Sexual Insecurity...
Hi, a lot of college students here seem to be very paranoid. They are terrified to be labeled as gay.
If I put my hand on a guy's arm for example when talking, he will think it's gay and say stop that, it's gay.
Another thing is men commenting on other men. People here say "I'm a man so I can't say if another guy is good looking or not".
I think that's absolute crap. Everyone can have an opinion on that and it just shows people's sexual insecurities.
So why is being labeled gay such a terrifying thing? Why is it even seen as such a serious thing?
Also, people use derogatory comments like "oh, that's so gay".
Why?
If I put my hand on a guy's arm for example when talking, he will think it's gay and say stop that, it's gay.
Another thing is men commenting on other men. People here say "I'm a man so I can't say if another guy is good looking or not".
I think that's absolute crap. Everyone can have an opinion on that and it just shows people's sexual insecurities.
So why is being labeled gay such a terrifying thing? Why is it even seen as such a serious thing?
Also, people use derogatory comments like "oh, that's so gay".
Why?
Comments
Hi, a lot of college students here seem to be very paranoid. They are terrified to be labeled as gay.
If I put my hand on a guy's arm for example when talking, he will think it's gay and say stop that, it's gay.
It's an American vs. European personal space issue. I usually stay an arm's length from someone I'm talking to, and I rarely or never touch them. It's irritating when someone does touch me, just because I'm not used to it. To people here, yes, it is gay. Stop it.
Another thing is men commenting on other men. People here say "I'm a man so I can't say if another guy is good looking or not".
I think that's absolute crap. Everyone can have an opinion on that and it just shows people's sexual insecurities.
Not necessarily. I can tell if a man is good looking or not. However, since I never actually feel attracted to him, I can't make a judgement based on how turned on I am. When a straight man judges a woman, he can just go by his "SCHWING" factor. But judging a man is more difficult since a straight man won't be turned on by looking at him. You can use various objective means of determining how attractive someone is, but I've never been able to look at a guy and say "He's hot." Maybe "he's very good looking" or something, but not hot.
So why is being labeled gay such a terrifying thing? Why is it even seen as such a serious thing?
Also, people use derogatory comments like "oh, that's so gay".
Why?
Because you touch yourself at night.
But our music campus was a profoundly affectionate place. Hugs were everywhere regardless of gender or orientation. I still miss my 10 hug a day minimum quota.
And men hugging men may be seen as "gay" by some, but I love hugs so I hug everyone.
Nick
I'm certainly not worried about if anyone thinks I'm gay or not. I openly dated a pre-operative male-to-female transsexual for a few months at one time, and I think I rather enjoyed making people have to struggle to assess exactly "how gay" that made me.
As for men who, ahem, look like men, I don't feel inclined to comment about their appearance simply because, to me, 99% of men look ugly or goofy or both. The remaining 1% don't elicit much more than a neutral response, except maybe some vague musing now and then that it might be nice to look more like some particular man myself.
I really hate hearing things like "That's so gay!" used as a derogatory remark.
I definitely have a very American sense of personal space -- I don't like anyone other than a romantic partner getting right into my face to talk.
about me touching the friend's arm, it was very brief, about 1 second, really just to get his attention, but apparently he though it was gay and was like "don't!"
I met an italian girl here a couple weeks ago and immediately remembered what it once was. We had met each other for the first time and we were talking at about 12 inches distance and her hand was on my arm.
Why all this thing about personal space? I don't quite understand why you dislike touching.
I remember reading that touching is very important in many societies and it is crucial for infant development and he will grow up with problems and will be under stress if devoid of touching.
Originally posted by Luca
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Not necessarily. I can tell if a man is good looking or not. However, since I never actually feel attracted to him, I can't make a judgement based on how turned on I am.
Exactly, that's what I mean. I think most people can tell if a man is attractive or not yet most men I've seen when asked that question by women say "I can't tell at all". And so I asked them to compare 2 men, 1 ugly one good looking and they still said they can't judge because they're a man.
I think they say that because they are very afraid to have anything to do with gayness.
