baseball season... i'm in left field without a clue, I'm in High school bored off my ass, so anyways just kicking dirt around not even paying attention then crack* I hear the bat connect with the ball, but I can't see it then as soon as i spot it i lift my glove up but nay it goes right under it and hits me right on my jewels, I was wearing a cup but it shattered, and I had this huge black bruise around my heh you know. Anyways so a crowd of 2000 people or so are laughing at me, while I'm balled up in outfield freaking out. That was the last season I played baseball.... heh
World's best lover is *ENGLISH*???? The land where every recipe starts with "Boil a pot roast"??
In college I had a female friend with whom I'd flirt outrageously in person and over email. We had quite the steamy message thread going back and forth one time, quite explicit. Quite non-vanilla. Was quite a bit of fun.
Anyway, I'm sitting at work responding to one of her emails when I get a phone call and have to save the message to a temp directory (ah, the days of Z19 terminals and early releases of pine).
Later, I bring it back up in the midst of doing other things, finish it up and fire it off.
It comes back to me about 10 minutes later.
From my boss.
"I don't think this was intended for me. At least, I hope not."
We never spoke of it.
Apparently I got that, and another work-related email cross-wired...
Hi Kickaha -
Nothing has surprised me more in the last year than my discovery about what English guys are REALLY like. They are SO unbelievably different from the entire world's stereotype of them. No one would believe..... Wow!!!!! I won't go into detail. Trust me on this one. And yes, this guy is just incredible. Parades wouldn't provide nearly enough accolades. I'll let it go at that.
Anyway, your email story is amazing. Omigod. I'm afraid that would probably be a firing offense where I work (school). So you lucked out. Those email relationships are TERRIFIC fun, aren't they. hehehehe
My most embarassing moment was when I went on an internet message board and admitted my belief that the english were the best lovers.
Oops. Nevermind. That wasn't me. Carry on. Nothing to see here.
Hi BR - I thought we were all adults here.
So....guys get to say things, but I don't? Is that the way it's supposed to work in your book?
I think your comment is especially interesting, considering that you hail from a vagina.
(Nah....that couldn't possibly be a double standard....)
Btw, I don't find my comment embarrassing. Mainly because I have discovered how uptight Americans are compared to Europeans. We really miss out on a lot of joi de vivre. I think it's a shame, I really do. The Puritans certainly did a job on us......and it keeps on going.
Nothing has surprised me more in the last year than my discovery about what English guys are REALLY like. They are SO unbelievably different from the entire world's stereotype of them. No one would believe..... Wow!!!!! I won't go into detail. Trust me on this one. And yes, this guy is just incredible. Parades wouldn't provide nearly enough accolades. I'll let it go at that.
Tease.
Quote:
Anyway, your email story is amazing. Omigod. I'm afraid that would probably be a firing offense where I work (school). So you lucked out. Those email relationships are TERRIFIC fun, aren't they. hehehehe
Yeah, as long as they're with the *correct* recipient!
Well, Nick, I tried to tell you that I spend a lot of time up in "our" attic with a brand new laptop that you don't know about - posting for hours on international messageboards.
Does that pantyhose problem ring any bells?
No I just told you it is weird to have a Carol who happens to be an English teacher posting at times. Only certain circumstances mind you. Your story sounds very much like something she would do.
My story isn't quite the same as yours, but definitely involves 'being soiled'.
I came into my classroom one morning, pulled out my rolling chair and sat down quickly to sort through some papers on my desk. I was wearing jeans. Suddenly I had the most peculiar feeling...of wetness! I leaped up to discover that the 'cupped' seat of my plastic rolling chair was filled with urine! The seat of my jeans was soaked through.
My only explanation is that we had a student on probation from juvenile detention who was doing community service by working with the custodians cleaning the school at night. I think he came into my room to empty the trash or something, and then left me an intimate surprise by urinating in my chair!
There was also some white crust on the floor, so I imagine he had been doing other things as well. It was all very sick. I went to tell the principal, and she didn't even offer to let me go home to change. I walked around in urine-soaked jeans until they dried. Just goes to show how highly teachers rate on the scale of human importance!
I'm sure it was that kid, because I told no one but the principal; yet somehow 'he' knew about it, and was telling other guys about my predicament. YUCK!!!!! Shiver. What a pervert - and only 14.
Considering it was dealing with human waste which can carry disease, you should have had a world class union grievable issue.
