There is something disturbing about a group of adults using the word 'poo'. To me, it's like saying 'I have to make'. I guess I am alone on this one. <img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" /> <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
i hate to poo in public places. have certain toilets i use, go there every time i can. just have to make sure you're regular then. </strong><hr></blockquote>
about the certain toilets, I agree. At the SMFA, I always use the corner toilet on the third floor by the painting studios. That bathroom has these wonderful skylights... and the painters seem mostly harmless...
<strong>The public restroom thing is my most hated dilema. It is fine once I use half of the roll of toilet paper to cover the seat.</strong><hr></blockquote>
What a waste of toilet paper! Why not squat? Its quite an art form, hovering as close as possible to the toilet seat without actually touching it. As an added bonus, it also tones and strengthens your leg muscles. I use just a small amount of paper down the toilet itself, to avoid any splash back and to soften the noise from the additional launch height.
i poo once a day. which i've heard is pretty normal. as for the pooing in public a public place. what is the deal there? i have never
thought that people would have a problem with pooing in public. it has never seemed odd to me and i've never had a problem with it. it had come to my attention in the past year that it's somewhat abnormal to be ok with it. why do people have problems with it?
it also takes me way under five minutes to poo. i'd say under two even, if not, right about two. what do you guys do in there?
for the record... i can't believe this is a thread (and i also can't believe i just posted in it!) too funny <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
got this in an email from my sister-in-law. what can i say, poop is big in our family. enjoy...
HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH. Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME. Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN). Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS. Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR: Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH. Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET. Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED. Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY. Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: running with scissors ]</p>
Anyone care to try and beat that? <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>
I think we need to establish a few parameters, a start line and finishing tape, so we are competing on a level playing field.
Does the 2 minutes 46 seconds start from the moment of first release, and end on the last splosh, or have you taken the bum cleaning and toilet flushing time into consideration ?
Does the 2 minutes 46 seconds start from the moment of first release, and end on the last splosh, or have you taken the bum cleaning and flushing time into consideration ?
</strong><hr></blockquote>
I timed it from leaving desk to arriving back at desk. The bathroom is next door to my office.
I think we need to establish a few parameters, a start line and finishing tape, so we are competing on a level playing field.
Does the 2 minutes 46 seconds start from the moment of first release, and end on the last splosh, or have you taken the bum cleaning and toilet flushing time into consideration ?
Comments
<hr></blockquote>
in some cases they are remarkably similar.
i hate to poo in public places. have certain toilets i use, go there every time i can. just have to make sure you're regular then.
<strong>
in some cases they are remarkably similar.
i hate to poo in public places. have certain toilets i use, go there every time i can. just have to make sure you're regular then.
about the certain toilets, I agree. At the SMFA, I always use the corner toilet on the third floor by the painting studios. That bathroom has these wonderful skylights... and the painters seem mostly harmless...
<strong>The public restroom thing is my most hated dilema. It is fine once I use half of the roll of toilet paper to cover the seat.</strong><hr></blockquote>
What a waste of toilet paper! Why not squat? Its quite an art form, hovering as close as possible to the toilet seat without actually touching it. As an added bonus, it also tones and strengthens your leg muscles. I use just a small amount of paper down the toilet itself, to avoid any splash back and to soften the noise from the additional launch height.
[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: RodUK ]</p>
thought that people would have a problem with pooing in public. it has never seemed odd to me and i've never had a problem with it. it had come to my attention in the past year that it's somewhat abnormal to be ok with it. why do people have problems with it?
it also takes me way under five minutes to poo. i'd say under two even, if not, right about two. what do you guys do in there?
for the record... i can't believe this is a thread (and i also can't believe i just posted in it!) too funny <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laughing]" />
I've just done a poo and it took 00:02:46.
Anyone care to try and beat that? <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
J :cool:
Anyways, I am pretty much regular and my shit is usually semi hard and stinky...
I'm outta here...starting to smell... <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
<strong>Huh? Who would weigh their shit? HOW would you weigh it. Should one ask for the services of a trained shit weigher?
</strong><hr></blockquote>
You could weigh yourself pre-poo and post-poo and then subtract the difference??
HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH. Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME. Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN). Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS. Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR: Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH. Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET. Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED. Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY. Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: running with scissors ]</p>
<strong>For your information:
I've just done a poo and it took 00:02:46.
Anyone care to try and beat that? <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>
I think we need to establish a few parameters, a start line and finishing tape, so we are competing on a level playing field.
Does the 2 minutes 46 seconds start from the moment of first release, and end on the last splosh, or have you taken the bum cleaning and toilet flushing time into consideration ?
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: RodUK ]</p>
<strong>
Does the 2 minutes 46 seconds start from the moment of first release, and end on the last splosh, or have you taken the bum cleaning and flushing time into consideration ?
</strong><hr></blockquote>
I timed it from leaving desk to arriving back at desk. The bathroom is next door to my office.
J :cool:
<strong>
I think we need to establish a few parameters, a start line and finishing tape, so we are competing on a level playing field.
Does the 2 minutes 46 seconds start from the moment of first release, and end on the last splosh, or have you taken the bum cleaning and toilet flushing time into consideration ?
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: RodUK ]</strong><hr></blockquote>
another concern is are you timing yourself or do you have a poo buddie to help you?
<strong>
another concern is are you timing yourself or do you have a poo buddie to help you?</strong><hr></blockquote>
No "poo buddy" <img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
<strong>
I timed it from leaving desk to arriving back at desk. The bathroom is next door to my office.
J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>
And were you on any illegal substances, All Bran for example, to improve your performance ?
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" />
<strong>
And were you on any illegal substances, All Bran for example, to improve your performance ?
<img src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" /> </strong><hr></blockquote>
good point. we may have to appoint a body of judges to perform "doping" test to ensure that everbody is playing fair, like in the olympics.