Tell me what you want, what you really, really want!
(I always thought that was a catchy tune. And it seemed to fit this topic. heh. 
)
ANYWAY, I thought I'd ask what people 'really' want out of life over the next few years and beyond. I'll start by telling you what *I* want, and why I want it:
I have been coming to the conlusion that even though I LOVE teaching, I think it's time to take at least a year off, for a 'breather', and to explore other avenues of existence.
I'm thinking of applying for a year's leave (as I've mentioned elsewhere), which means my job would be guaranteed for me when/if I chose to return.
I love teaching and I love my students. What I don't love is the daily grind. Teaching jr. high is stressful. There is NO leisure time in the school day (not even ten minutes!!!) - not for English teachers, anyway. We are under enormous pressure from all the testing - 2/3 of the accountability for every school falls on the English teachers' shoulders. The science and history teachers can just skate, and have a grand old time. Must be nice.
Anyway, I'm sick of it. My class used to be SO enjoyable for my students. We had time for fun activities that were also educational - activities that lit up my students' eyes with interest, fascination, and the chance for creative self-expression. I used to have them shooting films, writing song lyrics, writing poetry and plays, fashioning sculptures, making their own DVD's and music videos, composing and performing music, putting on plays they had written and filmed.
We ALL loved these activities. They were generally done in response to the literature we had read in class, and they were done by the students at home on their own time, and performed or presented at school for their classmates.
But now, there is no time for such things. Instead, I am overwhelmed with an ever-lengthening list of the requirements I must teach, and inundated with hundreds and hundreds of papers I must grade on my 'own' time. The "pressure" is relentless. It is applied to the principal, and she in turn applies it to us (the teachers). No time is to be spent on frivolity, and 'everything' is frivolity unless it's nose to the grindstone'.
Well, I think I've had enough. I STILL love teaching, and I STILL love my students. But only SO much can be piled into a curriculum. The amount we are expected to teach has been doubled, but the time available to teach it has been cut in half. Most school districts are under huge budget constraints since the multi-pronged fallout from 9/11, and the consequent sucking-up of state/federal funds for homeland security, the economic downturn, etc. (fvck you, Osama!)
ANYWAY..... what *I* want to do is lock my classroom door and say, "Hey! Let someone else do this!!!!"
I want to live life again, and not always feel under the mental burden on evenings and weekends of dreading stacks of papers needing to be graded, lesson plans needing to be written, etc., so that my "time off" is NEVER really time off. I'm SO SICK OF IT!!!!!
Sorry to be venting here....if anyone's still reading. heh.
SO...I want to take a year and be free of it all. I've saved enough money to do this. I want to finally get my house in perfect order, finish all the decorating that has languished, organize the garage, unpack boxes that have never been unpacked. Read some of the 2,000+ books in my wonderful loft-library (crave!!!). And then, when all is in tip-top shape, take off traveling for months at a time.
I want to spend at least five months in England, and then New Zealand and Australia. I wouldn't mind visiting Vietnam, since I've read 150 books on that war, and would love to see some of the places for myself.
I'd like to sit in an open-air, thatched-roof bar in Rarotonga, sipping a tropical drink and watching the waves come in.
I'd like to visit Valparaiso, Chile, because I missed it when I was travelling down there, and it sounds great.
I'd like to meet some of my European relatives in Germany, Ireland, England and Finland. I don't even know who these people are, of course.
I'd like to go back to Alaska and fly with some of the bush pilots out into the wilderness, to see the Kodiak bears, the Denali sheep, the glaciers, the untrammeled beauty of the North.
There are so MANY things I'd love to do, but I don't want to be checking my watch every half hour because I have to cram everything into a tight schedule.
(Takes deep breath and lets it out.) Whew. Okay. I got all that off my chest. I shouldn't post this, but of course I WILL. Hahahaha. (Some things never change.)