So....guys get to say things, but I don't? Is that the way it's supposed to work in your book?
I think your comment is especially interesting, considering that you hail from a vagina.
(Nah....that couldn't possibly be a double standard....)
Btw, I don't find my comment embarrassing. Mainly because I have discovered how uptight Americans are compared to Europeans. We really miss out on a lot of joi de vivre. I think it's a shame, I really do. The Puritans certainly did a job on us......and it keeps on going.
It was a joke. Lighten up. I thought we were all adults here.
reminds me of one of my baseball stories... gym class, and half the class goes to play basketball, while a select few play wiffle ball. this select few, of course, is not the best players, just us who were sick of basketball. so, i manage a base hit. the next batter sux. so i'm daydreaming, and leading slightly off the base. eventually he makes contact with the ball. i wake from my standing sleep and dive for the ball, and make a pretty amazing catch [by wiffle ball standards, at least]. it seems i woke to think i was fielding. being terrible at baseball, i throw it wildly at the first baseman, only mid throw do i realize i'm on the hitter's team. i think the whole play thoroughly confused everyone.
8th grade, i took the fire extinguisher, cuz i was gonna fill up a toilet with it, (yes, i'm a little more mature), and i saw this purple stuff on y hands from the ring, so i'm trying to wipe it off on my pants, and it just keeps spreading around, then i'm panicking because it won't come off, so i rake my hands through my hair, and at that point the bell for next period rings and everyone comes out of their class and into the hallway...they all stop and stare at me, i swear i must have looked like the creature from the black lagoon
This is gonna be a long and graphic story but I had a two fold problem with an incident involving my inability to hoist the main sail.
I was 16 at the time after sophomre year of high school and a female friend, let's call her girl A, also 16 and I had started having sex. We weren't dating per se, we were basically just close friends who happened to be horny high schoolers and thus we just kind of started having sex. Both of us were actually interested in another person, girl B was my interest at the time though with little success till then, and we both knew we had interests in other people.
The first complication was that she was a fairly small and petite girl and a virgin and 16 and was nervous and I didn't really know what I was doing. So when we attempted vaginal intercourse the first time she said it was painful and she didn't want to do it so we didn't. But we're having oral pretty often and a lot of playtime and so forth. Anyway, another of my good friends, girl C, agrees early this one day to come over to my house at like two AM. Based on some conversation and prior knowledge, being a little horny bastard, I just know I'm going to get some from girl C. Of course this might seem to be cheating on girl A but we're not actually just dating, we just happen to be friends who have oral sex. I'm sure I knew it wasn't that simple but I probably had it justified somehow in my mind. So I'm jacked up cause I'm going to get vaginal sex for the first time or so I think. But in the interim I spend the day with girl A. Well we wind up messing around for a long ass time till like 11 PM. I'm trying to get her to have an orgasm which I cannot pull off being not yet skilled in the arts of military tactics and cunnilingus. But I give it my best shot and keep trying and trying and in the meantime I've cum four times with the last one being a handjob that took an eternity. So we finish finally and girl A goes home. I fall asleep and then later wake up when girl C knocks on my window. So girl C comes in and we talk and we're horny, everyone is just horny cause this is high school, and so I make my move and get the green light. Except that even though the rest of me is wide awake, my poor penis is so tired that he just keeps on sleeping. And I just cannot get him to come to attention. So I fail and that is terribly embarrassing. So past embarrassing that I do not know what to call it.
Then comes part two. Sometime not long after, I'm over at girl C's house for a birthday party for some other person. Girls C, and A are there along with many other people, probably like 30 or so including girls B, D and E. So we're all there and girl C, who knew prior to our encounter what I was doing with girl A, feels guilty (seeing girl A for the first time since the failure at my house) about what she did since girl A is her friend as well. So she tells girl A about what happened. Naturally, not being stupid, I had not told girl A and we'd continued on our merry ways. Girl A flips out after being told this by girl C. She starts punching me in the shoulder and is screaming about all of this outside of this house. And she's screaming about how it serves me right that I couldn't get a hard on that night after betraying her and yada yada yada. And I'm just mortified beyond belief. Here I am standing in front of like 30 people with this girl saying that I am cheating on her and that I'm a scumbag and so forth and yelling her head off. There are all sorts of people there, friends, acquantances, girl C's parents, and girl B who I am trying to make the play for, know that I am sleeping with girl A, that I tried to sleep with girl C at the same time, and that I couldn't get my johnson up. So I'm looking like a total idiot and an impotent one at that. I need more synonyms for embarrassing. My private moment of embarrassment has now become public and even worse I've pissed off girl A. I never got any sex to show for my "cheating" either. That incident is basically a permanent part of me or my reputation among high schools friends.
