theonion

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• "However, early reports suggest that a majority of the event’s attendees were unimpressed by the panicked man, with critics complaining that the creatively bankrupt individual is “largely useless” and a stark departure from the company’s visionary a…

  in Apple announces 'Touch ID' fingerprint scanner for iPhone 5S Comment by theonion September 2013
• “Our customers expect the best products from Apple, and that is what we will continue to deliver,” continued the feckless man, offering a tedious, innovation-free display and a high rate of perspiration."   http://www.theonion.com/articles/apple-unv…

  in No iPhone 5s preorder period hints at supply constraints ahead of Sept. 20 launch Comment by theonion September 2013
• "CUPERTINO, CA—At a highly anticipated press event at its Silicon Valley headquarters Tuesday afternoon, tech giant Apple officially unveiled to the public a panicked and completely idea-free man."   http://www.theonion.com/articles/apple-unveils-pa…

  in Apple changes up colors: 'space gray' comes to iPhone 5s & iPods Comment by theonion September 2013
• The Onion does it again! http://www.theonion.com/articles/apple-unveils-panicked-ideafree-man-at-launch-even,33814

  in iPhone 5c default wallpapers will match external shell colors Comment by theonion September 2013
• This so funny! "Apple Unveils Panicked Man With No Ideas" http://www.theonion.com/articles/apple-unveils-panicked-ideafree-man-at-launch-even,33814

  in Apple focuses on Asian market with launch day iPhones for China launch, NTT DoCoMo deal Comment by theonion September 2013