This new year, us and couple of our friend decided to stay home, as we didn't have any reservations, So after a bottle of Champagne, glenfiddich, few beers, we were all kind of *uhm* wasted, then i remembered that i have that we supposed to smoke 6 months ago, but never actually did....
Anyways, i woke up later in the morning feeling like ***, and remembered that i'm supposed to call my friend as we were set to go skiing. he recently moved to a new house, and i couldn't find his new #, so i called 411.
- Police or an Ambulance?
- huh?
- Police or an Ambulance !?!
- eeeeeee, huh?
- Sir, do you want police or an ambulance !?!?!
- right....., what do you mean?
- I don't have a time for this, do you require assistance or not ?!?!?!
Okay, I was thinking of explaining that in the original post. There IS a reason, and a pretty good one, I think.
The thing is, when you put pantyhose on, you pull them up so the crotch of the pantyhose reaches where it should. But some pantyhose have the problem that the crotch doesn't stay up where it should, but instead tends to hover two inches too low - not a comfortable feeling...and hard to describe. So, with those particular pantyhose, I would wear the panties over them, so I could pull the panties up tight and force the pantyhose crotch to stay up where it should. Does that make any sense?
But the panties in question were really tiny, and useless for such a purpose, as I found out in the most unfortunate way. I can guarantee that this is a true story. The teachers' lounge that day was filled with teachers who saw me come in. And the guy standing near the door that I pulled in front of me, I'm sure would testify as to my veracity. He taught social studies on my team, and I told him later what the problem was. He thought it was really funny, so I'm sure he would remember it, though I haven't seen him in years.
Carol A. I'm beginning to suspect we are secretly married.
Well, I was caught, uh, "taking care of business" when I was like 14.
i've been caught something like like 3 times now. each one was a little less embarassing than the prior. lucky for me, i was never caught by a crowd. that must have sucked. the first was shortly after i discovered the joy of the being a male. "exploring" and whatnot before school, then me mum comes in with my ironed shirt. "What are you doing?" thinking quick, i respond with "nothing. i'm doing nothing. what are you doing in my room?" the incident was never mentioned again.
number two was less embarassing. the older bro is watching tv in our room, and i'm "tired." he's flipping through channels, hits the nudey channel for a few seconds, and moves on. of course, some odd breathing and shifting blankets from my bed arouse suspicion. "what the hell are you doing?" coyly, "i'm trying to go to sleep."
numero three was a bit more recent, in my college days. not quite as big of a deal. i'm going through "the" websites, and the roommate comes back from class. "yo, why is the door locked." i quickly hide my pride, and switch out of mozilla. due to the speed of his entry, i couldn't close them all until after he got in. "so, why was the door locked?" "uh, i just got up?" the inflection of my voice alluding to a question that was not asked. "but, you went to class earlier than i did." "don't question me." "oh. oh." i really should be more careful about this type of thing.
i think the most embarassing thing that i can remember and am willing to mention on this board was a matter of incontinence when i was young. i was at a school play (no, luckily i wasn't in the play). i never much enjoyed them, except i was allowed to get a candy. being a very dirty and chocolate loving kid, my snickers (or whatever i had gotten), was all over my hands and face. this must have been the laxative version of snickers, because by the play's end i was in desparate need of the bathroom. i'm a pretty reserved guy when it comes to bathrooms, and make a point of never using public toilets in such a manner, but that is because of this incident. i run to the bathroom, and in a strange twist, the men's room is full (or maybe it was locked). so i go to the women's bathroom. and well, my bowels were quicker than me. quicker to the tune of running down my leg, on the side of the bowl, on the seat and pretty much everywhere else, except inside the bowl. i reaked of shit, and had to walk as if on a horse, due to the hardened mess on me legs. my friend and i walked home, with our parents. he kept saying "did you fart?"
I have no big sexual embarrassments to relate (my wife has a sense of humour, so nothing ever seems too serious) ? and no nudity ones, because I grew up in a household where it was no big deal.
