LIES! LIES I TELL YA! Beware! she just wants all the other girls for herself!
Well, what can I say? You caught me.
And I really don't know about the whole thing with white girls not dating Asian guys. I would be into Asian guys if I lived in a more racially diverse area.
I also totally agree with everything said about spontaniety. Be "out there", don't be afraid to speak your mind, and keep an awesome sense of humor. If you're social enough, then girls will hopefully see through any silly racial hesitations they may have.
I don't get where this 'white girls don't date Asian guys' notion comes from. My ex-roommate (Chinese-American) dated three white girls in the two years we shared an apartment, another Asian friend (Korean-American) is married to a white girl (although now that I think of it, I don't actually know any Asian-Americans - guys or girls - that are not dating whites...which is kind of weird in and of itself). I do have an Asian friend who is dating a white guy and getting some hassle from her family about it, so maybe that sort of pressure is a factor.
I think it might be also due to geographic location. Northern virginians seem to be somewhat conservative and some of them are a bit snobbish imo.
it is a common complaint from my asian friends both here and back east...enough have complained that it seems like a real issue to me...not sure if it is cultural or shyness or what not...
maybe it is a numbers thing...many of my asian male friends are attracted to white women because they are the majority...maybe because asian males are the minority in virginia and new mexico etc etc, white women are less attracted to them?? i don't have a good answer...attraction seems to me to be mostly chemical anyways...or at least heavily effected by beer
...attraction seems to me to be mostly chemical anyways...or at least heavily effected by beer
g
It could be one of those vicious circles. The Asian male is somewhat hesitant and unsure when he asks a white girl out. His lack of confidence seems unattractive to her, so she says no.
I hate to break it to you, most american white women think they are too good for just about anybody. You are better off developing a taste for other skin tones and origins. Maybe look to Sweden or something. American women are attracted to things that are not real and sustainable like money and "killer' looks. I have found that women from other countries put less emphasis on those things.
maybe I am wrong, but that is the way I have seen it.
no no no, don't hand yourself on a plate like that, You gotta be a dick, but in a way that gets them intrigued and piques their interest. Nice guys finish last and all that. It's true, Everytime I've tried to be the nice guy, it's never worked out, but when I am rude and difficult with them, they always go for it.
same with many of my friends too.
Girls dig guys that are confident above all, confident and comfortable with sex, and that won't be "too easy" in their eyes.
This whole thing about girls not liking nice guys is really weird, isn't it? And there is some truth to it. Even when I first started dating when I was 14 and 15, I felt that way to an extent. This one guy I dated as a young teen was really cute, but he wasn't assertive enough. It wasn't exactly that he was too polite, but his personality didn't come through enough. There wasn't enough strength of character in evidence. If a girl has to choose between 'polite' and 'strong', she will choose 'strong' every time, imo. I think this must be an evolved instinct, I really do. The polite male might not be able to kill the sabre-tooth tiger, but the strong male will be able to.
A girl doesn't want to be pushed around or treated rudely as evidence of masculine strength. She wants the guy to be fully a person, with energy, ideas, enthusiasm, personality. He should be fully HIMSELF. NOT rude, abusive, uncaring. But he shouldn't be a milksop, either. NO ONE would like milksop. A guy should be the kind of person HE would like to have as a male friend. He wouldn't want a milksop as a friend; just as a girl wouldn't want to date a milksop. Does any of that make sense?
Don't cater to her every wish. Have decisions be 50-50. Be fully half of the relationship.
It's a struggle to explain this, because I guess I've never actually thought it through before. But it's an interesting topic, and worth thinking about.
This whole thing about girls not liking nice guys is really weird, isn't it? And there is some truth to it. Even when I first started dating when I was 14 and 15, I felt that way to an extent. This one guy I dated as a young teen was really cute, but he wasn't assertive enough. It wasn't exactly that he was too polite, but his personality didn't come through enough. There wasn't enough strength of character in evidence. If a girl has to choose between 'polite' and 'strong', she will choose 'strong' every time, imo. I think this must be an evolved instinct, I really do. The polite male might not be able to kill the sabre-tooth tiger, but the strong male will be able to.
A girl doesn't want to be pushed around or treated rudely. She wants the guy to be fully a person, with energy, ideas, enthusiasm, personality. He should be fully HIMSELF. NOT rude, abusive, uncaring. But he shouldn't be a milksop, either. NO ONE would like milksop. A guy should be the kind of person HE would like to have as a male friend. He wouldn't want a milksop as a friend; just as a girl wouldn't want to date a milksop. Does any of that make sense?
