dont mean to be rude but, the only white girls here who go out with asians arent exactly what you would call "hot" or you would even want to call at all. I'm positive that the girls who do date asians dont realise that they cannot see the small "flaws" in their asian boyfriends and their boyfriends cannot see the "flaws" in them (they're just happy to be gettin some... most chics here dont put out so easy !).
I say all this as a white guy with an asian girlfriend who I love very much. On the flip side, for all us non asian guys, some asian chics love foreigners, probably the reverse of the situation I described above.
But dont let that stop you, there's more than one way to skin that cat and being yourself is the only way to go (you can tone it down a little if you're a dork or something).
Nice guys finish last... yes and no, most women want a guy who is caring and sensitive but at the same time they want someone who is definately masculine. You will do better erring on the side of masculine than nice and caring for the simple reason that occaisonal "oafish" transgressions are forgivable, whereas a lack of masculinity (such as discussing traditional girlish topics) has the opposite of the desired intent and the girl regards you less as a man and more of a girlfriend.
I dont recommend asking girls out on dates out of the blue, I recommend engaging in a social activities that will allow you meet girls such as sports (best ! you can demonstrate your manliness, not to the point of jockness however, unless thats who you are) or band or something and become at least friendly with them before asking them out, remember dont actually become friends just be friendly (very important unless you actually want to be just friends, perfectly acceptable too).
Retorts are welcome, I enjoy debating this subject.
1) be smart. not a smartass. just brainy, fun, intelligent. this is an absolute turnon/off for me. i could not like a guy who was really pretty, but brainless. so the first thing i (try to) see in a guy is how he thinks.
be fun, spontaneous (as spontaneous as you can), brainy, tell nice stories etc.
2) don't see just problems. if i go (went) out with someone, what i really dont want is anyone making me remember of my daily problems. if i wanted to think about my problems etc daily boringness of life, i stayed home.
so, be inspirational.
3) do what you and she like. so find out what she likes .. and do that or go there. so go bowling, fishing, to movies, whichever is the most fun. (ask if you don't know).
4) depending on the girl.. find out more about what turns That Particual Girl that you are going out with, on. e.g. i like geeks, but most girls don't.
5) cook. that's not a necessity but i know many girls who like the guys cooking (and one thinks that one of the most erotic things she can think of is a guy reading a cook book). the secret of cooking/ kitchen: love what you do .. you can taste the love and happyness in the food you make. italian, asian .. whatever food you feel comfortable steve, im sure many girls like that ..
As I said, I always knew girls in our school of the international community. Like, I've never dated anyone outside that.
So here comes the problem:
It seems to me that american girls in general would prefer not to be with an ethnically asian person. It's not really racism, but sort of like ethnic preference.
Is this true? Not very fair to me, since I grew up liking white girls and I don't like asians at all.
I'm in Charlottesville VA
Move to California. It will be just like your International School. Everyone dates everyone out here.
Besides then you won't worry so much about white women, you can start digging on all the hot latin women.
I guess I'm confused about ethnicity because some asian friends I have are telling me to give it up with trying to date a white girl because they say it just won't happen. They think that there is no way or too little chance any white girl will find asians attractive and thus I'd be wasting my time. They tell me to "stick to my own kind".
but see, what is my own kind? I grew up in italy with a european mindset but of course I'm chinese. furthermore, I always attended international schools where people were all very international and this ethnic preference didn't really occurr to me.
HELP!
Hi Steve -
Well, from your original post, you sounded very shy to me; so my first reply was geared that way. The steps I gave were designed to minimize the chances of rejection, because I think rejection would be very tough for a guy. When/if you do encounter 'rejection', i.e. someone who says 'no', just take it in stride as part of the 'dating game'. Don't take it personally. After all, the girl saying 'no' doesn't really know you. If she knew you, she'd say 'yes'. Right?
So, you are Chinese with an international background. That means you are a terrifically interesting person! From reading your later posts, I think you know and believe that yourself, which is all to the good.
The best thing is to be where girls are. Get involved in activities you honestly enjoy, show enthusiasm and your fun side during those activities. Eventually, you will get to know some girls there. Don't 'come on to them' as soon as you might like. Instead, be fun, friendly, kid around with them, have a sense of humor. If you display your fun, friendly side, eventually some girl is going to become interested in YOU. She will start to flirt with you.