But that does not mean I never have been embarrassed. Actually, when I was a teenager I was such an insecure dweeb ? like so many other teenagers ? that I spent about half of my time being embarrassed. I could relate 100s of stories, but looking back on them now they all look pretty minor. As I get older, I find that I still do all sorts of stupid things, but I have less and less capacity for embarrassment.
Nevertheless, I do have a couple of stories of ?adult? embarrassment:
-\tA few months after starting my first serious 'career' job in my mid-twenties, a colleague and I were joking around, discussing Monty Python in what we thought was the pretty much empty floor of our office building early in the evening. We started doing impressions of the Ministry of Funny Walks skit, inventing our own walks. I needed a bit more space for a particularly outlandish walk, so I walked out of my own office and down the hall, and, for some reason, decided to go into what I thought was the empty office of the Executive Director of our organization. The office, however, was not empty ? he was there and he had very little sense of humour?..
-\tBefore we decided to get married, my wife and I decided to live together. I knew that she was the ?one?, but it had been such a whirlwind romance (we had only been dating two months) that I did not think that it was reasonable to ask her to actually marry me yet. Anyway, I told my older sister that I was going to move in with my girlfriend and she ? being a bit conservative about such things ? was disappointed and she said ?why don?t you just get married? to which I replied ?don?t be ridiculous, we just started going out?. Anyway, thinking my girlfriend would find my sister?s suggestion to be equally ridiculous; I related the conversation to her. Her reaction was not as I expected?my girlfriend said ?you told your sister that it would be ridiculous for us to get married?!...what do you mean by that???...what do you mean ridiculous!!!!?? I then tried for about half an hour to retract and re-explain ? with a redder and redder face - and I eventually got myself so tied up in contradictions and inept explanations that my girlfriend burst out laughing. She laughed so hard that she eventually could not stand anymore. Anyway, we were married about 9 months later and have been together now for almost twelve years.
I shit my pants at work once... food poisoning. But no-one knew except me, I felt it and then got my ass home with a quickness, no speaking to anyone. E-mailed my boss, "Went home. Very sick. - Adam"
I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.
A few months after starting my first serious 'career' job in my mid-twenties, a colleague and I were joking around, discussing Monty Python in what we thought was the pretty much empty floor of our office building early in the evening. We started doing impressions of the Ministry of Funny Walks skit, inventing our own walks. I needed a bit more space for a particularly outlandish walk, so I walked out of my own office and down the hall, and, for some reason, decided to go into what I thought was the empty office of the Executive Director of our organization. The office, however, was not empty ? he was there and he had very little sense of humour?..
This is the first story so far that has caused me to laugh out loud.
7th grade. Warming up in gym. Lunch in the cafeteria a period prior and something wasn't sitting well. Push-ups. On the "up" part of the push-up, out came a fart that reverberated throughout the gym. . I still remember it vividly to this day.
Dude. I would have been very proud to have been in your shoes at that time. What a legend.
I mooned a substitute teacher in Grade 7 once. The whole class laughed of course, and teach didn't see me. All fine and dandy until a guy yells "dude you have a pimple on your ASS!!"
Yeah, not that embarassing, but it's the first thing that came to mind. I'm sure I'll add to this thread later.
He's a great guy, and probably the world's best lover. Parades should be thrown in his honor. I'm completely serious. He's English.
Right. Now we *KNOW* you're making this up...
World's best lover is *ENGLISH*???? The land where every recipe starts with "Boil a pot roast"??
In college I had a female friend with whom I'd flirt outrageously in person and over email. We had quite the steamy message thread going back and forth one time, quite explicit. Quite non-vanilla. Was quite a bit of fun.
Anyway, I'm sitting at work responding to one of her emails when I get a phone call and have to save the message to a temp directory (ah, the days of Z19 terminals and early releases of pine).
Later, I bring it back up in the midst of doing other things, finish it up and fire it off.
It comes back to me about 10 minutes later.
