The good old-fashioned fist fight

Posted:
in General Discussion edited January 2014
So, I almost got into a tilt at work today. After a tense little discussion with a customer turned into an outright shouting match, and I had a few threats tossed my way, I put out the warning. I told the prick to leave my office, or I would kick him out.



It felt good coming out. I hate this person. I?m tired of him. But then I thought well shit, what if he doesn?t leave?



I?ve had my share of confrontations lately, but I haven?t been in a full out fist fight in years. So I?m standing there with a scowl on my face staring at this guy, he?s doing to same thing back, and I start going through some moves in my head.



Should I start out with a little jumping, spinning, heel kick to the temple? I used to do those in Tae Kwon Do, but they don?t work against real people, do they? I could always use the bit of Jiu-Jitsu training I have and take him to the floor, then snap his elbow out with an arm bar. Or wait, maybe just a choke? Then there?s the old kick to the groin followed by a fierce head butt to the forehead. I have used head butts before, and damn they?re effective. Or I could kick him in the stomach, and when he doubles over, grab his head and give him a Jack The Snake DDT into the tile floor. Now THAT would screw this guy up bad!



Well, all that planning for nothing. I get yet another ?**** you!? and dork-o leaves in a huff.



Oh well, it was fun fantasizing. I?m sure dude is going to be back at least once this week, so maybe it?ll go after all. Anyone got any good tips? Flying Ninja Scissor Kicks? Maybe a Hurricane Elbow followed by a Texas Face Stomp?



Been in any good fights lately? Stories to share?



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Comments

  • Reply 1 of 50
    defiantdefiant Posts: 4,876member
    I've always been a pussy and tried to stop a fight whenever I could.
  • Reply 2 of 50
    billybobskybillybobsky Posts: 1,914member
    I tend to avoid physical fights as I am 6' 135 lb and have decently built triceps (picking up overly stuffed book bags for 13 years will do it -- i call it the dork muscle) and nothing else. Alas, my arguments/fights are of the mental kind and they are nasty soul crushing affairs...
  • Reply 3 of 50
    thuh freakthuh freak Posts: 2,664member
    i've been on a mean kick recently, and tried unceremoniously to get my friends into fights. they wont go for it though. i's like "how much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?", and they diffuse the confrontation with bouts of fightclub quotes. sometimes you really feel like destroying something beautiful, though.



    you might want to try the touch of death, a la bart simpson. its always good in a pinch.
  • Reply 4 of 50
    alcimedesalcimedes Posts: 5,486member
    fights are fun.
  • Reply 5 of 50
    addaboxaddabox Posts: 12,660member
    Every fight I have ever been an observer of makes the combatants look silly.



    You know how it goes: the sudden sound of chairs being flipped over, people in the vicinity scattering, and then the spectacle of two grown men throwing wild punches, grappling, grunting, red faced, somebody's shirt gets torn, somebody goes down, a lot of macho "go home, pussy" kind of stuff....



    Sure is different than the movies, where manly men clock each other full on in the jaw and just shake it off and keep trading blows.
  • Reply 6 of 50
    cosmonutcosmonut Posts: 4,872member
    How about the Five Finger Palm Exploding Heart Technique?



    Step...step...step...step...step -- BLAM!



    Your problems are over.
  • Reply 7 of 50
    johnqjohnq Posts: 2,763member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by murbot

    So, I almost got into a tilt at work today. After a tense little discussion with a customer turned into an outright shouting match, and I had a few threats tossed my way, I put out the warning. I told the prick to leave my office, or I would kick him out. .....





    What makes you think he doesn't have a gun in his vehicle?



    Canada might have like 400-500 gun deaths a year but there is no magic keeping you from being one of them, right?



    If someone doesn't leave, call the cops. Makes it far worse for them if they try to fight you or prevent you from calling. Plus if there are no witnesses you are better off having called the cops before a fight starts. You don't want him to be able to say you attacked him and get sued.





    Better to hit only when attacked.



    Myself, I like bending their thumbs back to their wrists. Tends to end the fight. Or a nice headbutt. Or kick out their kneecaps. Or jab to the solar plexus. So much for pacifism.
  • Reply 8 of 50
    piwozniakpiwozniak Posts: 815member
    out of these 500, 499 are hunting accidents, guys drink too much and mistake each other for ducks...



    can you imagine walking into a store/office, (whatever it is) and getting your ass kicked by some weird looking green guy?



    I guess after 30 your chances of getting into a decent fight are decreasing wit each passing day, so if one gets a chance like that, i say go for it...





  • Reply 9 of 50
    quagmirequagmire Posts: 558member
    I never get in a fight. But, if I was forced into a fight I would of course defend myself. The moves that I would do is the spear, jackhammer, stone cold stunner, and the walls of jericho.



    Edit: I would also do rock bottom, peoples elbow, the last ride, tombstone pile driver, the F-U, the F-5, ankle lock, figure four, cross face, sharp shooter, pedigree, and mr. socko.
  • Reply 10 of 50
    johnqjohnq Posts: 2,763member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by quagmire

    I never get in a fight. But, if I was forced into a fight I would of course defend myself. The moves that I would do is the spear, jackhammer, stone cold stunner, and the walls of jericho.



    lol...



    p.s. Remind me why I am in your sig? I'm honored.
  • Reply 11 of 50
    Quote:

    Originally posted by quagmire

    I never get in a fight. But, if I was forced into a fight I would of course defend myself. The moves that I would do is the spear, jackhammer, stone cold stunner, and the walls of jericho.



