At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
if you'd like more awesomeness, you can get fortune (installation of which is probably easiest using fink), a cli program full of computer and other jokes, plus small poems and interesting stories. you can even decide what kind of joke you'd like by sending fortune certain arguments (like, `fortune comptuers`, or `fortune -o` for offensives). and if you dont feel like installing a command line program, you can jump to: http://gopher.quux.org:70/Humor%20an...%20Databases/. it seems to only have a couple of the fortune dbs tho.
here's another fortune to hold you over...
Coding is easy; All you do is sit staring at a terminal until the drops of blood form on your forehead.
Programmers are caffeine's way of producing software.
\tA doctor, a lawyer and a programmer find themselves in the men's lounge, discussing whether it is better to have a wife or a girlfriend.
\t"Oh a wife, definitely," says the doctor. "I always have a warm meal after a long stint at the hospital, and she's always available to pick up the slack around the house and family when emergencies pop up."
\t"I disagree," says the lawyer. "It's better to have a girlfriend. When you get bored, you can always swap them out for another one, they don't get in your hair when you want some down time, and there's no commitment other than relaxation and fun."
\t"I say both," says the programmer.
\t"BOTH!?" the other two say, aghast, and demand an explanation.
\t"Of course! That way the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife, and you can go to the lab and get some *real work* done!"
Oddly my wife doesn't find this nearly as funny as I do.
A doctor, a lawyer and a programmer find themselves in the men's lounge, discussing whether it is better to have a wife or a girlfriend.
\t"Oh a wife, definitely," says the doctor. "I always have a warm meal after a long stint at the hospital, and she's always available to pick up the slack around the house and family when emergencies pop up."
\t"I disagree," says the lawyer. "It's better to have a girlfriend. When you get bored, you can always swap them out for another one, they don't get in your hair when you want some down time, and there's no commitment other than relaxation and fun."
\t"I say both," says the programmer.
\t"BOTH!?" the other two say, aghast, and demand an explanation.
\t"Of course! That way the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife, and you can go to the lab and get some *real work* done!"
Oddly my wife doesn't find this nearly as funny as I do.
LOL!! I think I know a few people who think like that.
Comments
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to fix a Windows bug?
A:Just one; the PR director, who calls it a 'feature'.
Originally posted by durandal
Q: How does Bill Gate change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't do it and registers darkness as a trademark.
----
I always heard that as...
A: The light-bulb is incompatible with the socket and Bill Gates proclaims darkness the new standard.
A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on
a photo-safari in Africa. As they're driving along the savannah in their
jeep, they stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.
The biologist: "Look! A herd of zebras! And there's a white zebra!
\tFantastic! We'll be famous!"
The statistician: "Hey, calm down, it's not significant. We only know
\tthere's one white zebra."
The mathematician: "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is
\twhite on one side."
The computer scientist : "Oh, no! A special case!"
.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention,
with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla.
\t-- Mitch Ratcliffe
.
\tA master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his novices.
"The Tao is embodied in all software -- regardless of how insignificant,"
said the master.
\t"Is Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice.
\t"It is," came the reply.
\t"Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice.
\t"It is even in a video game," said the master.
\t"And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?"
\tThe master coughed and shifted his position slightly. "The lesson
is over for today," he said.
\t\t-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
.
Almost anything derogatory you could say about today's software design
would be accurate.
\t\t-- K.E. Iverson
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
shoulders of giants.
\t\t-- Isaac Newton
In the sciences, we are now uniquely priviledged to sit side by side with
the giants on whose shoulders we stand.
\t\t-- Gerald Holton
If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on
my shoulders.
\t\t-- Hal Abelson
Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders.
\t\t-- Gauss
Mathemeticians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists
stand on each other's toes.
\t\t-- Richard Hamming
It has been said that physicists stand on one another's shoulders. If
this is the case, then programmers stand on one another's toes, and
software engineers dig each other's graves.
\t\t-- Unknown
Originally posted by mattjohndrow
that was awesome freak!!!
if you'd like more awesomeness, you can get fortune (installation of which is probably easiest using fink), a cli program full of computer and other jokes, plus small poems and interesting stories. you can even decide what kind of joke you'd like by sending fortune certain arguments (like, `fortune comptuers`, or `fortune -o` for offensives). and if you dont feel like installing a command line program, you can jump to: http://gopher.quux.org:70/Humor%20an...%20Databases/. it seems to only have a couple of the fortune dbs tho.
here's another fortune to hold you over...
Coding is easy; All you do is sit staring at a terminal until the drops of blood form on your forehead.
\tA doctor, a lawyer and a programmer find themselves in the men's lounge, discussing whether it is better to have a wife or a girlfriend.
\t"Oh a wife, definitely," says the doctor. "I always have a warm meal after a long stint at the hospital, and she's always available to pick up the slack around the house and family when emergencies pop up."
\t"I disagree," says the lawyer. "It's better to have a girlfriend. When you get bored, you can always swap them out for another one, they don't get in your hair when you want some down time, and there's no commitment other than relaxation and fun."
\t"I say both," says the programmer.
\t"BOTH!?" the other two say, aghast, and demand an explanation.
\t"Of course! That way the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife, and you can go to the lab and get some *real work* done!"
Oddly my wife doesn't find this nearly as funny as I do.
Originally posted by Kickaha
A doctor, a lawyer and a programmer find themselves in the men's lounge, discussing whether it is better to have a wife or a girlfriend.
\t"Oh a wife, definitely," says the doctor. "I always have a warm meal after a long stint at the hospital, and she's always available to pick up the slack around the house and family when emergencies pop up."
\t"I disagree," says the lawyer. "It's better to have a girlfriend. When you get bored, you can always swap them out for another one, they don't get in your hair when you want some down time, and there's no commitment other than relaxation and fun."
\t"I say both," says the programmer.
\t"BOTH!?" the other two say, aghast, and demand an explanation.
\t"Of course! That way the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife, and you can go to the lab and get some *real work* done!"
Oddly my wife doesn't find this nearly as funny as I do.
LOL!! I think I know a few people who think like that.