A cloned pig suffering from hemorrhoids. But still...the perky breasts were tantalizing. Suddenly though, he realized that unlike the tattoo, he was NOT a pig and so...
said "two tickets for Lord of the Rings, and make it perk...er...snappy!" The young wench took his money, pulled her cover back on and handed him the tickets. Suddenly...
"Steve Jobs!" the girl exclaimed. "The Steve Jobs??!!"
And as soon as that sweet little voice crossed our hero's ears, he felt himself lurch forward, stumbling over Humbert as the theater rippled in distorted warps as a newly-formed RDF began emminating from the ticket booth.
"Noooooo!!" he screamed. He started to run behind the booth to grab the phone, but he felt trapped, running in slow-motion, moving excruciatingly slower and slower as he tried to reach for the receiver.
It was too late.
Suddenly, time sped back up to normal and our hero fell to the floor with a loud thump. He looked up to gather himself, but he realized that the theater was no more. He saw...
...and then looked down, trying once again to figure out where the heck he was.
Our hero first noticed that his new companion hadn't made it through the wormhole in time. Humbert's head and upper torso layed in a bloody smear behind the car.
He glanced around and found himself in an alien landscape. The sky glowed a deep haze of purple over the craggy line of mountains encircling him on every side. The air was dry and the dirt beneath him cracked and crumbled with each step.
"Wonderful," he thought, rolling his eyes, "I've always wanted to retire to a quiet, secluded locale."
With that, our hero set out in search of shelter and food and water. The beat-up Pinto behind him was of little use to him now that he shattered all the windows. He walked for what felt like days on end but saw nothing but an endless dessert before him. Sufferring incredible pain from his thirst and hunger, our hero collapsed to his knees...
And a huge hole opened up, and our hero fell thousands of miles into the core of the planet and smashed into a concrete floor at over 300mph. At such velocity, he travelled twenty feet into solid concrete before the RDF shield around him bounced him back up at the force of 30g's into outer space, rocketing into the orbit of the planet...
...confused, he thought to himself "Why is my life beginning to resemble a Hunter S. Thompson acid trip?" Then suddenly, he remembered: that pasty thing he found while hanging out on the Sargasso Sea did taste a lot like blotter paper...
...soaked in Windex. Ahah! The ammonia must've reacted with the cayenne pepper in the salsa to create a hallucinagenic effect, sending him on this wild trip through hell. Having realized this, our hero...
...ran to the nearest window, vommitting the left over toxins in his system, and giving the window a squeek free shine. With but one moment left, he burst from the scene with an explosion loud enough to wake Ned Devine, and ran towards the cluttered yard out front, only half realizing that...
[Yes, the purpose of my last post was to end the thread before it started, damn it, it didnt work!]
[ 01-08-2002: Message edited by: The Toolboi ]</p>
Comments
"Hello. I'm Steve Jobs." He said. "I have a lot of things to tell you today, so let's get started."
[ 01-04-2002: Message edited by: CosmoNut ]</p>
And as soon as that sweet little voice crossed our hero's ears, he felt himself lurch forward, stumbling over Humbert as the theater rippled in distorted warps as a newly-formed RDF began emminating from the ticket booth.
"Noooooo!!" he screamed. He started to run behind the booth to grab the phone, but he felt trapped, running in slow-motion, moving excruciatingly slower and slower as he tried to reach for the receiver.
It was too late.
Suddenly, time sped back up to normal and our hero fell to the floor with a loud thump. He looked up to gather himself, but he realized that the theater was no more. He saw...
[edit: spelling]
[ 01-04-2002: Message edited by: starfleetX ]</p>
[ 01-06-2002: Message edited by: starfleetX ]</p>
Our hero first noticed that his new companion hadn't made it through the wormhole in time. Humbert's head and upper torso layed in a bloody smear behind the car.
He glanced around and found himself in an alien landscape. The sky glowed a deep haze of purple over the craggy line of mountains encircling him on every side. The air was dry and the dirt beneath him cracked and crumbled with each step.
"Wonderful," he thought, rolling his eyes, "I've always wanted to retire to a quiet, secluded locale."
With that, our hero set out in search of shelter and food and water. The beat-up Pinto behind him was of little use to him now that he shattered all the windows. He walked for what felt like days on end but saw nothing but an endless dessert before him. Sufferring incredible pain from his thirst and hunger, our hero collapsed to his knees...
[ 01-06-2002: Message edited by: starfleetX ]</p>
[Yes, the purpose of my last post was to end the thread before it started, damn it, it didnt work!]
[ 01-08-2002: Message edited by: The Toolboi ]</p>
"AAAHHH!!!" our hero screamed, waking up in a cold sweat. "So it was all a dream... whew!"
The monkey-girl he had remembered arriving with was gone, but the fish-shaped sushi blimp sat in a deflated mess next to him! That could only mean...