Some (usually right-wing) Americans have their heinies so tight about so called "values" and "political correctness" that I'm surprised they can take a dump in the morning.
Chill out. No one is going to be scarred by this conversation.
(*Oh NO! We can't talk about masturbation!!! It makes me think of other men's penisis... long, hard throbbing penises wrapped in their left or right hands! It makes me want to try masturbation myself! It's... it's... unspeakable!!!*)
I'm all about un PCness, and crap like that. I really don't like it, I just don't go out of my way to get my threads locked here. Just for kicks and giggles, I'm gonna start it. Not really for the results, but just as a little experiment.
On topic anyways, the common term used in *my* circle of friends is 'fvck buddy'. I assume that's what's going on between you two...that is, good friends simply wanting to get their respective rocks off with no emotional attachment whatsoever.
That said, it rarely works out that way. You'll run into your 'fvck buddy' at a bar sooner rather than later trying to hook up with some guy...and you will feel betrayed, lied to and cheated upon...even though she did no such thing.
If you can handle that eventuality...fvck on my friend!
(You will be the hurt one, by the way. Never underestimate a woman's ability to forget you.)
I've seen it go both ways, you think it would be the girl more often than not, but it's about 50/50 it seems.
Think of what I said earlier...it's like Communism...good in theory, bad in practice.
This quote from the article is for Carol, who has claimed that British guys are great lovers:
Gotta hold on to my American pride, you know...
Well, I did notice that statement, tonton.
The thing is, I think a lot of people have a stereotype of English guys as being reserved and maybe a bit stodgy. I certainly used to have that impression.
I was so very, very wrong. UNbelievably wrong! Nothing could be farther from the truth. It is shocking (and also wonderful) to be so incredibly wrong!!!
I do have to say though, since we're on this general topic, that the absolute sexiest language to hear whispered in your ear is Brazilian Portuguese. Oh Wow. It puts all other languages to shame in terms of those shivery, whispered 'sweet nothings' that can delight the senses from head to toe.
I do have to say though, since we're on this general topic, that the absolute sexiest language to hear whispered in your ear is Brazilian Portuguese. Oh Wow. It puts all other languages to shame in terms of those shivery, whispered 'sweet nothings' that can delight the senses from head to toe.
Eh...I'm partial to English. Nothing better. I like to know what girls are saying to me, it's a lot harder to seduce me when I don't know what you're saying.
American guys rule. No, wait, no they don't. But American girls are the only way to go, nothing better. That being said, I kind of hate women right now, PM me if you want to complain with me, or just grab some chips and dip.
And just so everyone knows, I posted the poll, vote right or left here.
I think it's safe to say that you can find amorous people in most countries and cultures. As far as brazilians, the ones I know aren't exactly what the stereotype would lead you to believe.
Sexiest thing to hear whispered in your ear? The language doesn't matter: "Hey, let's go to the steakhouse and just stay in and watch hockey tonight."
Friends with Benefits is just one of those invented-by-the-media (or at least popularized) phrases as they clamor to create things to talk about and pseudo-analyze.
Like "Car jacking" which always existed prior to the phrase back in the days when it was merely assault and auto theft.
"Friends with Benefits" has always existed its just that now that it's encapsulated in a catchy phrase, more people will dabble in it because the media will inundate us with it as opposed to the other alternatives.
And good luck without strings. They always emerge given long enough.
"Friends With Benefits" just seems to have BAD IDEA written all over it.
Bingo. This will go wrong. As much fun as meaningless sex can be (not that I would know), it will turn out badly. I've seen too many things like this go down the drain way too fast. Casual sex can be a beautiful thing, but it's got too many unknowns, too many problems associated with it. Just be careful, if you do go through with this, use protection and be ready for the problems to start. Good luck.
Like 709, we always called it fvck buddies. The whole 'friends with benifits' seems like some fruity 'I'm at college! Woohoo!' term.
Fvck buddies can be fine so long as the person in power at any given moment is sensitive and aware of the emotions of the other person. As long as you are secure with yourself you should be fine.
Where it can become problem is when you have more than one that know about the others and want to enter into a monogamous relationship. Then women (I wouldn't know about how men act in this situation) start trying to claim territory in various ways. I've at at least two I can think of who would leave underwear in my bedroom. Others would buy things for the house or, in one case, give me a framed photo that they expect to be displayed somewhat prominently. The photo was the only one that ever actually worked a little.
