Do (did) you, date exclusively within your ethnicity?

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Comments

  • Reply 21 of 82
    randycat99randycat99 Posts: 1,919member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by tonton

    I was just trying to encourage you. LA is a very integrated society. Perhaps you're scaring away the white girls with your cynicism.



    Trust me- I don't need encouragement. I need only to witness this so-called "integration" as it impacts me. As it appears so far, there is integration for a multitude of skin colors, just not for the Asian male. I've lived in CA, GA, FL, and IN. It makes not a big difference in the girls you meet. Asian is just not on the menu for them.



    I have many faces, as well. Cynicism is the very last face I show to a girl. You have to trust me when I tell you the only face they see from me is one of interest. Girls actually tell me that I am inspirational. That's about all they get to see because they never bother to dig any deeper.



    On a secondary note, I don't see why it is so difficult for people here to ponder that possibly certain areas of "integration" are not so well developed than the obvious ones. People see black men and white women, and automatically think, "Hallelujah, racial barriers are gone forever! No need for any further concern." Well there is need for further concern. Don't assume racial barriers are gone because they are gone for you. How else could you know, you ask? Well, don't dismiss it when a person of "color" tells you point-blank that some barriers still exist. That would be a start.
  • Reply 22 of 82
    satchmosatchmo Posts: 2,699member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Randycat99

    You may find that amusing, but it is a harsh, harsh reality that I live every single day. Do you really think one example means its a free for all of white women on Asian men? A hundred? A thousand? It's still a rare, rare thing (speaking of life in the States, of course). It is a very real discrimination. It may comfort you to discount it over the simplest of anectodal evidence, but I assure you I have a lifetime of experience to say otherwise. The point here is not to present something that compels you to dismiss it because it makes you feel uncomfortable if it really does exist, but to speak out to all women out there that Chinese men are human just like anyone else. Don't discount them as partners outright, and check yourself if you find yourself dismissing them as potentially more than "just a person that makes a good friend".



    Relax, there's no conspiracy against Asian men from other ethnicities

    (and I'm not making light of your situation either).

    But surely, simply because YOU have not "suceeded" in your quest for a white women, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. No offense intended, but could it be that it's just you? Are you setting your standards too high (i.e.asking a Heidi Klum lookalike out?)



    Bottom line, is we all have preferences. Is that racism? Perhaps to some degree. But understand that many women look beyond the purely physical attributes (unlike men where we always go for looks!).
  • Reply 23 of 82
    randycat99randycat99 Posts: 1,919member
    No, it certainly isn't setting my sights too high or any other obvious selective foibles you can think of. It is what I tell you it is (to the best of my deductive powers). Believe me, I've had plenty of time to think about it and weed out obvious explanations. If it was an obvious explanation, I wouldn't be complaining about it (I would have adapted my strategy long ago and circumvented the "problem"). Considering how resistive people are to even considering the premise, it surely must make you wonder how very little thought gets put on it.
  • Reply 24 of 82
    satchmosatchmo Posts: 2,699member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Randycat99

    No, it certainly isn't setting my sights too high or any other obvious selective foibles you can think of. It is what I tell you it is (to the best of my deductive powers). Believe me, I've had plenty of time to think about it and weed out obvious explanations. If it was an obvious explanation, I wouldn't be complaining about it (I would have adapted my strategy long ago and circumvented the "problem"). Considering how resistive people are to even considering the premise, it surely must make you wonder how very little thought gets put on it.



    Well, your mind is obviously made up. Your views are based on your own personal experiences...but I still believe you're over generalizing. I know of many white women who find asian men attractive...even "hot".

    Three of my very close friends are asian men who have all married "white".



    Perhaps the situation is also different in America, where people are less open to diversity? (now I'm generalizing).
  • Reply 25 of 82
    randycat99randycat99 Posts: 1,919member
    My mind is most certainly made up.



    That is why there is very little to discuss in the way of why you think I must be wrong or what particular failing in me has made this true for soley me. None of that gets us anywhere. What will is for women out there of all colors to not just say they find Asians attractive and what not, live it (otherwise, don't bother saying it at all to seem all "integrated" and with it). Anything less is just lip service, and we all know there is far too much lip service in the world as it is now.



    CA women (in your malls, at your places of work, in your coffee shops, in your Dairy Queens, online at your matchmaker websites, freakin' wherever all you are hiding)- show me the TRUTH about real integration! I freakin' dare you! No more lip service. No more bullshit.
  • Reply 26 of 82
    badtzbadtz Posts: 949member
    So far, it's been europeans for me.



    [viet/chinese]
  • Reply 27 of 82
    709709 Posts: 2,016member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by tonton

    My daughter



    She's half Chinese and half lily white American. This photo was taken about a month ago. She'll be five next month.




