College is a crazy time. Lots of shit going on. I'm glad you found some solace in geekdom and get to have sex with geek girls too. That's cool. But yeah, in a few years time after college, a lot of the things that seemed soooo immensely important fade away....................................
Since 12 I always wanted to have a girlfriend. It took me 10 years to finally meet with and be intimate with girls (and a few guys) that continue to bring a smile to my heart, however brief those encounters were. And all the depression and anger of college days when I was getting none has definitely shrunk quite a bit. And all the girls I wanted to be with when in college, hah, how way off track I was....! (I connect more with geeky lesbian/bi type chicks not "conventional girls", if there is such a thing)
Now I have other challenges (the next phase I guess) -- dealing with and getting over my bipolar disorder.
rate your attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10: X
rate her attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10 : Y
if the difference between X & Y is > 3, you're gonna be SOL, especially if you're still in college.
this is why:
- if she's hot and you're not, then other, more confident men will hit on her a lot, one of whom is bound to have a couple things in common with her. you won't feel confident enough to get involved, or you'll feel you're being out-leagued and then say something and then she'll claim you're paranoid and eventually have a night or so with some guy in a dirty white baseball cap, and then your relationship will be hosed.
- if you're good looking and confident and she isn't, then you'll get drunk one night and cheat on her, just because you can. this will breed mistrust and ruin your relationship, of course.
if you're older, some of these rules will be different.
in your case, i'm guessing that she'll eventually leave you for a more confident, alpha male. especially if she's hot.
You're forgetting that physical attractiveness, at least of the inborn variety, is a hell of a lot less significant on the male side.
You're forgetting that physical attractiveness, at least of the inborn variety, is a hell of a lot less significant on the male side.
Not true. It's just that cash, power, and/or fame gets women more excited than good-looks, and that the definition of male good-looks varies heavily with geography. For example, south of the Mason Dixon Line you have to be at least 6'2" and 200lbs to be considered good-looking. What can you do to fix this, you ask? Promote soccer, hence making the male sex-symbol du jour a normal-sized guy instead of a steroid-abusing linebacker. There are some Champions League games on ESPN2 this week -- you know what you have to do.
Back on topic, in college, everyone's pretty much the same as far as cash, power, and fame, so it all boils down to attractiveness again.
It's just that cash, power, and/or fame gets women more excited than good-looks, and that the definition of male good-looks varies heavily with geography.
Most of what people are attracted to is culture-independant, the same factors that make you attractive (markers for health like hair quality and face symmetry) are true in China and Alabama - it has been studied pretty extensively.
The only thing that I have heard of that matches what you are saying is based on scent - women like men that smell almost (but not exactly) like their father does. It could be that your introduction of soccer would not change things at all, because the 200 lb guys would smell like dad.
The soccer thing was partly a joke, but there is definitely something to be said to the affect that the male sex-symbols in football-country are big guys, and that popular culture undoubtedly has an blanket affect on social issues.
As far as being interested in men like dad, it seems like there are a few possible extensions to this:
1. smell has to do with food intake.
2. smell has to do with perfumes (deodorants, colognes, etc).
3. smell has to do with genes that relate to body size.
4. smell has to do with genes that don't relate to body size.
Aside from 3 and 4, these extensions aren't mutually exclusive. Presuming that smell has any affect towards attraction at all, if 2 is a dominant extension, then it's statistically unlikely that body size should be a source of attraction at all. Although I will say that a lot of fat/big guys I know seem to like old spice high endurance deodorant. If 3 is a dominant extension, then you have your point, but it's also true that big parents tend to have big kids, and it's not just big girls that go after big guys. If 1 is a dominant factor, then perhaps there's some truth to the whole argument, but I'd argue that aside from spice intake or drinking one's own urine, diet doesn't vary that much from one person to the next (within a demographic).
The experiments you cite seem to only be valid for extension 3. I'm sure there's something valid to the results these experiments gathered, but I'm still sticking to my guns: I say pop-culture has a greater affect on establishing the image of sexy than does scent.
Thinking it over further - I think that you are right. At least on weight issues, culture seems to play a big role on what is sexy. The sex appeal of "Twiggy" in the 1970s, and heavier sex symbols in paintings from the 17th centry Europe demonstrate this pretty well.
Cultures where it is expensive to be fat are probably the ones that value heavy people. If food is cheap (and cheap food is more fattening than expensive food) like it is now, then fat is devalued.
For the record, physical appearance may have some initial influence but I strongly believe actual hormonal physical (physiological) attraction will play the bigger role in this whole thing. Let us know how the threesome goes...
For the record, physical appearance may have some initial influence but I strongly believe actual hormonal physical (physiological) attraction will play the bigger role in this whole thing. Let us know how the threesome goes...
My opinion is that if you truly value her you will put her first before all other things.
This is the measure of what we value.
If you value cheating that is what you will do.
If you value your school or education that is what you will put first.
If you value her you will put her first.
I was a mod here and enjoyed it but there came a time when I knew I was looking into the eyes of my future wife and I resigned from being mod here. Why? I needed to focus more time to my Heather.
What you must do is determine what matters to you the most and go from there.
You must make a list of these priorities and have trust in yourself, her, and who knows maybe even God
For the record, physical appearance may have some initial influence but I strongly believe actual hormonal physical (physiological) attraction will play the bigger role in this whole thing.
I am currently reading up on the marriages strategies from social structure and rational choice theories. Social factors play a very importent role, probably as a filter (alongside other filters like biological filters as well).
One interesting point is that divorces initiated by the women can be predicted very strongly by the difference in social status between the partners, at least here in Denmark.