The other problem I've run into is having a fvck buddy is when the girl would try to convince me to date her by making a point of other guys being attracted to her. There nothing really wrong with her having male friends that follow her around hoping to date her, but the whole flirting at social functions just borders on acting like a ho, and one would think she'd realize that was somewhat counterproductive to trying to convince someone she is girlfriend material.
Emotions are a wierd thing, though. It was always amazing that no matter how much I emphasized that we were not dating, a few of these women still believed that I would eventually come around. One of them still calls me periodically and talks about such and such accomplishment, basically saying 'look what you missed out on.' Of course, it's kind of moved to the point of being almost an inside joke of ours.
These days, a few of my former fvck buddies are still some of my closest friends. In fact, I don't think I have a single former fvck buddy or ex-girlfriend that I wouldn't get along with excellently if I saw her today. Even the nasty break-ups are things we laugh about today.
The way I see it, if a guy can't be close friends with a woman because of past sex, then he's insecure and needs to go do something like vipassana. It likely also means that he spends too much time thinking about how the relationship affects him and not enough time just being a good friend.
Women for some reason are generally able and totally willing to be close friends in a post-sex relationship.
I should add that I think women are a lot more open to the whole FWB thing than most males realize. Women generally don't like to have that many sex partners in their lifetimes, and few want to be thought of as hoes. Plus, a woman has to worry about pregnancy in addition to STDs.
So there seems to be a pretty simple set of criteria:
a) is he a good friend that I know genuinely cares about my well-being?
b) can I trust him to be safe and concerned about my safety?
c) can I be assured that he will not become emotionally dependent unless I want him to?
d) will I be totally satisfied sexually?
Sure, this is a broad generalization, but I think for the most part these are the questions that are considered in varying degrees by different women.
Of course, the fact that these conditions are also what tend to be the criteria for full romantic relationships, the lines can get blurred.
Anyway, if you have a friend you want to kick it with and you actually do genuinely care about her, just start flirting. If you have a playful relationship it should be a natural progression.
Don't you watch Seinfeld? Even with "rules" it didn't work out.
:
Sure there are rocky periods, but they usually end up OK, even on seinfield. Anyway, elaine is a psycho and Jerry can't date someone for longer than a week.
Nice politically correct name, this "Friends with Benefits". But it is the old F-Buddy routine.
It usually doesn't work if the friend is in close proximity - lives in the same city as this can lead to a (shudder) relationship, which is bad if one of the parties was not expecting it. One time, this happened to me and it was not pleasant when she got all mad about me not being available for every little thing. I've never had a friend without benefits hold me to such emotional blackmail as I was not in a situation where such a friend was screwing me (and screwing implied a more important friend).
Having said that, if you travel a lot - as your line of work has you going all over - this sort of thing can and does work, as the benefits are based on circumstances external to the being of friends. And both parties are usually aware that such things may mean never seeing each other again if the ability to travel suddenly is curtailed or if the travel is unplanned so that you hope to hook up as opposed to you automatically have the ability to hook up when you live in close proximity (thereby priorizing your friends). And there are no expectations on one party to suddenly uproot for the benefit of the other.
Plenty of members of the military have FWB for just such reasons.
For the average urbanites, it's won't work the way you think.
I have a good idea that should keep everyone happy. Orgy. That's all we gotta go. Emotions aren't involved and everyone gets what they want. It's win win all the way. F-Buddies are a good first step, now just add like 25 more people and you've got yourself one heck of a good time.
But remember, at one point Jerry and Elaine had to have sex to SAVE the friendship. "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!" as he's untucking his shirt.
I think of the guys I teach with, all of whom are friends...some, quite good and trusted friends.
But I have known them for some time now, and they seem more like brothers to me at this point. The thought of being sexually involved with any of them is not especially appealing. The newer ones, that I don't know well, definitely have some appeal. Though in general I have to say that I wouldn't be attracted to guys that are teachers, unless they taught high school or university.
My VERY good friend in the north of England has told me about his past f*** buddies. I think the girls all eventually got jealous about him, because he is such a major hunk and a half. Smart, good-looking, athletic, great personality, fantastically skilled (cough).
I'm sure they all fell in love with him, even though that was not part of the plan. How could any girl resist falling in love with him?
