My maist embarrassing moment came in front o' the cameras during a screen test for a major International acting role....
Years ago my old pal Willie and I worked at Clachnacudden FC (Fitba' ye understand) as ground keepers; looking efter the grass, repairing the cludgies, cleaning the paper Bovril cups in time for the next match; that kind o' thing.
One day a notice appeared in the village hall tae the effect that a film producer frae America wid' be arriving wi' a camera crew tae screen test potential candidates for a forthcoming animated documentary aboot everyday life in America.
Well - we baith put doon oor names and on the day things were going weel for us baith - we fair looked the part wi' oor big ginger beards and cartoonesque features, but when I slipped whisky intae his tea at break time he put diesel frae the tractor intae my whisky and efter that I jist rolled aboot the flair burbling and roaring wi' laughter, and I couldnae remember my lines. He got the part and I got - in quick succession- an anvil, a grand piano and a heavy safe falling frae the sky right on tae my heid.
The rest is history. He's noo a major international star reprising his groundskeeping role in a major televsion series aroond the world. Willie got the fame and the groovy chicks while I got the cludgies at Clach.
Still, withoot wishing tae sound bitter I sometimes feel he comes across on the tv as being a wee bit two dimensional, no' tae say flat, but there ye go.
I once went on a lunch date with a Lebanese girl (in a Lebanese restaurant on Edgeware Road, London?s little West Bank.) We were working together; we saw a lot of each other. This was our first date.
Half-way through the meal, I asked her ?X, are your parents very rich?? (It had dawned on me that they might be rich.)
She sighed and said that yes, they were indeed very rich, and she had learned to say so without any fuss because it was better than pretending.
?What do they do?? I asked. She replied that her father was the former owner of [very famous manufacturer of yellow bulldozers] and had just sold the company, which he formerly owned.
OK. This ain?t the kind of thing that phases a Sabbah, and she?s nice enough, so we continue our lunch. I would pay.
The bill comes. I proffer my card. ?I?m sorry, Sir?, they say, ?We don?t take Switch.?
Damn. The embarrassment. I go to the cashpoint. It gives me no money. I have paid my rent that day, or the day before.
Damn.
I return to the restaurant.
?X?, I say, ?I have no money. I?m sorry.?
She has no money either. So we get a lift in a white delivery van driven by a waiter, with her sitting on my lap, to her father?s mansion in Maida Vale, where she pops in and gets the money for the bill off her dad.
I shit my pants at work once... food poisoning. But no-one knew except me, I felt it and then got my ass home with a quickness, no speaking to anyone. E-mailed my boss, "Went home. Very sick. - Adam"
I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.
I called a teacher "Dad" in 4th grade. Yes, a female teacher.
but when I slipped whisky intae his tea at break time he put diesel frae the tractor intae my whisky and efter that I jist rolled aboot the flair burbling and roaring wi' laughter, and I couldnae remember my lines. He got the part and I got - in quick succession- an anvil, a grand piano and a heavy safe falling frae the sky right on tae my heid.
Still, withoot wishing tae sound bitter I sometimes feel he comes across on the tv as being a wee bit two dimensional, no' tae say flat, but there ye go.
Well, Sir Mac, it was fate. He was more ruthless than you. Dog eat dog, and all that. But your life now is probably better than his, or at least just as good. So, no worries, eh?
Willie got the fame and the groovy chicks while I got the cludgies at Clach.
Still, withoot wishing tae sound bitter I sometimes feel he comes across on the tv as being a wee bit two dimensional, no' tae say flat, but there ye go.
I am not stick-thin or fat, but 'just right'; and my ass actually won the title of 'best ass on campus', in an informal contest held by a fairly large group of males.
I think that we may have found your membership subtitle, if you want it....
I definitely had my most embarrassing moment in my mind when I clicked "reply", but now I'm blanking.
Uh...
I guess I'll give a less-than-most embarrassing moment instead.
I'm a swing dancer, but I haven't done it in a while. I'd say that I'm a decent dancer, but the other night I was dancing with one of the really, really good people. I mean, this guy is one of the best dancers in my town. Needless to say, I really didn't want to screw it up. So everything was going fine until he leads me in an incredibly basic turn, and I catch my feet on each other, and fall in the middle of the floor. Yes - I tripped over my own feet. What a moron I was. My only excuse is that I was out of practice, but still! I thought I was out of that awkward-leggy-teen stage years ago, but I guess not...
Once I'm done being a blonde and can actually remember my most embarrassing moment, I'll be sure to tell all of you.
Comments
Originally posted by thuh Freak
i just found a website dedicated to just the topic at hand. aqui
good website, pretty funny
Years ago my old pal Willie and I worked at Clachnacudden FC (Fitba' ye understand) as ground keepers; looking efter the grass, repairing the cludgies, cleaning the paper Bovril cups in time for the next match; that kind o' thing.
One day a notice appeared in the village hall tae the effect that a film producer frae America wid' be arriving wi' a camera crew tae screen test potential candidates for a forthcoming animated documentary aboot everyday life in America.
Well - we baith put doon oor names and on the day things were going weel for us baith - we fair looked the part wi' oor big ginger beards and cartoonesque features, but when I slipped whisky intae his tea at break time he put diesel frae the tractor intae my whisky and efter that I jist rolled aboot the flair burbling and roaring wi' laughter, and I couldnae remember my lines. He got the part and I got - in quick succession- an anvil, a grand piano and a heavy safe falling frae the sky right on tae my heid.
The rest is history. He's noo a major international star reprising his groundskeeping role in a major televsion series aroond the world. Willie got the fame and the groovy chicks while I got the cludgies at Clach.
