginning but I'm 33 and I've been around the block enough to know what I like and don't like and I'm pretty honest with myself about relationships and their potential. This gal I'm seeing looks to be "her", the one you've always pined for and waited for.



    To all you married guys and gals the question is this. When did you know that your mate was "The One"? I'm trying to keep a level head but the enthusiasm is hard to hide. It's as if it was possible to order up the perfect spouse through a drive through window and get her delivered as ordered. She is exactly what I've wanted and it freaks me out because rarely do people expect such good fortune. Anyone else get this doggone lucky? Let me hear your story.




    it's going to sound cliche'd but the minute I laid eyes on her standing outside the student business office in college (1993). We just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary.
  • Reply 50 of 60
    dorndorn Posts: 28member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by BigMcLargehuge

    it's going to sound cliche'd but the minute I laid eyes on her standing outside the student business office in college (1993). We just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary.



    Yea, its not cliche. Its a certainty that you can't doubt (hopefully not the certainty of knowing there's going ot be a restraining order in your life soon though). And grats on 9 yrs. Thats 8 years 51 weeks more than brittany



    And grats, I was married to someone i knew for 18 years. After that kind of split, its a huge shock to find the one. But not a bad shock, I think its been well described here.



    Regards.
  • Reply 51 of 60
    dorndorn Posts: 28member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by hmurchison

    Ok I've been dating the most awesome woman I have ever met for 3 months. Yes I know...every guy says that in the beginning but I'm 33 and I've been around the block enough to know what I like and don't like and I'm pretty honest with myself about relationships and their potential. This gal I'm seeing looks to be "her", the one you've always pined for and waited for.



    To all you married guys and gals the question is this. When did you know that your mate was "The One"? I'm trying to keep a level head but the enthusiasm is hard to hide. It's as if it was possible to order up the perfect spouse through a drive through window and get her delivered as ordered. She is exactly what I've wanted and it freaks me out because rarely do people expect such good fortune. Anyone else get this doggone lucky? Let me hear your story.




    Apologies, i trolled without replying to your post.



    I knew because of a number of reasons:

    ? My heart hammers every time i talk to her.

    ? My inner geek screams with joy in having an equal

    ? I see so much of myself in her that i know at some level we're going to annoy each other in interesting ways.

    ?I see someone who does have mirror aspects where we both end up becoming someone new (the "ir" theory)



    It was a bolt of lightning, a change of life. Yet also it was subtle in that thing i keep pounding in posts, it was a feeling that "it was meant to be".



    Imho, if you are sure of this, its not luck, just your time. The fact you're freaked out is to me a sign its hit. GL
  • Reply 52 of 60
    mimacmimac Posts: 872member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Giaguara

    meh ... that as well. with the jolt, mimac.



    where would you go to look for these as fscked-up lusers as you then ...?




    Woah, who pissed in your cornflakes? Maybe you read it wrong but the statement was anecdotal and not aimed at any individual so why the debasement? No need for a public cervix announcement.
  • Reply 53 of 60
    giaguaragiaguara Posts: 2,724member
    i didn't mean it anything personal, mimac. i was just curious where those of us hwo are sure that have found our The One have found the one .. there was the old thread somewhere, but i dont want to dig that up.

    So where people find their The One .. ot the shrekkish True Love in their geekisih or non-geekish fairy tale ...
  • Reply 54 of 60
    mimacmimac Posts: 872member
    Hmmm... The One... could be all to do with chemistry. People fall in and out of love all the time, but "The One" maybe comes along once in a lifetime.



    Sometimes it's difficult to actually recognise if the person you're seeing is the right one for you and on the other side of the coin, if you let him/her go, the old adage "you don't know what you got till its gone" really can come into play.



    It's a tough world for relationships to grow and for people to stay together, so if you think you've found the "One" then you really have to go for it and do your best to make it work.



    The main thing is to be sure that the person you feel this way about actually feels the same intensity...it has to work both ways.



