This rare turd is so long that half of it is sticking out of the water. The only way to get it to flush is to break it up into small pieces with the nearest stick-like object, usually someone's toothbrush.
The Farty Turd
This shit comes accompanied with numerous farts and squeaks. It usually happens at work with your boss in the next cubical.
The Teflon Turd
This non-stick shit comes out so clean, you don't need any toilet paper.
The Marker Turd
This thick soft turd leaves a trail of skid mark type evidence in the bowl, but it usually only happens around your mother-in-law's house.
The Second-Coming Turd
You know how it is, you've finished, you wipe-up, you pull up your trousers, then you need to go again..
The Sticky Turd
This shit is so sticky, you use up a whole roll of arse-wipe and then eventually have to use the shower hose to get it clean.
The Garden Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, and it's already half way out. Only one option - Dump it in the back yard.
The Million Dollar Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, it's already half way out, and you have no garden. This is the turd you would pay a million dollars to drop.
The Phantom Turd
You felt it come out, but when you look down, there's no turd in the pan.
The Sweetcorn Turd
You've been eating plenty of sweetcorn so your turd looks like a brown version of a corn-on-the-cob.
The Peanut Turd
You've been eating lots of peanuts, and you can feel them when you wipe-up.
The Upper class Turd
It doesn't matter what this guy's eaten, his shit don't stink.
The Red-Eye Turd
Man - this turd is at least twice the size of your areshole. It's so big you have to call a midwife to help with the delivery. Your eyes turn red, you scream in terror as you feel sure this one will rip you in half before it hits the water. When you wipe your arse, along with the poo, there is a whole heap of blood as well.
The Napalm Turd
It sticks and it burns. This merciless killer is fired from high above and destroys a wide area in one hit. In case of contact with skin, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical attention.
The Unconscious Turd
After a night down the pub, you fall drunkenly asleep on a park bench. You wake up in the morning to find a turd in your pants.
The Exploding Head Turd
You strain and you squeeze, you squeeze and you strain, you need a pair of forceps to get it out before your head explodes.
The Fountain Turd
This bog-rocket shoots out your arse like a Scud missile, and sends a high-powered jet of water upwards which instinctively hits you right in the ring-piece.
The Feminist Turd
It doesn't matter how it comes out or what it looks like, it's always a man's fault.
The Floater
Flush after flush, this bugger refuses to die. The only way to get rid of it is to pick it up and toss it out the window.
The Immortal Turd
You walk into a public toilet, there is only one cubical and you come face to face with the previous occupant's floater! What do you do? You can't dump on top of it because you might do a 'fountain' contaminated with other persons turd-wash. So you spend the next 10 minuets trying to flush someone else's turd that wont die.
The Liquid Turd
This is not a turd, it's more of a brown-tinged transparent oily type substance that squirts over your arse-cheeks, the seat, the rim, everywhere except into the water.
The Machine-Gun Turd
This turd is essentially a liquid turd, except for the periodic interruption of the solid lumps shooting out in a rhythmic pattern.
The Coil Turd
A very long and continuous soft turd, about the width of a pencil which coils up at the bottom of the pan. Usually accompanied by a soft whimper from the poor unfortunate donator.
The Surprise Turd
This turd only occurs in places where there are no toilets, and no possible way of cleaning yourself. You think it's just a fart, but then that?s the surprise.
The Klingon Turd
This turd clings to your ring-piece no matter how much you shake and jump up and down. Even 'biting' at it with you sphincter muscle won't shake it loose.
The Alien Turd
You look down and say "No way did that come from my arse!". All the evidence is there but you still refuse to believe that you could have dropped such a strange looking turd.
The Two-Part Turd
You shit so much that you have to flush and then carry on shitting.
The Pebble Turd
You strain for hours, but all you can get out is one tiny little pebble sized plop.
The Peek-a-Boo Turd
You get this turd half way out, then it shoots straight back inside.
You may want to browse these fine and informative Poo sites too:
<strong>Actually, if you add too much fiber to your diet, it should take you longer to poo. Not having enough fiber in your diet gives you "the runs" as I have heard them called. They're quick, but messy... whereas with a lot of fiber, you have to work on it for a while sometimes.
I usually take in some reading material, I mean, I've got nothing better to do. Usually the latest Colorado Cyclist catalog... I'm currently shopping for a new 700C wheelset </strong><hr></blockquote>
One to 2 times a day. Its a balancing act w/ the fiber and what kind is important. Not enough and you can also b/c constipated. Too much and you get the runs (eat about 1lb of dried apricots and see what happens).
I read on the can. Its my favorite place to go and get some good "quiet time."
Off topic, but I want to give a fellow cyclist some advice: Anyway, as for wheels - I really really recommend you get Campy Eurus wheels. They are lighter and stiffer than Ksyrium's, more aero and are about the same $$. They are shimano and campy compatible. You can get them from totalcycling.com for much less than colorado cyclist (I got mine for a little less more than $500 compared to $700+ from CC.)
