Funny Jokes

2

Comments

  • Reply 21 of 45
    brbr Posts: 8,395member
    How many dead babies does it take to paint your house?



















    It largely depends on how hard you throw them.
  • Reply 22 of 45
    One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."



    The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."
  • Reply 23 of 45
    Quote:

    Originally posted by mattjohndrow

    One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."



    The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."




    i think that's one of my alltime favorites
  • Reply 24 of 45
    Have you ever read the book Dead Babies?











    Its bad.



    ok that wasnt really a joke but since i didnt want to derail the thread i put my question in the form of a joke. tricky, eh?
  • Reply 25 of 45
    Quote:

    Originally posted by billybobsky

    Have you ever read the book Dead Babies?











    Its bad.



    ok that wasnt really a joke but since i didnt want to derail the thread i put my question in the form of a joke. tricky, eh?




    let me guess, it's a book with dead baby jokes???
  • Reply 26 of 45
    no. um. its about cruelty of the worse sort.
  • Reply 27 of 45
    Okay, I have GOOD JOKE! Theres this couple, and they go to the beach, and they have watermelon. The woman says: "This is so good." The man says: "Yes, would you like a fork to eat it?" The woman replies: "Haha, gosh no, I dont need a fork to eat watermelon." They continue eating and they both stare at the last piece of food in the basket. Its a piece of bacon. The man hands the woman a fork, and says: "Here, you can have the last piece of food." The woman looks at the man strangely and says: "I cant eat that! Thats a fork!" AHAHAHAHAA
  • Reply 28 of 45
  • Reply 29 of 45
    709709 Posts: 2,016member
    *blink*





    *blink*

    *blink*
  • Reply 30 of 45
    brbr Posts: 8,395member
    I think it was meant to end with her stabbing the guy in the penis and eating his sausage. I could be wrong though.
  • Reply 31 of 45
    Quote:

    Originally posted by BR

    I think it was meant to end with her stabbing the guy in the penis and eating his sausage. I could be wrong though.



    Yeah thats the ending I added.
  • Reply 32 of 45
    carol acarol a Posts: 1,043member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Kickaha

    I feel so *LOVED*!



    You ARE!
  • Reply 33 of 45
    carol acarol a Posts: 1,043member
    A brunette was walking down the railroad tracks, repeating: "42.....42.....42.....42."



    A blonde sees her walking along, becomes intrigued, and decides to follow suit. So now both are walking in the tracks saying '42' over and over.



    A train appears in the distance and approaches quickly down the tracks toward them.



    At the very last second, the brunette jumps off the tracks, the train hits the blonde and kills her.



    The brunette gets back on the tracks and starts walking along saying:























    "43.....43.....43."
  • Reply 34 of 45
    kickahakickaha Posts: 8,760member
    What's a blonde's mating call?



    "I'm soooooo drunk!"











    What's a brunette's mating call?



    "Hey! All the blondes are gone!"









    What's a redhead's mating call?



    "NEXT!"
  • Reply 35 of 45
    pfflampfflam Posts: 5,053member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by mattjohndrow

    RE:Barbra and Jack joke





    ROTFL
  • Reply 36 of 45
    pfflampfflam Posts: 5,053member
    The dead baby joke would be better if they weren't dead at the beginning
  • Reply 37 of 45
    Q: Whats the difference between a whore selling crack and a drug dealer selling crack?



    A: A whore can wash her crack and sell it over again
  • Reply 38 of 45
    brbr Posts: 8,395member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by billy_2004

    Q: Whats the difference between a whore selling crack and a drug dealer selling crack?



    A: A whore can wash her crack and sell it over again




    Why wash?
  • Reply 39 of 45
    A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.

    The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

    The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"

    The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
  • Reply 40 of 45
    A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him." "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back.
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