    She's beautiful tonton. Never knew you had a child until now.
  • Reply 28 of 82
    trumptmantrumptman Posts: 16,454member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Randycat99

    No, it certainly isn't setting my sights too high or any other obvious selective foibles you can think of. It is what I tell you it is (to the best of my deductive powers). Believe me, I've had plenty of time to think about it and weed out obvious explanations. If it was an obvious explanation, I wouldn't be complaining about it (I would have adapted my strategy long ago and circumvented the "problem"). Considering how resistive people are to even considering the premise, it surely must make you wonder how very little thought gets put on it.



    Not to be rude or stereotypical Randy, but how tall are you? It could have as much to do with that as with your ethnicity. As a guy who is only 5'10", I know quite a few women that like tall men, minimum being 6'0".



    Nick
  • Reply 29 of 82
    randycat99randycat99 Posts: 1,919member
    I got no problem in the height department- technically 5'11", but most people are shocked when I tell them I am anything less than 6' something. I routinely tower over most people I have contact with day to day. I tell you, I got virtually everything working in my favor (other than unabashed wealth or unlimited movie celebrity looks). It all comes down to being Asian (and I don't even look that ethnic, if you really do a comparison).



    ...and before anyone goes there, no, I'm not overweight or generally out-of-shape looking. I'm lanky and muscular. Jet black hair (which the women do routinely take note of, but it stops right about there). I'm dialed over to "bad boy" as far as I feel comfortable with (I'm certainly no "Poindexter"). In the end, none of this makes a difference. Nothing.



    Here's the funny thing- young girls (like adolescents and pre-teens) are quite taken by me. I don't know what it is, but it's like they have never seen a hotter guy in their life. Then something changes somewhere along the line after they get to "legal age". Somehow their "preferences" become more limited, and Asians are suddenly not that interesting. I'm not kidding you. This has been a clear as day observation to me.
  • Reply 30 of 82
    tulkastulkas Posts: 3,744member
    I never really thought it was that common to see an asian man with a white woman. With my mix, people usually think I am a dark European, very few pick me as asian. A surprising number of the girls I have dated have told me I was the first asian they ever considered dating, and most didn't realize I was asian at first. Others have said Brandon Lee was the first asian male they found attractive, and he was a half breed too. I don't think it is racism, but cultural sterotyping may be partly the cause. Asian women have always been portrayed as exotic beauties, where as the asian male has typically been portrayed as a bumbler, a geek/nerd/wimp, or someone who only speaks chinglish and very poorly.



    In the last few years I have however noticed more couples in the high-school/college age group that are asian male/white females. I think as asians have become more intergrated into north american society, the racial stereotypes are starting to fall away.
  • Reply 31 of 82
    moogsmoogs Posts: 4,296member
    So you guys count Asians or Hispanics as "not white"? I guess legally that is true since you always see it on the various employment forms and such, but I've always though of anyone who wasn't of African, Indian or native Indian (such as S. American indiginous peoples or Inuit) to be (more or less) "white".



    I guess everyone has their own biases on the subject. I personally wouldn't have a problem dating any woman (of any stripe) as long as I saw true beauty in her...but I sort of consider "ethnicity" to be separate from "race". Ethnicity to me implies a particular culture or national heritage. Race is more of a physical trait as I see it.



    Therefore you could have four guys or girls -- say from Sweden, Greece, Australia and Spain, but I wouldn't consider any of them to be of the same ethnicity. I would consider all of them to be of the same race however, even if say the person from Spain or Greece was much darker skinned than the guy from Sweden. Goofy distinction I guess but I've always looked at it that way.



    Anyway, we can all agree -- chics are cool no matter where their parents or grandparents hail from.



  • Reply 32 of 82
    tulkastulkas Posts: 3,744member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by satchmo

    Well, your mind is obviously made up. Your views are based on your own personal experiences...but I still believe you're over generalizing. I know of many white women who find asian men attractive...even "hot".

    Three of my very close friends are asian men who have all married "white".



    Perhaps the situation is also different in America, where people are less open to diversity? (now I'm generalizing).





    I would bet if you held an informal poll of the women you know, they would be hard pressed to name an asian man they have found attractive. You may find a few, probably even more than other on this board would, but I think that comes down to where you live. TO is one of the most ethnically diverse cities in the world. It also, and very importantly, has one of the largest and oldest asian communities in North America.



    I would still guess that most women you ask, couldn't name an asian man they have found attractive. Hell, I've know Chinese Canadian women who've told me they generally not attracted to asian men, though they can usually name one or 2 asian celebrities they have found attractive. That points to another cause I think, which is pop culture. The asian man is not the idealized male in any western pop culture. Like it or not, media and hollywood do affect what people perceive as attractive.
  • Reply 33 of 82
    709709 Posts: 2,016member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Randycat99



    On a secondary note, I don't see why it is so difficult for people here to ponder that possibly certain areas of "integration" are not so well developed than the obvious ones. People see black men and white women, and automatically think, "Hallelujah, racial barriers are gone forever! No need for any further concern."