<strong>Er 'running with scissors' the name 'TURD BURGLAR' from Your Office list, also has another meaning (in the UK at least).</strong><hr></blockquote>
i see where your going with that i think. best left to another thread. i'll leave that up to you.
that reminds me, however, of another phrase a bloak i met from your neck of the woods told me back in my bartending days in school. we were talking about how much we both liked indian food but that it was just as spicey coming out as it was going in. his term for the poo related burning caused by spicey food was "ring sting". cracks me up.
[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: running with scissors ]</p>
Psyllium husk in gelcaps. I get mine at Whole Foods (I don't know if that chain is in Texas) but you can get a similar one at <a href="http://www.gnc.com/productDetails.asp?id=725621"; target="_blank">GNC</a>.
GOOD LORD Ive been reading this thread so much that I've started to say "poo" instead of sh1t!!! I just told a friend he was a lying sack of poo! We laughed a lot ofter a few seconds of me saying that. Poo head. Tehehe... Im going insane.
Hey Jamie, Im sure you 'speed pooed' cause you used my 'war and battle' tactics, eh?
I usually go about once a day, sometimes more (depends on what I ate). Regarding reading material...I almost ALWAYS read on the can, except at school of course. One thing that's off limits though...library books or books that belong to other people. No way I'll read those on the can.
[quote]Originally posted by xionja:
<strong>just go for horse treats they taste yummier than lawn fertilizers </strong><hr></blockquote>
Xionja-
I noticed you're from Ithaca too. Cool. I'll be a senior at IHS next year.
Comments
<strong>
And were you on any illegal substances, All Bran for example, to improve your performance ?
</strong><hr></blockquote>
Today I have consumed:
6 x Cup of Coffee (One sugar, full-fat milk)
1 x Cherry Tomato and Rocket Pasta
J :cool:
<strong>
Today I have consumed:
6 x Cup of Coffee (One sugar, full-fat milk)
1 x Cherry Tomato and Rocket Pasta
J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>
6 cups of coffee! egads man, no wonder.
coffee = poo express
<strong>
6 cups of coffee! egads man, no wonder.
</strong><hr></blockquote>
Yeah and it's not even 3.30pm here yet, someone's just walking in now with number 7.
[quote]Originally posted by alcimedes:
<strong>plus Jamie always shaves off time by not wiping....
</strong><hr></blockquote>
Stop giving all of my secrets away! :eek:
Shit List From <a href="http://www.smeg.co.uk/poo.htm"; target="_blank">http://www.smeg.co.uk/poo.htm</a>;
The Amphibian Turd
This rare turd is so long that half of it is sticking out of the water. The only way to get it to flush is to break it up into small pieces with the nearest stick-like object, usually someone's toothbrush.
The Farty Turd
This shit comes accompanied with numerous farts and squeaks. It usually happens at work with your boss in the next cubical.
The Teflon Turd
This non-stick shit comes out so clean, you don't need any toilet paper.
The Marker Turd
This thick soft turd leaves a trail of skid mark type evidence in the bowl, but it usually only happens around your mother-in-law's house.
The Second-Coming Turd
You know how it is, you've finished, you wipe-up, you pull up your trousers, then you need to go again..
The Sticky Turd
This shit is so sticky, you use up a whole roll of arse-wipe and then eventually have to use the shower hose to get it clean.
The Garden Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, and it's already half way out. Only one option - Dump it in the back yard.
The Million Dollar Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, it's already half way out, and you have no garden. This is the turd you would pay a million dollars to drop.
The Phantom Turd
You felt it come out, but when you look down, there's no turd in the pan.
The Sweetcorn Turd
You've been eating plenty of sweetcorn so your turd looks like a brown version of a corn-on-the-cob.
The Peanut Turd
You've been eating lots of peanuts, and you can feel them when you wipe-up.
The Upper class Turd
It doesn't matter what this guy's eaten, his shit don't stink.
The Red-Eye Turd
Man - this turd is at least twice the size of your areshole. It's so big you have to call a midwife to help with the delivery. Your eyes turn red, you scream in terror as you feel sure this one will rip you in half before it hits the water. When you wipe your arse, along with the poo, there is a whole heap of blood as well.
The Napalm Turd
It sticks and it burns. This merciless killer is fired from high above and destroys a wide area in one hit. In case of contact with skin, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical attention.
The Unconscious Turd
After a night down the pub, you fall drunkenly asleep on a park bench. You wake up in the morning to find a turd in your pants.
The Exploding Head Turd
You strain and you squeeze, you squeeze and you strain, you need a pair of forceps to get it out before your head explodes.
The Fountain Turd
This bog-rocket shoots out your arse like a Scud missile, and sends a high-powered jet of water upwards which instinctively hits you right in the ring-piece.
