Post critics' reviews of Dukes of Hazzard
There's nothing better than a bad movie review. Post funny ones here.
CNN: "This flick is a car wreck with boobs."
CNN: "This flick is a car wreck with boobs."
Comments
...missing only the bare boobs that would make it the perfect socially irresponsible sexist entertainment for rednecks and uptight liberal elites who'd like to live the country-boy dream for a few hours. (Howdy, y'all!)
He liked it overall, actually, but said they didn't film Jessica Simpson's ass very well.
Now, I'm as riveted by a fine pair of gams as the next ostentatious heterosexual, and I left The Dukes of Hazzard bummed-out. Sad to say, Chandrasekhar doesn't know how to photograph those sculpted Daisy Dukes or their extraordinarily toned contents. What's with all the medium close-ups? What's with holding every long shot shot for barely two seconds? Of course, there is always the possibility that I was blinded by Simpson's teeth, which appear to have been polished with plutonium...
Simpson plays Daisy Duke, whose short shorts became so famous on TV that they were known as "Daisy Dukes." She models them to a certain effect in a few brief scenes, but is missing from most of the movie. Maybe she isn't even smart enough to wear shorts.
and
"The movie is so obviously lacking in any positive quality that even discussing it makes me feel like I'm soiling myself."
Of course, we need a lot of that classic rock that the kids like so much. Who cares if it's just boomer nostalgia? And don't forget the wall-to-wall car chases. Doesn't matter how sloppy they're filmed, 'cause no one will care, and they eat up plenty of time. Get the car way up in the air. Remember: Some people think "Smokey and the Bandit II" is a classic. Hey, it was good enough for Burt.
Finally -- and this is really important -- make sure the story is as skimpy as a pair of Daisy Dukes' shorts. Don't confuse anyone with niceties of character development or plot. Try something generic and banal, like a plot by Boss Hogg to strip mine Hazzard County. And put a big race at the end.
There you have it. A movie about absolutely nothing (eat your heart out, "Seinfeld"), based on a show made when your target audience wasn't even born yet.
And they say Hollywood is running out of ideas.
Seann William Scott is nearly outdone by his car's running monologue (vroom, vroom), but with his amphetamined-ferret mien, he makes idiocy breathtaking
My favorite VV quote of all time:
COMPARED to its predecessors,The Butterfly Effect is breathtaking in its, um, simplicity. In this version of the universe, Ashton Kutcher discovers that he can inhabit his child self whenever he reads aloud from his journals and squints really hard. You have to, if not love, at least not mind a movie in which the very act of Ashton Kutcher reading is enough of a cosmic trauma to rip a hole in the fabric of space-time."
Dukes Of Hazzard Sharply Declines In Kitsch Value
FWIW.
--B
Originally posted by BuonRotto
Roger Ebert
actually, I preferred his opening lines
"The Dukes of Hazzard" is a comedy about two cousins who are closer'n brothers, and their car, which is smarter'n they are.
Originally posted by BuonRotto
He liked it overall, actually, but said they didn't film Jessica Simpson's ass very well.
She has an ass? I've never looked at that end of her body.
There are routine bad movies and others so horrendous that they redefine bad, that make us look up synonyms for agonizing and abysmal and then gnash our teeth because the language has not kept pace with the decline of film.
The pursuers are shooting at them, but they miss. Everything bad that follows can be traced to that one flaw in marksmanship.
Singer Jessica Simpson, in her first film role, plays these seduction scenes with admirable self-assurance, but of a kind that's also faintly embarrassing. It's as if someone told her something about herself that wasn't quite true.
At one point, the film's narrator says, "If you have to go to the bathroom, now would be the wrong time." I beg to differ. There is no wrong time to flush this turd.
Originally posted by addabox
Mick LaSalle, SF Chronicle:
I read that one yesterday and have to say I giggled throughout the whole review.
"To play Daisy Duke, I mean, that's like an iconish ... is that a word ... iconic figure."
"I had to step into those shorts and the red bikinis and I had to do Catherine Bach proud."
"I was running sprints and doing all kinds of stuff. All I was thinking was bikini, bikini, bikini. It was strange to actually be in the shorts. By the way, I tried on over a hundred pair."
-- Jessica Simpson
[edit] More thoughts about the movie from its stars:
Scott was candid about his initial lukewarm reaction to the project. "The script was mediocre at best," he admitted, but added: "I hadn't worked in a year. I feel lucky to be in every movie that I'm in."
A ringing endorsement!
"... You see, ...Imagine you have a can of gasoline and that leads to the General Lee. ..."
I'll leave after Bela Lugosi, Thanks.