Offhand, I would think that it would be tough to make 'friends with benefits' work for very long, unless it was in a big city, with different circles of acquaintances for the participants. Frequenting the same bar as your buddy would just be asking for trouble, imo.
Comments
Originally posted by billybobsky
so who here uses no hands?
7 years of yoga. . . no hands necessary.
Originally posted by tonton
I use the right.
Some (usually right-wing) Americans have their heinies so tight about so called "values" and "political correctness" that I'm surprised they can take a dump in the morning.
Chill out. No one is going to be scarred by this conversation.
(*Oh NO! We can't talk about masturbation!!! It makes me think of other men's penisis... long, hard throbbing penises wrapped in their left or right hands! It makes me want to try masturbation myself! It's... it's... unspeakable!!!*)
I'm all about un PCness, and crap like that. I really don't like it, I just don't go out of my way to get my threads locked here. Just for kicks and giggles, I'm gonna start it. Not really for the results, but just as a little experiment.
Originally posted by 709
On topic anyways, the common term used in *my* circle of friends is 'fvck buddy'. I assume that's what's going on between you two...that is, good friends simply wanting to get their respective rocks off with no emotional attachment whatsoever.
That said, it rarely works out that way. You'll run into your 'fvck buddy' at a bar sooner rather than later trying to hook up with some guy...and you will feel betrayed, lied to and cheated upon...even though she did no such thing.
If you can handle that eventuality...fvck on my friend!
(You will be the hurt one, by the way. Never underestimate a woman's ability to forget you.)
I've seen it go both ways, you think it would be the girl more often than not, but it's about 50/50 it seems.
Think of what I said earlier...it's like Communism...good in theory, bad in practice.
Originally posted by Cosmo
i guess u continue to work the mouse with your right?
Ding Ding Ding!!!
But I switch every now and then... just to even things out.
Originally posted by tonton
This quote from the article is for Carol, who has claimed that British guys are great lovers:
Gotta hold on to my American pride, you know...
Well, I did notice that statement, tonton.
The thing is, I think a lot of people have a stereotype of English guys as being reserved and maybe a bit stodgy. I certainly used to have that impression.
I was so very, very wrong. UNbelievably wrong! Nothing could be farther from the truth. It is shocking (and also wonderful) to be so incredibly wrong!!!
I do have to say though, since we're on this general topic, that the absolute sexiest language to hear whispered in your ear is Brazilian Portuguese. Oh Wow. It puts all other languages to shame in terms of those shivery, whispered 'sweet nothings' that can delight the senses from head to toe.
Originally posted by Carol A
[snip]
I do have to say though, since we're on this general topic, that the absolute sexiest language to hear whispered in your ear is Brazilian Portuguese. Oh Wow. It puts all other languages to shame in terms of those shivery, whispered 'sweet nothings' that can delight the senses from head to toe.
Eh...I'm partial to English. Nothing better. I like to know what girls are saying to me, it's a lot harder to seduce me when I don't know what you're saying.
American guys rule. No, wait, no they don't. But American girls are the only way to go, nothing better. That being said, I kind of hate women right now, PM me if you want to complain with me, or just grab some chips and dip.
And just so everyone knows, I posted the poll, vote right or left here.
Originally posted by Carol A
The thing is. . . .
I think it's safe to say that you can find amorous people in most countries and cultures. As far as brazilians, the ones I know aren't exactly what the stereotype would lead you to believe.
Sexiest thing to hear whispered in your ear? The language doesn't matter: "Hey, let's go to the steakhouse and just stay in and watch hockey tonight."
Like "Car jacking" which always existed prior to the phrase back in the days when it was merely assault and auto theft.
"Friends with Benefits" has always existed its just that now that it's encapsulated in a catchy phrase, more people will dabble in it because the media will inundate us with it as opposed to the other alternatives.
And good luck without strings. They always emerge given long enough.
Just use a condom!
Originally posted by CosmoNut
"Friends With Benefits" just seems to have BAD IDEA written all over it.
Bingo. This will go wrong. As much fun as meaningless sex can be (not that I would know), it will turn out badly. I've seen too many things like this go down the drain way too fast. Casual sex can be a beautiful thing, but it's got too many unknowns, too many problems associated with it. Just be careful, if you do go through with this, use protection and be ready for the problems to start. Good luck.
