The Peeing Thread
Inspired by my recent posting about peeing, I decided to start this thread. I have a few random thoughts I'll share to start the ball rolling.
Beat The Toilet
When I pee, I have this habit of flushing the toilet before I finish, then I try to "beat the toilet". I'll usually do it as soon as the flow has hit it's peak and it starting to diminish, but sometimes I get anxious and flush too soon, and I have to push like a madman to make it in time. Can't leave any pee in there for the next person when I'm at work, so if I don't make the cutoff (when the bowl starts refilling), I've had to wait for the bowl to refill, and flush a second time. Anyone within earshot probably thinks I peed, then decided to grow a tail after the first flush. Mildly embarrassing. (BTW, I've never shared this information with anyone, and it's only because of my love and admiration of you all that I feel comfortable enough to do so here)
Toilet/urinal strength
I lived in the same house from about 7 to 18 years old. For as long as I can remember, I always peed on exactly the same spot on the left side of bowl, an inch above the water line. I thought 11 years of hardcore pissing (I drank a ton of pop) would make a little dent in the porcelain. No dice. That shit is tough!
Public urinals
I read an article linked from Fark last week about a guy who can't use urinals, because he has a Micro Penis, and is afraid of other men seeing him. This makes me wonder... does anyone actually "check out" other guys in a bathroom? I've heard talk about guys seeing if they "measure up" against other guys. Bah. The last thing I want to do is sneak a peek at another penis. Uh, no thanks. I'll just stare straight ahead, thankyouverymuch.
That's another thing. I think it should be mandatory that ALL bathrooms provide reading material above urinals. There are some around here that stick up the sports section of the paper on a cork board, others that have ads, etc, up there to read. If I'm pumping out a couple pints of beer and standing there for 30-60 seconds, dammit, give me something to do. Staring at a wall, glancing down in the urinal, trying to take out the urinal puck, staring back up at the wall, trying to ignore the weirdo next to you who's seeing if he measures up to you... gets old real fast. I'll gladly take forced advertising to kill the time.
Sitting/Standing
I peed sitting down last week. Everyone in the house was sleeping, and I didn't want to make any noise. Normally I just aim to the side of the water so there's no splashing, but it eventually makes the toilet dirty with the little bit of spatter that is unavoidable. It worked, was nice and quiet, but it left me feeling like a pansy bitch. From now on, screw you man, I'm pissing right in the middle of that water, too bad for you if you wake up. (yes, you too Erin, I don't care if you're only 1!!!)
Peeing while driving
Done it? I have. Lots. Gatorade is the easiest, with the large opening. It's just a major pain if you fill that puppy up and still have more to go. Stopping the stream when you're 95% done is not a nice thing to have to do. I'd pull over and go in the ditch, or at a gas station... but then that goddamn semi-truck will get by me, and I'll have to pass the bastard again. Forget it!
Well, at least I used to do this... obviously this isn't going to work with 2 kids in the car. heh
After-sex urination
I laughed my ass off when Jim Carrey is taking out the back of the toilet and the walls with the uncontrollable spray in Me, Myself, and Irene. He realizes afterwards that he must have had sex the night before. My wife chuckled, but the ladies just can't really understand it, can they? I did a major take-out of one wall and a magazine rack last week. I'm glad I have a digital subscription to MacWorld now.
Anyway, that's it. Just the ramblings of a severely bored, troubled soul. Share your own experiences or thoughts.
Hopefully this doesn't get locked.
Beat The Toilet
When I pee, I have this habit of flushing the toilet before I finish, then I try to "beat the toilet". I'll usually do it as soon as the flow has hit it's peak and it starting to diminish, but sometimes I get anxious and flush too soon, and I have to push like a madman to make it in time. Can't leave any pee in there for the next person when I'm at work, so if I don't make the cutoff (when the bowl starts refilling), I've had to wait for the bowl to refill, and flush a second time. Anyone within earshot probably thinks I peed, then decided to grow a tail after the first flush. Mildly embarrassing. (BTW, I've never shared this information with anyone, and it's only because of my love and admiration of you all that I feel comfortable enough to do so here)
Toilet/urinal strength
I lived in the same house from about 7 to 18 years old. For as long as I can remember, I always peed on exactly the same spot on the left side of bowl, an inch above the water line. I thought 11 years of hardcore pissing (I drank a ton of pop) would make a little dent in the porcelain. No dice. That shit is tough!
