Computer Jokes
List all the computer jokes you know...that are good!
I have one that for some reason I've always remembered...
3 Apple employees and 3 Microsoft employees are all going to a computer trade show. The 3 MS employees buy their three train tickets and notice that the Apple employees only buy one. When the person begins checking tickets the 3 Apple employees go into the bathroom. When the person checking tickets gets to the bathroom he knocks and says "ticket please". One hand comes out and the man moves on checking others tickets.
On the way back the MS workers laughing at their cleverness buy one ticket. This time though they notice that the Apple workers have not bought a single ticket. When the person checking the tickets come to their car the 3 MS workers quickly go hide in the bathroom. 2 Apple workers go into the other bathroom and the third knocks on the bathroom door of the MS workers and says "ticket please".
I have one that for some reason I've always remembered...
3 Apple employees and 3 Microsoft employees are all going to a computer trade show. The 3 MS employees buy their three train tickets and notice that the Apple employees only buy one. When the person begins checking tickets the 3 Apple employees go into the bathroom. When the person checking tickets gets to the bathroom he knocks and says "ticket please". One hand comes out and the man moves on checking others tickets.
On the way back the MS workers laughing at their cleverness buy one ticket. This time though they notice that the Apple workers have not bought a single ticket. When the person checking the tickets come to their car the 3 MS workers quickly go hide in the bathroom. 2 Apple workers go into the other bathroom and the third knocks on the bathroom door of the MS workers and says "ticket please".
Comments
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
+-----------------------------------------------+
Ten Reasons Why Macs Suck
10) You can't use 5-1/4" floppy disks.
9) You can't go shopping with your friends for a Sound Blaster board because Macs don't need one.
8) Your 200 MHz 604e Mac does integer calculation equivalent to a 362 MHz Pentium Pro, but you can only brag about 200 MHz.
7) Networking a Mac is not an impressive feat.
6) Macs don't come in black, and we all know black cabinets make computers faster and louder.
5) You have to add a system extension to make Mac menus stay down like Windows. We like pokey menus because it's too hard to hold that heavy mouse button down while we read.
4) And the Mac mouse is too slow. We want our cursor to fly wildly off the screen when we twitch our wrist because hyper cursors make our PCs look faster.
3) You just plug Macs in and they work. Where's the challenge in that?
2) When you add stuff, you just plug them in and they work, too. Again, no challenge.
1) Your clients and teachers know about Numbers 2 and 3, so they expect Mac users to deliver results, not excuses!
"It's especially important to have sufficient memory if you work on large, graphics-intensive files or memory-hungry programs such as web browsers."
Hmmm. How much memory does Safari typically use?
Of course we have to realize OS X uses RAM like crazy, and caches like there's no tomorrow. So I guess it's a good thing that all my RAM is being used up.
Originally posted by chych
Of course we have to realize OS X uses RAM like crazy, and caches like there's no tomorrow. So I guess it's a good thing that all my RAM is being used up.
If you've got it, why not use it? It's a very good thing that OS X uses ram so efficiently. Less HD thrashing == better battery life and performance.
Originally posted by ast3r3x
Will adding more RAM to my PowerBook (currently 512) increase it's life noticably? I know it will help with speed a bit
I don't get that joke.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London)
Dear Sir,
I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or to the office, We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in public places. They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result in the farmers being forced to grow smaller potatoes, which in turn will cause massive unemployment in the already severely depressed agricultural industry.
Originally posted by chych
Hm, my Safari has a resident memory size of 130MB. That's kind of sick. In fact I only have 70MB of unallocated physical RAM (1GB total), and am only running basic apps.
Of course we have to realize OS X uses RAM like crazy, and caches like there's no tomorrow. So I guess it's a good thing that all my RAM is being used up.
The efficient use of RAM is a good thing. I would be mad if I had a GB of ram and my computer only used a quarter of it. I don't care if the program only needed (hypothetically) 25MB of ram, if there was 200MB for it to take, more power to it. OS X reallocates the ram as more apps open. It's extremely smart about its ram usage.
Edit: I can't spell, and I'm a complete retard. Thanks for your time. Have a nice day.
not crashes.
forgot your glasses?
Originally posted by piwozniak
caches
not crashes.
forgot your glasses?
Oh geez...
<DMBand whacks self over head>
It's not my morning.
Note to self: Get more than an hour of sleep at night.
A: 100. 1 to change the bulb and 99 to confirm all the error messages.
----
Q: How does Bill Gate change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't do it and registers darkness as a trademark.
----
-----------
Once upon a time, it was Adam, you know, the first man on earth. He was so alone, and after some time he went to talk to God.
Adam: oh, God, I am so bored. Please, I need something, I want to be f**ked during the night.
Then God made the wife.
Another day, Adam again got bored, and again went to find God.
Adam: God, I am again so bored. Please, do something, I want to be f**ked during the day now.
And God made the mistress.
But this is Adam. He is not yet satisfied. To the God again:
Adam: God, oh my beloved God, life here in paradise is incredibly boring. Please, do something for me, I want to be f**ked night and day.
And God made Windows.
It doesn't run Windows - the most hacker and virus friendly OS on the planet
Originally posted by Leonis
Top reason why Macs suck:
It doesn't run Windows - the most hacker and virus friendly OS on the planet
Correction. Mac does run windows without those user friendly viruses and hackers. It is called virtual pc.
Originally posted by quagmire
Correction. Mac does run windows without those user friendly viruses and hackers. It is called virtual pc.
I am not talking about emulation
A: A computer happily accepts a 3 and half inch floppy.
-------------------------
Subject: Dear PC Tech
Question of a desperate woman:
Dear PC Tech,
I upgraded last year from Fiance 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I observed that the new software started to do unexpected changes to the accounting sheets, restricted my access to the Flower and Jewelry applications, which earlier, under Fiance 5.0 worked just fine.
Furthermore, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other useful programs, like Romantic Promenade v.9.9, and installed other, annoying ones like Champions League 5.0 and Sunday in the Football field 8.0. Dialogue 1.3 is not working anymore, while the Cleanness 2.6 hangs up or crashes the system. I tried to run Grumble 5.3 but to no avail.
One desperate woman.
Magazine's reply:
Dear "desperate woman",
Keep in mind that Fiance 5.0 is an entertainment program, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to run the command "C: I_thought_you_loved_me" and install Tears 6.2. Normally, Husband 1.0 will launch automatically the applications Guiltiness 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. CAUTION! Excessive use of the previous program may launch Glum Dumbness 2.5 and Beer 6.1 (this one may open WAV files of the kind "Loud Snoring"). Never ever install Mother-in-Law 1.0, and never ever think about to run the utility Extramarital Relation (it is incompatible with Husband 1.0 and may crash hard the system).
So, to resume, Husband 1.0 is a wonderful operating system, despite its limited memory management capabilities, and it needs its time to get used to some new applications. You have to think seriously about acquiring some extra software that will help improve much its performance. We recommend Hot Meal 3.0, Clean Clothes 5.3 and Courteous Behavior 10.1.
Sincerely,
PC Tech
Originally posted by PB
[snip]
A joke only a true Geek can appreciate.
Why did I laugh so hard?
Oh geez!!!
Why didn't anyone tell me???