Fvck buddies can be fine so long as the person in power at any given moment is sensitive and aware of the emotions of the other person. As long as you are secure with yourself you should be fine.
Where it can become problem is when you have more than one that know about the others and want to enter into a monogamous relationship. Then women (I wouldn't know about how men act in this situation) start trying to claim territory in various ways. I've at at least two I can think of who would leave underwear in my bedroom. Others would buy things for the house or, in one case, give me a framed photo that they expect to be displayed somewhat prominently. The photo was the only one that ever actually worked a little.
The other problem I've run into is having a fvck buddy is when the girl would try to convince me to date her by making a point of other guys being attracted to her. There nothing really wrong with her having male friends that follow her around hoping to date her, but the whole flirting at social functions just borders on acting like a ho, and one would think she'd realize that was somewhat counterproductive to trying to convince someone she is girlfriend material.
Emotions are a wierd thing, though. It was always amazing that no matter how much I emphasized that we were not dating, a few of these women still believed that I would eventually come around. One of them still calls me periodically and talks about such and such accomplishment, basically saying 'look what you missed out on.' Of course, it's kind of moved to the point of being almost an inside joke of ours.
These days, a few of my former fvck buddies are still some of my closest friends. In fact, I don't think I have a single former fvck buddy or ex-girlfriend that I wouldn't get along with excellently if I saw her today. Even the nasty break-ups are things we laugh about today.
The way I see it, if a guy can't be close friends with a woman because of past sex, then he's insecure and needs to go do something like vipassana. It likely also means that he spends too much time thinking about how the relationship affects him and not enough time just being a good friend.
Women for some reason are generally able and totally willing to be close friends in a post-sex relationship.
So there seems to be a pretty simple set of criteria:
a) is he a good friend that I know genuinely cares about my well-being?
b) can I trust him to be safe and concerned about my safety?
c) can I be assured that he will not become emotionally dependent unless I want him to?
d) will I be totally satisfied sexually?
Sure, this is a broad generalization, but I think for the most part these are the questions that are considered in varying degrees by different women.
Of course, the fact that these conditions are also what tend to be the criteria for full romantic relationships, the lines can get blurred.
Anyway, if you have a friend you want to kick it with and you actually do genuinely care about her, just start flirting. If you have a playful relationship it should be a natural progression.
Originally posted by Mr Beardsley
Don't you watch Seinfeld? Even with "rules" it didn't work out.
Sure there are rocky periods, but they usually end up OK, even on seinfield. Anyway, elaine is a psycho and Jerry can't date someone for longer than a week.
It usually doesn't work if the friend is in close proximity - lives in the same city as this can lead to a (shudder) relationship, which is bad if one of the parties was not expecting it. One time, this happened to me and it was not pleasant when she got all mad about me not being available for every little thing. I've never had a friend without benefits hold me to such emotional blackmail as I was not in a situation where such a friend was screwing me (and screwing implied a more important friend).
Having said that, if you travel a lot - as your line of work has you going all over - this sort of thing can and does work, as the benefits are based on circumstances external to the being of friends. And both parties are usually aware that such things may mean never seeing each other again if the ability to travel suddenly is curtailed or if the travel is unplanned so that you hope to hook up as opposed to you automatically have the ability to hook up when you live in close proximity (thereby priorizing your friends). And there are no expectations on one party to suddenly uproot for the benefit of the other.
Plenty of members of the military have FWB for just such reasons.
For the average urbanites, it's won't work the way you think.
optional... but will that be the case tomorrow night
only time will tell
thanks for all the input, keep it coming... this is turning into an ok thread
But I have known them for some time now, and they seem more like brothers to me at this point. The thought of being sexually involved with any of them is not especially appealing. The newer ones, that I don't know well, definitely have some appeal. Though in general I have to say that I wouldn't be attracted to guys that are teachers, unless they taught high school or university.
My VERY good friend in the north of England has told me about his past f*** buddies. I think the girls all eventually got jealous about him, because he is such a major hunk and a half. Smart, good-looking, athletic, great personality, fantastically skilled (cough).
I'm sure they all fell in love with him, even though that was not part of the plan. How could any girl resist falling in love with him?
Offhand, I would think that it would be tough to make 'friends with benefits' work for very long, unless it was in a big city, with different circles of acquaintances for the participants. Frequenting the same bar as your buddy would just be asking for trouble, imo.