SOOO what do YOU really, really want? If you have read this far, thanks for your patience and tenacity!
And thanks for any replies.
Carol
)ANYWAY, I thought I'd ask what people 'really' want out of life over the next few years and beyond. I'll start by telling you what *I* want, and why I want it:
I have been coming to the conlusion that even though I LOVE teaching, I think it's time to take at least a year off, for a 'breather', and to explore other avenues of existence.
I'm thinking of applying for a year's leave (as I've mentioned elsewhere), which means my job would be guaranteed for me when/if I chose to return.
I love teaching and I love my students. What I don't love is the daily grind. Teaching jr. high is stressful. There is NO leisure time in the school day (not even ten minutes!!!) - not for English teachers, anyway. We are under enormous pressure from all the testing - 2/3 of the accountability for every school falls on the English teachers' shoulders. The science and history teachers can just skate, and have a grand old time. Must be nice.
Anyway, I'm sick of it. My class used to be SO enjoyable for my students. We had time for fun activities that were also educational - activities that lit up my students' eyes with interest, fascination, and the chance for creative self-expression. I used to have them shooting films, writing song lyrics, writing poetry and plays, fashioning sculptures, making their own DVD's and music videos, composing and performing music, putting on plays they had written and filmed.
We ALL loved these activities. They were generally done in response to the literature we had read in class, and they were done by the students at home on their own time, and performed or presented at school for their classmates.
But now, there is no time for such things. Instead, I am overwhelmed with an ever-lengthening list of the requirements I must teach, and inundated with hundreds and hundreds of papers I must grade on my 'own' time. The "pressure" is relentless. It is applied to the principal, and she in turn applies it to us (the teachers). No time is to be spent on frivolity, and 'everything' is frivolity unless it's nose to the grindstone'.
Well, I think I've had enough. I STILL love teaching, and I STILL love my students. But only SO much can be piled into a curriculum. The amount we are expected to teach has been doubled, but the time available to teach it has been cut in half. Most school districts are under huge budget constraints since the multi-pronged fallout from 9/11, and the consequent sucking-up of state/federal funds for homeland security, the economic downturn, etc. (fvck you, Osama!)
ANYWAY..... what *I* want to do is lock my classroom door and say, "Hey! Let someone else do this!!!!"
I want to live life again, and not always feel under the mental burden on evenings and weekends of dreading stacks of papers needing to be graded, lesson plans needing to be written, etc., so that my "time off" is NEVER really time off. I'm SO SICK OF IT!!!!!
Sorry to be venting here....if anyone's still reading. heh.
SO...I want to take a year and be free of it all. I've saved enough money to do this. I want to finally get my house in perfect order, finish all the decorating that has languished, organize the garage, unpack boxes that have never been unpacked. Read some of the 2,000+ books in my wonderful loft-library (crave!!!). And then, when all is in tip-top shape, take off traveling for months at a time.
I want to spend at least five months in England, and then New Zealand and Australia. I wouldn't mind visiting Vietnam, since I've read 150 books on that war, and would love to see some of the places for myself.
I'd like to sit in an open-air, thatched-roof bar in Rarotonga, sipping a tropical drink and watching the waves come in.
I'd like to visit Valparaiso, Chile, because I missed it when I was travelling down there, and it sounds great.
I'd like to meet some of my European relatives in Germany, Ireland, England and Finland. I don't even know who these people are, of course.
I'd like to go back to Alaska and fly with some of the bush pilots out into the wilderness, to see the Kodiak bears, the Denali sheep, the glaciers, the untrammeled beauty of the North.
There are so MANY things I'd love to do, but I don't want to be checking my watch every half hour because I have to cram everything into a tight schedule.
(Takes deep breath and lets it out.) Whew. Okay. I got all that off my chest. I shouldn't post this, but of course I WILL. Hahahaha. (Some things never change.)
SOOO what do YOU really, really want? If you have read this far, thanks for your patience and tenacity!