From my boss.
"I don't think this was intended for me. At least, I hope not."
We never spoke of it.
Apparently I got that, and another work-related email cross-wired...
That reminds me of another incident which was more embarassing for somebody else 8) :
My wife worked at a home for elder people where I did my social service some years before. They once had a carnival party for residents and employees. We had the idea that I should dress myself up as a nurse. I'm not very tall and have rather small feet for a male, so I could wear (more or less) some of my wife's clothes: a body, a dark pantyhose to cover my hairy legs and some high heels that were a bit too large for her (after the evening they were a bit larger and my feet did ache...). My wife did the makeup and my hair. There were some other guys dressed as nurses, but I was the most "real" looking one. Later in the evening, the director of the facility came to our table and asked me for dance. You should have seen his face when I told him that I am more used to male steps...
A few months after starting my first serious 'career' job in my mid-twenties, a colleague and I were joking around, discussing Monty Python in what we thought was the pretty much empty floor of our office building early in the evening. We started doing impressions of the Ministry of Funny Walks skit, inventing our own walks. I needed a bit more space for a particularly outlandish walk, so I walked out of my own office and down the hall, and, for some reason, decided to go into what I thought was the empty office of the Executive Director of our organization. The office, however, was not empty ? he was there and he had very little sense of humour?..
Hi Chinney - I loved this story. What a scream! I used to do funny walks, too - like the tiptoeing you'd see on cartoons, if you can picture that, and other funny walks. It would crack my mom and friends up, and I got a kick out of entertaining them with such silliness. But I was just a kid. That you were in your mid-twenties is just priceless - and at work, too - AND with someone else!!! What a great story. I will think of that with a smile for a long time.
This new year, us and couple of our friend decided to stay home, as we didn't have any reservations, So after a bottle of Champagne, glenfiddich, few beers, we were all kind of *uhm* wasted, then i remembered that i have that we supposed to smoke 6 months ago, but never actually did....
Anyways, i woke up later in the morning feeling like ***, and remembered that i'm supposed to call my friend as we were set to go skiing. he recently moved to a new house, and i couldn't find his new #, so i called 411.
- Police or an Ambulance?
- huh?
- Police or an Ambulance !?!
- eeeeeee, huh?
- Sir, do you want police or an ambulance !?!?!
- right....., what do you mean?
- I don't have a time for this, do you require assistance or not ?!?!?!
Hi Chinney - I loved this story. What a scream! I used to do funny walks, too - like the tiptoeing you'd see on cartoons, if you can picture that, and other funny walks. It would crack my mom and friends up, and I got a kick out of entertaining them with such silliness. But I was just a kid. That you were in your mid-twenties is just priceless - and at work, too - AND with someone else!!! What a great story. I will think of that with a smile for a long time.
Of course I was mortified at the time. I thought that I would lose my job - that guy had the power to fire me and his look showed that he was not amused. But he never mentioned the incident to me and we eventually did become friends of a sort - although I doubt that he ever thought that the incident was funny.
Carol A. I'm beginning to suspect we are secretly married.
Nick
Well, Nick, I tried to tell you that I spend a lot of time up in "our" attic with a brand new laptop that you don't know about - posting for hours on international messageboards.
Since I'm not anonymous here, I'll only go so far with what I say... but this is embarrassing enough.
In junior high I was quite nerdy (okay, not much has changed), and definitely no good at, and not interested in, sports. I was not so clueless about baseball, however, as the following stupid mistake made me appear to be.
I'd been lost in my own thoughts ignoring the game when it finally was time for me to go up to bat -- or as I thought of it, time to quickly deal with my inevitable strike out.
Somehow, by sheer luck, I actually managed a good, solid hit.
Naturally, I proceeded to run directly to second base, completely bypassing first base.