Don't cater to her every wish. Have decisions be 50-50. Be fully half of the relationship.
It's a struggle to explain this, because I guess I've never actually thought it through before. But it's an interesting topic, and worth thinking about.
Carol,
Are you sure you aren't my wife? Same name, initial, job..and of course opinions on men and their actions in this instance....
My wife and I have had this discussion about what you expressed dozens of times. How, especially in this day and age where lots of men are portrayed as violent, how does a man know just the right amount of forcefulness is attractive yet is also not pushy, overly aggressive or rude.
I guess it is the male equivalent of the career woman who is a "bitch" for being just as assertive as the men.
Are you sure you aren't my wife? Same name, initial, job..and of course opinions on men and their actions in this instance....
My wife and I have had this discussion about what you expressed dozens of times. How, especially in this day and age where lots of men are portrayed as violent, how does a man know just the right amount of forcefulness is attractive yet is also not pushy, overly aggressive or rude.
I guess it is the male equivalent of the career woman who is a "bitch" for being just as assertive as the men.
Nick
Nick, I keep telling you, I AM your wife. I'm up in the attic with my laptop right now. Just go up and check! Oh, and why not wear those new black-silk boxer shorts I gave you for Christmas? hahaha. And be sure to come up bare-footed. (I can say these things since I'm your wife. hehe.)
About the amount of aggressiveness - probably the same amount as he would use with his male friends. He wouldn't push his male friends around, but would expect equal relationships. I think he could act the same way with a female, and that level of assertiveness would probably be just right. What do you think?
seriously. if you are an asshole and havent been able to change be an asshole.
people are people regardless of where they happen to live or their gender. if you need to act differently to attract someone you are interested in perhaps your shouldnt be interested in them because they certainly arent interested in who you are.
Seriously. I think he just misread the thread title. Steve is asking for advice on dating, not advice on how to hand over your testicles and your wallet to some bitch that will use you and throw you away like a tissue.
Hi BR - I think some women are scum, I really do. Some men are too, of course. I wonder how they divide up? Are the numbers fairly equal wrt men who use and abuse women vs. women who use and abuse men?
I would tend to think men use and abuse women more than vice versa. But whoever does it, it just sucks. I have no time for people of either gender who mistreat others. They are essentially parasites.
I'll speak about how I feel wrt to what you mentioned. I don't want a guy to pay for me. I would MUCH, MUCH rather pay half of whatever the expense is. For one thing, I don't want to feel obligated to someone for some ****ing steak dinner and a movie! If I pay half, there should be no expectations of any kind. That's the way I like it. If we really are attracted to each other emotionally and physically, that's great. But I certainly don't want to feel I've sold my body for a rib-eye steak!
Any woman who uses a guy and throws him away is beneath contempt. And the same for him. "Using" people is one of the lowest forms of human activity. So, I do apologize to you and others for any females who have taken advantage of any guys here. I could never respect such a woman as a person or friend. I would never treat a guy that way, and could never consider someone a friend who did.
Some guys are abusive and emotionally cruel to females. This is equally abhorrent. They are beneath contempt. I don't know exactly how I have managed it, but I have never had an abusive boyfriend. All the guys I ever loved, I still love, and they still love me; and that's a wonderful feeling. I guess I just don't date guys more than once who I think will be abusive. The first hint of sarcasm, condescension, or criticism (on a first date!), gives me all the clue I need to never date that guy again.
Anyway, BR, there are nice girls out there somewhere. Girls who aren't parasites or users. Just don't give up.
I also totally agree with everything said about spontaniety. Be "out there", don't be afraid to speak your mind...
When I'm speaking my mind, I'm usually talking about the qualities of my genitals. Which way it hooks, which nut hangs lower, how small it is, which major political figure it most closely resembles, etc.
Nick, I keep telling you, I AM your wife. I'm up in the attic with my laptop right now. Just go up and check! Oh, and why not wear those new black-silk boxer shorts I gave you for Christmas? hahaha. And be sure to come up bare-footed. (I can say these things since I'm your wife. hehe.)
About the amount of aggressiveness - probably the same amount as he would use with his male friends. He wouldn't push his male friends around, but would expect equal relationships. I think he could act the same way with a female, and that level of assertiveness would probably be just right. What do you think?