America is an amazing place wrt ethnicity. No one will be held back because of their ethnicity if they are an interesting, interested person in their own right...and you obviously are, so give it some time.
I personally love intelligent people. A good mind is an incredible turn on to me. A cute, dumb guy..... ....sorry, it just ain't gonna happen, not in a million years. But a self-confident, smart, fun guy would be enormously attractive.
In class, participate in class discussion, if possible. The girls listening will be impressed with your courage, your openness, your intellect. And since you're in class with them, they'll also feel comfortable that you're not a rapist or an axe-murderer - always a plus in any relationship.
I remember one time when I stayed in a youth hostel in Europe, there was a tall, handsome Japanese guy staying there, too. I didn't have a chance to get to know him, and I always thought back on that with regret. He just seemed so sexy to me. He had an aura of self-confidence.....a major draw for any girl.
On a final note, I think probably some of the smartest, most attractive girls in America these days are Asian girls, especially Chinese! So dating a Chinese-American girl might be the best thing you ever did. And her parents would probably love you!
Ok, so I'm new to the country and have been rather lost in the realm of dating.
The only girls I ever really talked to were from my school, and they were a rather distinct bunch because we were all very international.
Now, to get down to business.
Can someone please explain the steps to dating?
Also, what things are liked/unliked by girls here in the US?
Thanks,
Steve.
Well, it depends what you are looking for, many girls in the US(usually the hot ones) usaually seem to like the jerks, so tream em like crap, and let the whore train role in. if you want a nice girl though, they are harder to find and you have to be nice too, but again. even alot of the nice ones like the jerks..
Whatever you do, don't be a jerk. Women are attracted to sweet, confident, approachable guys. As Gilsch said, though: use the accent! Guys with accents are definitely sexy. Just be yourself, and you'll find someone who likes you for who you are. That's the best.
</girl advice>
LIES! LIES I TELL YA! Beware! she just wants all the other girls for herself!
And I was pretty upset because I really liked her and couldn't really work out why she didn't like me.
Not to sound arrogant or anything, but I was a lot of things that she liked and wanted, such as being international and multicultural and stuff. I mean, I consider myself to be pretty well rounded and objectively more interesting than the northern virginian jerks here. I'd also say I'm more ambitious than most here.
So I guess I started to think about the ethnicity thing.
Kinda a bummer though, seems like the kind of girl I like is hard to find here. Most are superficial, even though they're hot.
I guess I had too high of a standard but now I've lowered my standards. I'd even go for the superficially interchangeable northern virginians.
Thanks a lot guys, and especially Carol, you're all of great help.
it is not uncommon to see asian girls with white guys.
...but the other way around.... doesn't seem to be that common at all.
I'm starting to get the feeling that subconsciously or otherwise, white girls have an idea that they are ethnically superior and regard the asian guy as a nerdy engineer or some other form of unsociable and racially secluded individual.
And the stereotype gives pressure on any white girl when deciding whether to date an asian, because of what her friends may think, etc.
And as a result, although I do not fall in that stereotype category, I will be labeled as one, merely because of my ethnicity.
it is not uncommon to see asian girls with white guys.
...but the other way around.... doesn't seem to be that common at all.
I'm starting to get the feeling that subconsciously or otherwise, white girls have an idea that they are ethnically superior and regard the asian guy as a nerdy engineer or some other form of unsociable and racially secluded individual.
And the stereotype gives pressure on any white girl when deciding whether to date an asian, because of what her friends may think, etc.
And as a result, although I do not fall in that stereotype category, I will be labeled as one, merely because of my ethnicity.
Yeah, but then again, could just be a dry spell. sometimes it can take years..
I knew a black chick that was hot. she told me "I only date chocolate" so I said "Well, I'm white chocolate" (I wasnt even asking her out, just making a point) the black guys that were around loved that and thought it was a great line.
We need a little more to go on, friend. Any particular type of woman you are attracted to (breast size and figure not withstanding)? Asking what "American girls like and dislike" is kind of pointless because there are so many different varities that the answer to both parts of the question can only be "everything".
