Am I A Serial Killer Or Just Growing Up
OK so I'm 34 and never been in a long-term relationship, though I have had the fortune of knowing the lovely opposite sex in enough detail. (I'm male, generally hetero the past several years).
Something freaky has been happening, though I think children are an impossible choice because of this world and the overburdened earth [adoption would be the only sensible option if I wanted kids, and they would have to be less than 5 years old so as to ensure adequate bonding, even then I've gotta be in tip top financial, physical and mental health], recently when I meet someone whom I think is, "hmm... not bad" suddenly I have flashes of imagining them, not necessarily naked straight away, but in a wedding dress!
Either this is a natural male biological/psychological process, or I'm a serial killer that will soon have victims who are brides.
All joking aside, what's going on?
To me marriage never seemed 100% for the rest of our lives, because if we live to 90 at least on average by, say, 2060, then surely human relationships may not have a single "cycle" that fulfills that criteria.
But the weird thing is that marriage-divorce-marriage-divorce never seems to be a reasonable solution to the above, polygamy maybe, but then again surely there's a better solution?
I've been in the past 100% commitment phobic but this weird marriage ideation has taken me by surprise recently.
Comments
I believe this is a factor of age… differences in electrochemical responses in the brain, looking for a permanent solution to continue your line… but I can't be certain because this is how I've ALWAYS viewed women. I judge all potential encounters with women by their ability to end in a lifelong relationship, and I've done so since I was in first grade. Of all the things that I CANNOT remember, this is something that I know that I know.
I'm not really the best uh… help in this matter because of that.
I wouldn't try to intellectually examine pre-verbal impulses. Follow what you desire, enact your innate desires with a modicum of logic…and no matter, be prepared to accept change.
Everything we do in life is just to play The Game. Have fun, and don't worry about.
me: married once, about to get married again. No regrets. Enjoying it all, so-called failure and success alike.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nvidia2008
“…suddenly I have flashes of imagining them, not necessarily naked straight away, but in a wedding dress!
[…]
I've been in the past 100% commitment phobic but this weird marriage ideation has taken me by surprise recently.”
I think if you were a serial killer, you’d have known it long ago.
Perhaps it’s some insidious “get married and have a family” conditioning which was dormant till now, result of biological drive and some family-centric culture thrown in.
I hope the outcome will be positive.
As for the lady I mentioned she's gone on holiday for a month, and she's my colleague's niece (before you freak out my colleague is much older than me).
I need to finish a major project I'm working on this coming month so I have my shit together to be able to enjoy good relationships.
you sir, are experiencing I believe similar feelings as I have, I do think the novelty of 'flings' have worn us down & the stability & calm tranquility of a long-term relationship with actual trust & love built more on just sex are now becoming substantially more appealing to us as we look further down the road in life.
I commend you 120% in very high-regard for being forthright & level-headed about adoption, the bonding & impression age (ie: make sure you get them at around the age when their not a screaming baby, but still not 'ruined' and able to raise in your desired way, ripe for impressioning)... & then understanding the financial obligations -thank heavens, I strongly believe that if you can't afford kids, do not propagate! It costs a hella lota money to raise kids. I would love to adopt to keep me company, but I realize I would probably not make a good role model at this time nor do I have near the money to ensure a prosperous life for my child no matter what (ie: hospital bills, etc.). I enjoy both sexes but would hate for my child to grow up not having a traditional 'mom & dad'
one thing that sickens me is people who insist on getting REPEAT (not once, but 'try again) IVF & various $100,000 treatments because they want to spit-out a kid of their own.... which they will then go 'woe-is-me' when it comes out disabled from a body that says 'do not have kids, something is wrong'..... I watched a TV show about a couple who racked up $300,000 trying various fertility treatments (unsuccessfully) over & over, and ran out of money to try another one..... so then they went to Canada to get their next (i believe 4th) attempt (successful) at the 'extremely affordable' price of just $75,000.... to think of how much good that money could have done & how selfish that act was just sickens me. I'm all for lavish spending but... really? Why couldn't they just adopt a great kid they could still 'make their own'..
Sorry to derail your thread a bit but I thought +1 totally to your mindset & got a little too excited typing that out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xionium
you sir, are experiencing I believe similar feelings as I have, I do think the novelty of 'flings' have worn us down & the stability & calm tranquility of a long-term relationship with actual trust & love built more on just sex are now becoming substantially more appealing to us as we look further down the road in life.
I commend you 120% in very high-regard for being forthright & level-headed about adoption, the bonding & impression age (ie: make sure you get them at around the age when their not a screaming baby, but still not 'ruined' and able to raise in your desired way, ripe for impressioning)... & then understanding the financial obligations -thank heavens, I strongly believe that if you can't afford kids, do not propagate! It costs a hella lota money to raise kids. I would love to adopt to keep me company, but I realize I would probably not make a good role model at this time nor do I have near the money to ensure a prosperous life for my child no matter what (ie: hospital bills, etc.). I enjoy both sexes but would hate for my child to grow up not having a traditional 'mom & dad'
one thing that sickens me is people who insist on getting REPEAT (not once, but 'try again) IVF & various $100,000 treatments because they want to spit-out a kid of their own.... which they will then go 'woe-is-me' when it comes out disabled from a body that says 'do not have kids, something is wrong'..... I watched a TV show about a couple who racked up $300,000 trying various fertility treatments (unsuccessfully) over & over, and ran out of money to try another one..... so then they went to Canada to get their next (i believe 4th) attempt (successful) at the 'extremely affordable' price of just $75,000.... to think of how much good that money could have done & how selfish that act was just sickens me. I'm all for lavish spending but... really? Why couldn't they just adopt a great kid they could still 'make their own'..
Sorry to derail your thread a bit but I thought +1 totally to your mindset & got a little too excited typing that out.
Thank you, I appreciate your wonderful feedback. Yes, if people can afford IVF, I don't think we should stop them, but we should really as a human species look at adoption as a better alternative. Not to go all "brangelina" on things but in our own countries, let alone other impoverished nations, there's plenty of kids ~already in flesh and blood~ ready to go, ready to love you, right out there, right now, wanting to call you mummy and daddy. Surely this argument may reduce overblown IVF expenditures.
It's interesting you mention gay marriage, I too have "experimented" but as a generally hetero male I cannot deny the wonderful touch of a woman in all aspects of my life. Unfortunately many women have tried to scam me over the past several years but I've returned to Australia from a worse country and women here are more, well, I think less likely to be dodgy, assuming I practice some discernment.
What is interesting is that in Australia anyway de facto mom-mom dad-dad families are perfectly legal and assuming they meet the standard adoption/IVF/surrogate etc criteria they already are raising families. I too understand the concern that is that okay for the child, but instead of all of us wasting time on whether gay marriage should be legal or not, look RIGHT NOW at the situation of hetero and alternative nuclear families and really see, what's happening, what's working, what's not, what's the same, what's different. The current gay marriage discussion is too focused on a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" mentality, some people think that as long as they are not "married" "I" don't have to worry what they're doing. But if they are "married", suddenly "I" am worried about the kids. So I think all of our pro- or anti- gay marriage concerns are understandable, but we need to peel of the layer of nonsense and look at the core. Are people happier? Are kids better? Do kids adjust okay at school? Because, well, it's already happening, but some sticking to their "Don't Ask Don't Tell" mentality want to forget that kids are out there already with gay parents. Again, not to rag on your view, I share your concern, so as always, it may be best to can the nonsense out there in the public "debate" and look at what's happening, kid-by-kid if we need to.