Public urinals
I read an article linked from Fark last week about a guy who can't use urinals, because he has a Micro Penis, and is afraid of other men seeing him. This makes me wonder... does anyone actually "check out" other guys in a bathroom? I've heard talk about guys seeing if they "measure up" against other guys. Bah. The last thing I want to do is sneak a peek at another penis. Uh, no thanks. I'll just stare straight ahead, thankyouverymuch.
That's another thing. I think it should be mandatory that ALL bathrooms provide reading material above urinals. There are some around here that stick up the sports section of the paper on a cork board, others that have ads, etc, up there to read. If I'm pumping out a couple pints of beer and standing there for 30-60 seconds, dammit, give me something to do. Staring at a wall, glancing down in the urinal, trying to take out the urinal puck, staring back up at the wall, trying to ignore the weirdo next to you who's seeing if he measures up to you... gets old real fast. I'll gladly take forced advertising to kill the time.
Sitting/Standing
I peed sitting down last week. Everyone in the house was sleeping, and I didn't want to make any noise. Normally I just aim to the side of the water so there's no splashing, but it eventually makes the toilet dirty with the little bit of spatter that is unavoidable. It worked, was nice and quiet, but it left me feeling like a pansy bitch. From now on, screw you man, I'm pissing right in the middle of that water, too bad for you if you wake up. (yes, you too Erin, I don't care if you're only 1!!!)
Peeing while driving
Done it? I have. Lots. Gatorade is the easiest, with the large opening. It's just a major pain if you fill that puppy up and still have more to go. Stopping the stream when you're 95% done is not a nice thing to have to do. I'd pull over and go in the ditch, or at a gas station... but then that goddamn semi-truck will get by me, and I'll have to pass the bastard again. Forget it!
Well, at least I used to do this... obviously this isn't going to work with 2 kids in the car. heh
After-sex urination
I laughed my ass off when Jim Carrey is taking out the back of the toilet and the walls with the uncontrollable spray in Me, Myself, and Irene. He realizes afterwards that he must have had sex the night before. My wife chuckled, but the ladies just can't really understand it, can they? I did a major take-out of one wall and a magazine rack last week. I'm glad I have a digital subscription to MacWorld now.
Anyway, that's it. Just the ramblings of a severely bored, troubled soul. Share your own experiences or thoughts.
Hopefully this doesn't get locked.
Comments
Originally posted by murbot
Anyway, that's it. Just the ramblings of a severely bored, troubled soul. Share your own experiences or thoughts.
Hopefully this doesn't get locked.
I could make a career off you.
Powerful insight into all that is peeing, murbot. I especially liked the undentable toilet.
I'd like to add that all urinals should be required to have dividers between them. They can't cost too much and I don't want people staring at my peepee if I'm not getting anything out of it. The reading material is a great idea but I never get to finish the article I'm reading because it's always "continued on page D132". They should just open the paper up so you can at least start and finish the article, even if it's not interesting.
Oh, and flush the damn toilet! How hard could it be?
Originally posted by murbot
Toilet/urinal strength
I lived in the same house from about 7 to 18 years old. For as long as I can remember, I always peed on exactly the same spot on the left side of bowl, an inch above the water line. I thought 11 years of hardcore pissing (I drank a ton of pop) would make a little dent in the porcelain. No dice. That shit is tough!
you just have weak piss!
Done that one before, but never in public. I'm pretty sure that I've never lost either. That toilet has got nothin on me.
Strength:
You're right man, that thing can take a beating and keep coming back for more. It just doesn't quit. Maybe someday someone will manage to dent it, we shall see. Only time will tell.
Public:
Keep your eyes on the road buddy. If I ever see another dude checking me out in a public bathroom, I'll beat him within an inch of his life. There is no reason that one dude should be checking out another dude...no reason at all. I'm okay knowing that I'm the biggest guy in there anyway, I don't need to look.
Sitting/Standing:
Standing, there is no other way. End of story.
Driving:
Oh yeah, done that too. And in the Gatorade bottle too! But your right Murbot, those suckers fill up way too fast...and pinching it off sucks hard. Believe me, I've had to do that before, many many times.
After sex:
I'm a virgin...nuff said 8)
And a new one to add...
In the pool:
Being a competitive swimmer for the better part of my life I have peed in many a pool. It's not as easy as you might think...it's a whole different experience from peeing in a pool while wearing swim trunks, we're talkin speedos here people. They restrict the flow! And it's hard to swim and pee at the same time. I'm one of the few people that has mastered being able to swim and pee at the same time...but you can't kick, you have to drag your legs behind you and just swim with your arms. It's impossible to kick and pee at the same time. But peeing in the pool is awesome, it helps with so many things. It relaxes you, keeps you warm, reduces shrinkage...so many good things.