Besides the physical (looks, hormonal attraction) we've discussed, compatibility of ideas, being able to just have fun with each other, ability to communicate and similar ideals play a strong role for anything beyond a one night stand. For me this has played a stronger role than the physical aspect because I am generally from a different cultural background but I get along well with *certain* white chicks (I am half-Chinese half-Indian(India Indian not Native American). Physically I am generally attracted (hormonally) to certain white chicks. Have not really been with any Asian girls.
Comments
Now I have other challenges (the next phase I guess) -- dealing with and getting over my bipolar disorder.
Originally posted by progmac
here is how you can tell:
rate your attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10: X
rate her attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10 : Y
if the difference between X & Y is > 3, you're gonna be SOL, especially if you're still in college.
this is why:
- if she's hot and you're not, then other, more confident men will hit on her a lot, one of whom is bound to have a couple things in common with her. you won't feel confident enough to get involved, or you'll feel you're being out-leagued and then say something and then she'll claim you're paranoid and eventually have a night or so with some guy in a dirty white baseball cap, and then your relationship will be hosed.
- if you're good looking and confident and she isn't, then you'll get drunk one night and cheat on her, just because you can. this will breed mistrust and ruin your relationship, of course.
if you're older, some of these rules will be different.
in your case, i'm guessing that she'll eventually leave you for a more confident, alpha male. especially if she's hot.
You're forgetting that physical attractiveness, at least of the inborn variety, is a hell of a lot less significant on the male side.
Originally posted by segovius
Become a fundamentalist Christian and devote your life to campaigning vehemently against sex before marriage.
Originally posted by Placebo
You're forgetting that physical attractiveness, at least of the inborn variety, is a hell of a lot less significant on the male side.
Not true. It's just that cash, power, and/or fame gets women more excited than good-looks, and that the definition of male good-looks varies heavily with geography. For example, south of the Mason Dixon Line you have to be at least 6'2" and 200lbs to be considered good-looking. What can you do to fix this, you ask? Promote soccer, hence making the male sex-symbol du jour a normal-sized guy instead of a steroid-abusing linebacker. There are some Champions League games on ESPN2 this week -- you know what you have to do.
Back on topic, in college, everyone's pretty much the same as far as cash, power, and fame, so it all boils down to attractiveness again.
Originally posted by Splinemodel
It's just that cash, power, and/or fame gets women more excited than good-looks, and that the definition of male good-looks varies heavily with geography.
Most of what people are attracted to is culture-independant, the same factors that make you attractive (markers for health like hair quality and face symmetry) are true in China and Alabama - it has been studied pretty extensively.
The only thing that I have heard of that matches what you are saying is based on scent - women like men that smell almost (but not exactly) like their father does. It could be that your introduction of soccer would not change things at all, because the 200 lb guys would smell like dad.
As far as being interested in men like dad, it seems like there are a few possible extensions to this:
1. smell has to do with food intake.
2. smell has to do with perfumes (deodorants, colognes, etc).
3. smell has to do with genes that relate to body size.
4. smell has to do with genes that don't relate to body size.
Aside from 3 and 4, these extensions aren't mutually exclusive. Presuming that smell has any affect towards attraction at all, if 2 is a dominant extension, then it's statistically unlikely that body size should be a source of attraction at all. Although I will say that a lot of fat/big guys I know seem to like old spice high endurance deodorant. If 3 is a dominant extension, then you have your point, but it's also true that big parents tend to have big kids, and it's not just big girls that go after big guys. If 1 is a dominant factor, then perhaps there's some truth to the whole argument, but I'd argue that aside from spice intake or drinking one's own urine, diet doesn't vary that much from one person to the next (within a demographic).
The experiments you cite seem to only be valid for extension 3. I'm sure there's something valid to the results these experiments gathered, but I'm still sticking to my guns: I say pop-culture has a greater affect on establishing the image of sexy than does scent.
Cultures where it is expensive to be fat are probably the ones that value heavy people. If food is cheap (and cheap food is more fattening than expensive food) like it is now, then fat is devalued.
Originally posted by progmac
here is how you can tell:
rate your attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10: X
rate her attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10 : Y
Post pictures and let us decide.
Originally posted by sunilraman
For the record, physical appearance may have some initial influence but I strongly believe actual hormonal physical (physiological) attraction will play the bigger role in this whole thing. Let us know how the threesome goes...
Or the exchange of body fluids.
Originally posted by Splinemodel
Not true. It's just that cash, power, and/or fame gets women more excited than good-looks,
Depends on the woman...
Back on topic, in college, everyone's pretty much the same as far as cash, power, and fame, so it all boils down to attractiveness again.
You and I must have gone to different colleges...
Zherocharisma,
you seem to think a lot and do very little. This is good sometimes, but in this case, action is where it's at!
This is the measure of what we value.
If you value cheating that is what you will do.
If you value your school or education that is what you will put first.
If you value her you will put her first.
I was a mod here and enjoyed it but there came a time when I knew I was looking into the eyes of my future wife and I resigned from being mod here. Why? I needed to focus more time to my Heather.
What you must do is determine what matters to you the most and go from there.
You must make a list of these priorities and have trust in yourself, her, and who knows maybe even God
Fellowship
Originally posted by sunilraman
For the record, physical appearance may have some initial influence but I strongly believe actual hormonal physical (physiological) attraction will play the bigger role in this whole thing.
I am currently reading up on the marriages strategies from social structure and rational choice theories. Social factors play a very importent role, probably as a filter (alongside other filters like biological filters as well).
One interesting point is that divorces initiated by the women can be predicted very strongly by the difference in social status between the partners, at least here in Denmark.
Originally posted by segovius
Become a fundamentalist Christian and devote your life to campaigning vehemently against sex before marriage.
Forget that, become a Mormon and have all the sex and women you want..