Something funny worked its way into my inbox.

2

Comments

  • Reply 21 of 44
    alcimedesalcimedes Posts: 5,486member
    Quote:

    You're more insensitive than the instructor who put that filth on the test. What if I am wheelchair bound? If I were disabled, by your sarcastic implication, people like me who are disabled aren't hits at parties. Thanks for being a jerk.



    no no no.



    what he's saying isn't that disabled people aren't any fun. what he is saying is that by acting like you have a giant rubber cock permanently wedged up your ass, you're no fun.



    just wanted to clarify. i hate confusion.
  • Reply 22 of 44
    alcimedesalcimedes Posts: 5,486member
    actually, there's (of course) a snopes bit on this article.



    bit of truth, a bit of changing over the years.



    Quote:

    Origins: The piece quoted above likely began as a humor post to the newsgroup rec.humor in 1997. Its roots, however, are far older: an unattributed parody of a scientific proof concluding Heaven was hotter than Hell appeared in a 1972 edition of Applied Optics, a story found in a 1962 book (reprinted from a 1960 magazine) is a mathematical "proof" that heaven is hotter than hell, and article published in a 1979 edition of the Journal of Irreproducible Results written by Dr. Tim Healey (written as a response to the Applied Optics piece) carried the joke one step farther by arguing that Hell was hotter still. Though these older pieces don't directly correlate with what has now become a standardized bit of Internet lore, the themes are similar enough for us to postulate that the older versions sparked the newer ones.



  • Reply 23 of 44
    shawnjshawnj Posts: 6,656member
    Everyone really needs to lighten up in this thread. If someone wants to point out something related to the topic-- even if it's not in the spirit of the thread-- then don't act like they ruined your saturday night.
  • Reply 24 of 44
    curiousuburbcuriousuburb Posts: 3,325member
    cute



    reminds me of this gem

    Quote:

    THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1



    5 Questions, 60 Minutes.



    You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.



    1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an equal amount L. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?



    2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.

    a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the sheep was not willing?

    b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could not be said to mind either?



    3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)



    4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time t + 10 sec.?



    5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much everything.

    a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?

    b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn smug now, is he?



    Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?



    Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.



  • Reply 25 of 44
    mac os xmac os x Posts: 53member
    Quote:

    *** Everything that Existence has said ***







    !!! GOD I LOVE THIS THREAD!!! How can I clarify that more?!??!
  • Reply 26 of 44
    eugeneeugene Posts: 8,254member
    I think I heard this joke around the time slap bracelets and Squeez-its were popular...



    I guess it was mildly amusing then. :P
  • Reply 27 of 44
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Existence

    The answer is flawed. It does not state that souls have a volume. For all I know, souls could be bosonic leptons.



    Since the question is testing Boyle's Law, failure to explicitly mention souls have a volume is a critical flaw. I would give this answer a D at best.







    Since the answer does not state that souls have a volume, this restatement of Boyle's Law is incorrect.




    Party pooper
  • Reply 28 of 44
    whisperwhisper Posts: 735member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by curiousuburb

    cute



    reminds me of this gem




    Oh that's great!!
  • Reply 29 of 44
    gilschgilsch Posts: 1,995member
    Some posts in here remind me of that other thread about how often you take dump. If I recall correctly most people said every 2 or 3 days.

    That thread and this one are living proof that some of you nerds are bloody constipated....and love to act it.



    That Thermodynamics of Hell piece is bloody clever and funny.
  • Reply 30 of 44
    mattjohndrowmattjohndrow Posts: 1,618member
    wow, that is so damn funny! i laughed while i was reading this in school, and everyone looked at me funny....
  • Reply 31 of 44
    pfflampfflam Posts: 5,053member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by Existence

    What's worse, Boyle's law is formulated for ideal gases. No where in Boyle's law are phase transitions relevant. This is another failure of understanding on the student's part.



    I think the test question is flawed and the instructor should me reprimanded for cultural insensitivity. Not all religions have Hell and the notion of Hell as changed greatly with time. In Dante's Inferno, at the center of the Earth where Satan resides, Hell is a cold tundra where tears cannot come because of the frigitity. Thus in this case, Hell is endothermic.




    Tell us of a religion without hell.
  • Reply 32 of 44
    mattjohndrowmattjohndrow Posts: 1,618member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by pfflam

    Tell us of a religion without hell.



    wicca
  • Reply 33 of 44
    pfflampfflam Posts: 5,053member
    Damn . . . I thought I'd 'get him' . . . figuring that someone would probably say Buddhism . . . . which, in many manefestations does have a 'hell', as does Hinduism. . . . though they are quite different than the Christian hell as they are not permanent but phases (they also are only in the 'popular' forms of said religion)



    wiccca, don't know much about it, but if it is 'paganism', as in pre-Christain gods, then it has no real after life at all except becoming a shade . . . though I imagine that it now celebrates the return to the Universal Process . . . which sounds pretty awesome to me!
  • Reply 34 of 44
    mattjohndrowmattjohndrow Posts: 1,618member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by pfflam

    wiccca, don't know much about it, but if it is 'paganism', as in pre-Christain gods, then it has no real after life at all except becoming a shade . . . though I imagine that it now celebrates the return to the Universal Process . . . which sounds pretty awesome to me!



    yeah, wicca is a pretty damn cool "religion". it is very individualized though, so i don't know what you would specifically call it, aas there are so many different 'branches' of it-gardnerian, etc...
  • Reply 35 of 44
    existenceexistence Posts: 991member
    If we're talking about different religions, I should note that even in those subset of religions with a concept of Hell, the following is not true.



    Quote:

    Originally posted by faust9

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need

    to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are

    leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it

    will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.





    For example, consider Zoroastrianism. In it, souls can leave after a period of time and go to heaven. It should be noted that the concept of Hell and Heaven in Christainity probably derives from Zoroastrianism.
  • Reply 36 of 44
    crazychestercrazychester Posts: 1,339member
    Any of the other practising or lapsed Catholics remember Limbo? The place where unbaptised dead babies go?



    Man, that was a sick concept. Way to make your religion look really twisted. No wonder they dropped that idea.
  • Reply 37 of 44
    addaboxaddabox Posts: 12,660member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by crazychester

    Any of the other practising or lapsed Catholics remember Limbo? The place where unbaptised dead babies go?



    Man, that was a sick concept. Way to make your religion look really twisted. No wonder they dropped that idea.




    Not only do unbaptised babies have to go there, but they are forced to bend backward from the knee and ease under an ever lower stick.



    Once the stick gets below about 6" it starts to get really ugly....



    The endlessly perverse mind of God.
  • Reply 38 of 44
    crazychestercrazychester Posts: 1,339member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by addabox

    Not only do unbaptised babies have to go there, but they are forced to bend backward from the knee and ease under an ever lower stick.



    Once the stick gets below about 6" it starts to get really ugly....



    The endlessly perverse mind of God.




    And I bet he makes them sing Karoke while they're at it.



    He is, afterall, a vengeful god.
  • Reply 39 of 44
    addaboxaddabox Posts: 12,660member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by crazychester

    And I bet he makes them sing Karoke while they're at it.



    He is, afterall, a vengeful god.




    Absolutely.



    "I'll teach you damn babies to die before getting baptised!"
  • Reply 40 of 44
    crazychestercrazychester Posts: 1,339member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by addabox

    "I'll teach you damn babies to die before getting baptised!"



    "Dead babies! Conga line now!



    You with the dirty nappy, quit whining or I'll make you do the Macarena for an eternity."
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