Much of it has to do with how well you know the person. I think this part is key. Two guys who have been really good friends for a while tend to care less about this kind of thing. Probably because they are "trusted" not to make some kind of "Gay" move. Two straight guys who are best buddies can touch each other and even sit next to each other (maybe even touching some body part
The guys commenting on other guys i've never understood. Girls have asked me this and I never know how to respond. Not because I think it will sound gay, but because I really don't know if another guy is "cute" or "hot". Somehow girls can do this to each other, but they know about fashion, hygene, and personal appearence, more than us straight guys. I'm sure this is how it is for most guys.
I dunno where you are from (yea, I know i could scroll down and look, but I'm to lazy) but saying something is "So gay" as a derogatory remark is so middle school for me. Honestly, I haven't heard anyone say that around here in about 5+ years, unless they are being stupid/sarcastic. It's used, but not in a really negative sense, as it once was. Even gay people call things "Really gay", if they are.
Originally posted by Dogcow
The g Not because I think it will sound gay, but because I really don't know if another guy is "cute" or "hot".
oh come on. lets try a simple exercise:
or
I'm sure you can tell me which is more attractive.
Don't touch, Smack!
Originally posted by stevegongrui
oh come on. lets try a simple exercise:
or
I'm sure you can tell me which is more attractive.
Damn, talk about your extreme makeovers!
I am at college and people seem to be very comfortable with the entire 'gay' thing.
Originally posted by soulcrusher
I don't know.
I am at college and people seem to be very comfortable with the entire 'gay' thing.
Where are you?
I guess it depends on what college you're at.
I'm at hicksville Charlottesville. Redneck leper colony.
(actually it's not like that)
but lots of conservative people upper middle class snobby kids. ewww
I don't consider myself having any sexual insecurities, but I do like my personal space. That, and dwarf porn, of course.
NOT GAY - hunting
GAY - sitting around a campfire with a bunch of other guys in the middle of the woods
GAY - walking around in just your briefs
NOT GAY - walking around in just your boxers
GAY - being a boy scout
NOT GAY - being an eagle scout
GAY - swimming in speedos
NOT GAY - watching huge men in the WWE jump on each other while wearing speedos
GAY - touching your buddy
NOT GAY - hitting your buddy (even a good sac-wack is acceptable)
GAY - mixed, fruity, drinks with lots of alcohol
NOT GAY - beer with less alcohol
NOT GAY - passing out from drinking to much
NOT GAY - watching (american) football
GAY - watching football players
GAY - penises
NOT GAY - drawing penises
GAY - slapping another guy's ass
NOT GAY - slapping a teammate's ass
GAY - your best friend is a girl (fag-hag)
NOT GAY - you have a girl friend
Originally posted by stevegongrui
Where are you?
I guess it depends on what college you're at.
I'm at hicksville Charlottesville. Redneck leper colony.
(actually it's not like that)
but lots of conservative people upper middle class snobby kids. ewww
Well, soulcrusher is in Durham NC. In my opinion, pretty similar a place to where you are.
In my experience, the people who get worked up over physical contact between males are the ones who have been labled as "gay" already for other reasons, but aren't gay. These are the same people that analyze behavior in mens' contact sports and dub it "homoerotic," which is fully untrue. Certainly homophilia, I suppose, but there's not really any eroticism involved.
Originally posted by stevegongrui
oh come on. lets try a simple exercise:
I'm sure you can tell me which is more attractive.
Ok, which male cast member from this season's real world is the best looking and why?
Originally posted by Dogcow
I was thinking about this a little more and really what is considered "gay" in our culture is really stupid. Here are just a few things I've picked up from our culture as being gay or not gay. [there of course are all generalities and I'd don't agree with all of them, it's just what i've noticed].
Interesting...I must really come off as gay then:
GAY - swimming in speedos
GAY - mixed, fruity, drinks with lots of alcohol
GAY - your best friend is a girl (fag-hag)
And I wear what you call here "tighty whities"
some kid was telling me to wear boxers because what I wear now is gay and he said I don't want that.