    Interesting reading
  • Reply 55 of 60
    giaguaragiaguara Posts: 2,724member
    And .. back to topic. Yes, I have not made a proper answer in this thread. I was waiting for someone else to asnwer, kind of .. but then, there is also the difference ... the difference between lovign someone and really finding The One. A terribly big difference, and not necessarily in hte beginning an easy one. And not an easy one when you have to explain the one you loved that maybe they are not The One for you.



    And this probably never was the place .. or you never could answer to this if you had just loved people, but never seen the difference. Maybe there never was an answer I would have wanted to see in this thread (a long time ago) because there was love, but neither of us was The One for each other. Maybe neither of us had never seen The One in our lives..



    I knew before what was love, as people commonly define it, or as I defined it. But now I see what I knew was different. I defined happiness being the lack of suffering, but it wasn't me. I tried to fit the image people had, I tried to be nice, to be loved and it succeeded to some degree. But when I was making iMovies of the moments I really loved in my life, I notice now that I put Moby's Porcelain as the music .. because it fit. "In my dreams I'm dieing all the time... I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to lie..." and it fit. And I see the movie again and can hear my mind crying as I was just slowly dieing... yet I did feel love. Love, and slowly dieing inside.



    Then ... suddenly. Suddenly I am me. As if I woke up and remembered who I was and who I was meant to be. Before I always thought I was a "full person", that I wanted to love someone else who was a full person as well. And I did. But everyone saw me as a complicated, fscked-up and weird case running always to a lot of trouble .. even when I was 'nice', a puppet on display, a housepet who was happy when people were smiling and I could fix some computers or smile nicely in the parties or scratch all the homeless kittens.. now ... I feel I am more me than I have ever been. And that I am just a half. Or that I am one side of a coin. Or that I was before a Quadra and now I'm a dual G5 with shared cache of the other processor ... the world keeps spinning, and your time goes faster and faster, or it feels like you are living in shrekkish fairytale and you don't want to wake up ....



    I feel totally split. The old world as I knew .. the love as I knew it, and yet I know I will have to find a polite solution .. I cry often now, but it's not for the reasons I cried ever before in this life. I cry because I had never been really happy. Because I did not know that I could really be happy. And that I could be alright, and that I could be loved despite of everything bad that had happened in this life (everything that you do not want to know), and that one day it would really feel that someone else was the the other side of your life, coin, and hold the answers to the questions you had quit asking long ago (starting to die inside)... and the other side of the coin is the one because everything you have done or that has happened to you has happened to the other side of you as well. Like you are so similar and so different from anyone else you wonder how can you have encrypted your destinies (or whatever) ... with the same key, for sure.



    When I hug people, I like feeling the touch, I close my eyes and feel the energy, and get fragments of the life of the person I touch. I feel a good hug very intensively. Now imagine feeling the hug of the one when you are on separate continents. And finding that you really did have imaginary friends when you were a kid, a sad 2 years old kid crying alone in this world.



    When you have found The One, you will never have be alone again if you two decide so.



    -- meh, if it looks too sentimental being written by me, just ignore. But just had to answer this damn thread finally.
  • Reply 56 of 60
    Quote:

    Originally posted by faust9

    When she told me...



  • Reply 57 of 60
    benzenebenzene Posts: 338member
    I wish the best for you hmurchison



    I knew about four weeks after meeting my wife. The ironic thing was, when I met her, I had absolutely no intention of getting married for a very, very long time. I was finishing up my undergrad, and getting ready for grad school.

    It became apparent to me that she was the one when I realized that there was nothing that I would every want to keep from her, and that I could share anything, even the deepest and darkest secrets that I kept locked up all the time. I knew that I could tell her these things because I trusted her enough that I knew she would still love me even when she knew. (and she did)



    If you have found a woman with that character, I wish the best for you. I also commend your decision to try and keep the physical relationship down. That can kill an otherwise perfect relationship when physical attraction overshadows the cerebreal. Just remember to keep it open, and keep if full of trust. Love will last indefinitely given those two things are held by both parties.
  • Reply 58 of 60
    giaguaragiaguara Posts: 2,724member
    benzene the physical thing is easy to keep under control when you are living on time zones 6 hours apart. but yes, agree to the rest of that.
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