And thanks for any replies.
Carol
Comments
I am in a sort of crisis. I have no more great ambition in my life. I have struggled hard to become a doctor, to choose the speciality i wanted, to work as a free lance.
Now i have a good amount of work, and a rather good reputation in the town where i work.
This is quite good, but not exciting at all, i have to find new challenges. Golf bring me some challenges in the week end, but it's not sufficiant. It's not at my age that you make an autobiography of yourself : you have to build new things.
One of my friend changed dramatically of life when he was at my age. It always seemed weird for me. Now i understand him more. I don't think that i will have the courage of changing my life dramatically ( i have a family, and she do not have to support this), but i will try to find some new challenges.
Carol you really help me, i discovered what i want : new challenges
1. I want to get into a paramedic school and pass in the top 5 in my class
2. I want to get a job on a fire department in the suburb of Chicago that I live in.
3. I want to meet the girl of my dreams, get married, and start a family (5-10 years down the road)
4. I want to try my hand at smoke diving (sky diving into a forrest fire, that would be a kick
5. I want to buy a house somewhere and live comfortably, I don't need to be rich, I just want to be comfortable
6. I want to be able to travel somewhere
7. I want to be at least a lieutenant before I retire from the fire service
8. I want to learn to play a few more instruments (better). I play guitar, banjo, mandolin,
9. I want to make the most of my days off, and really live my life
10. I want to play water polo for a masters team as well as swim
11. I want to be in one of those calendars with all the buff fire fighters in it so women all over the world will want a piece of me.
I'm sure there is more, but I can't think of anything else at the moment. Maybe I'll add more later.
Actually, right now, there are not many things I want. I don't really want anything at all. I'd just like to be happy, that's all.
Originally posted by Messiahtosh
What I never want is for you to be my teacher.
Messiahtosh -
I guess what I am describing here is "teacher burn-out", a feeling that is running rampant in the teaching profession these days.
It's always nice to encounter empathetic responses.
Have a truly nice day, and I hope things go well for you when you finally hit the 'real world'.
Carol
*tweet* Ten additional yards because now I can't get it out of my head.
1) graduate with my frickin' PhD
2) continue my research
3) teach little twits... er, undergrads
4) make filthy lucre consulting
5) move back to the NW, perhaps buying 20 acres on Vashon Island and start a technocommune
Originally posted by Kickaha
*tweet* Ten yards for user of a bad song title.
*tweet* Ten additional yards because now I can't get it out of my head.
Quote:
1) graduate with my frickin' PhD
2) continue my research
3) teach little twits... er, undergrads
4) make filthy lucre consulting
5) move back to the NW, perhaps buying 20 acres on Vashon Island and start a technocommune
Tweet, tweet. Reminds me of the damned mockingbird that sings ALL night long in the tree by my bedroom! My plans for vengeance include a super-soaker water gun!!!
Ooo. A technocommune. What would that include?
Originally posted by Carol A
Messiahtosh -
I guess what I am describing here is "teacher burn-out", a feeling that is running rampant in the teaching profession these days.
It's always nice to encounter empathetic responses.
Have a truly nice day, and I hope things go well for you when you finally hit the 'real world'.
Carol
Yeah, ok...
Originally posted by Powerdoc
Good question. I shall simply reply : i just want to live. By saying that, i understand that i am quite happy with my current life.
I am in a sort of crisis. I have no more great ambition in my life. I have struggled hard to become a doctor, to choose the speciality i wanted, to work as a free lance.
Now i have a good amount of work, and a rather good reputation in the town where i work.
This is quite good, but not exciting at all, i have to find new challenges. Golf bring me some challenges in the week end, but it's not sufficiant. It's not at my age that you make an autobiography of yourself : you have to build new things.
One of my friend changed dramatically of life when he was at my age. It always seemed weird for me. Now i understand him more. I don't think that i will have the courage of changing my life dramatically ( i have a family, and she do not have to support this), but i will try to find some new challenges.
