To Spank or not to Spank
Hey! I'm talking about children here.. clean up your minds.
As a father of a two year old I am often faced with the question of whether to spank our child or not. Most of the time we don't... but I'll admit there have been a few times when a swat on the butt made all the difference.
In addition, if my son does something that could be very dangerous.. for example playing with an electrical cord, I have slapped his hand.
I think the key is... don't ever do it when you are angry.
What are your thoughts. Please include whether you are a parent or not in your answer.... I've found that many opinions I have had have changed now that I am a parent.
As a father of a two year old I am often faced with the question of whether to spank our child or not. Most of the time we don't... but I'll admit there have been a few times when a swat on the butt made all the difference.
In addition, if my son does something that could be very dangerous.. for example playing with an electrical cord, I have slapped his hand.
I think the key is... don't ever do it when you are angry.
What are your thoughts. Please include whether you are a parent or not in your answer.... I've found that many opinions I have had have changed now that I am a parent.
Comments
Just don't forget that all kids are different -- some won't press the issue, but then others have definite designs on world domination before they reach 1st grade, and need the parent-child lines of communication cleared from time-to-time.
For the young ones (5 years or less) I make them sit on the floor until they can tell me what they did wrong. Timeouts and loss of permissions handles the older ones.
Originally posted by dmz
[i]Just don't forget that all kids are different -- some won't press the issue, but then others have definite designs on world domination before they reach 1st grade, and need the parent-child lines of communication cleared from time-to-time.
I agree.
That's what you need to do.
Originally posted by e1618978
but then I only have girls so the behaviour problems are kind of limited.
Yep, never underestimate us girls. We're not like boys, we like to manipulate. 8)
I was spanked as a child, and I have to say, I stayed out of trouble often, because I knew what I would get later. I think consistency is key. And please, never be afraid of telling them "No." Overindulgent children seem to be a big problem these days. Remember, you're the one in charge, not them.
I'm not even a mother.. figure that one out.
Originally posted by Ebby
I have just graduated my 2nd 18 year old girl - it is easier once you go through it once. The danger period is 14-17, when their body is maturing faster than their judgement, after that you are smooth sailing.
If the kid is borderline incorrigible, the way I was, it also doesn't hurt to yell at him while taking off your belt -- threatening a whipping. I was never actually hit with a belt, but, wow, I remember it being a sobering gesture.
Originally posted by Placebo
Your child's behavior during childhood has little to no bearing on the rest of their life, so might as well not make it a painful one.
I definitely disagree with this. Brat kids grow up to be antisocial adults.
let me tell you one thing, i love my father with all my heart and respect the hell out of him. but because i grew up my entire life being flat out AFRAID of my dad and the sound of his big belt buckle, i cant hardly show my dad how i feel about him.
i can see it just tears him apart to know that he used to just beat the shit out of us. the first time i EVER saw my dad cry was after a 14 day backpacking/camping trip to Philmont. he was so happy he got to share such an awesome experience with me and i could see how proud he had become of me but it was so incredibly awkward. i learned to respect him and fear him but my love for him wasnt until later in life.
hopefully you understand what im trying to say.
my dad beat us cause that's the only thing he knew (his dad beat him, his sisters and his mom. and my dad hasnt talked to his father in over 20 years b/c of it)
i think my dad finally realized that he had been the father that he grew up hating and still feels bad about it.
in my mind i've forgiven my dad but i have yet to be able to tell him that.
voilence in youth is NOT GOOD.
that being said, i think SPANKING is a must. BUT there is a huge difference bewteen SPANKING and BEATING your child.
i look back and can remember that i was a punk ass of a kid at times and did really stupid stuff that was unneccessary. so i can see that many times i should have been spanked, disciplined, sent to my room to cool down, etc.
but transferring your anger into violence to a child will solve absolutely nothing and just RUIN your relationship w/ your family.
oddly enough, its even made my relationship w/ my sister weird. i've had nightmares of my sis dying and woken up crying and scared sh!tless that it might one day happen. and all i felt like doing was calling my sis and saying "i love you" but to this day i still cant muster up those three words for some reason. being overly disciplened as children didnt seem to affect anything except our emotions and relationships w/ each other.
so, in conclusion (lol), use mild physical discipline tactics WHENEVER necessary. but NEVER cross the line into abuse. NEVER take your anger out on them. WALK AWAY if you get heated. let your wife step in if necessary. teach them to respect you b/c you are their father not because you are stronger and bigger than them. teach them to respect your wife even more than they should respect you. i never treated my mom with enough respect or compassion.
im sure most of this is obvious but to some parents its not. my whole family's emotional structure (or lack there of) is completely f-ed b/c my parents went beyond "spanking".
Originally posted by e1618978
I definitely disagree with this. Brat kids grow up to be antisocial adults.
That's idiotic. You can choose to be whatever you want to.
Plus, a child should know why somethig is wrong and that should deter him, not that doing so causes pain. That's the parent instilling an animal-like fear into their child.
Originally posted by Placebo
That's idiotic. You can choose to be whatever you want to.
very true.
Originally posted by Placebo
That's idiotic. You can choose to be whatever you want to.
Plus, a whild should know why somethig is wrong and that should deter him, not that doing so causes pain. That's the parent instilling an animal-like fear into their child.
I'm not suggesting physical punishment, but if you don't put some limits on your child's behaviour, he/she will grow up to be a monster. I have seen it over and over - sure, if you are thinking rationally then you can choose your life, but people with no childhood limits do not think rationally.
Yes, the penalty will give them pause to consider how they are going to choose to behave. That's all paddling is, you don't want to spend 16 years of your life per child controlling their every move -- you have to set limits, but allow choices within those limits, and enforce the rules when they are broken.
But the problem I found is that a simple swat on the butt doesn't have any effect either. That's really no more meaningful than a stern talkng-to or a time-out.
So now I use cigarette burns on their underarms. It's not debilitating in any way, it just teaches them morals. Parents need to really take charge, and this squeamishness about using real punishment shows in this politically-correct "spanking" that do-gooder parents use. They're raising kids who think they can get away with anything.
Originally posted by BRussell
So now I use cigarette burns on their underarms. It's not debilitating in any way, it just teaches them morals.
Well why don't I just give you my parent's thumb screws while I'm at it. What is the forwarding address again? I'll bring them by personally along with my size 13 boots.
Also, why spanking? That seems kind of perverted when you think about it. Pull a hair out or something.