Working with busybodies

Posted:
in General Discussion edited January 2014
This post is long so you probably don't want to read it.



I love my job. I really do. It often allows me a lot of free time (to write long stupid posts like this) and I never take my work home with me. But the drama llama came in today and took a giant dump on the floor.



Unfortunately, the building is crawling with bored people who feel the ever-pressing desire to involve themselves in everything. The queen busybody of my floor is Marcia.



There are two things Marcia consistently does to irritate the ever-living hell out of me:



1) "Eat lunch with us!"

I am a 23 year old man. I work with 50-70 year-old women. They do nothing but gossip. I abhor gossip with every bone in my body. I don't care who had what done. I don't care who is dating whom. I don't care what you think of someone else's posters in their office. And I sure as hell don't care what your old ass thinks about politics.

I eat lunch either in my office or in the side office (which I will discuss later) alone or with one of my work-studies (students who get financial aid for on-campus work) because that's how I want to eat lunch, not because the goddam sewing circle isn't making me feel welcome.



2) "Keep that door locked!"

My office has a side office that has a refrigerator and a microwave. Inside are two old PCs. This isn't because I'm fancy and powerful it is because I work in an old building and the layout is stupid.

People from the department use the fridge/microwave and some TAs hold office hours in the room. No big deal, it's fine with me.



The door to this room is inside of my office; there is no other entrance or exit. But Marcia insists that it be kept locked at all times.



- "Well, groverat, Marcia is the boss and is responsible for the computers inside that office."

No, Marcia is the secretary of two academic advisors down the hall.



- "Well, groverat, she is merely concerned that they might be stolen."

The door is in my office, which is locked if I am not in.



- "Well, groverat, if ninja pirate nazi burglars manage to get past your door, surely the other lock will foil them and not allow them to get away with those invaluable P-III 600mhz machines with those kickin' rad 15" CRT monitors."

*exploding head*



Now, it's not that she's just mentioned it a few times. It is quite literally EVERY DAY OF MY WORKING LIFE. I work 7am-4pm. She works about 9am-2:30/3pm. Without fail, WITHOUT FAIL, she leaves and asks me, in her insanely irritating lisp that I pray was given to her by an abusive ex-husband, "Make thsure that door iths locked ok?" (In my mind I call her "Rocket"... reference to Stuck On You.)



I have been nice to her forever because she's old enough to be my mother, but today is my Michael Douglas in Falling Down day.



I usually get in about 6:30am and the place always smells dingy after a weekend of emptiness. I fire up some incense on my desk to break the stagnant smell and wake myself up (not a stoner). It burns through, the place is smelling nice.



10:00am, about 3 hours after the incense is burned off and the ashes in the trash can, in comes Marcia (sorry, Marshcthia)...



her: "Do you know where that horrible inthcenthse thsmell iths coming from?"

- me: "My desk."

her: *stunned silence*

- me: "I burned it this morning to get that stagnant, Monday morning smell out of the air. Sorry if it bothered you, I won't burn it anymore."

her: "Well, it'ths juthst that not everyone likeths thstrong thsmellths."

- me: "I understand. No problem."

her: "You know, thsometimes I walk down the drag and I won't even go into thsome of the shopths that are burning inthcenthse."

- me: "..." *Why do I care?*

her: "One time profethssor NameRedacted had to athsk thsomeone in her office thsuite to thstop uthsing a candle becauthse the thsmell was juthst killing her."

- me: "..." *I loathe you*

her: "I alwayths thought it waths juthst drug userths who burned that thstuff."

- me: "..." *I am about to hurt you physically*

her: "I juthst don't like to thsmell anything while I'm working."

- me: *rage building... Hulk theme music starting* "I enjoy smelling split-pea soup (her favorite lunch) all the time around lunch. That smell doesn't linger at all."



I get a call from big boss lady. I go to her office. Marcia called her to say I was rude.



The exchange with bosslady (who I really like) went something like this:

her: "Marcia said you burned incense."

me: "Guilty as charged."

her: "What kind."

me: "Black cherry."

her: "I bet that's nice. But not everyone likes strong smells. Even good ones."

me: "I am aware of that now, I told her I wouldn't burn it anymore."

her: "Oh, did you?"

me: "Yes, of course I did."

her: "She said you didn't like her heating up her food next to your office. Why haven't you said anything to me about that?"

me: "Because I recognize the fact that I exist around other people and that people do things I might not always like and I don't let it bother me. So instead of lecturing Marcia about how split-pea soup smells, to me, like old people dying in a nursing home I just move on with my day."



Perhaps 23-year-old men are just not meant to work with 50+-year-old women. Christ all-mighty... I'm about to go postal.



Hopefully this means she won't talk to me. Maybe now it is clear that I wish terrible things on her and she'll leave me the hell alone... not likely.
«13

Comments

  • Reply 1 of 45
    buonrottobuonrotto Posts: 6,368member
    Did the second exchange make you feel a bit better at least? Sounded like straight talk and common sense anyway. I enjoy cutting through the BS myself. I find it refreshing actually, and savor those moments.
  • Reply 2 of 45
    e1618978e1618978 Posts: 6,075member
    Quote:

    Inside are two old PCs



    Does anyone use the PCs? Send them to reclamation, and maybe she won't care about locking the door anymore if the PCs are gone.
  • Reply 3 of 45
    groveratgroverat Posts: 10,872member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by BuonRotto

    Did the second exchange make you feel a bit better at least?