Generally, I suspect that American women (especially those living around large cities) are more high maintenance than European women. They're generally more materially spoiled is perhaps another way of putting it. You might have to do a better job of "reading their mind" and doing things their way than is the case with other westernized women. Good luck with finding your path there; trial and error with the individual woman is the only way.
It's probably accurate also to say that the old notions of the male being the provider of all the plans and funds for a particular date or relationship is gone. Women still like to be doted on (within reason) of course, but also like to have an equal say in things. So don't be too concerned with "making all the plans" and that sort of thing. Treat her like a friend in that sense, rather than as someone who wants to be lead around from place to place. Be spontaneous.
I can say without much doubt, most American girls / women love spontaneity. Best of luck, friend....
If you just want a girlfriend, all you need is a steady income and the willingness to beat her physically and/or verbally at least twice a week. Sadly, there's no shortage of women who don't seem to look for anything other than someone to pay for stuff and reaffirm their own poor self-image.
If you're actually a decent guy with standards and values and all that jazz, yeah, just be yourself, and don't change to please anyone. If that means you end up still being single, well then you're probably better off that way. Freedom has its benefits, too.
my asian friends here in albuquerque (we have a fair sized vietnamese and thai community) all have the same complaint...
white guys tend to like asian girls (yellow fever i've heard it called), but the white girls tend not to date the asian boys...not sure what to make of it...
there is this one boy who is friends with both my daughters,they hang out all the time and he is over at our house almost everyday...you can tell he has a huge crush on both my daughters, but they see him as a friend and nothing more...breaks my wife's heart...she keeps telling the girls that one of them should date him, but i don't see that happening...they both have anglo boyfriends at the time...
i will say that almost all the asian doctors at the hospital are married to white women...so i would suggest going to medical school...
don't really have any answers...dating was very easy for me when i was young, but then i was very outgoing...look people in the eyes when you talk to them, listen well, contribute to the conversation etc etc
white girls tend to like tallish boys...hispanic women don't seem to mind shorter guys
Seriously. I think he just misread the thread title. Steve is asking for advice on dating, not advice on how to hand over your testicles and your wallet to some bitch that will use you and throw you away like a tissue.
Comments
dont mean to be rude but, the only white girls here who go out with asians arent exactly what you would call "hot" or you would even want to call at all. I'm positive that the girls who do date asians dont realise that they cannot see the small "flaws" in their asian boyfriends and their boyfriends cannot see the "flaws" in them (they're just happy to be gettin some... most chics here dont put out so easy !).
I say all this as a white guy with an asian girlfriend who I love very much. On the flip side, for all us non asian guys, some asian chics love foreigners, probably the reverse of the situation I described above.
But dont let that stop you, there's more than one way to skin that cat and being yourself is the only way to go (you can tone it down a little if you're a dork or something).
Nice guys finish last... yes and no, most women want a guy who is caring and sensitive but at the same time they want someone who is definately masculine. You will do better erring on the side of masculine than nice and caring for the simple reason that occaisonal "oafish" transgressions are forgivable, whereas a lack of masculinity (such as discussing traditional girlish topics) has the opposite of the desired intent and the girl regards you less as a man and more of a girlfriend.
I dont recommend asking girls out on dates out of the blue, I recommend engaging in a social activities that will allow you meet girls such as sports (best ! you can demonstrate your manliness, not to the point of jockness however, unless thats who you are) or band or something and become at least friendly with them before asking them out, remember dont actually become friends just be friendly (very important unless you actually want to be just friends, perfectly acceptable too).
Retorts are welcome, I enjoy debating this subject.
1) be smart. not a smartass. just brainy, fun, intelligent. this is an absolute turnon/off for me. i could not like a guy who was really pretty, but brainless. so the first thing i (try to) see in a guy is how he thinks.
be fun, spontaneous (as spontaneous as you can), brainy, tell nice stories etc.
2) don't see just problems. if i go (went) out with someone, what i really dont want is anyone making me remember of my daily problems. if i wanted to think about my problems etc daily boringness of life, i stayed home.
so, be inspirational.
3) do what you and she like. so find out what she likes .. and do that or go there. so go bowling, fishing, to movies, whichever is the most fun. (ask if you don't know).
4) depending on the girl.. find out more about what turns That Particual Girl that you are going out with, on. e.g. i like geeks, but most girls don't.