Carol you really help me, i discovered what i want : new challenges
Hi Powerdoc -
I think it's very interesting that you are, dare I say it, a bit 'bored' with things. I guess I really never thought that a doctor would have that feeling; but now that you mention it, I can see that it could easily happen.
Well, one thing you 'could' do is cut down on your practice just a little bit, and free up some time (say a few hours per week) to investigate other possibilities.
What might be exciting for you? What challenges could you explore in the time available?
Would you want something completely different from medicine? Writing novels? Making independent films? Publishing a book of your original photographs? There *are* things you could work into your current schedule, but it's totally dependent on what kind of challenge appeals to YOU. Only 'you' can decide on that, of course.
If it's not prying, what dramatic change did your friend make? Was he happy with his decision? Is it still working out for him?
Decisions about life changes are scary, and I admire those who make them. I think I am ready to make mine, but I have had to wait for a few pieces of the puzzle to fall into place. I think now is the time for me. Still scary though.
Me too, actually! been a very rough past months for me...to the extent where I seriously do not see "the point" of things, anymore.
And a new rear wheel for my bicycle.
The downside is for most folks it means surviving on lower pay. A friend was telling me that a recent study found that 1 in 4 Australians have downscaled their lifestyle since 9/11 for the very sorts of reasons you state in the original post - they've had enough of the new slavery.
Anyway, aside from hanging on to what I've got, I want to buy a few hectares of nice bush, build a house using renewable energy, probably solar. And I want to start what I think of as my own form of tithing - giving my time, energy and skills to those less fortunate, probably some of the local indigenous kids. At my age, I've accepted there's no point waiting for governments to right the world so f**k 'em I'll just do my bit and they can live with their own consciences.
Time to pay the piper.
Originally posted by crazychester
The downside is for most folks it means surviving on lower pay.
For the most part, the unfortunate truth in America is that for Carol to accept a job that woud give her lower pay would mean entering the exciting field of flipping burgers.
Originally posted by Randycat99
u being serious, Ganondorf?
Me too, actually! been a very rough past months for me...to the extent where I seriously do not see "the point" of things, anymore.
Ganondorf and Randy -
I have been through some extremely tough times (emotionally) in the past, where I was really, REALLY depressed, and things seemed completely hopeless. No one can *truly* understand these feelings of hopelessness unless they've experienced them themselves.
Other people hand out well-meant advice, such as: "stay busy, get out more, quit dwelling on your problems". But these words just make things worse. The people who say them have absolutely NO CLUE. Believe me. I know!
The problem is that if these feelings go on long enough, the chemicals in the brain go out of balance, and then the depression must be combated with medication. I have been on and off anti-depressants over the course of time. Because of some family upheavals over the last few years, I am on Zoloft right now, and know I won't be able to go off until the family situations are resolved. None of the situations actually involve *me*, but I end up having to deal with them nonetheless.
When my brother got divorced, he went through horrible depression. His was ten times worse than mine, and it's a miracle he is still around. He's on Effexor now. They tried so many medications on him, and nothing really worked until Effexor. I never thought he would get through his crises. But he did. He just recently bought a Norton Commando motorcycle on ebay, and is happily rebuilding the engine (as a hobby). But he went through an incredible struggle to make it to this point.
If things really do seem pointless, please go to the doctor and see about getting some medication, and maybe sign up for a counseling group. Groups work for some people, though not for others. Every avenue should be tried, because you never know what will work. I tried everything. So did my brother. Different things worked for each of us, but we had no way of knowing till we tried every possibility.
I can guarantee you both that you *can* get through whatever it is you are experiencing. I hope you will believe me, because I have 'been there', and I am still around to talk about it.
Carol
PS Please PM me if you want to talk, Ganondorf and Randy. Okay? Sometimes just sharing your feelings with someone can help.