The Feminist Turd
It doesn't matter how it comes out or what it looks like, it's always a man's fault.
The Floater
Flush after flush, this bugger refuses to die. The only way to get rid of it is to pick it up and toss it out the window.
The Immortal Turd
You walk into a public toilet, there is only one cubical and you come face to face with the previous occupant's floater! What do you do? You can't dump on top of it because you might do a 'fountain' contaminated with other persons turd-wash. So you spend the next 10 minuets trying to flush someone else's turd that wont die.
The Liquid Turd
This is not a turd, it's more of a brown-tinged transparent oily type substance that squirts over your arse-cheeks, the seat, the rim, everywhere except into the water.
The Machine-Gun Turd
This turd is essentially a liquid turd, except for the periodic interruption of the solid lumps shooting out in a rhythmic pattern.
The Coil Turd
A very long and continuous soft turd, about the width of a pencil which coils up at the bottom of the pan. Usually accompanied by a soft whimper from the poor unfortunate donator.
The Surprise Turd
This turd only occurs in places where there are no toilets, and no possible way of cleaning yourself. You think it's just a fart, but then that?s the surprise.
The Klingon Turd
This turd clings to your ring-piece no matter how much you shake and jump up and down. Even 'biting' at it with you sphincter muscle won't shake it loose.
The Alien Turd
You look down and say "No way did that come from my arse!". All the evidence is there but you still refuse to believe that you could have dropped such a strange looking turd.
The Two-Part Turd
You shit so much that you have to flush and then carry on shitting.
The Pebble Turd
You strain for hours, but all you can get out is one tiny little pebble sized plop.
The Peek-a-Boo Turd
You get this turd half way out, then it shoots straight back inside.
You may want to browse these fine and informative Poo sites too:
<a href="http://www.ratemypoo.com/"; target="_blank">http://www.ratemypoo.com/</a>;
<a href="http://www.poopreport.com/"; target="_blank">http://www.poopreport.com/</a>;
Constipation is the thief of time, diarrhoea waits for no man.
<img src="graemlins/hmmm.gif" border="0" alt="[Hmmm]" />
<strong>Actually, if you add too much fiber to your diet, it should take you longer to poo. Not having enough fiber in your diet gives you "the runs" as I have heard them called. They're quick, but messy... whereas with a lot of fiber, you have to work on it for a while sometimes.
I usually take in some reading material, I mean, I've got nothing better to do. Usually the latest Colorado Cyclist catalog... I'm currently shopping for a new 700C wheelset
One to 2 times a day. Its a balancing act w/ the fiber and what kind is important. Not enough and you can also b/c constipated. Too much and you get the runs (eat about 1lb of dried apricots and see what happens).
I read on the can. Its my favorite place to go and get some good "quiet time."
Off topic, but I want to give a fellow cyclist some advice: Anyway, as for wheels - I really really recommend you get Campy Eurus wheels. They are lighter and stiffer than Ksyrium's, more aero and are about the same $$. They are shimano and campy compatible. You can get them from totalcycling.com for much less than colorado cyclist (I got mine for a little less more than $500 compared to $700+ from CC.)
Thoth
<strong>Er 'running with scissors' the name 'TURD BURGLAR' from Your Office list, also has another meaning (in the UK at least).</strong><hr></blockquote>
i see where your going with that i think. best left to another thread. i'll leave that up to you.
that reminds me, however, of another phrase a bloak i met from your neck of the woods told me back in my bartending days in school. we were talking about how much we both liked indian food but that it was just as spicey coming out as it was going in. his term for the poo related burning caused by spicey food was "ring sting". cracks me up.
[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: running with scissors ]</p>
just thought i'd keep you updated.
<strong>2 or 3 times a day. But I take a fibre suppliment, so I'm not sure that counts.</strong><hr></blockquote>
that's a lot of poo.
in need to start taking some of that stuff as well. helps avoid problems later on i hear. what do you use?
I just checked and <a href="http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/company/texas.html"; target="_blank">Whole Foods is in Texas</a>.
The product is called "<a href="http://www.healthplusinc.com/"; target="_blank">Super Colon Cleanse</a>"
[ 08-06-2002: Message edited by: tmp ]</p>
<strong>just eat some grass and leaves...
is that what aggies do?
Hey Jamie, Im sure you 'speed pooed' cause you used my 'war and battle' tactics, eh?
I usually go about once a day, sometimes more (depends on what I ate). Regarding reading material...I almost ALWAYS read on the can, except at school of course. One thing that's off limits though...library books or books that belong to other people. No way I'll read those on the can.
[quote]Originally posted by xionja:
<strong>just go for horse treats they taste yummier than lawn fertilizers
Xionja-
I noticed you're from Ithaca too. Cool. I'll be a senior at IHS next year.
-Mike
<strong>
is that what aggies do?
no, thats what ruminants do.