Later I was able to continue my friendship with girl A although we didn't have sex again, at least not for five more years. Unfortunately girl C and I kinda no longer were friends after that, possibly in part because her parents found out that I tried to get her, and couldn't, while sleepign with another girl. And that was the end of any hope of getting with girl B.
Now as it relates to girls D and E, they were there for the birthday party gone awry but not deterred by my reported failure. Of course, being one who learns from his mistakes, I later am sleeping with girl D in a similar friend type situation within a year of this happening. High school was great like that, sex with your friends at times with an understanding that you were just friends. Unless of course you had sex with another friend in which case it was very bad to have cheated on someone that you were just friends with. Using my other head to think, I also sleep with girl E during the timeframe that I am banging girl D. Fearing a similar type of public confrontation since these girls are also friends and neither knows that I am sleeping with the other, I make the brilliant choice of telling girl D that I slept with girl E. At which point girl D of course becomes pissed with me too and tells girl E. And so that was the end of the sex with those two. At that point, I pretty much accepted that I was destined to be a moron. I just pray that I can continue being a moron without ever being as embarrassed as I was when all of that shit went down.
One time I had on pantyhose and a REALLY small pair of panties over them. Both made of slippery nylon. So, I was walking down the sidewalk at school, with a short skirt on, and suddenly have the strangest sensation around my mid upper-thighs. Yes, the panties had been working their way down with each step.
you wear the panties OVER the pantyhose???
i always wear the panties under them.. i could not stand how the pantyhose woudl feel .. well ..
Comments
Originally posted by kraig911
baseball season... i'm in left field without a clue, I'm in High school bored off my ass, so anyways just kicking dirt around not even paying attention then crack* I hear the bat connect with the ball, but I can't see it then as soon as i spot it i lift my glove up but nay it goes right under it and hits me right on my jewels, I was wearing a cup but it shattered, and I had this huge black bruise around my heh you know. Anyways so a crowd of 2000 people or so are laughing at me, while I'm balled up in outfield freaking out. That was the last season I played baseball.... heh
Ouch. Doubly painful.
Interesting stories all around on this thread.
Originally posted by Kickaha
Right. Now we *KNOW* you're making this up...
World's best lover is *ENGLISH*???? The land where every recipe starts with "Boil a pot roast"??
In college I had a female friend with whom I'd flirt outrageously in person and over email. We had quite the steamy message thread going back and forth one time, quite explicit. Quite non-vanilla. Was quite a bit of fun.
Anyway, I'm sitting at work responding to one of her emails when I get a phone call and have to save the message to a temp directory (ah, the days of Z19 terminals and early releases of pine).
Later, I bring it back up in the midst of doing other things, finish it up and fire it off.
It comes back to me about 10 minutes later.
From my boss.
"I don't think this was intended for me. At least, I hope not."
We never spoke of it.
Apparently I got that, and another work-related email cross-wired...
Hi Kickaha -
Nothing has surprised me more in the last year than my discovery about what English guys are REALLY like. They are SO unbelievably different from the entire world's stereotype of them. No one would believe..... Wow!!!!! I won't go into detail. Trust me on this one.
Anyway, your email story is amazing. Omigod. I'm afraid that would probably be a firing offense where I work (school). So you lucked out. Those email relationships are TERRIFIC fun, aren't they.
Oops. Nevermind. That wasn't me. Carry on. Nothing to see here.
Originally posted by BR
My most embarassing moment was when I went on an internet message board and admitted my belief that the english were the best lovers.
Oops. Nevermind. That wasn't me. Carry on. Nothing to see here.
Hi BR - I thought we were all adults here.
So....guys get to say things, but I don't? Is that the way it's supposed to work in your book?
I think your comment is especially interesting, considering that you hail from a vagina.
(Nah....that couldn't possibly be a double standard....)
Btw, I don't find my comment embarrassing. Mainly because I have discovered how uptight Americans are compared to Europeans. We really miss out on a lot of joi de vivre. I think it's a shame, I really do. The Puritans certainly did a job on us......and it keeps on going.