Well, that's all I got. Thanks for starting such a sweet thread Murbot!
While we're sharing stuff i once managed to find the exact angle necessary in a public urinal for my stream to whizz from one side of the curved surface out on to the leg of the man standing next to me, who very kindly , didn't beat the living crap out of me.
Originally posted by DMBand0026
Sitting/Standing:
Standing, there is no other way. End of story.
I just want to clarify this - it was not a question, or a poll, or anything of that nature... just an observation of my one-time experiment.
Well, that's all I got. Thanks for starting such a sweet thread Murbot!
That's what I'm here for. Well, that, and providing torifile with some useful info.
it is usually done in the street, on the way back to the house from the bar...
sometimes in a group--heh
oh and those of you who care about people checking out your package at the urinal need to grow up... not saying it should be done... but seriously that is the other person's problem-not yours
you can call them on it... but why should it bother you? (unless of course they are freaking ogling it and trying to touch it-much like I'm sure many have us have done with a nice rack sometime
it's a great skill that requires the perfect aim, arc and power to get it right. you start peeing in the urinal, than see how far back you can go without spilling a drop. whoever gets the farthest away without spilling (before you have to come forward at the end) wins!
great if you've been drinking all night.
you should be able to get at least 4' away no problem. 7-8' is possible.
But peeing in the pool is awesome, it helps with so many things. It relaxes you, keeps you warm, reduces shrinkage...so many good things.
Just remember, it's not the chlorine you can smell at pools, it's the urea.
Did I mention said buddy's name was "Jeannie"?
In cursive, even.
click for tutorial movie
Pissing in the wind the lot of ya.
Have any of you ever sneezed while pissing? It's basically a small grade explosion. I imagine it's about the same as if you were to shoot a firehose into the toilet for a second. Water...or at least I like to think it's the water and not piss splashes everywhere.
Publicly...I like the requirement of walls. I do think that there should be a mandatory rule that if you can put a urinal between you and the next person, you have to do it!
I always piss along the side of the bowl without water though because not only is it too loud, but then there isn't any real splashing.
when i was a kid i lived on 3rd street in santa monica...i was a complete beach bum kid and was at the ocean from near sun up to near sun down...didn't like to pee in the ocean, but didn't want to go all the way to the bathrooms (santa monica's beach was quite wide back then...and i was smaller)...so i would just lie on my stomach on the sand and pee...then i would cover the pee-clump with sand...dang people would get "pissed" when they would step into one of my pee-clumps...
in college, when drinking, i had one friend that liked to piss on churches...i prefered bushes
when my wife was a kid (she is one of four, all girls), her dad wouldn't stop on car trips and made them use a coffee can...i can't fathom that...sure, i've pissed in my share of big gulp cups, but i would much rather stop than have my daughters try and hit a can in a moving car...plus you get unexpected trip bonuses sometimes...traveling through rural new mexico once with the girls and my eldest had to pee...couldn't wait...so we pulled over at a little side road outside of roswell...turned out that it was the road to the UFO crash site...i pointed out the sign after she peed and she got all freaked out thinking the aliens would come after her...of course she might have got that idea because i told they now had a sample and would be searching high and low for her
g
Originally posted by alcimedes
man, this many posts and nothing about distance peeing?
it's a great skill that requires the perfect aim, arc and power to get it right. you start peeing in the urinal, than see how far back you can go without spilling a drop. whoever gets the farthest away without spilling (before you have to come forward at the end) wins!
great if you've been drinking all night.
you should be able to get at least 4' away no problem. 7-8' is possible.
8'...I'd imagine that would be painful just for a title. You'd need to be drinking to piss long enough to get that far away.
From this artice:
Airline Halts Plan for Lip-Shaped Urinals
"I don't know many men who think it's cool to pee in a woman's mouth, even a porcelain one,"
Quote of the month.
Originally posted by DMBand0026
Public:
Keep your eyes on the road buddy. If I ever see another dude checking me out in a public bathroom, I'll beat him within an inch of his life. There is no reason that one dude should be checking out another dude...no reason at all. I'm okay knowing that I'm the biggest guy in there anyway, I don't need to look.
Besides if one in ten of us are gay... then as a man (with all our... err.. urges) would you not be tempted to look at what you desire when it's right under you nose and to the left/right?