Still, withoot wishing tae sound bitter I sometimes feel he comes across on the tv as being a wee bit two dimensional, no' tae say flat, but there ye go.
Half-way through the meal, I asked her ?X, are your parents very rich?? (It had dawned on me that they might be rich.)
She sighed and said that yes, they were indeed very rich, and she had learned to say so without any fuss because it was better than pretending.
?What do they do?? I asked. She replied that her father was the former owner of [very famous manufacturer of yellow bulldozers] and had just sold the company, which he formerly owned.
OK. This ain?t the kind of thing that phases a Sabbah, and she?s nice enough, so we continue our lunch. I would pay.
The bill comes. I proffer my card. ?I?m sorry, Sir?, they say, ?We don?t take Switch.?
Damn. The embarrassment. I go to the cashpoint. It gives me no money. I have paid my rent that day, or the day before.
Damn.
I return to the restaurant.
?X?, I say, ?I have no money. I?m sorry.?
She has no money either. So we get a lift in a white delivery van driven by a waiter, with her sitting on my lap, to her father?s mansion in Maida Vale, where she pops in and gets the money for the bill off her dad.
We are still friends.
Originally posted by groverat
I have never been caught masturbating.
I shit my pants at work once... food poisoning.
I called a teacher "mom" in 4th grade, holy Jesus I wanted to curl up into a ball and die a thousand painful deaths.
I called a teacher "Dad" in 4th grade. Yes, a female teacher.
Originally posted by alcimedes
well, i think the only solution in this case is to post an image of said award winning ass.
that should settle things once and for all.
How about if I post a 'state fair' image of a mule with a blue ribbon on the bridle?
Wouldn't that be an "award-winning ass"?
hehehehahaha.....
Originally posted by thuh Freak
did someone say cat fight? i want a live video feed.
We could move the "altercation" to a low-rise vat of chocolate pudding. Whaddaya think?
Originally posted by thuh Freak
i just found a website dedicated to just the topic at hand. aqui
The one with the dog was pretty embarrassing. Cringe. Dogs can't seem to leave well enough alone, ever noticed that?
(I LOVE dogs, though.)
Originally posted by Sir Mac o' the Isles
but when I slipped whisky intae his tea at break time he put diesel frae the tractor intae my whisky and efter that I jist rolled aboot the flair burbling and roaring wi' laughter, and I couldnae remember my lines. He got the part and I got - in quick succession- an anvil, a grand piano and a heavy safe falling frae the sky right on tae my heid.
Still, withoot wishing tae sound bitter I sometimes feel he comes across on the tv as being a wee bit two dimensional, no' tae say flat, but there ye go.
Well, Sir Mac, it was fate. He was more ruthless than you. Dog eat dog, and all that. But your life now is probably better than his, or at least just as good. So, no worries, eh?
Btw, isn't diesel poisonous when ingested?????
Originally posted by Sir Mac o' the Isles
Willie got the fame and the groovy chicks while I got the cludgies at Clach.
Still, withoot wishing tae sound bitter I sometimes feel he comes across on the tv as being a wee bit two dimensional, no' tae say flat, but there ye go.
Agh! <---Did I spell that right?
Originally posted by Carol A
I am not stick-thin or fat, but 'just right'; and my ass actually won the title of 'best ass on campus', in an informal contest held by a fairly large group of males.
I think that we may have found your membership subtitle, if you want it....
Originally posted by Chinney
I think that we may have found your membership subtitle, if you want it....
You mean: "Just right" ?
Hmm. Well, it's a little ambiguous, don't you think?
"Right" could mean 'accurate'; or 'conservative', 'Republican', 'right wing'.......
Originally posted by tonton
Carol, please note that I let it go a long time ago.
OK
Originally posted by Carol A
You mean: "Just right" ?
Hmm. Well, it's a little ambiguous, don't you think?
"Right" could mean 'accurate'; or 'conservative', 'Republican', 'right wing'.......
I actually was thinking of "Best ass on campus" (sorry), but "just right" would be great too, except for the difficulties you point out.
Originally posted by Chinney
I actually was thinking of "Best ass on campus" (sorry), but "just right" would be great too, except for the difficulties you point out.
Hi Chinney - Yes, I knew that's the title you meant. I was just fooling around about the other one.
I think I'll 'pass' wrt that particular title for now.
It's a little on the 'crass' side, don't you think?
My title on another board is "Peaches 'n' cream" (without the quotation marks).
(That's my favorite bubble bath fragrance.)
Originally posted by alcimedes
make it BAOC.
"Baoc, baoc, baoc!"
Sounds like a dog barking with a Hungarian accent.
.....or maybe with a really bad cold.
Uh...
I guess I'll give a less-than-most embarrassing moment instead.
I'm a swing dancer, but I haven't done it in a while. I'd say that I'm a decent dancer, but the other night I was dancing with one of the really, really good people. I mean, this guy is one of the best dancers in my town. Needless to say, I really didn't want to screw it up. So everything was going fine until he leads me in an incredibly basic turn, and I catch my feet on each other, and fall in the middle of the floor. Yes - I tripped over my own feet.
Once I'm done being a blonde and can actually remember my most embarrassing moment, I'll be sure to tell all of you.
Originally posted by alcimedes
make it BAOC.
I can see I'm never gonna live this down.
Originally posted by alcimedes
make it BAOC.
BOAC - Britian in the sky
BOAC - Britain in the sky
Anyone remember that old airline commercial?
"BOAC" was the British Overseas Airways Corporation, which merged with BEA to form the now "British Airways".
I suppose that remembering that dates me. If I were still capable of embarassment, I would be by this post.