How could I manage that? Well, partly because I was so tuned out to what was going on, I hadn't been following the game up until that point. The other reason was that the baseball "diamond" (formed by tossing a few bases out temporarily into a big, generic field) was really, really lopsided. Had the diamond been anywhere close to straight, I'd have had to tackle the pitcher to pull off this little stunt, which I most certainly didn't do. I didn't even run very suspiciously close to the pitcher during my mad, misdirected dash.
Needless to say, there was much laughter and no interest in my explanation as I got tagged out before managing to get my ass back to the real first base. You can bet I wasn't allowed to live that down for a very, very long time (well beyond that one year of junior high.)
I shit my pants at work once... food poisoning. But no-one knew except me, I felt it and then got my ass home with a quickness, no speaking to anyone. E-mailed my boss, "Went home. Very sick. - Adam"
I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.
My story isn't quite the same as yours, but definitely involves 'being soiled'.
I came into my classroom one morning, pulled out my rolling chair and sat down quickly to sort through some papers on my desk. I was wearing jeans. Suddenly I had the most peculiar feeling...of wetness! I leaped up to discover that the 'cupped' seat of my plastic rolling chair was filled with urine! The seat of my jeans was soaked through.
My only explanation is that we had a student on probation from juvenile detention who was doing community service by working with the custodians cleaning the school at night. I think he came into my room to empty the trash or something, and then left me an intimate surprise by urinating in my chair!
There was also some white crust on the floor (carpet), so I imagine he had been doing other things as well. It was all very sick. I went to tell the principal, and she didn't even offer to let me go home to change. I walked around in urine-soaked jeans until they dried. Just goes to show how highly teachers rate on the scale of human importance!
I'm sure it was that kid, because I told no one but the principal; yet somehow he 'knew' about it, and was telling other students about my predicament. YUCK!!!!! Shiver. What a pervert - and only 14.
baseball season... i'm in left field without a clue, I'm in High school bored off my ass, so anyways just kicking dirt around not even paying attention then crack* I hear the bat connect with the ball, but I can't see it then as soon as i spot it i lift my glove up but nay it goes right under it and hits me right on my jewels, I was wearing a cup but it shattered, and I had this huge black bruise around my heh you know. Anyways so a crowd of 2000 people or so are laughing at me, while I'm balled up in outfield freaking out. That was the last season I played baseball.... heh
Comments
This new year, us and couple of our friend decided to stay home, as we didn't have any reservations, So after a bottle of Champagne, glenfiddich, few beers, we were all kind of *uhm* wasted, then i remembered that i have that
Anyways, i woke up later in the morning feeling like ***, and remembered that i'm supposed to call my friend as we were set to go skiing. he recently moved to a new house, and i couldn't find his new #, so i called 411.
- Police or an Ambulance?
- huh?
- Police or an Ambulance !?!
- eeeeeee, huh?
- Sir, do you want police or an ambulance !?!?!
- right....., what do you mean?
- I don't have a time for this, do you require assistance or not ?!?!?!
- Yes.
- Well, how can i help you?
- I need a phone # for....
*silence.... hungs up*
I thought it was pretty funny.
Originally posted by Carol A
Okay, I was thinking of explaining that in the original post. There IS a reason, and a pretty good one, I think.
The thing is, when you put pantyhose on, you pull them up so the crotch of the pantyhose reaches where it should. But some pantyhose have the problem that the crotch doesn't stay up where it should, but instead tends to hover two inches too low - not a comfortable feeling...and hard to describe. So, with those particular pantyhose, I would wear the panties over them, so I could pull the panties up tight and force the pantyhose crotch to stay up where it should. Does that make any sense?
But the panties in question were really tiny, and useless for such a purpose, as I found out in the most unfortunate way. I can guarantee that this is a true story. The teachers' lounge that day was filled with teachers who saw me come in. And the guy standing near the door that I pulled in front of me, I'm sure would testify as to my veracity. He taught social studies on my team, and I told him later what the problem was. He thought it was really funny, so I'm sure he would remember it, though I haven't seen him in years.
Carol A. I'm beginning to suspect we are secretly married.