    Definitely.



    I feel guilty not deferring to their every demand because they are all as old as my mother, but I'm getting the point where I will happily exert any type of dominance and power that I have.



    I like to have a pleasant work environment. But if it is going to be like this then I am going to win (if that isn't obvious enough about me with the way I debate on this site). If I have to trample some old gossips that's what I'll do.
  • Reply 4 of 45
    groveratgroverat Posts: 10,872member
    Yes, the PCs are used by the TAs who hold office hours in that room.
  • Reply 5 of 45
    Nothing you can do about people like that but peacefull co-exist when you have to and otherwise ignore them,.
  • Reply 6 of 45
    e1618978e1618978 Posts: 6,075member
    I used to work with 50 year old women in a government biochemistry research station - it gets worse if they hit on you (just so as you know that someone, somewhere, has it worse than you).
  • Reply 7 of 45
    brussellbrussell Posts: 9,812member
    Middle-aged women are insane. It's just a fact of life. Some hormonal thing I guess. Yes I'm sexist. Although 23-year-old men are insane too - burning incense in an office? That's go to be some kind of fire code violation.
  • Reply 8 of 45
    e1618978e1618978 Posts: 6,075member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by BRussell

    Middle-aged women are insane. It's just a fact of life. Some hormonal thing I guess. Yes I'm sexist. Although 23-year-old men are insane too - burning incense in an office? That's go to be some kind of fire code violation.



    Imagine if it triggered the sprinklers... But the sprinklers have to be tuned to account for the "microwave popcorn burn" effect. For a while one of our executives was smoking out the whole floor every few days.
  • Reply 9 of 45
    groveratgroverat Posts: 10,872member
    This is an old UT building, it's pretty much solid limestone. And unless silver is flammable, I don't think my burner is going to combust.



    Oh Christ, I can't believe I forgot this one... Jesus how stupid of me...



    I listen to music in my office. You can barely hear it outside if there are no students around (rare). I have tons of stuff on her playing the whole time. Well, I get called into the boss's office a few weeks back. Complaint about the music... guess who.



    It isn't because I was playing music or playing it too loud. It was because... wait for it... IT WAS IN SPANISH!



    I speak decent Spanish and I love a lot of the music my brother brought back with him from Chile. I've got Gondwana and Victor Jara albums. They are not louder than anything else (Gondwana is reggae and Victor Jara plays (played ) acoustic folk stuff), the songs are just not in English.



    Marcia said it was a "work distraction" to have to hear people singing in Spanish. I still play it because what are you going to say "I hate Mexicans! Don't make me listen to 'em!"?



    I know she just wanted to complain about my music but can't because she listens to her godawful conservative talk radio all day when she isn't answering phones (I have to walk past her office to leave the building).



    I should start a blog with this, it's something new every day.
  • Reply 10 of 45
    I find music I don't understand less distracting than that which I do understand. This lady is an old crab, that's all.
  • Reply 11 of 45
    shawnjshawnj Posts: 6,656member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by groverat

    I should start a blog with this, it's something new every day.



    Do it.
  • Reply 12 of 45
    murbotmurbot Posts: 5,262member
    Make up a small sign for your desk with "I promise to lock the door" on it. Stick it on the corner of the desk so Marshcthia can see it.
  • Reply 13 of 45
    moogsmoogs Posts: 4,296member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by groverat

    "I enjoy smelling split-pea soup (her favorite lunch) all the time around lunch. That smell doesn't linger at all."

    .....



    her: "She said you didn't like her heating up her food next to your office. Why haven't you said anything to me about that?"



    me: "Because I recognize the fact that I exist around other people and that people do things I might not always like and I don't let it bother me. So instead of lecturing Marcia about how split-pea soup smells, to me, like old people dying in a nursing home I just move on with my day."







    Perhaps 23-year-old men are just not meant to work with 50+-year-old women.



    The thought crossed my mind once or twice when I was working corporate in my 20s. I don't think *anyone* is meant to work with 50+ year old women, except other 50+ year old women.



  • Reply 14 of 45
    scottscott Posts: 7,431member
    I have a woman like that at work. Not nearly as bad. The bad part is that she's had 12 some odd kids and it seems to affect how she interacts with everyone. She has this way of tut tutting everyone like you're one of her adult kids. She has this very passive low intensity way of keeping people in there place. She's been there a long time and the boss has a blind spot for her.



    The bad part is that no one can work directly with her. She hen pecks them into a shrink's office. So the secretary that does most of the work with me and the others I work with quit about every 3-6 months. This has been going on for 3 years.



    I almost feel bad for her. After the last one put in notice she was upset. She doesn't mean to be mean but no one can work with her checking and correcting and redirecting all the time.
  • Reply 15 of 45
    groveratgroverat Posts: 10,872member
    Sounds like a nightmare, Scott.



