Originally Posted by addabox
I know it may seem suspicious, coming from a godless liberal, but in my book family is the most important thing in the world.
I think the question you should ask yourself is "just how difficult will it be to wait a while? Alienate the new member of the family and quite possibly your brother difficult?" Does your intended have strong feelings about the matter, or is just logistics?
This is one of those times that I don't think it does much good to focus on what's "fair." Nobody cares about fair away on down the road, when what you'll have are memories and time well spent or not.
Is it worth it to get off on the wrong foot and possibly put something in motion that you'll always regret, just because you know you're right?
I say be a good guy and keep the peace. If you've found the right person a few months won't matter.
Well events have unfolded a bit further. I spoke to my brother yesterday We got into it pretty heavy. I've been told that not only will they be "very upset" if we get married anytime before their wedding, but if it's a month or two after as well. So what they've done is squatted all of 2009.
I communicated that this was not a reasonable position by any standard whatsoever. Essentially, his finance is "a wreck" about this already, and we've "already taken something away from their wedding." Wow.
My fiance (edited, thanks tonton)
spoke to his, and while it was a reasonable conversation, it's clear that his fiance (thanks again, tonton!)
is absolutely out of her mind with this wedding thing (see her comments above). We mentioned that we don't want to impinge on their wedding, but that we can't see how having it 2-4 months before or a month after is really a problem for anyone. Basically what this comes down to is she wants the spotlight on her for a good 6 months and feels entitled because they have been together 5 years and now it's "their time."
And adda, I hear you about not upsetting the family and thinking of the long term. However, my problem with that is this: Shouldn't my brother and his fiance consider this as well? I mean, it doesn't seem like there is any consideration as to what my finance and I (and my family) will think of his
The bottom line is that I think they'll feel a little better if it's as far away from their wedding as possible. So we're looking at either June or April, over my spring break. Beyond that, I can't control their feelings or reaction. There is a certain point where everyone is going to have to be an adult, not a princess.