Nick
Originally posted by Crusader
Well, I was caught, uh, "taking care of business" when I was like 14.
i've been caught something like like 3 times now. each one was a little less embarassing than the prior. lucky for me, i was never caught by a crowd. that must have sucked. the first was shortly after i discovered the joy of the being a male. "exploring" and whatnot before school, then me mum comes in with my ironed shirt. "What are you doing?" thinking quick, i respond with "nothing. i'm doing nothing. what are you doing in my room?" the incident was never mentioned again.
number two was less embarassing. the older bro is watching tv in our room, and i'm "tired." he's flipping through channels, hits the nudey channel for a few seconds, and moves on. of course, some odd breathing and shifting blankets from my bed arouse suspicion. "what the hell are you doing?" coyly, "i'm trying to go to sleep."
numero three was a bit more recent, in my college days. not quite as big of a deal. i'm going through "the" websites, and the roommate comes back from class. "yo, why is the door locked." i quickly hide my pride, and switch out of mozilla. due to the speed of his entry, i couldn't close them all until after he got in. "so, why was the door locked?" "uh, i just got up?" the inflection of my voice alluding to a question that was not asked. "but, you went to class earlier than i did." "don't question me." "oh. oh." i really should be more careful about this type of thing.
i think the most embarassing thing that i can remember and am willing to mention on this board was a matter of incontinence when i was young. i was at a school play (no, luckily i wasn't in the play). i never much enjoyed them, except i was allowed to get a candy. being a very dirty and chocolate loving kid, my snickers (or whatever i had gotten), was all over my hands and face. this must have been the laxative version of snickers, because by the play's end i was in desparate need of the bathroom. i'm a pretty reserved guy when it comes to bathrooms, and make a point of never using public toilets in such a manner, but that is because of this incident. i run to the bathroom, and in a strange twist, the men's room is full (or maybe it was locked). so i go to the women's bathroom. and well, my bowels were quicker than me. quicker to the tune of running down my leg, on the side of the bowl, on the seat and pretty much everywhere else, except inside the bowl. i reaked of shit, and had to walk as if on a horse, due to the hardened mess on me legs. my friend and i walked home, with our parents. he kept saying "did you fart?"
But that does not mean I never have been embarrassed. Actually, when I was a teenager I was such an insecure dweeb ? like so many other teenagers ? that I spent about half of my time being embarrassed. I could relate 100s of stories, but looking back on them now they all look pretty minor. As I get older, I find that I still do all sorts of stupid things, but I have less and less capacity for embarrassment.
Nevertheless, I do have a couple of stories of ?adult? embarrassment:
-\tA few months after starting my first serious 'career' job in my mid-twenties, a colleague and I were joking around, discussing Monty Python in what we thought was the pretty much empty floor of our office building early in the evening. We started doing impressions of the Ministry of Funny Walks skit, inventing our own walks. I needed a bit more space for a particularly outlandish walk, so I walked out of my own office and down the hall, and, for some reason, decided to go into what I thought was the empty office of the Executive Director of our organization. The office, however, was not empty ? he was there and he had very little sense of humour?..
-\tBefore we decided to get married, my wife and I decided to live together. I knew that she was the ?one?, but it had been such a whirlwind romance (we had only been dating two months) that I did not think that it was reasonable to ask her to actually marry me yet. Anyway, I told my older sister that I was going to move in with my girlfriend and she ? being a bit conservative about such things ? was disappointed and she said ?why don?t you just get married? to which I replied ?don?t be ridiculous, we just started going out?. Anyway, thinking my girlfriend would find my sister?s suggestion to be equally ridiculous; I related the conversation to her. Her reaction was not as I expected?my girlfriend said ?you told your sister that it would be ridiculous for us to get married?!...what do you mean by that???...what do you mean ridiculous!!!!?? I then tried for about half an hour to retract and re-explain ? with a redder and redder face - and I eventually got myself so tied up in contradictions and inept explanations that my girlfriend burst out laughing. She laughed so hard that she eventually could not stand anymore. Anyway, we were married about 9 months later and have been together now for almost twelve years.