    Marcia talks about her kids all the time, and there is something sad about it because they are obviously fuck-ups. Three adults working on marriage #15 and career direction #90 (sorry if I offend anyone in the same situation) so there is definitely this sense of her talking to me like I'm one of her kids. Insanely irritating and extremely insulting.



    The professor ladies mother me but in a cool way, like bringing me food all the time (I'm not fat enough, ladies, seriously, I need to be much fatter so keep coming with the baked goods YOU SADISTIC HARPIES!) or just doting on me in general and hugging me (old women like hugging young men, they just love it, especially if said young man is pro-hugging, as I am). It's the support staff that is intolerable.



    I sound like a sexist bastard but I literally work with only three other men; two are gay and the other one spends 99% of his time in another building.



    That's a whole other basket of fun since it's two gay guys, an Indian with a thick accent (Marcia says he's Arab... Christ...), a 23-year-old socialist communist pinko scumbag (me) and a gaggle of 50+ hyper-conservative gossiping housewives.
  • Reply 16 of 45
    Uggg. Cases like the one with Scott make me rue the fact that women got suffrage.



    Now, that's a purposefully offending joke, but the point is the same: starting with women's lib, followed by the general proliferation of equal opportnity employment, and solidified with the popularization of sexual harrasment lawsuits, the formerly well defined line of appropriate business procedure has been marred by foolish policy. There are plenty of case where lawsuits are fully deserved, but it's clear that the legal system is abused when a woman can't be fired for matriarcal behaviour that's negatively affecting the workplace.



    I guess the lesson is that you need to find ways to cover your ass when not hiring matriarchs.



    I loathe the law profession.
  • Reply 17 of 45
    shawnjshawnj Posts: 6,656member
    It sounds similar to the dominant male shit I have to put up with at work-- stuff that is illegal yet the company has no procedure for reporting sexual harassment violations. Basically a whole lot of hostile work environment sexual discrimination-- where the managers engender a sexually charged atmosphere by touching, hugging, kissing, and talking dirty to the female servers. It's pretty sick because some of the prettier girls have come to me complaining that so and so calls them repeatedly at home to pick up shifts and things like that. And that they don't like all the excessive touching but feel like they don't have a choice. Another server has gone to the owners about it and they've done nothing.



    So yeah-- romanticize those days before the equal employment opportunity all you want... There are still problems with enforcing current laws.
  • Reply 18 of 45
    groveratgroverat Posts: 10,872member
    Quote:

    Originally posted by ShawnJ

    Basically a whole lot of hostile work environment sexual discrimination-- where the managers engender a sexually charged atmosphere by touching, hugging, kissing, and talking dirty to the female servers.



    Thankfully I have never had to work with a lecher, but if I did I don't see how I could control my rage and not let the violence flow like rain from over-full storm clouds.



    It would be one of those... "Well your honor, I saw him grope her, I walked toward him to confront him, everything went black, then the next thing I remember is trying to get blood off my shoes in the employee bathroom" type things.
  • Reply 19 of 45
    Quote:

    Originally posted by ShawnJ

    So yeah-- romanticize those days before the equal employment opportunity all you want... There are still problems with enforcing current laws.



    There's a pretty substantial difference between sexual harrasment and the abuse of equal opportunity initiatives. I think most practical businessmen are all in agreement that sexual harrasment is not good policy. That was never the issue, so it was excessive for you to bring it up as anything more than a reference point. The issue is the fact that you can't choose not to hire someone for "personal" reasons. The intent of this judge-made law is good, but in the end it gives people with personal problems a weapon to use against sensibility and true egalitarianism.



    Again, my point is that a personality should be fully accountable in the hiring procedure, even if it's for a mother who acts motherly. Right now, certain personality quirks have become "more equal" than others, to use that term. Anything touching gender or race bias, even if it's a totally honest abstraction from an affiliated culture, is untouchable. That, my friend, is not egalitarian at all.
  • Reply 20 of 45
    dmzdmz Posts: 5,775member
    As someone who does a little hiring myself, I am VERY sensitive to what is going on, who has what job, and if they are happy. Looking at this from the point of view of the owner, don't forget they are under a great deal of pressure, and have a much broader view of the situation. If you couch any complaint in those terms, you might have more traction. (Of course, NEVER set your sights on the Owner's favorite.) hmmmm...maybe this is hopless. I don't envy you guys, I left the 'PMS palace' several years ago. Hang in there, patience is good.



    BUT



    In my experience, especially for you younger guys, telling the boss to shove it up his/her ass is probably not unadvisable in all cases. Sometimes good employees suddenly blurting out the honest-to-God truth, and then hitting the clock is risky, but at the same time a force of Change.



    AND



    from Robbie Burns:



    O wad some Power the giftie gie us

    To see oursels as ithers see us!

    It wad frae mony a blunder free us,

    An' foolish notion:

    What airs in dress an' gait wad lea'e us,

    An' ev'n devotion!



    You can listen to the whole poem here.
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