    I think that I disproved that in my previous post.



    Also, if women tell you that you are 'inspirational', that's woman-code for one of two things: 1) you talk about yourself too much. or...2) you talk about yourself so much they are considering suicide just to stop your droning voice in their ears.



    This might be a long-shot, but, maybe you need to relax a bit. Have that extra Jaiger before you get to the place you know has the *best* prospects. Be (mildly) aggressive, then, let HER talk. Be interested if she's interesting, be gone if she's not.



    Seriously, in every city I've ever lived in, Asian men have had as much trouble finding a date as us pasty white guys. Women control the process, so be a good boy and nod your head sometimes.
  • Reply 34 of 82
    satchmosatchmo Posts: 2,699member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Tulkas

    That points to another cause I think, which is pop culture. The asian man is not the idealized male in any western pop culture. Like it or not, media and hollywood do affect what people perceive as attractive.



    True...there are very few Asian male role models in Hollywood. And the ones who are there, are stereotyped and placed in martial arts roles.

    The closest to "hunk" status was Brandon Lee and he's half white and most importantly, dead.

    Perhaps someone new will come along and turn Hollywood on it's ears..anyone?...Randycat?
  • Reply 35 of 82
    randycat99randycat99 Posts: 1,919member
    709, that was a longshot by all measures! Me talking about myself too much? That'll be the day. I'm too busy delving into them and listening to be accused of "talking about myself". I am far more attentive than any male stereotype. Woman say attentiveness is such an important quality to them, but with the choices I've seen them ultimately make, it sure doesn't seem that damn "important" AFAICT. It's important when they are looking for someone to hang their "platonic friend" plaque on- I'll giv'em that.
  • Reply 36 of 82
    satchmosatchmo Posts: 2,699member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by 709

    Women control the process, so be a good boy and nod your head sometimes.



    Amen! Who says it's a man's world?

    And even when I try to play it cool, they still can withhold sex.
  • Reply 37 of 82
    tulkastulkas Posts: 3,744member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Moogs

    So you guys count Asians or Hispanics as "not white"? I guess legally that is true since you always see it on the various employment forms and such, but I've always though of anyone who wasn't of African, Indian or native Indian (such as S. American indiginous peoples or Inuit) to be (more or less) "white".







    So, you would consider native americans non-white, but not chinese? I am a little confused, as I alway think of them as very similar in appearance in some ways and thought science pointed to a common ancestry of the two groups. And I thought hispanics were considered non-white, because of the large amount of native and african descent in those groups. I thought that's why they aren't considered spanish (and therefore white)



    Anyways, while race is thankfully slowly becoming less of a barrier, there are classifications of people based on race. I always grouped them into asian, caucasian, african. Classification based on ethnicity breaks it even further, as you say, greeks and danes are both caucasian, but of different ethnic groups.
  • Reply 38 of 82
    tulkastulkas Posts: 3,744member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by 709





    Seriously, in every city I've ever lived in, Asian men have had as much trouble finding a date as us pasty white guys. Women control the process, so be a good boy and nod your head sometimes.




    You may both have problems getting dates, but it can be for different reasons.



    All thing being equal, a white guy will get a date with a north american girl before the asian guy does. Scenario: 2 guys walk into a room. One looks like Brad Pitt, they other looks like Jett Li. Both attractive men and hugely popular sex symbols. The room is in Arkansas, or Ohio or Winnipeg or Calgary. Who gets ogled by the women in the room? Chances are goog it's the Brad Pit looking one. Now, put the room in Hong Kong. Chances are still good it's the Pitt that gets looked over, but the Jett Li will have a better chance here than in the North American room.
  • Reply 39 of 82
    moogsmoogs Posts: 4,296member
    Quote:

    From Tulkas:

    I always grouped them into asian, caucasian, african. Classification based on ethnicity breaks it even further, as you say, greeks and danes are both caucasian, but of different ethnic groups.



    Actually your way makes more sense than mine, now that I think about it. Asians as a group (meaning SE Asians, Indians, Chinese, etc) are both culturally and - to some degree - visually distinct from the typical caucasian. For example, Pakistanis would not fit into my afore-mentioned "system" well, but would fit into your categorizations just fine -- Asian.



    About the only peoples I can think of right off the top of my head that don't neatly fit into that as far as race would be Aboriginal people, native South American Indians (though I guess they too could be traced back to Asia just as North American Indians can be) and maybe various Pacific Island "tribes" that are distant from the Asian continent. Though maybe not historically so.
  • Reply 40 of 82
    brussellbrussell Posts: 9,812member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by trumptman

    Not to be rude or stereotypical Randy, but how tall are you?



    Compared to Asians, White guys are tall in the right places. If you know what I mean.
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