Not so much a reply to a question, but more of a prompt response to an insult:
I was in Westwood Village this morning, and I walked past a (male) runner who was jogging on the spot at an intersection waiting to cross Wilshire Boulevard. The windows of a car waiting at the stoplights were suddenly were wound down and a loud chorus of FAGGOT!!!!! and similar commentary came from the four lads inside, obviously directed at the unfortunate runner, probably because he happened to be wearing a rather skimpy pair of shorts. The runner instantly yelled back "It takes one to know one!" followed quickly after by "sorry lads, but you're out of luck!!". This prompted a volley of angry Neanderthal-sounding shrieks from the car, which were then immediately drowned out by revving engines as the lights changed. The runner, totally unfazed, continued on his way. I reckoned it was probably a stock response he had for insults hurled fom car windows by jerks, but funny nonetheless. Sheesh, there are some creeps around.
When someone says to you "I got a question for you" you say "For how much?" as in a game show. Then after a few more times you say sharply "For how much? Nothing is free"
one more improper answer that i remebered cannot be answered...
a man went to buy a ventilator and asked the price. "due e venti" .,.. "no thanks.. just one wind.." .. "due e venti = 2.20 E or $.. due venti= twi winds.. so that works only in italian
one of the best answers to give to any question is "affirmative", or "yes" (to the syllablly challenged), or some other affirming phrase. Sometimes a negative phrase is good, but they often just come out harsh, and not witty. ex:
Do you know what time it is?
yes.
How old are you?
affirmative.
Can you help me with this problem?
i agree with you.
--
If you were a color, what color would you be?
i disagree with you.
--
its also funny to respond to a question with an overly elaborate shield of words. these work better in speech tho, and not so well intext. ex:
Where were you born?
There is no evidence relating me to any such information. And furthermore, I'm offended by the accusation. I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. And you can't prove anything. You should speak to my lawyer if you need further explanation.
[quote]Originally posted by Samantha Joanne Ollendale:
<strong>Not so much a reply to a question, but more of a prompt response to an insult:
I was in Westwood Village this morning, and I walked past a (male) runner who was jogging on the spot at an intersection waiting to cross Wilshire Boulevard. The windows of a car waiting at the stoplights were suddenly were wound down and a loud chorus of FAGGOT!!!!! and similar commentary came from the four lads inside, obviously directed at the unfortunate runner, probably because he happened to be wearing a rather skimpy pair of shorts. The runner instantly yelled back "It takes one to know one!" followed quickly after by "sorry lads, but you're out of luck!!". This prompted a volley of angry Neanderthal-sounding shrieks from the car, which were then immediately drowned out by revving engines as the lights changed. The runner, totally unfazed, continued on his way. I reckoned it was probably a stock response he had for insults hurled fom car windows by jerks, but funny nonetheless. Sheesh, there are some creeps around.</strong><hr></blockquote>
There are no fags in Westwood. They're in Exposition Park. And they like to wear burgundy and gold.
There are quite a few drunk college chicks in Westwood, tho. God bless them.
Whenever some guy asks "Can I help you find something?" in a pointed radio shack style asshole know-it-all way I just make lewd noises and start to rub the merchandise.
Comments
<strong>Here we go:
-"Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?"
-"No but you have some brown poop on your pants."</strong><hr></blockquote>
Well, you satisfied one of the two conditions stated in the title of the thread. That was most definitely a reply.
<strong>
Well, you satisfied one of the two conditions stated in the title of the thread. That was most definitely a reply.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Oh come on, that was witty!
<strong>
Oh come on, that was witty! </strong><hr></blockquote>
Define witty.
<strong>
Define witty.</strong><hr></blockquote>
wit·ty Â*Â*Pronunciation KeyÂ*Â*(wt)
adj. wit·ti·er, wit·ti·est
1.\tPossessing or demonstrating wit in speech or writing; very clever and humorous.
2.\tCharacterized by or having the nature of wit; funny or jocular: a witty saying.
3.\tQuick to discern and express amusing insights or relationships.
4.\tEntertainingly and strikingly clever or original in concept, design, or performance: a witty sculpture; witty choreography.
J :cool:
<strong>Thanks, I can now safely confirm that, no, it was not witty.
J :cool: </strong><hr></blockquote>
not clever or humorous? Damn. Someone else try then, damnit
<strong>
not clever or humorous? Damn. Someone else try then, damnit</strong><hr></blockquote>
My first reply should count.
Certainly. And I don't plan on giving any to you.
I was in Westwood Village this morning, and I walked past a (male) runner who was jogging on the spot at an intersection waiting to cross Wilshire Boulevard. The windows of a car waiting at the stoplights were suddenly were wound down and a loud chorus of FAGGOT!!!!! and similar commentary came from the four lads inside, obviously directed at the unfortunate runner, probably because he happened to be wearing a rather skimpy pair of shorts. The runner instantly yelled back "It takes one to know one!" followed quickly after by "sorry lads, but you're out of luck!!". This prompted a volley of angry Neanderthal-sounding shrieks from the car, which were then immediately drowned out by revving engines as the lights changed. The runner, totally unfazed, continued on his way. I reckoned it was probably a stock response he had for insults hurled fom car windows by jerks, but funny nonetheless. Sheesh, there are some creeps around.
EVERY time anyone asks me "Guess who (blah, blah, blah)" I say, "Mick Jagger!"
Jeff
[ 07-20-2002: Message edited by: jeffyboy ]</p>
"Monkey's butt?"
I ACTUALLY use that a great deal. <img src="graemlins/smokin.gif" border="0" alt="[Chilling]" />
- "You just did."
"You're a homosexual Martian with vampiric tendancies?"
"no you can't" (that pisses the asker..) or
"you alrady said / asked one thing"
...
one more improper answer that i remebered cannot be answered...
a man went to buy a ventilator and asked the price. "due e venti" .,.. "no thanks.. just one wind.." .. "due e venti = 2.20 E or $.. due venti= twi winds.. so that works only in italian
Do you know what time it is?
yes.
How old are you?
affirmative.
Can you help me with this problem?
i agree with you.
--
If you were a color, what color would you be?
i disagree with you.
--
its also funny to respond to a question with an overly elaborate shield of words. these work better in speech tho, and not so well intext. ex:
Where were you born?
There is no evidence relating me to any such information. And furthermore, I'm offended by the accusation. I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. And you can't prove anything. You should speak to my lawyer if you need further explanation.
<strong>Not so much a reply to a question, but more of a prompt response to an insult:
I was in Westwood Village this morning, and I walked past a (male) runner who was jogging on the spot at an intersection waiting to cross Wilshire Boulevard. The windows of a car waiting at the stoplights were suddenly were wound down and a loud chorus of FAGGOT!!!!! and similar commentary came from the four lads inside, obviously directed at the unfortunate runner, probably because he happened to be wearing a rather skimpy pair of shorts. The runner instantly yelled back "It takes one to know one!" followed quickly after by "sorry lads, but you're out of luck!!". This prompted a volley of angry Neanderthal-sounding shrieks from the car, which were then immediately drowned out by revving engines as the lights changed. The runner, totally unfazed, continued on his way. I reckoned it was probably a stock response he had for insults hurled fom car windows by jerks, but funny nonetheless. Sheesh, there are some creeps around.</strong><hr></blockquote>
There are no fags in Westwood. They're in Exposition Park. And they like to wear burgundy and gold.
There are quite a few drunk college chicks in Westwood, tho. God bless them.
<strong>"Guess what?"
"Monkey's butt?"
</strong><hr></blockquote>
Guess who?
Monkey Poo!