    No peoples elbow?
  • Reply 12 of 50
    progmacprogmac Posts: 1,850member
    i'm no MBA, but roughing up the customers doesn't seem to be a good way to increase sales.
  • Reply 13 of 50
    quagmirequagmire Posts: 558member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by johnq

    lol...



    p.s. Remind me why I am in your sig? I'm honored.




    Fine, consider yourself excluded from my sig. I changed it and explained why.
  • Reply 14 of 50
    crazychestercrazychester Posts: 1,339member
    At the risk of attracting the attention of the Arrogant Self-Righteous Pr*cks Brigade again, a friend of mine who knows how to fight reckons the hard, swift punch straight between the eyes is the way to go. Take them down in one hit if possible and, of course, hit them before they hit you.



    Not that I'm advocating violence but sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.



    However, I'm pretty sure he'd say that kicks to the balls and bending back thumbs was fighting like a girl.
  • Reply 15 of 50
    johnqjohnq Posts: 2,763member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by crazychester

    At the risk of attracting the attention of the Arrogant Self-Righteous Pr*cks Brigade again, a friend of mine who knows how to fight reckons the hard, swift punch straight between the eyes is the way to go. Take them down in one hit if possible and, of course, hit them before they hit you.



    Not that I'm advocating violence but sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.




    Except at your office. I'm not getting sued/fired/arrested by some turd because I hit him, unless it's clearly self defense.



    Quote:

    Originally posted by crazychester

    However, I'm pretty sure he'd say that kicks to the balls and bending back thumbs was fighting like a girl.



    I am against hitting in the nuts short of being attacked my someone trying to actually murder you.



    But breaking a finger or two has a nice way of turning giants into kneeling simpering ragdolls...good enough for me.
  • Reply 16 of 50
    nebulousnebulous Posts: 193member
    Can't we all just get along?



    Peace and love, people!



    I've never been an advocate of violence. If you're put into a situation where you have to fight, there are acceptable ways to get out of it, but anything started "Just for kicks" is not cool. A quick double-handed clap to the ears will disorient your opponent, and give you time to get away, or them time to reconsider. If that doesn't work, then there are numerous painful actions that can be inflicted upon the neck.



    Wow - that was a weird post. This is not very like me, but we DID just learn a bunch of these moves in karate four days ago... Must make up for the weirdness! *breaks out the flowers and peace pins*



    Kumbaya!
  • Reply 17 of 50
    dmzdmz Posts: 5,775member
    Only fight in self-defense---when you do---hit them hard and hit them in the stomach.



    In reality fights HURT ALOT and you only need to be in one two when you realize that even if you're the last one standing, you've lost.



    What is more, you can 'assualt" someone without touching them--assualt and battery is much more serious (when you do stike the other guy) and all of this can turn into assualt with a deadly weapon which is WAY into felony territory, in a big hurry.



    Nursing a nice pressure cut on you face for a week or so isn't habit forming---discretion is the better part of valor.
  • Reply 18 of 50
    splinemodelsplinemodel Posts: 7,311member
    I've actually been in a bunch of fights. If you want to play it safe, keep a tire-iron behind the desk. Some guys are pretty good fighters, and you wouldn't know it.



    Anyway, if you're going to insist on unarmed, a good mix of punching and grappling is usually the best solution. If you're the taller one, make sure to keep pushing him away, since you want to make sure your reach advantage is maintained. Then just mix in some good swatting. The best punch is the blow right to the bottom of the ribs on either side. Somehow it always gets the job done, and a lot of people are too concerned about protecting the face, so it's often nice and exposed.
  • Reply 19 of 50
    resres Posts: 711member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by murbot





    -snip-



    Should I start out with a little jumping, spinning, heel kick to the temple? I used to do those in Tae Kwon Do, but they don?t work against real people, do they?



    - snip -







    I've found that the only effective moves from Tae Kwon Do, in a real fight, are the forward kick, side kick, and few punches (my favorite instructor used to warn us not to try anything fancy in a real fight, and he was right).



    Of course, it is always best to avoid a physical confrontation when possible, but if someone attacks you, do whatever it takes to end the fight quickly.
  • Reply 20 of 50
    dmband0026dmband0026 Posts: 2,345member
    I've been in a few fights in my day.

    I used to play a lot of street hockey, I don't a lot anymore. I got in a few in hockey.



    But some of the worst were in water polo, one that I can remember in particular: A guy in the pool kept grabbing at my junk, needless to say, it hurt a lot. So I got in a few kicks to his gut underwater, but he still wouldn't back off and he actually started throwing elbows and fists whenever he could. As a personal rule, I never started anything in the water, but I did finish it. I got a pass and pulled back to shoot, fired, and scored. Next thing I see is a fist flying at my head, he nailed me right in the temple. I got wicked pissed, but I held back. But the next change of possession, I went all out on him, nailed him in the face a few times and ended up breaking his nose by head-butting him. The ref didn't see any of it, and we won the game.
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