I disagree. My male friends never tear off my boxers after I tackle them to the ground and tickle them.
I disagree. My male friends never tear off my boxers after I tackle them to the ground and tickle them.
Remember, I'm saying these things to my wife.
Nick
I was wondering if you'd remember that night. After all, we did have a fair amount to drink, if you recall. (not TOO much though, as it turned out.... )
If your goal in life is to date someone, that's the best you'll ever do.
If your goal in life is to enjoy it, that's what you'll achieve.
Fun is infectious. Go out and have fun and people will be naturally attracted to you. If you have an agenda, people will steer clear of you. It's really that simple. If you don't know how to have fun, then don't worry about dating. You have several years of learning to go before you should worry about dating.
I kinda got the impression that a lot of american boyfriends are assholes in that they don't treat their girlfriends very nicely.
I don't think I could ever do that to someone I love. In fact, I think I might be to nice and polite to people. Do you think this would be a drawback?
I'm a bit confused on what type of a girl I want because the most interesting conversations with my friends are philosophy/psychology/science related and I don't think I want that in a relationship (since I already talk about it with friends). However, that leads me to think about the worthwhileness of a relationship with a girl, since without doubt it will take time and money.
I had a girlfriend last year whom I was with for 5 months and later I realised I did not love her and that I went out with her mostly because everyone thought she was good. As a result, I now am looking for a serious and caring relationship on the personal level. How many college girls, however are looking for this?
I dunno, maybe I should use this time to taste all the flavours of icecream?
I don't think I could ever do that to someone I love. In fact, I think I might be to nice and polite to people. Do you think this would be a drawback?
You need to be nice AFTER you have a girlfriend. Be fun first, then find a girl, then be nice to her. If you're nice first, that's fine, but it might not be as helpful as you'd think.
If you can't quit the nice guy persona, just make sure you never direct all of your attention to one girl. It'll freak them out. Be nice to everyone, boys and girls, men and women. Don't pay too much attention to anyone, and as I said before, start doing things for yourself. Start having fun. Your focus shouldn't be on someone else, but yourself. If you're happy, in good spirits, having fun (I can't say that enough) then your attitude will be infectious.
Take the initiative, make group plans to do stupid things. Go skydiving with a group of friends.
Comments
Not saying you should be an a**hole, but don't follow them like a puppy.
Be confident, yet humble and be able to laugh at yourself.
Of course, this is advice from a single guy, who has just broken up from a 6 month relationship.
Originally posted by The General
LIES! LIES I TELL YA! Beware! she just wants all the other girls for herself!
Well, what can I say? You caught me.
And I really don't know about the whole thing with white girls not dating Asian guys. I would be into Asian guys if I lived in a more racially diverse area.
I also totally agree with everything said about spontaniety. Be "out there", don't be afraid to speak your mind, and keep an awesome sense of humor. If you're social enough, then girls will hopefully see through any silly racial hesitations they may have.
Originally posted by kneelbeforezod
I don't get where this 'white girls don't date Asian guys' notion comes from.
I think it might be also due to geographic location. Northern virginians seem to be somewhat conservative and some of them are a bit snobbish imo.
Originally posted by stevegongrui
I think it might be also due to geographic location. Northern virginians seem to be somewhat conservative and some of them are a bit snobbish imo.
it is a common complaint from my asian friends both here and back east...enough have complained that it seems like a real issue to me...not sure if it is cultural or shyness or what not...
maybe it is a numbers thing...many of my asian male friends are attracted to white women because they are the majority...maybe because asian males are the minority in virginia and new mexico etc etc, white women are less attracted to them?? i don't have a good answer...attraction seems to me to be mostly chemical anyways...or at least heavily effected by beer
g
Originally posted by thegelding
...attraction seems to me to be mostly chemical anyways...or at least heavily effected by beer
g
It could be one of those vicious circles. The Asian male is somewhat hesitant and unsure when he asks a white girl out. His lack of confidence seems unattractive to her, so she says no.
maybe I am wrong, but that is the way I have seen it.
I can't find my phone number could I have yours?
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make the Bed Rock.
Is that a mirror in your pocket...cause i see myself in your pants.
Lets add me and you, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply.
*pull up on tag at back of her shirt*
"What are you doing?"
"Just checking to see of you were made in heaven."
The gayer the better. Frickin works like a charm.