5) cook. that's not a necessity but i know many girls who like the guys cooking (and one thinks that one of the most erotic things she can think of is a guy reading a cook book). the secret of cooking/ kitchen: love what you do .. you can taste the love and happyness in the food you make. italian, asian .. whatever food you feel comfortable steve, im sure many girls like that ..
though i can't really imagine my geek cooking.
Originally posted by talksense101
So Carol, want to have a cup of coffee?
Originally posted by Eugene
Pretty much, yeah.
And because you've lived in US your whole life you also dig white girls rather than asians, right?
Originally posted by stevegongrui
Yeah, good point, here's the thing.
As I said, I always knew girls in our school of the international community. Like, I've never dated anyone outside that.
So here comes the problem:
It seems to me that american girls in general would prefer not to be with an ethnically asian person. It's not really racism, but sort of like ethnic preference.
Is this true? Not very fair to me, since I grew up liking white girls and I don't like asians at all.
I'm in Charlottesville VA
Move to California. It will be just like your International School. Everyone dates everyone out here.
Besides then you won't worry so much about white women, you can start digging on all the hot latin women.
Nick
Originally posted by stevegongrui
Thanks a lot Carol, that was very helpful.
I guess I'm confused about ethnicity because some asian friends I have are telling me to give it up with trying to date a white girl because they say it just won't happen. They think that there is no way or too little chance any white girl will find asians attractive and thus I'd be wasting my time. They tell me to "stick to my own kind".
but see, what is my own kind? I grew up in italy with a european mindset but of course I'm chinese. furthermore, I always attended international schools where people were all very international and this ethnic preference didn't really occurr to me.
HELP!
Hi Steve -
Well, from your original post, you sounded very shy to me; so my first reply was geared that way. The steps I gave were designed to minimize the chances of rejection, because I think rejection would be very tough for a guy. When/if you do encounter 'rejection', i.e. someone who says 'no', just take it in stride as part of the 'dating game'. Don't take it personally. After all, the girl saying 'no' doesn't really know you. If she knew you, she'd say 'yes'. Right?
So, you are Chinese with an international background. That means you are a terrifically interesting person!
The best thing is to be where girls are. Get involved in activities you honestly enjoy, show enthusiasm and your fun side during those activities. Eventually, you will get to know some girls there. Don't 'come on to them' as soon as you might like. Instead, be fun, friendly, kid around with them, have a sense of humor. If you display your fun, friendly side, eventually some girl is going to become interested in YOU. She will start to flirt with you.
America is an amazing place wrt ethnicity. No one will be held back because of their ethnicity if they are an interesting, interested person in their own right...and you obviously are, so give it some time.
I personally love intelligent people. A good mind is an incredible turn on to me. A cute, dumb guy.....
In class, participate in class discussion, if possible. The girls listening will be impressed with your courage, your openness, your intellect. And since you're in class with them, they'll also feel comfortable that you're not a rapist or an axe-murderer - always a plus in any relationship.
I remember one time when I stayed in a youth hostel in Europe, there was a tall, handsome Japanese guy staying there, too. I didn't have a chance to get to know him, and I always thought back on that with regret. He just seemed so sexy to me. He had an aura of self-confidence.....a major draw for any girl.
On a final note, I think probably some of the smartest, most attractive girls in America these days are Asian girls, especially Chinese! So dating a Chinese-American girl might be the best thing you ever did. And her parents would probably love you!
Originally posted by stevegongrui
Ok, so I'm new to the country and have been rather lost in the realm of dating.
The only girls I ever really talked to were from my school, and they were a rather distinct bunch because we were all very international.
Now, to get down to business.
Can someone please explain the steps to dating?
Also, what things are liked/unliked by girls here in the US?
Thanks,
Steve.
Well, it depends what you are looking for, many girls in the US(usually the hot ones) usaually seem to like the jerks, so tream em like crap, and let the whore train role in. if you want a nice girl though, they are harder to find and you have to be nice too, but again. even alot of the nice ones like the jerks..
Originally posted by Nebulous
I beg to differ.
<girl advice>
Whatever you do, don't be a jerk. Women are attracted to sweet, confident, approachable guys. As Gilsch said, though: use the accent! Guys with accents are definitely sexy.
</girl advice>
LIES! LIES I TELL YA! Beware! she just wants all the other girls for herself!