Originally posted by Carol A
Hi Kickaha -
Nothing has surprised me more in the last year than my discovery about what English guys are REALLY like. They are SO unbelievably different from the entire world's stereotype of them. No one would believe..... Wow!!!!! I won't go into detail. Trust me on this one.
Tease.
Anyway, your email story is amazing. Omigod. I'm afraid that would probably be a firing offense where I work (school). So you lucked out. Those email relationships are TERRIFIC fun, aren't they.
Yeah, as long as they're with the *correct* recipient!
Originally posted by Carol A
Well, Nick, I tried to tell you that I spend a lot of time up in "our" attic with a brand new laptop that you don't know about - posting for hours on international messageboards.
Does that pantyhose problem ring any bells?
No I just told you it is weird to have a Carol who happens to be an English teacher posting at times. Only certain circumstances mind you. Your story sounds very much like something she would do.
Nick
Originally posted by Carol A
My story isn't quite the same as yours, but definitely involves 'being soiled'.
I came into my classroom one morning, pulled out my rolling chair and sat down quickly to sort through some papers on my desk. I was wearing jeans. Suddenly I had the most peculiar feeling...of wetness! I leaped up to discover that the 'cupped' seat of my plastic rolling chair was filled with urine! The seat of my jeans was soaked through.
My only explanation is that we had a student on probation from juvenile detention who was doing community service by working with the custodians cleaning the school at night. I think he came into my room to empty the trash or something, and then left me an intimate surprise by urinating in my chair!
There was also some white crust on the floor, so I imagine he had been doing other things as well. It was all very sick. I went to tell the principal, and she didn't even offer to let me go home to change. I walked around in urine-soaked jeans until they dried.
I'm sure it was that kid, because I told no one but the principal; yet somehow 'he' knew about it, and was telling other guys about my predicament. YUCK!!!!! Shiver. What a pervert - and only 14.
Considering it was dealing with human waste which can carry disease, you should have had a world class union grievable issue.
Nick
Originally posted by Carol A
Hi BR - I thought we were all adults here.
So....guys get to say things, but I don't? Is that the way it's supposed to work in your book?
I think your comment is especially interesting, considering that you hail from a vagina.
(Nah....that couldn't possibly be a double standard....)
Btw, I don't find my comment embarrassing. Mainly because I have discovered how uptight Americans are compared to Europeans. We really miss out on a lot of joi de vivre. I think it's a shame, I really do. The Puritans certainly did a job on us......and it keeps on going.
It was a joke. Lighten up. I thought we were all adults here.
Originally posted by BR
It was a joke.
Ah, but there's no way to 'tell' it's a joke from your comments!!!!!
I thought we were all adults here.
That's MY line!
Originally posted by Kickaha
Don't you have school in the morning young lady??
(Gulp) Yes.
Sleep? What's that?
Sigh.
Originally posted by trumptman
Considering it was dealing with human waste which can carry disease, you should have had a world class union grievable issue.
Nick
True, Nick. But I would have been happy with just a clean, dry pair of jeans.
I'm not much of a rabble-rouser. You can't be, and be a happy teacher.
Besides, I liked that principal. Though I thought she was a little more compassionate than that!
Other things were more worth fighting for: like NOT having 37 students in my last hour class!
PS Why do we say a 'pair' of jeans?
Originally posted by shetline
...baseball story...
reminds me of one of my baseball stories... gym class, and half the class goes to play basketball, while a select few play wiffle ball. this select few, of course, is not the best players, just us who were sick of basketball. so, i manage a base hit. the next batter sux. so i'm daydreaming, and leading slightly off the base. eventually he makes contact with the ball. i wake from my standing sleep and dive for the ball, and make a pretty amazing catch [by wiffle ball standards, at least]. it seems i woke to think i was fielding. being terrible at baseball, i throw it wildly at the first baseman, only mid throw do i realize i'm on the hitter's team. i think the whole play thoroughly confused everyone.
I was 16 at the time after sophomre year of high school and a female friend, let's call her girl A, also 16 and I had started having sex. We weren't dating per se, we were basically just close friends who happened to be horny high schoolers and thus we just kind of started having sex. Both of us were actually interested in another person, girl B was my interest at the time though with little success till then, and we both knew we had interests in other people.