Could have also been my rugged good looks and stunning blue eyes though.
heh heh
Originally posted by Wrong Robot
no no no, don't hand yourself on a plate like that, You gotta be a dick, but in a way that gets them intrigued and piques their interest. Nice guys finish last and all that. It's true, Everytime I've tried to be the nice guy, it's never worked out, but when I am rude and difficult with them, they always go for it.
same with many of my friends too.
Girls dig guys that are confident above all, confident and comfortable with sex, and that won't be "too easy" in their eyes.
This whole thing about girls not liking nice guys is really weird, isn't it? And there is some truth to it. Even when I first started dating when I was 14 and 15, I felt that way to an extent. This one guy I dated as a young teen was really cute, but he wasn't assertive enough. It wasn't exactly that he was too polite, but his personality didn't come through enough. There wasn't enough strength of character in evidence. If a girl has to choose between 'polite' and 'strong', she will choose 'strong' every time, imo. I think this must be an evolved instinct, I really do. The polite male might not be able to kill the sabre-tooth tiger, but the strong male will be able to.
A girl doesn't want to be pushed around or treated rudely as evidence of masculine strength. She wants the guy to be fully a person, with energy, ideas, enthusiasm, personality. He should be fully HIMSELF. NOT rude, abusive, uncaring. But he shouldn't be a milksop, either. NO ONE would like milksop. A guy should be the kind of person HE would like to have as a male friend. He wouldn't want a milksop as a friend; just as a girl wouldn't want to date a milksop. Does any of that make sense?
Don't cater to her every wish. Have decisions be 50-50. Be fully half of the relationship.
It's a struggle to explain this, because I guess I've never actually thought it through before. But it's an interesting topic, and worth thinking about.
Originally posted by Carol A
This whole thing about girls not liking nice guys is really weird, isn't it? And there is some truth to it. Even when I first started dating when I was 14 and 15, I felt that way to an extent. This one guy I dated as a young teen was really cute, but he wasn't assertive enough. It wasn't exactly that he was too polite, but his personality didn't come through enough. There wasn't enough strength of character in evidence. If a girl has to choose between 'polite' and 'strong', she will choose 'strong' every time, imo. I think this must be an evolved instinct, I really do. The polite male might not be able to kill the sabre-tooth tiger, but the strong male will be able to.
A girl doesn't want to be pushed around or treated rudely. She wants the guy to be fully a person, with energy, ideas, enthusiasm, personality. He should be fully HIMSELF. NOT rude, abusive, uncaring. But he shouldn't be a milksop, either. NO ONE would like milksop. A guy should be the kind of person HE would like to have as a male friend. He wouldn't want a milksop as a friend; just as a girl wouldn't want to date a milksop. Does any of that make sense?
Don't cater to her every wish. Have decisions be 50-50. Be fully half of the relationship.
It's a struggle to explain this, because I guess I've never actually thought it through before. But it's an interesting topic, and worth thinking about.
Carol,
Are you sure you aren't my wife? Same name, initial, job..and of course opinions on men and their actions in this instance....
My wife and I have had this discussion about what you expressed dozens of times. How, especially in this day and age where lots of men are portrayed as violent, how does a man know just the right amount of forcefulness is attractive yet is also not pushy, overly aggressive or rude.
I guess it is the male equivalent of the career woman who is a "bitch" for being just as assertive as the men.
Nick
Originally posted by trumptman
Carol,
Are you sure you aren't my wife? Same name, initial, job..and of course opinions on men and their actions in this instance....
My wife and I have had this discussion about what you expressed dozens of times. How, especially in this day and age where lots of men are portrayed as violent, how does a man know just the right amount of forcefulness is attractive yet is also not pushy, overly aggressive or rude.
I guess it is the male equivalent of the career woman who is a "bitch" for being just as assertive as the men.
Nick
About the amount of aggressiveness - probably the same amount as he would use with his male friends. He wouldn't push his male friends around, but would expect equal relationships. I think he could act the same way with a female, and that level of assertiveness would probably be just right. What do you think?
seriously. if you are an asshole and havent been able to change be an asshole.
people are people regardless of where they happen to live or their gender. if you need to act differently to attract someone you are interested in perhaps your shouldnt be interested in them because they certainly arent interested in who you are.
long term relationship stuff is hit or miss.
Originally posted by BR
Seriously. I think he just misread the thread title. Steve is asking for advice on dating, not advice on how to hand over your testicles and your wallet to some bitch that will use you and throw you away like a tissue.
