AppleHQ

As a recently retired Apple Staffer with a significant part of my career in AppleCare management I can confirm:

1. Advisors MUST give customer 'prepare for service information' on call/via email. Managers/Quality listen to calls and failure can lead to disciplinary. It's on the Apple website!
2. Genius caution backups etc before accepting device. I've experienced this first hand.
3. If Apple lose a device, there is no need to go to media. Once  appropriate checks to confirm loss (which can take a week or so  checking with team and freight if involved) the device will be replaced with like for like spec (or next one up if not currently available). Biggest problem is unreasonable expectation. 'You lost my device, give me a replacement NOW'. - No Johnny we will need to look for it/confirm loss first.
4. The replacement does not involve any NDA or other gag. It's an easy approval process though I can only recall a need two or three times in my tenure. With thousands of products moving around at any time (warranty and non-warranty service, battery replacements etc) even the best system can have a lost item. To the person who called 'sloppy', no, just fact of life, sometimes mistakes do happen. Even robotic systems can have errors, and humans are just that, human. Anyone who claims perfection is a liar or deluded.
5. Depending on if Apple was at fault and caused harm/disruption additionally an appeasement MAY be offered solely at Apple discretion after the initial issue is resolved. It will relate to the issue. e.g. for a computer issue it may be an external hard drive etc. Again there are no NDAs or other gags involved.
6. Service at an ARS can be very quick or you can be asked to return later in the day depending on that day's workload or days if parts need to be brought in. AppleCare/Stores are staffed based on expected volume but there are sick days, unexpected spikes that blow the best plans.