The first complication was that she was a fairly small and petite girl and a virgin and 16 and was nervous and I didn't really know what I was doing. So when we attempted vaginal intercourse the first time she said it was painful and she didn't want to do it so we didn't. But we're having oral pretty often and a lot of playtime and so forth. Anyway, another of my good friends, girl C, agrees early this one day to come over to my house at like two AM. Based on some conversation and prior knowledge, being a little horny bastard, I just know I'm going to get some from girl C. Of course this might seem to be cheating on girl A but we're not actually just dating, we just happen to be friends who have oral sex. I'm sure I knew it wasn't that simple but I probably had it justified somehow in my mind. So I'm jacked up cause I'm going to get vaginal sex for the first time or so I think. But in the interim I spend the day with girl A. Well we wind up messing around for a long ass time till like 11 PM. I'm trying to get her to have an orgasm which I cannot pull off being not yet skilled in the arts of military tactics and cunnilingus. But I give it my best shot and keep trying and trying and in the meantime I've cum four times with the last one being a handjob that took an eternity. So we finish finally and girl A goes home. I fall asleep and then later wake up when girl C knocks on my window. So girl C comes in and we talk and we're horny, everyone is just horny cause this is high school, and so I make my move and get the green light. Except that even though the rest of me is wide awake, my poor penis is so tired that he just keeps on sleeping. And I just cannot get him to come to attention. So I fail and that is terribly embarrassing. So past embarrassing that I do not know what to call it.
Then comes part two. Sometime not long after, I'm over at girl C's house for a birthday party for some other person. Girls C, and A are there along with many other people, probably like 30 or so including girls B, D and E. So we're all there and girl C, who knew prior to our encounter what I was doing with girl A, feels guilty (seeing girl A for the first time since the failure at my house) about what she did since girl A is her friend as well. So she tells girl A about what happened. Naturally, not being stupid, I had not told girl A and we'd continued on our merry ways. Girl A flips out after being told this by girl C. She starts punching me in the shoulder and is screaming about all of this outside of this house. And she's screaming about how it serves me right that I couldn't get a hard on that night after betraying her and yada yada yada. And I'm just mortified beyond belief. Here I am standing in front of like 30 people with this girl saying that I am cheating on her and that I'm a scumbag and so forth and yelling her head off. There are all sorts of people there, friends, acquantances, girl C's parents, and girl B who I am trying to make the play for, know that I am sleeping with girl A, that I tried to sleep with girl C at the same time, and that I couldn't get my johnson up. So I'm looking like a total idiot and an impotent one at that. I need more synonyms for embarrassing. My private moment of embarrassment has now become public and even worse I've pissed off girl A. I never got any sex to show for my "cheating" either. That incident is basically a permanent part of me or my reputation among high schools friends.
Later I was able to continue my friendship with girl A although we didn't have sex again, at least not for five more years. Unfortunately girl C and I kinda no longer were friends after that, possibly in part because her parents found out that I tried to get her, and couldn't, while sleepign with another girl. And that was the end of any hope of getting with girl B.
Now as it relates to girls D and E, they were there for the birthday party gone awry but not deterred by my reported failure. Of course, being one who learns from his mistakes, I later am sleeping with girl D in a similar friend type situation within a year of this happening. High school was great like that, sex with your friends at times with an understanding that you were just friends. Unless of course you had sex with another friend in which case it was very bad to have cheated on someone that you were just friends with. Using my other head to think, I also sleep with girl E during the timeframe that I am banging girl D. Fearing a similar type of public confrontation since these girls are also friends and neither knows that I am sleeping with the other, I make the brilliant choice of telling girl D that I slept with girl E. At which point girl D of course becomes pissed with me too and tells girl E. And so that was the end of the sex with those two. At that point, I pretty much accepted that I was destined to be a moron. I just pray that I can continue being a moron without ever being as embarrassed as I was when all of that shit went down.
Originally posted by ColanderOfDeath
snip
Bravo! You basically turned the sexual politics that is highschool life into a math problem.
Now when does girl F arrive with the apples?
A cookie, for the one will be able to read entirely Collander's post
And here I thought you loved my ramblings powerdoc.
I like cookies. And actually, my love of cookies really is kinda the problem I had(have) that led to the situation which led to that whole post.
Originally posted by Carol A
One time I had on pantyhose and a REALLY small pair of panties over them. Both made of slippery nylon. So, I was walking down the sidewalk at school, with a short skirt on, and suddenly have the strangest sensation around my mid upper-thighs. Yes, the panties had been working their way down with each step.
you wear the panties OVER the pantyhose???
i always wear the panties under them.. i could not stand how the pantyhose woudl feel .. well ..