I shit my pants at work once... food poisoning.
I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.
Originally posted by groverat
I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.
i did that once, in i think 5th grade. i didn't notice myself, until a kid goes "did you just call her 'mom'?" i sank within myself.
Originally posted by Chinney
A few months after starting my first serious 'career' job in my mid-twenties, a colleague and I were joking around, discussing Monty Python in what we thought was the pretty much empty floor of our office building early in the evening. We started doing impressions of the Ministry of Funny Walks skit, inventing our own walks. I needed a bit more space for a particularly outlandish walk, so I walked out of my own office and down the hall, and, for some reason, decided to go into what I thought was the empty office of the Executive Director of our organization. The office, however, was not empty ? he was there and he had very little sense of humour?..
This is the first story so far that has caused me to laugh out loud.
Originally posted by Carol A
Alcimedes. You obviously are a well-mannered, nice person.
Thanks for the laugh!
Ha!
Originally posted by torifile
7th grade. Warming up in gym. Lunch in the cafeteria a period prior and something wasn't sitting well. Push-ups. On the "up" part of the push-up, out came a fart that reverberated throughout the gym.
Dude. I would have been very proud to have been in your shoes at that time. What a legend.
Yeah, not that embarassing, but it's the first thing that came to mind. I'm sure I'll add to this thread later.
Originally posted by Carol A
He's a great guy, and probably the world's best lover. Parades should be thrown in his honor. I'm completely serious. He's English.
Right. Now we *KNOW* you're making this up...
World's best lover is *ENGLISH*???? The land where every recipe starts with "Boil a pot roast"??
In college I had a female friend with whom I'd flirt outrageously in person and over email. We had quite the steamy message thread going back and forth one time, quite explicit. Quite non-vanilla. Was quite a bit of fun.
Anyway, I'm sitting at work responding to one of her emails when I get a phone call and have to save the message to a temp directory (ah, the days of Z19 terminals and early releases of pine).
Later, I bring it back up in the midst of doing other things, finish it up and fire it off.
It comes back to me about 10 minutes later.
From my boss.
"I don't think this was intended for me. At least, I hope not."
We never spoke of it.
Apparently I got that, and another work-related email cross-wired...
Originally posted by Carol A
... gender-identity issues...
That reminds me of another incident which was more embarassing for somebody else 8) :
My wife worked at a home for elder people where I did my social service some years before. They once had a carnival party for residents and employees. We had the idea that I should dress myself up as a nurse. I'm not very tall and have rather small feet for a male, so I could wear (more or less) some of my wife's clothes: a body, a dark pantyhose to cover my hairy legs and some high heels that were a bit too large for her (after the evening they were a bit larger and my feet did ache...). My wife did the makeup and my hair. There were some other guys dressed as nurses, but I was the most "real" looking one. Later in the evening, the director of the facility came to our table and asked me for dance. You should have seen his face when I told him that I am more used to male steps...
Originally posted by Chinney
A few months after starting my first serious 'career' job in my mid-twenties, a colleague and I were joking around, discussing Monty Python in what we thought was the pretty much empty floor of our office building early in the evening. We started doing impressions of the Ministry of Funny Walks skit, inventing our own walks. I needed a bit more space for a particularly outlandish walk, so I walked out of my own office and down the hall, and, for some reason, decided to go into what I thought was the empty office of the Executive Director of our organization. The office, however, was not empty ? he was there and he had very little sense of humour?..
Hi Chinney - I loved this story. What a scream! I used to do funny walks, too - like the tiptoeing you'd see on cartoons, if you can picture that, and other funny walks. It would crack my mom and friends up, and I got a kick out of entertaining them with such silliness. But I was just a kid. That you were in your mid-twenties is just priceless - and at work, too - AND with someone else!!! What a great story. I will think of that with a smile for a long time.