Hi BR - I think some women are scum, I really do. Some men are too, of course. I wonder how they divide up? Are the numbers fairly equal wrt men who use and abuse women vs. women who use and abuse men?
I would tend to think men use and abuse women more than vice versa. But whoever does it, it just sucks. I have no time for people of either gender who mistreat others. They are essentially parasites.
I'll speak about how I feel wrt to what you mentioned. I don't want a guy to pay for me. I would MUCH, MUCH rather pay half of whatever the expense is. For one thing, I don't want to feel obligated to someone for some ****ing steak dinner and a movie! If I pay half, there should be no expectations of any kind. That's the way I like it. If we really are attracted to each other emotionally and physically, that's great. But I certainly don't want to feel I've sold my body for a rib-eye steak!
Any woman who uses a guy and throws him away is beneath contempt. And the same for him. "Using" people is one of the lowest forms of human activity. So, I do apologize to you and others for any females who have taken advantage of any guys here. I could never respect such a woman as a person or friend. I would never treat a guy that way, and could never consider someone a friend who did.
Some guys are abusive and emotionally cruel to females. This is equally abhorrent. They are beneath contempt. I don't know exactly how I have managed it, but I have never had an abusive boyfriend. All the guys I ever loved, I still love, and they still love me; and that's a wonderful feeling. I guess I just don't date guys more than once who I think will be abusive. The first hint of sarcasm, condescension, or criticism (on a first date!), gives me all the clue I need to never date that guy again.
Anyway, BR, there are nice girls out there somewhere. Girls who aren't parasites or users. Just don't give up.
Carol
Originally posted by Nebulous
I also totally agree with everything said about spontaniety. Be "out there", don't be afraid to speak your mind...
When I'm speaking my mind, I'm usually talking about the qualities of my genitals. Which way it hooks, which nut hangs lower, how small it is, which major political figure it most closely resembles, etc.
Originally posted by Carol A
About the amount of aggressiveness - probably the same amount as he would use with his male friends. He wouldn't push his male friends around, but would expect equal relationships. I think he could act the same way with a female, and that level of assertiveness would probably be just right. What do you think?
I disagree. My male friends never tear off my boxers after I tackle them to the ground and tickle them.
Remember, I'm saying these things to my wife.
Nick
Originally posted by trumptman
I disagree. My male friends never tear off my boxers after I tackle them to the ground and tickle them.
Remember, I'm saying these things to my wife.
Nick
I was wondering if you'd remember that night. After all, we did have a fair amount to drink, if you recall. (not TOO much though, as it turned out....
If your goal in life is to enjoy it, that's what you'll achieve.
Fun is infectious. Go out and have fun and people will be naturally attracted to you. If you have an agenda, people will steer clear of you. It's really that simple. If you don't know how to have fun, then don't worry about dating. You have several years of learning to go before you should worry about dating.
I don't think I could ever do that to someone I love. In fact, I think I might be to nice and polite to people. Do you think this would be a drawback?
I'm a bit confused on what type of a girl I want because the most interesting conversations with my friends are philosophy/psychology/science related and I don't think I want that in a relationship (since I already talk about it with friends). However, that leads me to think about the worthwhileness of a relationship with a girl, since without doubt it will take time and money.
I had a girlfriend last year whom I was with for 5 months and later I realised I did not love her and that I went out with her mostly because everyone thought she was good. As a result, I now am looking for a serious and caring relationship on the personal level. How many college girls, however are looking for this?
I dunno, maybe I should use this time to taste all the flavours of icecream?
What are your views on this?
Originally posted by stevegongrui
I don't think I could ever do that to someone I love. In fact, I think I might be to nice and polite to people. Do you think this would be a drawback?
You need to be nice AFTER you have a girlfriend. Be fun first, then find a girl, then be nice to her. If you're nice first, that's fine, but it might not be as helpful as you'd think.
If you can't quit the nice guy persona, just make sure you never direct all of your attention to one girl. It'll freak them out. Be nice to everyone, boys and girls, men and women. Don't pay too much attention to anyone, and as I said before, start doing things for yourself. Start having fun. Your focus shouldn't be on someone else, but yourself. If you're happy, in good spirits, having fun (I can't say that enough) then your attitude will be infectious.
Take the initiative, make group plans to do stupid things. Go skydiving with a group of friends.