Steve's Macworld speech

Posted:
in Future Apple Hardware edited January 2014
Steve comes on stage looking kind of somber. He starts in commenting on the rumors about the G5, xMac, G4s with or without Rapid in Out, Hypertransport, on chip DDR support, an AMD manafactured chip, an IBM Power chip, OS X on Intel, etc. He says that unfortunaely for all of you who have been looking forward to dramatic speed boosts, we've been unable to come up with anything other than a 746o0runnning at 1.266 ghz. and we don't expect anything faster in the foreseeable future. He says he's sorry and then walks off stage to a speechless audience.



Then, suddenly, the lights go out. Techno music starts (todays version of the drum roll), softly, then louder and faster. The techno stops, the lights begin to go on, one by one, each giving off a soft glow that gives an effect not unlike what you see at dawn. Thus spake Zaruthista (forgive my spelling, aka known as the theme music from 2001, a Space Odyssey) starts in the backgound. People strain to see what's on stage-it looks like some kind of movement. Gradually, the shapes gain definition: there is movement. Collectivley, the Audienc gasps as the lights flash full on to reveal:



Steve, Jonathan and the Rockettes all doing a number on Dean Kamens "ginger" scooter. And Steve belts out, since we couldn't hack it anymore as a computer company, we've gone into partenrship with Dean to pruduce the world's best, cooles, smartest scooters! No more relying on weenies like Motorola-the future is OURS!
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Comments

  • Reply 1 of 31
    nostradamusnostradamus Posts: 397member
    Get help.
  • Reply 2 of 31
    falconfalcon Posts: 458member
    That should be a Joy of Tech. Or it already has been.

    Either way, my opinion: <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
  • Reply 3 of 31
    ebbyebby Posts: 3,110member
    Oh damn. I almost believed you, until the last paragraph. I am way to gullible. <img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" />



    My lawyers will contact you shortly...
  • Reply 4 of 31
    detahdetah Posts: 57member
    [quote]Originally posted by Ebby:

    [QB]Oh damn. I almost believed you, until the last paragraph. I am way to gullible.

    QB]<hr></blockquote>



    it's ok; most apple users are easily identified by their extreme naiveté.
  • Reply 5 of 31
    drewpropsdrewprops Posts: 2,321member
    we used to put up a naivete scene every Christmas.....wait....that's not right....
  • Reply 6 of 31
    ebbyebby Posts: 3,110member
    [quote]Originally posted by detah:

    <strong>it's ok...</strong><hr></blockquote>



    <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" /> :cool:
  • Reply 7 of 31
    yurin8oryurin8or Posts: 120member
    Nice one ptrash
  • Reply 8 of 31
    jakemanjakeman Posts: 22member
    haha
  • Reply 9 of 31
    emaneman Posts: 7,204member
    Nice story...
  • Reply 10 of 31
    Hmm... doesn't seem like the kind of stunt that Mr. Jobs could get away with at MWNY. The crowds there will cheer and hoot at a product release but if he did that they would lynch him during the keynote.



    If I manage to bring along one of our work ibooks I will report the real happenings at MWNY live from the keynote... but that is big if considering the IT dept. is stretched too thin machine wise anyway! Don't piss and moan over the fact that I don't have my own super-duper portable, right now I am happy with my trusty 1400cs.
  • Reply 11 of 31
    ptrashptrash Posts: 296member
    [quote]Originally posted by CIThelpdesk:

    <strong>Hmm... if he did that they would lynch him during the keynote.</strong><hr></blockquote>



    That's not a bad idea. Use the implied threat of violence to get the truth out of Apple. Start the following rumor: If Steve doesn't come through he gets attacked by the crowd. This way we can predict Apple's offerings by whether Steve shows up or suddenly develops a case of Malaria.
  • Reply 12 of 31
    tsukuritetsukurite Posts: 192member
    [quote]Originally posted by Ptrash:

    <strong>Steve comes on stage looking kind of somber. He starts in...</strong><hr></blockquote>



    LOL! Man, milk shot out of my nose! Er, well it would have. If I had some milk. And a glass. And I wasn't lactose intolerant. And I liked milk in the first place. <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />



    edit: gah! milk induced typos!



    [ 05-30-2002: Message edited by: tsukurite ]



    [ 05-30-2002: Message edited by: tsukurite ]</p>
  • Reply 13 of 31
    prestonpreston Posts: 219member
    whoa you just like blew my mind dude
  • Reply 14 of 31
    thereubsterthereubster Posts: 402member
    Scooters.....!! Surely Apple can do better than that! How 'bout a super-drive-hyper-personal-transport with Rapid (transit)I-O (and shake it all about) connectivity and 512 M(watts) of RAM (rapid air movement) power....with a pure Titanium body of course... I'd commute in on one of those in a flash..... yours for only ........

    $25000...oh, well at least one thing hasn't changed at the new Apple!!
  • Reply 15 of 31
    lemon bon bonlemon bon bon Posts: 2,383member
    "it's ok; most apple users are easily identified by their extreme naiveté. "







    Count me in.



    Lemon Bon Bon
  • Reply 16 of 31
    bellebelle Posts: 1,574member
    I'm just hoping this year's demonstration includes firing Phil Schiller from a cannon.



    I'd avoid the front two rows at the keynote.



    [ 05-30-2002: Message edited by: Belle ]</p>
  • Reply 17 of 31
    ....ah, but will he be dressed like Superman.... Perhaps SJ will fire the old CRT imac out of a canon at a big poster of Motorola CEO and announce that Apple is going with IBM Power4 chips!!! <img src="graemlins/oyvey.gif" border="0" alt="[No]" /> (if only....)
  • Reply 18 of 31
    davegeedavegee Posts: 2,765member
    [quote]Originally posted by Belle:

    <strong>I'm just hoping this year's demonstration includes firing Phil Schiller from a cannon.



    I'd avoid the front two rows at the keynote.



    [ 05-30-2002: Message edited by: Belle ]</strong><hr></blockquote>



    Maybe I'm wrong but how is it that this thread isn't locked (or moved?). A bunch of others on the 1st page were and they were way more on topic then this one ever was...



    Dave
  • Reply 19 of 31
    noahjnoahj Posts: 4,502member
    Just thought I wqould reply before this thread is locked.



    I knew something was funny about halfway through, however Dean Kamen did not come to mind...
  • Reply 20 of 31
    bellebelle Posts: 1,574member
    [quote]Originally posted by DaveGee:

    <strong>Maybe I'm wrong but how is it that this thread isn't locked (or moved?). A bunch of others on the 1st page were and they were way more on topic then this one ever was...</strong><hr></blockquote>

    Because it's inoffensive, and I thought I'd give it a period of grace to develop into a discussion on the keynote.



    Period of grace soon to be revoked...
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