Originally posted by piwozniak
Not embarrassing, but a bit funny.
This new year, us and couple of our friend decided to stay home, as we didn't have any reservations, So after a bottle of Champagne, glenfiddich, few beers, we were all kind of *uhm* wasted, then i remembered that i have that
Anyways, i woke up later in the morning feeling like ***, and remembered that i'm supposed to call my friend as we were set to go skiing. he recently moved to a new house, and i couldn't find his new #, so i called 411.
- Police or an Ambulance?
- huh?
- Police or an Ambulance !?!
- eeeeeee, huh?
- Sir, do you want police or an ambulance !?!?!
- right....., what do you mean?
- I don't have a time for this, do you require assistance or not ?!?!?!
- Yes.
- Well, how can i help you?
- I need a phone # for....
*silence.... hungs up*
I thought it was pretty funny.
Great story, Piwozniak!
Originally posted by Carol A
Hi Chinney - I loved this story. What a scream! I used to do funny walks, too - like the tiptoeing you'd see on cartoons, if you can picture that, and other funny walks. It would crack my mom and friends up, and I got a kick out of entertaining them with such silliness. But I was just a kid. That you were in your mid-twenties is just priceless - and at work, too - AND with someone else!!! What a great story. I will think of that with a smile for a long time.
Of course I was mortified at the time. I thought that I would lose my job - that guy had the power to fire me and his look showed that he was not amused. But he never mentioned the incident to me and we eventually did become friends of a sort - although I doubt that he ever thought that the incident was funny.
Originally posted by trumptman
Carol A. I'm beginning to suspect we are secretly married.
Nick
Well, Nick, I tried to tell you that I spend a lot of time up in "our" attic with a brand new laptop that you don't know about - posting for hours on international messageboards.
Does that pantyhose problem ring any bells?
In junior high I was quite nerdy (okay, not much has changed), and definitely no good at, and not interested in, sports. I was not so clueless about baseball, however, as the following stupid mistake made me appear to be.
I'd been lost in my own thoughts ignoring the game when it finally was time for me to go up to bat -- or as I thought of it, time to quickly deal with my inevitable strike out.
Somehow, by sheer luck, I actually managed a good, solid hit.
Naturally, I proceeded to run directly to second base, completely bypassing first base.
How could I manage that? Well, partly because I was so tuned out to what was going on, I hadn't been following the game up until that point. The other reason was that the baseball "diamond" (formed by tossing a few bases out temporarily into a big, generic field) was really, really lopsided. Had the diamond been anywhere close to straight, I'd have had to tackle the pitcher to pull off this little stunt, which I most certainly didn't do. I didn't even run very suspiciously close to the pitcher during my mad, misdirected dash.
Needless to say, there was much laughter and no interest in my explanation as I got tagged out before managing to get my ass back to the real first base. You can bet I wasn't allowed to live that down for a very, very long time (well beyond that one year of junior high.)
Originally posted by groverat
I have never been caught masturbating.
I shit my pants at work once... food poisoning.
I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.
My story isn't quite the same as yours, but definitely involves 'being soiled'.
I came into my classroom one morning, pulled out my rolling chair and sat down quickly to sort through some papers on my desk. I was wearing jeans. Suddenly I had the most peculiar feeling...of wetness! I leaped up to discover that the 'cupped' seat of my plastic rolling chair was filled with urine! The seat of my jeans was soaked through.
My only explanation is that we had a student on probation from juvenile detention who was doing community service by working with the custodians cleaning the school at night. I think he came into my room to empty the trash or something, and then left me an intimate surprise by urinating in my chair!
There was also some white crust on the floor (carpet), so I imagine he had been doing other things as well. It was all very sick. I went to tell the principal, and she didn't even offer to let me go home to change. I walked around in urine-soaked jeans until they dried.
I'm sure it was that kid, because I told no one but the principal; yet somehow he 'knew' about it, and was telling other students about my predicament. YUCK!!!!! Shiver. What a pervert - and only 14.