Originally posted by Eugene
Pretty much, yeah...
Not in boston..... then again, that may be because it seems most of the asian chicks in boston date white guys..
And I was pretty upset because I really liked her and couldn't really work out why she didn't like me.
Not to sound arrogant or anything, but I was a lot of things that she liked and wanted, such as being international and multicultural and stuff. I mean, I consider myself to be pretty well rounded and objectively more interesting than the northern virginian jerks here. I'd also say I'm more ambitious than most here.
So I guess I started to think about the ethnicity thing.
Kinda a bummer though, seems like the kind of girl I like is hard to find here. Most are superficial, even though they're hot.
I guess I had too high of a standard but now I've lowered my standards. I'd even go for the superficially interchangeable northern virginians.
Thanks a lot guys, and especially Carol, you're all of great help.
it is not uncommon to see asian girls with white guys.
...but the other way around.... doesn't seem to be that common at all.
I'm starting to get the feeling that subconsciously or otherwise, white girls have an idea that they are ethnically superior and regard the asian guy as a nerdy engineer or some other form of unsociable and racially secluded individual.
And the stereotype gives pressure on any white girl when deciding whether to date an asian, because of what her friends may think, etc.
And as a result, although I do not fall in that stereotype category, I will be labeled as one, merely because of my ethnicity.
Originally posted by stevegongrui
well, here's the thing:
it is not uncommon to see asian girls with white guys.
...but the other way around.... doesn't seem to be that common at all.
I'm starting to get the feeling that subconsciously or otherwise, white girls have an idea that they are ethnically superior and regard the asian guy as a nerdy engineer or some other form of unsociable and racially secluded individual.
And the stereotype gives pressure on any white girl when deciding whether to date an asian, because of what her friends may think, etc.
And as a result, although I do not fall in that stereotype category, I will be labeled as one, merely because of my ethnicity.
Yeah, but then again, could just be a dry spell. sometimes it can take years..
I knew a black chick that was hot. she told me "I only date chocolate" so I said "Well, I'm white chocolate"
Generally, I suspect that American women (especially those living around large cities) are more high maintenance than European women. They're generally more materially spoiled is perhaps another way of putting it. You might have to do a better job of "reading their mind" and doing things their way than is the case with other westernized women. Good luck with finding your path there; trial and error with the individual woman is the only way.
It's probably accurate also to say that the old notions of the male being the provider of all the plans and funds for a particular date or relationship is gone. Women still like to be doted on (within reason) of course, but also like to have an equal say in things. So don't be too concerned with "making all the plans" and that sort of thing. Treat her like a friend in that sense, rather than as someone who wants to be lead around from place to place. Be spontaneous.
I can say without much doubt, most American girls / women love spontaneity. Best of luck, friend....
If you're actually a decent guy with standards and values and all that jazz, yeah, just be yourself, and don't change to please anyone. If that means you end up still being single, well then you're probably better off that way. Freedom has its benefits, too.
white guys tend to like asian girls (yellow fever i've heard it called), but the white girls tend not to date the asian boys...not sure what to make of it...
there is this one boy who is friends with both my daughters,they hang out all the time and he is over at our house almost everyday...you can tell he has a huge crush on both my daughters, but they see him as a friend and nothing more...breaks my wife's heart...she keeps telling the girls that one of them should date him, but i don't see that happening...they both have anglo boyfriends at the time...
i will say that almost all the asian doctors at the hospital are married to white women...so i would suggest going to medical school...
don't really have any answers...dating was very easy for me when i was young, but then i was very outgoing...look people in the eyes when you talk to them, listen well, contribute to the conversation etc etc
white girls tend to like tallish boys...hispanic women don't seem to mind shorter guys
but, by now i am just rambling...good luck
g
Originally posted by DMBand0026
6. Be prepared to go broke. Chicks dig a guy who will spend big on them.
...thus perpetuating the stereotype of... oh wait. yeah chicks dig that.
Originally posted by DMBand0026
1. Respect. Above all else, chicks dig a guy who respects her.
2. Treat her better than you treat yourself. 'Nuff said.
3. Don't stare at "the goods"
4. Girls suck.
5. Girls suck.
6. Be prepared to go broke. Chicks dig a guy who will spend big on them.
Good luck!
Worst
advice
ever.